by Rabbi Avi Billet
In the aftermath of a horrific tragedy in Israel, a
letter composed by widows of the murdered gave comfort to so many because they
have a life-focus that appreciates the role God plays in their lives.
Combine that focus with a nod to Thanksgiving, and we proceed.
While the meals in the book of Bereshit share a common theme of thanksgiving – Avraham and Lot are appreciative of their guests, Avraham celebrates his son’s birth, Yitzchak makes peace with Avimelekh, and tries to celebrate his relationship Eisav when sending him to prepare a meal – Yaakov’s meals are a little more suspect.
Some argue that the meal served to Eisav was acelebratory meal to seal the deal over what was a cash purchase of the birthright. We assume Yaakov partakes of the meal at his wedding. And he eats with Lavan when they part ways at the end of our parsha.
Perhaps the first one can be viewed as a thanksgiving. But can we say the same for the wedding and the meal with Lavan? There is a “Mishteh” celebration at his marriage to Leah, but none when he marries Rachel. Why?
The Midrash Sechel Tov explains that there was only fare at Leah’s celebration because Lavan had “bought” the guests. Everyone knew he was a trickster. No one wanted to come. But he reminded them that they had been blessed with water ever since Yaakov’s arrival (recall the stone on the well episode). He therefore planned to marry Leah to him first to preserve his presence in Aram. He convinced everyone to give gifts so Yaakov would think all was legitimate, and then he took the gifts and sold them to pay for the drinks of the “mishteh” [Avraham made a “mishteh gadol” – which implies more than just drinks – just like Achashveirosh in the story of Esther.] The Toldos Yitzchak claims that Lavan was cheap, and “only” served drinks, while the Daas Zekenim suggested Lavan’s plan was to get Yaakov drunk so he would not notice Leah was standing where Rachel should have been.
If Lavan was so cheap, why have the party at all? Because, Malbim explains, Lavan needed people to agree to the "rule" he was making up that the older daughter marries first. He had never mentioned it before because it was made up to justify his behavior. And with everyone around agreeing, Yaakov would never suspect such a public rouse.
This is why there was no celebratory meal after the marriage to Rachel. Yaakov was stuck in Lavan-town for another seven years. That’s nothing for him to celebrate. And there was no way people were going to contribute again to help Lavan make a second party. They had participated in a sham celebration as a charade, had already given their gifts, and didn’t even get food to show for their gift. There was no real celebration.
The meal Yaakov shares with Lavan, after telling Lavan why he finds him to be despicable is more of the sealing of a cold-peace between nations that hate each other but just don’t want to fight anymore.
Yaakov invites them, as Radak says, “So they can eat together to remember their treaty, just before they part ways.”
Lavan leaves in the morning. We never hear from him again. How did he feel? Was he at peace? Or was he stewing over the peace he was coerced into making? We don't know. But we do know that he is out of the picture, and as far as we know he doesn't cross the line he agrees never to cross.
Is it a celebration for Yaakov? Is it really a Thanksgiving meal?
In a sense it is! Lavan agrees never to bother Yaakov again, and as far as we know, he doesn't! Whether he is upset about how it went down – he remains out of the picture and he and Yaakov have peace between them!
Every Thanksgiving is an opportunity for us to express our gratitude for the good in our lives, and for the existence we can enjoy if we put the past behind us and move on with our lives. We don't forget the past, but we move on with the status quo. Or we try to improve the status quo with the materials and opportunities that lie before us.
Lavan didn't like what he had to hear, but he did recognize that Yaakov had a right to move on with his life and that after 20 years of struggling with one another, that it was time to move on.
When real peace was made, Yaakov was so ready to let bygones be bygones that he viewed all his adversaries as his "brothers." For Yaakov, this was a real Thanksgiving. A real blessing. He was now in charge of his own destiny and Lavan would never stand in his way again.
The State of Israel deals with Lavan on a regular basis. Lavan says “everything you have and worked for is mine mine mine.” Lavan cares more that Yaakov suffer than he cares to look in his own backyard to address the suffering of his people that is in his hands to prevent or deal with.
When Lavan has to go out on his own and create his own destiny, he can use his experience to make his life better. The ball is in his court.
Until today’s Lavans decide to acknowledge the celebratory meal of peace, and, if need be, live a cold-peace just because “none of us want to fight anymore,” the objective we yearn for will not be achieved. And it will be Lavan’s fault.
Just as the forefathers had their Thanksgiving meals celebrating specific events, we too have Thanksgiving and God in our lives to be thankful for. We mourn for lost life. But we continue to look forward to the day when Thanksgiving is not just a once a year celebration, but a year-round celebration for the eternal peace that will one day settle upon the Holy Land.
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