Bringing Joy To Life

Parshat Ki Tavo

 by Rabbi Avi Billet 

Some people enjoy Yom Tov. Some people find it challenging to be b’Simcha on Yom Tov. Some people love the preparation and lead-in to Yom Tov. For some it is a tremendous burden. How could we be so clearly different when it comes to celebrating our special calendar days? 

We all know the answer: every person’s life journey is filled with ups and downs, low points and high points. And if Yom Tov comes along during a low point, or if life in general is in a low point and one is not content in other areas of life, Yom Tov isn’t a distraction from life, but a burden that gets in the way of “all the things that need to get done.” 

 Some people find Yom Tov to be a challenge if they either live alone all the time or will be alone for Yom Tov. Some might visit family and still feel alone! Someone in a failing marriage might feel this way, as might an adult single visiting parents of whatever age, as well as the more obvious divorced or widowed who find themselves in a life experience they did not anticipate, even if it has been many years since the end of the marriage. 

 In the United States, every year around Thanksgiving and the end of December, people write similar sentiments about going home for the holidays. Especially single people in their 30s, 40s and older. 

 Right or wrong, or neither, a simple point is to be sensitive to the life situation of another, and to steer conversations to universal topics, rather than those that make people uncomfortable. (Tread carefully with politics at a Yom Tov table. Don’t complain about ‘the kids’ in the presence of people who don’t have kids. Perhaps much better is to steer a conversation to how each of us finds joy in our respective holidays – always leaving those who don’t wish to answer with the option to “pass” on commenting.) 

To have simcha on yom tov, or any time, we may need to surround ourselves with circumstances and people that help us see happiness in our current state, even if sometimes we have difficulty finding that happiness ourselves. 

 After all, we are commanded to have simcha on Yom Tov. And in a mitzvah very much related to Yom Tov: 

 Ki Savo begins telling us that upon bringing the Bikkurim, the first fruits, to the Holy Temple, we have a commandment to rejoice -וְשָׂמַחְתָּ֣ בְכָל־הַטּ֗וֹב אֲשֶׁ֧ר נָֽתַן־לְךָ֛ יְקֹוָ֥ק אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ וּלְבֵיתֶ֑ךָ אַתָּה֙ וְהַלֵּוִ֔י וְהַגֵּ֖ר אֲשֶׁ֥ר בְּקִרְבֶּֽךָ – not just to bask in the joy over the goodness and bounty that has been dealt to us. But to share in that joy with others, including the Levi and the Ger, among you. 

 Simcha is also mentioned in the Tokhacha (the great Rebuke), when we are told that one key reason for the curses coming true is תַּ֗חַת אֲשֶׁ֤ר לֹא־עָבַ֙דְתָּ֙ אֶת־יְקֹוָ֣ק אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ בְּשִׂמְחָ֖ה וּבְט֣וּב לֵבָ֑ב מֵרֹ֖ב כֹּֽל - “Because you did not serve God with joy…” Which is a very simple reminder that we must have joy when serving God. And it’s not just because joy is healthy. But because having joy equals being wealthy.

 איזהו עשיר, who is wealthy, we are taught by Ben Zoma, השמח בחלקו - one who is happy/content with one’s lot in life. 

 Many of the commentaries measure this by material wealth (but in the counterintuitive way). If you don’t seek more money and more possessions, in a life-consuming kind of way (which is different than getting a raise in one’s job) – all of which increase one’s דאגה/worry in the sense of “Will I lose it all? Will it get stolen? Will my fortunes turn?” – then a person is, by Ben Zoma’s definition, HAPPY. B’Simcha.

 This doesn’t mean everything is perfect. A person with debt and with struggles in life certainly lives with challenge. But that, the Torah is saying, is not an excuse to not strive for being happy! Because being happy is a state of the mind. It means that even with tzurres, even with the curveballs life throws our way, the truly “wealthy” are the ones who find personal Simcha. We might call this “inner peace.”

 But it’s even deeper. Jumping on the back of Maimonides in his Moreh Nevuchim, Rabbi Matitya Hayizhari explains Ben Zoma’s statement about wealth and happiness “The wealthy is one who isn’t looking for more. He is happy with whatever he has, whether a little or a lot. He doesn’t think about why he hasn’t gotten what others might think he deserves. He’ll accept God’s judgment and be happy, even with however he suffers. And if he doesn’t have the intelligence or ability to do more, he’ll look at what he has and his abilities and be happy – because this is how one becomes ready to receive השפע האלהי” which can be defined as Divine grace. 

 In his Mirkevet Hamishneh, R. Yosef ben R. Moshe al – Ashkar, of Seville and Malaga – (went from Spain to Algeria in 1492) suggests that the wealth Ben Zoma speaks of is a shleimut hanefesh. A completion of the spirit. This is the definition of true joy. The soul delights in being part of the Spirit of Hashem. Someone with many physical belongings is NOT wealthy in this sense. True wealth comes from being a servant of God. This joy of the soul, once achieved, NEVER LEAVES A PERSON. 

 Imagine knowing that I get up each and every day with one drive and one goal: to serve my Creator. 

 What a lot in life. Shouldn’t that make me happy? It’s just me and God. For the truly God-fearing, that must be what bliss in this world looks like: a simcha that comes from my special and unique relationship with God. That I am the servant at His beck and call. I am constantly running to fulfill my destiny as the closest servant of the King. 

 As we contemplate the end of this year, and the beginning that comes with Rosh Hashana, some of us may be reliving difficulties we experienced this year, from injury to medical circumstance, to a fall, some kind of accident, etc. Doesn’t that give us license to take away from our Simcha?

 Rav Aharon Lichtenstein Z”L once shared a thought that יסורין, suffering that people undergo, is meant to be transformative. What he calls Yissurin Shel Ahava, suffering which comes from a place of love from the Ribono Shel Olam (Master of the World), has the potential to purify a person, to cleanse the person and be a force for self-rehabilitation and growth. There’s no answer to the question of “Why me?” But there is an answer to the question of “Where do I go from here?”

 This does not mean to live in denial of difficulties. But it does mean that despite difficulties, we are meant to find a way to be b’simcha! The “where do I go from here?” question is essential to being able to find Simcha even in trying circumstances. 

 Rabbi Shimshon Rafael Hirsch wrote, “Simcha need not necessarily denote a mood of elation brought about by some special occasion. Rather, it also includes the inner mood of serenity and good cheer which should always be the keynote of our lives.”

 Positivity is such an important perspective to bring to the table – both proverbial and the Shabbos/Yom Tov table. We have to be able to do that. It gives us a greater chance to be B’Simcha.

 Every day, we say at the very end of Adon Olam:

 בְּיָדוֹ אַפְקִיד רוּחִי. בְּעֵת אִישָׁן וְאָעִירָה:

 וְעִם רוּחִי גְּוִיָּתִי. ה' לִי וְלֹא אִירָא: 

Into His hand I shall entrust my spirit, when I go to sleep. And I shall awaken!

 With my spirit shall my body remain. Hashem is with me. I shall not fear. 

 What we are essentially saying is that if we can get to this level, we don’t have to worry about anything. This is not to say we don’t have to be responsible. We still have to pay our bills and take care of the things we need to be concerned about. But we don’t have to worry. Worrying is what takes us away from having Simcha.

 We all have a job to do. We strive to work on ourselves. We try to learn more, improve our middos. We try to do chesed. Fulfill mitzvos. But in the end of the day, we can only control what is in our hands to control. We have to do our part, and leave the rest to the Ribbono Shel Olam. And if our attitude is like Rav Lichtenstein said, “Where do we go from here?” then we understand where Simcha can lead us. 

 The bikkurim-bringer said, my Simcha is leading me to share with others. The עשיר השמח בחלקו says my wealth is defined by my Simcha. And if I am happy, I am wealthy and I can share that wealth of happiness with others.

 All of us declare where we are or where we ought to be in our relationship with God. If we are with Him, then He is with us.

 And if בידו אפקיד רוחי, then I realize that whatever is going on in my life might benefit from the perspective that I put my fate in God’s hands. He knows what is best. And I will be שמח בחלקי. I will push myself to have joy.

 It’s not easy. But the alternative of complaining and blaming is negative and depressing. Many people who have suffered terribly have asked the question, “where do we go from here?” So many in Israel do it on a daily basis. And Israelis have been shown to be, in some studies of this nature, to be of the happiest people on Earth. 

 May we be blessed to always make our best effort to bring joy to life. And with Hashem’s help, we should be able to appreciate the good we have, and therefore find שמחה as much as we can.