Please note that there are varying opinions on the propriety of using the names Avram and Sarai (their names before Bris Milah) versus using their names as we know them now. While in this piece they are referred to as Avraham and Sarah, the events described take place before their names are changed, when they are still Avram and Sarai.
by Rabbi Avi Billet
One of the more incongruous moments in the tales of our righteous forefathers is the reality of Hagar seeming to be kicked out of the house of Avraham and Sarah, not once, but twice. This seems particularly strange considering her introduction to us includes Rashi’s comment “She was Pharaoh’s daughter. When he saw the miracles that happened to Sarah he said ‘It’ll be better for my daughter to be a maid in this house (of Avraham and Sarah) than to be the mistress (as in ‘wife of the master’) in a different house.’”
This tradition suggests her father wanted her to be in the house of Avraham. Other presentations of the notion suggest it was Hagar herself who wanted to be close to Avraham’s household [e.g. Midrash Sechel Tov].
It would seem, therefore, that there was a presumed merit for Hagar to be in this home, to learn from her master and mistress, and to emulate their ways. In a sense, Avraham and Sarah’s influence over “the souls they made in Charan” was the same kind of influence Hagar was attaching herself to in joining their household.
This makes a number of things that transpire rather strange. If the house of Avraham and Sarah was a source of such inspiration, how is there not more patience in working through the kinks of growing pains with Hagar’s marriage to Avraham and subsequent pregnancy? How does Sarah stoop so low in seeming to want Hagar out – after it was Sarah’s idea to give Hagar to Avraham, and it was Sarah’s idea that a Hagar pregnancy would be the answer to Avraham’s yearning for a child?
A careful reading of the text indicates some of these assumptions are simply incorrect. If Hagar’s intention was to attach herself to the household of Avraham, her being taken as the man’s wife would seem to be the ultimate “arrival” in that sense. If indeed she had joined them when Avraham and Sarah left Egypt 10 years earlier, ten years of being in the household would surely have seen in her own eyes as “paying her dues” through servitude and training in the Godly ways of Avraham and Sarah, to now being elevated to this special status.
The text makes clear that Hagar was Sarah’s maid [not Avraham’s] and that this was all Sarah’s decision. Inevitably, however, Hagar seems to take her immediate pregnancy in a direction no one could have anticipated. In Hagar’s eyes, Sarah is viewed as קל – lighter? Lesser? Lowered status? Sarah even blames Avraham for not nipping that possibility in the bud, not putting Hagar’s union to Avraham in a context that would not subvert Sarah, but would also help fulfill Sarah’s stated goal of אולי אבנה אנכי ממנה, perhaps I will build from her.
Avraham’s “allowance” for Sarah to “do as you will with her” translates to ותענה שרי ותברח מפניה, which is typically translated as “Sarah was harsh with her, and she ran from her.” This indicates that Sarah did not throw her out. Sarah’s treatment of Hagar caused her to run away.
The Artscroll Chumash (page 71) quotes Rabbi Aryeh Levin as saying “it is incongruous to believe that a woman as righteous as Sarah would persecute another human being out of personal pique. Rather, Sarah treated Hagar as she always had, but in the light of Hagar’s newly inflated self-image, she took it as persecution.”
Rabbi Yisrael Lubchansky took this sentiment a step further giving a larger analysis of the relationship between Hagar and Sarah. “So long as Hagar’s trust was in Sarah that she had her best interests at heart, and that she was ‘educating’ (מחנכת) her with faithfulness and love, all the stages of her training were never considered to be difficult, because all the stages of growth were ‘worth it’ for the larger picture and larger goal of refining herself as a person even moreso, to be like Avraham and Sarah. Anything that might be viewed as challenging or hard would be viewed through the lens of necessity for reaching the goal. God does this as well, such as through the “difficulties” in the wilderness, of having manna, and relying on God alone for your sustenance. Hagar began feeling עינוי (suffering, meanness) when in her own eyes Sarah was diminished, which came from her becoming pregnant right away while Sarah had never become pregnant.”
This notion suggests Sarah did not actually do anything, but Hagar’s perception of reality – her own status, and Sarah’s status – had changed, and she thus viewed her tasks and responsibilities as unbecoming, things which were thrown on her by Sarah.
At the same time, there is Midrash (Bereshis Rabba 45:5) which states the following:
ראויה היתה שרה להגיע לשניו של אברהם, ועל ידי שאמרה (שם /בראשית/ טז) ישפוט ה' ביני וביניך נמנעו מחייה שלשים ושמנה שנה, כתיב ויבא אל הגר ותהר ומה ת"ל הנך הרה וילדת בן אלא מלמד שהכניסה בה שרה עין רעה והפילה עוברה...
Sarah should have lived the same number of years as Avraham (which can either means to live the same number of years, or to die in the same year that he dies), but because she said ‘God should judge between me and you’ she lost 38 years of her life… That the angel tells Hagar that she is pregnant teaches us that Sarah threw an Evil Eye (Ayin Hara) into Hagar, who then miscarried. [The angel informing her of her pregnancy indicates she had become pregnant again just didn’t know it yet.]
While I don’t know what to make of this Midrash, it tells us that Sarah made a serious blunder in her behavior that cost her years of her life, AND that she was so petty that the child she had hoped for Avraham to have died on account of the Ayin Hara she threw into the mix.
Midrashim and commentaries have other suggestions as to what Sarah “did” to Hagar.
Bereshis Rabba (45:6) - Rabbi Abba bar Kahana said: She prevented her from engaging in conjugal relations. Rabbi Berekhya said: She hit her in the face with a slipper. Rabbi Berekhya in the name of Rabbi Abba bar Kahana: She made her take buckets and towels to the bathhouse for her. [These all appear in other Midrashim, sometimes in the names of other people. The first one is particularly challenging in light of the Midrash quoted above that Hagar had miscarried and was pregnant again.]
Rashi – she worked her harder
Radak – It could be she would hit her and curse her, and Hagar couldn’t take it so she ran away. She should have honored her and been kind to her… What Sarai did was not good in God’s eyes…
Ramban – our mother sinned in this treatment of Hagar, and her gift was a son who would cause the children of Avraham to suffer
Seforno – she reminded Hagar who is the boss and who is the maid
R Ovadiah Mibartenura suggests Sarah was justified because Hagar had “started”
Which one is it? Is Sarah a saintly tzadekes or is she a human being like the rest of us, with good qualities and regrettable qualities?
One way or another, a negative outcome came from all this, whether it was Sarah’s loss of years, or the existence of Yishmael, which has been a thorn in our side since that time and forever.
An important takeaway to remember is that patience is indeed a virtue, and even if Hagar had instigated a response through her own misreading of the situation, a righteous person is not supposed to let the silliness of someone not on her level get to her.
Even R Aryeh Levin and R Lubchansky would have to admit that Sarah reacted to the slight against her in some way, even if just talking it through with Avraham Avinu. Did Sarah actually oppress Hagar? We can clearly debate that point (as we have). But we also have to remember that rising above pettiness and being confident in who we are together make for fantastic ingredients in having peace of mind.
A final point to leave us, perhaps for further discussion: One can argue that Hagar's shifting mindset comes from a place of not knowing or understanding her own personal status, or that within her space, she has what to contribute to the world. She looked down on Sarah because she couldn't see her pregnancy was because of Sarah, her presence in the home altogether was because of Sarah, and that her future growth was very much dependent on the influence Sarah would have over her, which until now she had seen as a good thing.
It is very easy to look at others and see them as getting in the way of our achieving our potential. Sometimes people have an eye on a position that is already filled. Or they see the idea for a business already occupying storefronts in the neighborhood. Or someone else's success gets in the way of their happiness. Or someone lives rent-free in their minds. Or an inability to advance one's own status and to contribute positively to the world drives one to destroy what others have built in order to make things "equal" and "fair" (which is not equal or fair, when now everyone is suffering - see the thuggery, riots, and violence in France these past weeks).
Those who look to grow are patient, might be go-getters(!), and aim to build up with goodness and with a positive attitude. That's what Hagar needed to have to be successful. We know she returns to the house in this chapter. But we also know she is sent out again shortly after Yitzchak's arrival, largely due to the same problem her son has, thinking he is better than the son of Sarah and Avraham...
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