Yaakov's Thanksgiving Meals

Parshat Vayetze

by Rabbi Avi Billet

In the aftermath of a horrific tragedy in Israel, a letter composed by widows of the murdered gave comfort to so many because they have a life-focus that appreciates the role God plays in their lives.

Combine that focus with a nod to Thanksgiving, and we proceed.

            
While the meals in the book of Bereshit share a common theme of thanksgiving – Avraham and Lot are appreciative of their guests, Avraham celebrates his son’s birth, Yitzchak makes peace with Avimelekh, and tries to celebrate his relationship Eisav when sending him to prepare a meal – Yaakov’s meals are a little more suspect.

            
Some argue that the meal served to Eisav was acelebratory meal to seal the deal over what was a cash purchase of the birthright. We assume Yaakov partakes of the meal at his wedding. And he eats with Lavan when they part ways at the end of our parsha.

            
Perhaps the first one can be viewed as a thanksgiving. But can we say the same for the wedding and the meal with Lavan?  There is a “Mishteh” celebration at his marriage to Leah, but none when he marries Rachel. Why?

             
The Midrash Sechel Tov explains that there was only fare at Leah’s celebration because Lavan had “bought” the guests. Everyone knew he was a trickster. No one wanted to come. But he reminded them that they had been blessed with water ever since Yaakov’s arrival (recall the stone on the well episode). He therefore planned to marry Leah to him first to preserve his presence in Aram. He convinced everyone to give gifts so Yaakov would think all was legitimate, and then he took the gifts and sold them to pay for the drinks of the “mishteh” [Avraham made a “mishteh gadol” – which implies more than just drinks – just like Achashveirosh in the story of Esther.] The Toldos Yitzchak claims that Lavan was cheap, and “only” served drinks, while the Daas Zekenim suggested Lavan’s plan was to get Yaakov drunk so he would not notice Leah was standing where Rachel should have been.

            
If Lavan was so cheap, why have the party at all? Because, Malbim explains, Lavan needed people to agree to the "rule" he was making up that the older daughter marries first. He had never mentioned it before because it was made up to justify his behavior. And with everyone around agreeing, Yaakov would never suspect such a public rouse.

            
This is why there was no celebratory meal after the marriage to Rachel. Yaakov was stuck in Lavan-town for another seven years. That’s nothing for him to celebrate. And there was no way people were going to contribute again to help Lavan make a second party. They had participated in a sham celebration as a charade, had already given their gifts, and didn’t even get food to show for their gift. There was no real celebration.

            
The meal Yaakov shares with Lavan, after telling Lavan why he finds him to be despicable is more of the sealing of a cold-peace between nations that hate each other but just don’t want to fight anymore.

            
Yaakov invites them, as Radak says, “So they can eat together to remember their treaty, just before they part ways.”

            
Lavan leaves in the morning. We never hear from him again. How did he feel? Was he at peace? Or was he stewing over the peace he was coerced into making? We don't know. But we do know that he is out of the picture, and as far as we know he doesn't cross the line he agrees never to cross.

            
Is it a celebration for Yaakov? Is it really a Thanksgiving meal?

            
In a sense it is! Lavan agrees never to bother Yaakov again, and as far as we know, he doesn't! Whether he is upset about how it went down – he remains out of the picture and he and Yaakov have peace between them!

            
Every Thanksgiving is an opportunity for us to express our gratitude for the good in our lives, and for the existence we can enjoy if we put the past behind us and move on with our lives. We don't forget the past, but we move on with the status quo. Or we try to improve the status quo with the materials and opportunities that lie before us.

            
Lavan didn't like what he had to hear, but he did recognize that Yaakov had a right to move on with his life and that after 20 years of struggling with one another, that it was time to move on.

            
When real peace was made, Yaakov was so ready to let bygones be bygones that he viewed all his adversaries as his "brothers." For Yaakov, this was a real Thanksgiving. A real blessing. He was now in charge of his own destiny and Lavan would never stand in his way again.

            
The State of Israel deals with Lavan on a regular basis. Lavan says “everything you have and worked for is mine mine mine.” Lavan cares more that Yaakov suffer than he cares to look in his own backyard to address the suffering of his people that is in his hands to prevent or deal with.

            
When Lavan has to go out on his own and create his own destiny, he can use his experience to make his life better. The ball is in his court.

            
Until today’s Lavans decide to acknowledge the celebratory meal of peace, and, if need be, live a cold-peace just because “none of us want to fight anymore,” the objective we yearn for will not be achieved. And it will be Lavan’s fault.

Just as the forefathers had their Thanksgiving meals celebrating specific events, we too have Thanksgiving and God in our lives to be thankful for. We mourn for lost life. But we continue to look forward to the day when Thanksgiving is not just a once a year celebration, but a year-round celebration for the eternal peace that will one day settle upon the Holy Land.

Not Responsible for "Lies"

Parshat Vayetze

by Rabbi Avi Billet

The first Pirates of the Caribbean film spent a few moments discussing the "honesty" of pirates. The lead character cheats in a duel and is this accused, "You cheated!" He responds, "Pirate!" as if to say, "I don't follow conventional rules."

            

One of the more memorable moments is when the female protagonist demands, in exchange for a precious medallion, that the pirates who are currently attacking Port Royal "leave and never come back."

When they agree, they begin to set sail with her on board, leading her to exclaim, "Wait! You have to take me to shore." And she is told, "Your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing…"

            

The way of the sneaky and tricky is to make deals using vague language and to deny responsibility for any wrongdoing, when the honest person gets burned.

            

Consider Lavan's approach to Yaakov when Yaakov seeks to marry Rachel. Yaakov tells Lavan, "I will work for you for seven years [to marry] Rachel your younger daughter." (29:18). Lavan's response is, "It's better for me to give her to you than to another man, so stay with me."

            

He never said, "After seven years of working, I promise you will marry Rachel." And so, sure enough, after seven years, Lavan gives Leah to Yaakov.

            

When Yaakov asks why he's been tricked, Lavan explains, "That's not the way it is done in our place – to give the younger one before the older one [is married]. Finish the 7 day (celebration), and we will give you the other daughter in exchange for the work you'll do for 7 more years."

            

The terms "our place" and "we will give" are striking – almost funny when you know who we're dealing with. Rachel is Lavan's daughter, and yet he pins all the rules on whether she may marry on everyone else's consent. "The people" won't allow such a wedding. "The people" will give Rachel away. It's not Lavan's fault. His hands are tied.

            

Ramban claims this is the way of Lavan – to deny all responsibility. He is honest. He is pure. He keeps his word. He meant what he said and he said what he meant. 100 per cent.

            

We live in a world in which there are very few people who fulfill and keep what was once called a "gentleman's agreement." If two honest people make a deal – in which they both know exactly what they're talking about – and they shake on it, they both have to keep their respective ends of the deal.

Nowadays, however, contract writers fill up pages and pages of legal jargon to make sure that every "i" is dotted, every "t" crossed, and there are no loopholes in the language that can be misunderstood or misinterpreted. And of course, they want to cover themselves from legal action. How many people really read all the "Terms of agreement" when signing up for something on a website, or all the fine print in contracts?

Most people don't have the time or don't understand all the language.

And the same is true for politicians – who don't read bills before they sign them.

The Lavan story teaches us that there are people who may smile and may come across as "nice guys" who will stab you in the back and tell you they're giving you a massage. They'll say things that sound nice. But when judgment day comes, they'll be able to say, "I never promised. And even if it sounded like I was promising – I wasn't. And besides, you should know that my promise is meaningless."

Like Lavan, they deny responsibility, they blame everyone else for the havoc they wreak and the misery they cause – whether to individuals, groups, or an entire nation.

No one likes to admit having been wrong. Most people want to be liked and respected and admired.

But if a person uses the same tactics as Lavan, whether a family member, a co-worker, a boss, or a President, we now understand the type.

A wholesome person is honest, keeps his or her word, doesn't pull the wool over others' eyes.

And when a person deliberately lies over and over, and ultimately denies responsibility, or tries to spin reality to fit an agenda, it is the responsibility of all honest people to call him on it and effect the kind of change that is best for everyone.

  

Veyetze Sermon - Thanksgivings of the Forefathers (Israel and Gaza)

Vayetze: Thanksgivings of the Forefathers

Rabbi Avi Billet

          Over the extended weekend, I was privy to a number of emails, online articles and Facebook postings of what people "are thankful for." This being the Thanksgiving Weekend, this concept is highly appropriate. In our own personal experiences, most of us surely have lists – they may be quite similar to one another, but of course they're not the same.

          Many people are grateful for a home to live in, a free country, family, etc.

          This week was a very emotional week for many of us, thinking about the situation in Israel; some of us have family there, or relatives in the army, and our thoughts and prayers go out to those who continue to endure what no peace loving nation should need to endure.

          Here is a short list of some of the things I am grateful for:

          Love him or hate him – I am grateful for Glenn Beck, one of the only individuals in any form of media who articulately expressed Israel's side and threw all the blame of Hamas and their terror into the corner in which it resides. If you haven't seen or heard thethings he shared during the recent conflict, you must find it on youtube or theblaze.com and listen to what an אוהב ישראל sounds like. (see here where he speaks of the three people killed by rockets)

          I am grateful for a ceasefire only if it really means no more rockets flying into Israel. Beyond that, I am not much of a fan as I would prefer Israel destroy all of Hamas infrastructure and send them back to the Middle Ages where they prefer to live. But I am not a politician and my opinion does not hold any sway in Israel.

          I am grateful for the support given by the State Department and the President to Israel's right to defend itself. I question why they only step in to intervene after Israel strikes back and not while all the rockets are flying, and my conclusion is that even the current State Department does not care much about Jewish blood. They will "allow" Israel to defend itself, but not too much. Once the Jew fights back, no one can stand it. They'll defend the right to self-defense, but they won't defend the right to live in peace without rockets terrorizing peaceful civilians.

          So while I appreciate the things which were said, I still think they were cowards in not stopping the rockets years earlier. Jewish life remains cheap, and "Jewish might" remains something which is admirable, but not something which is allowed to show itself for more than a week at a time.

          While I choose to be critical for all that was unsaid over the years, I am also thankful to the US for its role in supporting the Iron Dome missile defense system which undoubtedly saved many many lives and prevented significant damage in many ways.

          But I planned to talk about the Thanksgivings of the Forefathers – and in that vein, I am referring to their Thanksgiving dinners.

         While they did not likely have Turkey and stuffing or pumpkin pie, there are many meals which are described in the book of Bereishis, and they do share a common theme: Thanksgiving – a note of שהחיינו וקימינו והגיענו לזמן הזה. Surely the Avos ate on a daily basis, but the meals which are noted include the following:

          Avraham's meals – when the three guests came after his bris milah, when Yitzchak is weaned. One might say a meal was hosted for Eliezer when he is making the proposals to Rivkah on behalf of the patriarchal family - it's a sort of "L'Chaim" or engagement meal.

          Yitzchak's meals – when he makes peace with Avimelekh, and the foods Yaakov and Eisav bring to him

          Yaakov's meals – Yaakov serves a meal to Eisav in last week's parsha, and I discovered an approach in the meforshimthat suggests it was a celebratory meal shared with Eisav, to seal the deal ofthe purchase of the bechora, which the Daat Zekenim and others claim was over a large sum of cash. The meal is compared to Yaakov's final meal described in the Torah – the one when he makes peace with Lavan at the end of the sidrah. The other meal in which Yaakov partakes – or at least we assume he does – is at his wedding.

          Avraham's meals are self-explanatory: Post-bris, Avraham celebrates life and the opportunity to continue to do Chesed. He is bringing guests into his home. There's no indication that Avraham pulled all the stops in celebrating Yitchak's bris. But he did make a משתה גדול when Yitzchak was weaned. I guess he appreciated being able to sleep through the night again.

          Yitzchak's meals come when he makes peace with an adversary – Avimelekh, who stole and stuffed his wells, and who made life difficult for him; and at a time in his life when he seems to be looking to pass the baton. He isn't getting any younger, he is concerned he may die soon, and he wants to give Eisav the opportunity to do a mitzvah so he (Eisav) can receive a blessing as a reward. The ability to raise a child and live so long to bless him when he is well on in his mature years – Eisav and Yaakov were 63 when the blessing incident took place – is something to be thankful for.

          Which leaves us with Yaakov's meals. In Yaakov's case, irony abounds. There is a משתה when he marries לאה, but no celebration when he marries רחל. 13 years later he has a meal with a man he despises, after he articulates in no uncertain terms why he finds the man to be despicable – and if I could take out-of-context a joke I read-as-a-child in MAD Magazine, perhaps the only nice thing Yaakov could say about Lavan is that he happens to be Yaakov's father in law. Maybe we can also say he likes Lavan's daughters too.

          Just about every other meal celebrates something special – a bris, a chesed opportunity, a weaning, kibud av va'em, peace with a rival.

          Here there's a celebration at one wedding, but no celebration at the one where we would most expect it, and the peace with Lavan is not like with Avimelekh – it's more of the cold peace that exists between two enemy nations who don't really like one another but don't want to fight anymore either. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine and we will have nothing to do with one another.

          Is this a celebration? Is this a Thanksgiving?

          The answer is that Yaakov's meals were different from everyone else's, because Yaakov was dealing with the biggest trickster the Torah has ever known. The Toldos Yitzchak explains the difference between Lavan and others: we saw clearly with Avraham and Lot (who I did not mention earlier because he is not one of the Avos) that when they serve a meal, they serve FOOD. Lavan, on the other hand, only served משתה – drinks! – so that as the Daas Zekenim points out as well – Yaakov would get drunk and would not notice that Leah was standing where Rachel should have been.

          Lavan wasn't only a low-life, he was cheap! We are told ויאסוף לבן את כל אנשי המקום ויעש משתה.  He gathered all the people together to make this משתה. Why? Since when does the Torah tell us about those who gather for a celebration, beyond the people whom the celebration honors? Never! We don't hear about Avraham's party list when he made a משתה גדול ביום הגמל את יצחק.

          The Malbim explains that Lavan only invited people so they could agree to the "rule" he was making up that "It is not done in our land to marry off the younger before the older." If he just made it up, Yaakov wouldn't believe him. But with the whole wedding party, Lavan stacks the vote in his direction "proving" that that's the custom. Why did he never mention it before to Yaakov? Because it was a fabrication – made up to justify his behavior. And, of course, Yaakov would never suspect a ruse was being pulled in front of so many people.

          And why did he need to justify it? Was he really trying to marry off Leah? The Midrash says it was a ruse to get Yaakov to stick around, because Lavan had been blessed on account of Yaakov's presence. Midrash Sechel Tov fleshes out the story suggesting that Lavan is called Lavan Ha'Arami because he was Lavan HaRamai – the trickster. He reminded everyone that they had been blessed with water ever since Yaakov came (recall the well incident with the stone – having a stone on a well indicates the need for rationing), and Lavan wanted to preserve Yaakov's presence in Aram. To that end, he suggested to his neighbors that he will marry Leah off to Yaakov, knowing he'd agree to stick around for another seven years in exchange for marrying Rachel. He convinced everyone to give gifts so Yaakov would be convinced all was legit - but then he (Lavan) sold the gifts to buy the food (whatever that may have been) for the celebratory meal. Using their own money - a party made from everyone's contributions.

          This is why there was no celebratory meal after the marriage to Rachel. Yaakov was stuck in Lavan-town for another seven years. That’s nothing for him to celebrate. And there was no way people were going to contribute again to help Lavan make a second meal. They had participated in a quote unquote celebration as a charade. Therefore there was no real celebration.

          With regard to the meal at the end of the parsha, after Lavan chases Yaakov, accuses him of stealing his daughters, Yaakov's children, and Lavan's belongings, they have a conversation which concludes with an agreement to leave one another alone.

          At that point, Yaakov sees all of Lavan's people as brothers and invites them for a meal:

The Radak describes Yaakov's intent in this way: עשה סעודה ומשתה כדי שיאכלו ביחד בהפרדם זה מזה לזכרון הברית:

          Lavan leaves in the morning. We never hear from him again. How did he feel? Was he at peace? Or was he stewing over the peace he was coerced into making? We don't know. But we do know that he is out of the picture, and as far as we know he doesn't cross the line he agrees never to cross.

          Is it a celebration for Yaakov? Is it really a Thanksgiving meal?

          In a sense it is! Lavan agrees never to bother Yaakov again, and as far as we know, he doesn't! Whether he is broygez about how it went down – he remains out of the picture and he and Yaakov have peace between them!

          Every Thanksgiving is an opportunity for us to express out gratitude for the good in our lives, and for the existence we can enjoy if we put the past behind us and move on with our lives. We don't forget the past, but we move on with the status quo. Or we try to improve the status quo with the materials and opportunities that lie before us.

          This is the challenge the State of Israel faces – with an enemy led by a Lavan-style leadership who are deceitful, who lie, who use Israel's humanitarian aid against Israel; who care more that Yaakov suffer than they care to look in their own backyard to address the suffering of their people that is in their hands to prevent or deal with.

          Lavan didn't like what he had to hear, but he did recognize that Yaakov had a right to move on with his life and that after 20 years of struggling with one another, that it was time to move on.

          When real peace was made, Yaakov was so ready to let bygones be bygones that he viewed all his adversaries as his "brothers." For Yaakov, this was a real Thanksgiving. A real blessing. He was now in charge of his own destiny and Lavan would never stand in his way again.

          Lavan is also in charge of his own destiny. He is no longer blessed with Yaakov's presence. But he can learn from the good Yaakov did, the blessing Yaakov brought to Lavan's home, and he can use his experience to make his life better. The ball is in his court.

I strongly believe that aside from the obvious reason, the State of Israel is Yaakov, and the choice Lavan faced is the choice the Arabs face today. They can embrace the reality of Israel בשמחה, or they can be broygez about it while they realize Israel is not going anywhere.

          But until they decide to acknowledge the celebratory meal of peace, there will not be peace in the region. And I do not believe it will be Israel's fault.

          The world has its narrative – some are Israel's allies, and some such as CNN – ChamasNews Network – will continue to be anything but.

Just as the Avos had their Thanksgiving meals celebrating specific events, we too have Thanksgiving and the simchas in our lives to be thankful for. But we continue to look forward to the day when Thanksgiving is not just a once a year celebration, but a year-round celebration for the eternal peace that will one day settle on our homeland and our Holy Land, במהרה בימינו אמן.

When Enemies Make Real Peace

Update 2018: After writing my DT for 2018, I was "shocked" to discover I had the same solution for peace 6 years earlier! Of course while the conclusion is the same, the angle in the parsha is completely different. I guess Hamas leaders don't read my blog. 🙍

Parshat Vayetze

by Rabbi Avi Billet           

There was no love lost between Yaakov and his father-in-law Lavan. Lavan criticizes Yaakov for having "stolen" his family, and Yaakov responds saying he had been cheated numerous times over a period of 20 years working for Lavan.

            

The most telling comment comes from Lavan who says, "I have it in my power to do you great harm. But your father's God spoke to me last night and said, 'Be very careful not to say anything, good or bad, to Jacob.'" Had God not appeared to him, who knows what he would have done? This is surely one of the proof-texts for the Haggadah's notion that "Lavan bikesh laakor et hakol," Lavan wanted to uproot everything.

            

After their argument at Galed, they reached a resolution. They drew a line exactly where they were, they built a pile of a stones and a monument and then Lavan said, "This mound shall be a witness, and the monument shall be a witness. I am not to go beyond the mound and you are not to go beyond the mound and pillar, with bad intentions." (31:52)

            

After forging the agreement, they sat down and ate together as a declaration of peace – as long as the lines will not be crossed.

            

Many commentaries note that the agreement is for no one to cross the line intending to do harm (Rashi, etc). However, crossing the line to engage in business and commerce or for other good reasons that forge camaraderie of differing peoples is acceptable ("l'tovah u'l'pragmatia" - Pesikta).

            

Ibn Ezra points to their each swearing in the name of the God each worships. A real peace treaty contains divergent opinions about "Who" is backing the peace and "Whom" we are serving through coming to peace terms. But the end result is peace – with each committing to it in the name of their respective objects of worship. Which, in essence, ideally makes the treaty inviolable.

            

Radak points to Lavan's having heard from Yaakov's God directly, which helped him arrive at the conclusion that peace was really the best option.

            

Riva raises a minority view that the agreement was a pact that each would cross the border to help the other in the event that the other is facing "raah" – a bad situation brought on by a different enemy (see Chizkuni). But the more common view maintains that they agree to leave one another alone.

            

Some of the commentaries point out that this treaty (as described by the majority position) was violated by Bilaam. The Zohar (166b) identifies Lavan as the father of Beor (father of Bilaam), the Gemara (Sanhedrin 105a) identifies Bilaam's father as Lavan (Beor having several identities), and the Yalkut Shimoni (Shmot 168) identifies Bilaam as Lavan the Aramean from Pethor. While it is not likely that these texts are meant to be taken literally, it is more than likely that some of the texts describing Lavan and Bilaam are similar (such as receiving prophesy from God in the nighttime, and both being from Aram Naharayim – see Devarim 23:5) to indicate either that Bilaam was the spiritual heir of Lavan, or perhaps even a direct descendant.

            

Daat Zekenim boldly claims that "it is the way of the charlatans and liars to be struck down by the witnesses to their offense." Bilaam's leg was struck by the wall which is identified as the pile of rocks created here. And Bilaam met his demise at the sword (Bamidbar 31:8). The anthology Hadar Zekenim explains (quoting a midrash) that the monument had a sword implanted in it, as a symbol of the 'laying down of the sword' between Lavan and Yaakov. Bilaam was somehow impaled on that sword, as his death is described as having taken place on "the sword" – as in, the one everyone knew about.

            

The message is crystal clear.

            

When Israel vacated Gaza in 2005, a line was drawn in the sand. This is your territory, this is our territory. We are happy to have the border crossed "l'tovah ul'pragmatia" – for good things and for business, but not for "ra'ah" – under the intention to do harm. Israel provides humanitarian aid to Gaza – food, supplies, medicines, and graciously treats Gazans in Israeli hospitals.

            

But when rockets fly, there is no "good": the intention is only to harm. The inviolable treaty supposedly brought on by a land swap has been violated over and over again. Those who foment the hatred are not likely to receive revelations from Yaakov's God not to harm Yaakov. This is why they don't know when to stop, or when to count losses (as Lavan did), and go home to live your own life concerned about how to make your own life better, without trying to make the other person's life miserable.

            

Lavan "bikesh" – he "wanted" to uproot all. But when he couldn't, he let go and lived out his life. Bilaam, on the other hand, couldn't let go of his hatred. And he met his end on the sword that was supposed to symbolize a truce between peoples, exactly on the border his ancestor had vowed never to cross for bad.

            

May God bless the soldiers and people of the Land of Israel. May He watch over them through the tests that lie ahead of them. And may all the spiritual heirs of Bilaam meet the same end he did so the rest of those who recognize and value what a peaceful coexistence can look like are given the opportunity to share a border l'tovah – for the sharing of goodness and peace.

A Non Trivial Pursuit

This can be read in the Jewish Star

Parshat Vayetze

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Chapter 31 is a little long to reproduce here, but it is worth reading before proceeding. It is a quick read, as the plot moves along like a well-written suspense novel.

Yaakov senses that the warm and fuzzy feelings are long gone and that it is time to return home. G-d seconds the notion in one sentence, so Yaakov approaches his wives, sisters Rachel and Leah, and appeals to them using three essential points. Your father’s view of me has changed dramatically, G-d has watched over me and given me your father’s wealth (which I anticipated through a vision of an angel), and now G-d has told me to return home. (31:5-13)

Their response is to all three points: Our father treats us like strangers as well, his wealth belongs to us and our children (thanks to G-d), and whatever G-d has told you to do should be done. (31:14-16)

The family flees from Laban’s home, and we begin to see a series of interesting parallels to a different time and place when this family (albeit a much larger group) flees from their current abode where they have been working for a different kind of boss.