He Laughs, She Laughs

Parshat Vayera

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Avraham and Sarah are both given the same information.

                

A child will be born when you are 100 and 90, respectively.

                

He laughs in 17:17 and is told, “It’s true! It is really going to happen.”

                

In 18:12, when Sarah is given her version of the message, she too laughs, but is criticized. God asks, “Why is this that Sarah is laughing…?” (18:13-14)

                

If they both have the same response, why are the reactions to their responses so different? Avraham’s seems to be supported by God, while Sarah’s response is rejected, requiring her to even defend her natural reaction.

                

To strengthen the question, we can further wonder why Avraham seems to bear the brunt of the critique against Sarah? Rashi teaches us (21:12) that Sarah was greater in prophesy than Avraham. Why then did God’s criticism of her reaction come through Avraham’s prophesy and not hers, namely to her directly?

                

Rabbi Yehuda ben Eliezer, the 14^th century Riva, writes that there’s a simple explanation for the difference between Avraham and Sarah's laughter reactions and the news of having a baby in the near future. Quoting Rav Elyakim, he notes that Avraham received the information directly from God, and his laughter was therefore of the joyous type – completely accepting God’s promise, while overcome with emotions that uncontrollably cause laughter.

                

Sarah, on the other hand, heard the promise indirectly, through an angel that dressed up as a wanderer, which caused her to be skeptical.

                

The Or HaChaim takes a different viewpoint, noting that Avraham laughed when he heard the news, while Sarah laughed not on the hearing of the news, but only after her body began to show signs that birthing was to be a real possibility. In other words, for Avraham, the message was convincing enough. For Sarah, the message was not convincing enough – it didn’t cause her to believe anything – only body changes could convince her that something was going to happen.

                

Perhaps this is a knock on Sarah’s faith. But in all honesty, I still find it unconvincing, in light of the comments of the Riva with which we opened. It is not God who is speaking to her. It is a stranger that her husband randomly stopped from his journey on the road.

                

Which is why the Chizkuni’s take on the matter is so significant. Chizkuni compares what happens here to a woman who wants to criticize her daughter-in-law, but instead criticizes her own daughter in front of the daughter-in-law, hoping the message will penetrate without the insult.

                

God wanted to criticize Avraham for his laughter, but instead God confronted Avraham (God did not confront Sarah!)  about Sarah’s laughter, hoping Avraham would understand that his own laughter was inappropriate.

                

The fact that Sarah felt the need to defend herself may indicate that Avraham indeed confronted her about her laughter – which means he either “got” the message or he did not. If he did not “get it,” then his critique is ever so much more disturbing – how can you ask your wife about her laughter when you did the same thing?

                

But I think there’s a more profound message that we can take from this story.

                

If the chronology of these parshas is such that Avraham had his bris in chapter 17, and chapter 18 is his healing period which followed that surgery, then he was certainly aware of the promise of a child by the time the men/angels came to his door.

                

Why wasn’t Sarah? Her name is so prominently featured in the context of Avraham having this child (see 17:16,19,21) one would think Avraham would have told her of the joy which would come to their lives, of the promise that would clearly come true, as he had been told this directly by God! Especially since she will play such a significant role in its coming about.

                

And yet he did not. She hadn’t a clue. She was completely unaware of any promise. Perhaps this is why when she overheard through the tent, and her husband didn’t react, she also laughed, perhaps thinking that Avraham is really in bad shape because he doesn’t see the humor in this traveling man’s strange “promise.” Avraham, on the other hand, did not react because he already knew.

                

It seems this translates to a communication problem. We can view Sarah’s response however we want, but the bottom line is that the messenger was so unconvincing, that she gets a pass on not accepting the promise as being true. Avraham, on the other hand, is criticized for her laughter, a side-swipe at himself for his own laughter, and also at him for not informing his wife of this important change that will soon take place in their lives.

                

Spouses have to share the most important things that develop in their lives. Avraham didn’t and bore double responsibility – for his laughter, and for not communicating with his wife.