by Rabbi Avi Billet
Sarai tells her husband Avram, “God has stopped me from giving birth. Come now to my maid, perhaps I will build from her.”
How did she know God had stopped her from giving birth? As Alshikh puts it – wasn’t she barren? What did she mean when she said “perhaps I will build from her?” Was she suggesting the maid’s child would be “as-if” her own child? Or was she suggesting something else?
As any questions of these sorts, the opinions of the commentaries vary, and offer a lens upon a subject that is all too familiar to too many people even in our world today.
As Rashi is the go-to for many readers, his comments on this verse say the following.
From the words “I will build” Rashi surmises that someone who has no children (though he is likely referring to the married individual who is trying to have children) is considered “broken” (an idea raised in many Midrashim), hence the need for building. Building “from her” suggests that in the merit of bringing another woman into her marriage, she will be blessed to have a child herself as well. (see Gur Aryeh) As for her knowing God had stopped her from having a child, Rashi references her “Ruach HaKodesh” – the divine spirit within her. Some take this last idea a step further suggesting Sarai was Yiskah, daughter of Haran, and that יסכה refers to her holy spirit (Pesikta) or even her abilities as a prophet (see, for example, Rabbi Eliyahu Mizrachi who references that Sarah was one of the seven prophetesses).
Midrash Sechel Tov suggests that her building off Hagar means “השפחה יולדת, והגבירה מגדלת” – the maid gives birth and the mistress raises the child, that the child is considered hers, and not that of the maid. Radak notes “if the maid has a son, I will consider him like my own, and he will be to me like my son.” (Ramban offers both options, of raising the child as her own, or of meriting to have her own child…) Malbim has a slightly different twist on this, suggesting that the advantage of her giving her maid as the second wife, rather than Avraham finding one for himself, allows any child born from the maid to be Sarai’s עבד/slave, and in effect her own child. He agrees with R Chaim Paltiel’s possibility that her raising Hagar’s child will cause her body to respond in a manner that will help her produce her own child. (Seforno says something similar).
Netziv rejects the possibility of Sarai raising Hagar’s child, as he focuses on the merit she would get from facilitating for her maid to have a child.
Her saying she wanted to build (אבנה) seems to be the source of the word בן to mean “son.” (Ibn Ezra, Radak) The son is the building that grows from the foundation which are the parents.
Haktav V’hakabbalah offers a different perspective on “building from her” as he reminds us that all the Imahot were barren, and they felt there was a practical explanation for the problem, stemming from the passageways through which zera passed being blocked by שומן (some kind of body fat). They brought their maids into the relationship with a hope that the extra woman would help clear up the problem. Bringing the maid into the relationship with her husband would further serve in the following capacity: “When they would see the maid inheriting the space of her mistress, laying in the embrace of her husband, they would have admiration as well as distress, the combination of which would remove the fat from the said passageways,” allowing their own barrenness to be remedied.
He rejects this thought process, however, assuming that the Imahot were more inclined to use prayer to achieve their objectives, and that bringing a second wife into the relationship was meant to be an impetus to further that agenda, one which would bring a merit for having a child.
According to a 2017-2019 survey infertility affects 1 in 8 men and women. That it affected all of the Imahot is astonishing on a statistical level, but not on the deeper level of God wanting that for reasons that focus on trust in God, emunah and bitachon, and the lessons which come from seeing that the MOTHERS of the Jewish people were all, at one point, barren. And that even those who were blessed to only have one child are the mothers of us all – an important reminder to those who are blessed with a child, that the outcomes of that one child are unpredictable, as the future which lies ahead is as yet unwritten.
It is not being suggested that a woman who struggles with infertility should give her husband a second wife in hopes that things will work out. That is obviously not our way – thank God there are resources that try to help couples in these circumstances, and sometimes they are successful, albeit sometimes it takes a long time.
In these parshas which contain the narratives of our Forefathers and Foremothers, we find many relatable tales of family and personal struggle – financial difficulties, family relationships and fallouts, concern for the investment in the future, teenage misbehavior and rebelliousness, getting along with neighbors, recovering from loss, having a bris, concerns over the proper upbringing of one’s child. The list goes on.
Hopefully we can relate to the portions which are relatable, but also draw inspiration from the faith of Avraham and Sarah and the other fathers and mothers, as we struggle through our own challenges, always falling back on our relationship with God as that which carries us.
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