Parshat Acharei-Mot -- Kedoshim
by Rabbi Avi Billet
When looking for a specific mitzvah to address from Parshat Kedoshim, many fall back on the Golden Rule, the one emphasized by Rabbi Akiva as being a most important rule of the Torah: ואהבת לרעך כמוך, that “you are to love your neighbor like yourself.” (19:18)
Despite the seeming ease of the translation, the reality is that the phrase is subject to many interpretations and many possible meanings, rendering the translation one of the many interpretations, albeit wanting as it doesn’t make clear what the mitzvah truly is.
However, the mitzvah clearly comes at the end of a group of Pesukim that spell out a much larger picture of what the relationship with our fellow man, and specifically our Jewish brothers and sisters, ought to contain.
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16 You shall not go around as a gossipmonger amidst your
people. You shall not stand by [the shedding of]
your fellow's blood. I am the Lord. 17 You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall
surely rebuke your fellow, but you shall not bear a sin on his account. 18 You shall neither take revenge
from nor bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love
your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. |
(טז) לֹא־תֵלֵ֤ךְ
רָכִיל֙ בְּעַמֶּ֔יךָ לֹ֥א תַעֲמֹ֖ד עַל־דַּ֣ם רֵעֶ֑ךָ אֲנִ֖י יְקֹוָֽק: (יז) לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א
אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו
חֵֽטְא: (יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם
וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יְקֹוָֽק: |
With all the talk last week about the possibility of getting haircuts because of the coincidence of Rosh Chodesh and Shabbos, a quip told over in the name of Gershom Scholem came to mind, not quoted here verbatim, but whose sentiment may be clear. "If only the rules of Loshon Hora were mentioned as a footnote in a commentary on the Shulchan Arukh, then people would follow it.”
It is somewhat tragic that people get riled up over the customs of mourning during Sefiras Ha’Omer while ignoring or discounting the very serious mitzvos of how we treat our fellow man.
Like the mitzvah mentioned of Rabbi Akiva’s focus (above), all of the mitzvos which appear in the box are subject to many interpretations as to their meaning and their scope.
On one hand, it should seem obvious that verse 16’s point of not being a gossiper should put an end to all manner of talk about other people that serves no purpose other than to bring the other person down and raise the esteem of the gossiper in the eyes of those hearing the gossip. It should also put the onus on people subjected to the gossip to take a stand and say “I do not want to hear this. It is gossip. I don’t want to be an accomplice to a clear violation of a very clear mitzvah in the Torah.” Doing exactly that would actually be a fulfillment of the second half of the verse, not to stand by idly when someone’s blood is being spilled. From various sources we are told that speaking Loshon Hora is akin to spilling a person’s blood as it destroys reputations and relationships and even communities.
On the other hand, it may also put the onus on individuals to avoid doing things that make them the subject of gossip. Of course, this is a much more complicated notion, because it is not reasonable to expect or demand that all people live exactly the same way, become robotic and uninteresting. It is more of a question of what is a person doing to raise others up, to help elevate other people’s souls, and to impart goodness all around. Those who do things that draw attention to themselves for reasons that aren’t focused in a positive direction are at the very least putting a stumbling block before others who may, as a result, judge unfavorably – which is a violation of a mitzvah, but is also one of the hardest components of the human condition to overcome. We tend to judge people all the time, despite not knowing the full story or having all the information that would be helpful to render a balanced review of what has taken place.
[One example of how mitzvos require the cooperation of the party commanded and the party not directly commanded are all the forbidden relationships mentioned in chapters 18 and 20. The Torah primarily commands men as to which women are forbidden to them, but the women are obviously equally commanded to avoid those relationships even if not told directly.]
Being a leader or teacher may put one in a position of being subject to scrutiny. But being that leader or teacher does not open the door to Loshon Hora by dint of being in that position. Such individuals who take the role given to them as an opportunity to do good, to inspire, to teach are doing the right thing – if people speak Loshon Hora about them, the blames lies with those doing the talking. However, the leader or teacher that takes advantage of the position and of the people one has influence over is a different story. A corrupt leader, or a person who teaches ideas that are destructive to a society is at fault for putting others in a position of needing to go the route of having to talk about the person.
This is not to say that having differences of opinion open the door to Loshon Hora. Normal human beings can interact and disagree in the realm of ideas and still have the highest regard for one another. It is through communication with those with whom we disagree that our humanity comes forth – we might not agree, but we respect one another. It is hard to speak gossip about someone we respect.
It is also very difficult to “hate your brother in your heart” if at the very least there is open dialogue and communication. There is much truth in the statement questionably attributed to Evelyn Beatrice Hall or Voltaire “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” It is OK to disagree with someone, but that should not come at the cost of hatred and shutting a person out of one’s life. (It is quite different if the adversary actively seeks to destroy one’s life and reputation. One must be careful to discern if the adversary is actively doing such, or if one’s own reaction is the true source of any conflict.)
“Rebuking one’s fellow” always comes with a risk – am I the right person to give the rebuke? Do I know how to properly present the rebuke? Will it be received in the manner it is intended?
The final lead in to “Love your neighbor” is a caution against taking revenge and bearing a grudge. There are times when unfortunate things happen, either because of our own doing, or due to forces beyond our control. Sometimes a person makes a bad decision that impacts us directly. Sometimes someone is purposely hurtful.
While it is not a commandment to ‘turn the other cheek’ (that is not a Jewish concept), there is such a concept of finding the strength to move on. Certainly accepting the difficulties and even embarrassment one faces as yisurin (loosely: a test of suffering) from the Almighty is a notion attached to great merits in the long run. Most people don’t put too much thought to events of the past – something becomes a big story for a short time, and then everyone moves on if the impact of the story doesn’t affect them personally.
Perhaps when some kind of reactionary legislation is enacted which keeps the story alive, it may continue to fester among those impacted until such time as the legislation is rescinded. But that is more on a macro scale than on the neighborly scale, which the Torah is more specifically addressing here in talking to individuals about their interpersonal relationships.
All of these mitzvos are lead-ins to the mitzvah of how we are to ultimately relate to our fellow man. And it can all be summed up in this way. If we can drop our ego, worry less about putting others down, worry more about making sure we are doing the right thing, and move on from past events (as others have moved on) through granting and accepting forgiveness – especially forgiving ourselves for our own regrettable misdeeds or mistakes which we have done proper introspection upon – we can truly get back to loving our neighbors as ourselves and being loved in turn per the Torah’s instruction and direction.
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