The Humility Theme of Vayeshev

 Parshat Vayeshev

by Rabbi Avi Billet

One of the themes of Chanukah is outlined in the Al HaNissim prayer when we hear of the defeat of the רבים (many) at the hands of the few (ביד מעטים). 

One wonders what that must have felt like, to know you are significantly outnumbered by both the Assyrian Greeks and the Hellenized Jews, and yet to know that your truth has merit and value and that there is nothing they can say or do to have you abandon your beliefs. There is a humility that surely comes from the overwhelming outnumbering while also realizing that when you trust in God, you are not alone. That too is very humbling. 

 As the narrative of the Torah shifts from focusing on Yaakov to focusing on Yosef and his brothers, one other brother features significantly in the coming narratives, Yehuda. (That Yehuda’s name is reflective of the first time someone in the Torah is recorded of having given thanks so there is the Thanksgiving connection for those who are looking for it!) 

 Over time, many leaders of the Jewish people were from these tribes. Yehoshua bin Nun was from Ephraim (Yosef). Five of the Judges (Shoftim) were from Yosef’s tribes, while  2 were from Yehuda. $$$$$$$ The kingdoms of Israel, after the division, were often referred to as the Kingdom of Yehuda (source of the word Jew) and the kingdom of Ephraim. The books of prophets sometimes refer to the conflict between בית יהודה and בית יוסף or אפרים. 

 Both Yehuda and Yosef are described in Vayeshev as experiencing a descent – Yosef to Egypt and Yehuda from his brothers (38:1) – and they both rise to their final confrontation in Parshat Vayigash when they clash over Binyamin’s fate.

What makes them the leaders of their siblings, then and through the centuries and even millennia to follow – as we ultimately await both משיח בן יוסף and משיח בן דוד? 

Despite Yaakov’s favoritism towards him, Yosef is nevertheless viewed by some of the classic commentaries as someone who didn’t let his position get to his head. He is described as a נער to the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah. Haktav V’hakabbalah explains the word “Naar” here as a “meshares” – one who serves someone else. “היה יוסף מתנהג במדת ענוה ושפלות לשרת את בני בלהה וזלפה אף שהם בני השפחות” – Yosef conducted himself with humility and submission to serve the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah even though they were the sons of the maids. Rabbi Mecklenberg (Haktav…) suggests that Yosef’s dreams – which aim to demonstrate how he’d rise in the family – were only shown to him on account of his humility, because “כי לפני כבוד ענוה, ועקב ענוה עושר וכבוד” – as Mishlei says. Humility is first, then honor comes. And it’s not because one seeks or demands the kavod. But it is there. And, presumably, even if people give it, the person is still running from it. 

 That is real humility. 

 In Yosef’s case, his loftiness wasn’t coming from himself. It came to him as a sort of prophesy, in the form of a dream. 

 But even for Yosef, it was a process. And not a simple one. The Or HaChaim notes that all that Yosef went through, in being sold as a slave and serving in Potiphar’s court and eventually landing in prison all turns out to be washed away when he becomes a king in Egypt. The suffering, the (noun) humbling one experiences is not counted when it is a means to a goal, such as the one Yosef ultimately achieved. (we’ll return to this point below) 

 Yosef’s humility continues when his father calls him to send him to his brothers in Shechem, into the lions’ den. Despite every warning and sign sent his way, Yosef still says “את אחי אנכי מבקש” – I am seeking my brothers – when he could have turned around and gone home. 

 Because he doesn’t care if they hate him, if they are jealous of him. He wants a connection. And he is going out of his comfort zone, being near their father, in order to find them. 

In noting his Middos, Malbim says every person has characterisitcs that pull him or her in opposite directions: haughty v humble. Spendthrift v miserly. Merciful v Cruel. Yosef followed the second of the following three life options outlined by Malbim. 

1. Following one’s nature – whether good or bad. 

 2. One who follows one’s sechel – which distinguishes between tzaddik and Rasha 

3. And one who behaves differently, depending on who the people around him are. A wicked person, for example, humbles himself before those more wealthy and more powerful, and behaves like an arrogant cruel person to the humble, kind, righteous people 

Yehuda 

We need to shift gears for a moment to examine Yehuda’s story. Yehuda starts off Chapter 38 being fairly controlling Tamar’s life. But then his wife passes away, and after Tamar meets Yehuda on the crossroads, when it is discovered that Tamar is pregnant, Yehuda’s power of her comes to a head when he says – הוציאוה ותשרף which either means burn her to death, brand her (similar to the Scarlet Letter), or some other punishment. 

When Yehuda is confronted with the reality that he is the father of her babies, his admission of her righteousness and being correct prompted Radak to note how humbling this admission is - a prelude to much of how the Davidic line functions. Think of Lot and his daughter – quite the scandal. Think of Ruth and Boaz – appropriate though very slightly scandalous. David and Bat Sheva – not appropriate and quite scandalous. Radak writes: לפי שמלכות נתנה האל לדוד ולזרעו עד עולם כדי שלא יתגאו מלכות יהודה על ישראל, ויזכרו צור חצבו ממנו ויהיו שפלי רוח וינהיגו המלכות בענוה ובתם לבב: God gave the kingship to the Davidic line so they should ALWAYS BE HUMBLE EVEN IN THEIR ROLE AS KINGS. 

Yehuda suffers in this story through the death of his two sons and his wife. He looks to a strange mysterious woman for a little comfort. Had there been no baby, no one would have known about it. And yet in his admission (and he had cause for plausible denial with Tamar keeping mum about the incident), he embarrassed and humiliated himself. 

How humbling. How leader-creating. 

There are plenty of ways to justify the actual physical encounter! He was single. She was single. They were technically Noachides. They were not forbidden to each other. Even if levirate marriage was a thing, the father can do this for the dead son. Yehuda wasn’t planning to have her punished because of what happened between him and her! He didn’t know she was the woman he had been with! He was having her punished because they assumed it was a Canaanite she had been with. But once he knew the truth… צקדה ממני.. And of course she was not punished. 

How many leaders today, caught in a scandal, admit their involvement and look to rectify? Too often they either lie, excuse, or simply resign so the news story will go away. 

These are the leaders of the Jewish people, in their infant stages of leadership. Yosef and Yehuda. 

Let’s return to the Or HaChaim’s comment, that the suffering one experiences is nothing if all’s well that ends well. Could such a thing be true? 

It really depends on the suffering, and what the “ends well” is.

It could work for Yosef! He was a young single guy who needed to pay his dues. He suffered through slavery and imprisonment and had a pretty good job for the rest of his life from the age of 30. During his difficult times he had no dependents who needed to rely on him. 

For Yehuda, even though he emerges with two new sons, it’s hard to say all is well in the end. 

People suffer. Suffering is part of life, and as many of us know all too well, there was never a guarantee that anything would be smooth sailing. 

Yosef and Yehuda learned and modeled for us. When we look at the other person, and certainly when we contemplate the Almighty, what we should walk away with is the feeling of utmost humility. 

The humble person at least recognizes that the goodness I have in my life is a gift, and that in whatever way I feel God watching over me is the greatest Chesed. So if life throws curveballs and hard times my way, the tough times teach me humility and the goodness teaches me humility. And humility, both in any interaction with people and especially in one’s relationship with God, is what makes a metaphorical mountain out of a man or woman. 

A mountain doesn’t move, shift or budge, when a storm pummels it, or when a pickax strikes at it. The mountain may be hurt, it may have a slightly different shape, it may not always look the same. But it stands tall and has its head turned heavenward, as it simply and humbly fulfills its purpose on earth: to be a reliable rock that people can turn to, sometimes for direction, sometimes for a place to rest, sometimes for something to lean on, or even a challenge to climb and overcome, but always awe-inspiring as we take in its majesty.