Not Responsible for "Lies"

Parshat Vayetze

by Rabbi Avi Billet

The first Pirates of the Caribbean film spent a few moments discussing the "honesty" of pirates. The lead character cheats in a duel and is this accused, "You cheated!" He responds, "Pirate!" as if to say, "I don't follow conventional rules."

            

One of the more memorable moments is when the female protagonist demands, in exchange for a precious medallion, that the pirates who are currently attacking Port Royal "leave and never come back."

When they agree, they begin to set sail with her on board, leading her to exclaim, "Wait! You have to take me to shore." And she is told, "Your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing…"

            

The way of the sneaky and tricky is to make deals using vague language and to deny responsibility for any wrongdoing, when the honest person gets burned.

            

Consider Lavan's approach to Yaakov when Yaakov seeks to marry Rachel. Yaakov tells Lavan, "I will work for you for seven years [to marry] Rachel your younger daughter." (29:18). Lavan's response is, "It's better for me to give her to you than to another man, so stay with me."

            

He never said, "After seven years of working, I promise you will marry Rachel." And so, sure enough, after seven years, Lavan gives Leah to Yaakov.

            

When Yaakov asks why he's been tricked, Lavan explains, "That's not the way it is done in our place – to give the younger one before the older one [is married]. Finish the 7 day (celebration), and we will give you the other daughter in exchange for the work you'll do for 7 more years."

            

The terms "our place" and "we will give" are striking – almost funny when you know who we're dealing with. Rachel is Lavan's daughter, and yet he pins all the rules on whether she may marry on everyone else's consent. "The people" won't allow such a wedding. "The people" will give Rachel away. It's not Lavan's fault. His hands are tied.

            

Ramban claims this is the way of Lavan – to deny all responsibility. He is honest. He is pure. He keeps his word. He meant what he said and he said what he meant. 100 per cent.

            

We live in a world in which there are very few people who fulfill and keep what was once called a "gentleman's agreement." If two honest people make a deal – in which they both know exactly what they're talking about – and they shake on it, they both have to keep their respective ends of the deal.

Nowadays, however, contract writers fill up pages and pages of legal jargon to make sure that every "i" is dotted, every "t" crossed, and there are no loopholes in the language that can be misunderstood or misinterpreted. And of course, they want to cover themselves from legal action. How many people really read all the "Terms of agreement" when signing up for something on a website, or all the fine print in contracts?

Most people don't have the time or don't understand all the language.

And the same is true for politicians – who don't read bills before they sign them.

The Lavan story teaches us that there are people who may smile and may come across as "nice guys" who will stab you in the back and tell you they're giving you a massage. They'll say things that sound nice. But when judgment day comes, they'll be able to say, "I never promised. And even if it sounded like I was promising – I wasn't. And besides, you should know that my promise is meaningless."

Like Lavan, they deny responsibility, they blame everyone else for the havoc they wreak and the misery they cause – whether to individuals, groups, or an entire nation.

No one likes to admit having been wrong. Most people want to be liked and respected and admired.

But if a person uses the same tactics as Lavan, whether a family member, a co-worker, a boss, or a President, we now understand the type.

A wholesome person is honest, keeps his or her word, doesn't pull the wool over others' eyes.

And when a person deliberately lies over and over, and ultimately denies responsibility, or tries to spin reality to fit an agenda, it is the responsibility of all honest people to call him on it and effect the kind of change that is best for everyone.