To Heal a Broken Heart

Parshat Tzav

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

 The tragic story of a fire in Brooklyn coming on the ten year anniversary of a similar story in Teaneck has left the greater Jewish community reeling. We mourn with these families, and wish for a recovery for those still in medical care.

 Having seen and experienced devastating loss, the only thing I know to be experientially true is that love and the passage of time are the most important ingredients to being able to continue with life and to find happiness once again – if that becomes a goal in life. Having faith in God is also helpful, because it can help a person find a sense of purpose in living beyond tragedy.

 Towards the beginning of its commentary on our parsha, the Midrash Rabba aims to explain how those who suffer through devastating ordeals can get closer to God, utilizing the experience of King David, who said in Tehillim (Psalms 51:19): “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart.”

 How true this statement is, and how true do we hope for it to always be.

 Of course, the Midrash does not raise this sentence in a vacuum. The parsha does focus heavily on sacrifices. And the Midrash paints King David’s statement as one of hope for how he could get closer to God despite having suffered terrible calamities.

 One utilization of the verse asserts King David’s Teshuva (repentance) process, in the aftermath of the Batsheva incident of Samuel II 12 as, “God, I have overcome my evil inclination, and I have repented before You. If You accept my repentance, I know that my son Shlomo will build the Beit Hamikdash, and build the Mizbeach, and burn the sacrifices on it.” This is how “a broken spirit” can turn into the fulfillment of “the sacrifices of God,” when the dream of what future generations can hopefully accomplish can be articulated and hopefully actualized.

 Another view utilizes the same verse as the answer to a question – not about King David and his son Shlomo, but about any person looking to find God: How do we know that a person who repents is given the credit for having gone up to Jerusalem, having built the Temple, having built the Mizbeach, and for sacrificing all of the offerings? Because this is how “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit.” The broken heart that accompanies repentance can bring about the highest level of serving God.

 But closeness to God is not only achieved through repentance, as is demonstrated through the concluding teaching of the Midrash, in the name of Rabbi Alexandri. If a human being is served with broken vessels, it is assumed to be an insult. But God is the opposite – He knows that the most powerful and the most poignant service comes from the brokenhearted. “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and He saves those of crushed spirit.” (Tehillim 34:19) God is the One “Who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Tehillim 147:3). The prophet Isaiah (57:15) quotes God Himself, who said, “With the lofty and the holy ones I dwell, and with the crushed and humble in spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble and to revive the heart of the crushed…”

 What, therefore, is the meaning of “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit?” That through a broken heart one has the ability to come closest to God.

 The broken heart can be demonstrated in one of two ways. Either a person sins and breaks one’s heart through repentance. Or tragedy breaks one’s heart, and the person turns to God through serving him.

 When a nation can collectively have a broken heart, this Midrash is suggesting that we are experiencing the closest chance we have to seek out God’s presence, and to feel His comforting hand. When King David wrote Tehillim 51 in the aftermath of the Batsheva tale, he had two experiences which weighed heavily on his conscience.

 The first was that his conduct in that story was sinful and he needed to return to God. His deed was public, his exhortation from the prophet was spelled out to him, and he was also made aware through prophesy of what was expected of him.

 The second was that he had suffered the ultimate loss of several of his children – the first child born from his union with Batsheva (Shlomo was the 2nd child of that union), the deaths of his sons Avshalom and Amnon in his lifetime, as well as his daughter Tamar’s defilement at the hands of her half-brother Amnon. (Adoniyahu, another son, was killed shortly after King David’s death.)

 In our local story, there is no sin. There is no prophet. And there are no answers. There is only tragedy, suffering, and loss, for a family and for a community.

 There is no healing from losses of this kind. There is always an emptiness in the lives of surviving family members, as well as in the greater community.

 Hopefully, with the outpouring of love and with time, everyone will be able to find some kind of comfort from the ultimate Comforter because He will see that what brings us closest to Him is the broken heart.

Aftermath of Har Nof Terrorist Attack

I received a tremendous amount of good feedback for this speech. And much encouragement to post it to this blog. While I certainly don't have answers, and I continue to mourn with klal yisrael, if anyone finds comfort from these words, that is a blessing. 

Toldos: A Time To Mourn, a Time to Live

          This has been a very difficult week. For all of us. There were more people attacked yesterday. Who knows what today will bring?

          Who would ever think that just going to shul, a normal procedure for many of us on a daily basis, could become an act that we might associate with a horrifying tragedy? (so many possible links...)

          We must all take, teach and spread an important language lesson.

          When Jews are murdered because they are Jews, we don’t record with “profound sorrow” their passing. We don’t mourn the “death” of the deceased. And we certainly don’t say ברוך דיין האמת.

          We record with “horrifying pain” their murder. We mourn for the “evil crime perpetrated” against the murdered  and against all of כלל ישראל – we cry with their families, with 25 orphans, with tens of grandchildren who no longer have grandfathers, with 4 unexpectant widows. And with all of אחינו בני ישראל. And instead of Blessing the Dayan HaEmet, the true judge, we cry out HASHEM YINKOM DAMAM. May GOD AVENGE THEIR BLOOD!! That their murderers are dead is fitting. But their damage is done. And most sadly, it cannot be undone.

          I have a very hard time swallowing the idea that these murders are brought about by a דיין האמת. I believe terrorists have free will, and they behave independent of the Will of the דיין האמת. It’s a struggle to consider that life and death are written on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur – is this really what God had in mind?

          We also mourn for a police officer – Zidan Sayif. Not a Jew. But an Israeli hero nonetheless. Who gave his life to save his fellow Israelis. Rav Ovadiah Yosef, Z”L in one of his later teshuvos – when asked if a prayer could be said in a synagogue for a Druze soldier who was killed in the line of duty in defense of the State of Israel – wrote the following:

          The Druze believe in one God. They are not idolators. They believe in the concept of the soul. They enlist in the IDF, and put their lives on the line to protect the citizens of Israel. They abide by the 7 Noachide laws. They are included in the righteous gentiles of the world. ABSOLUTELY PRAY FOR THEM.

          As one headline I saw said, “Israel’s latest hero isn’t even Jewish.”

          So let us save the blessings for the Dayan HaEmet for when He in His own ways ends a life. But when Jews are murdered, we MUST MUST MUST CALL EVIL FOR WHAT IT IS, AND DEMAND OF GOD TO ENACT VENGEANCE AGAINST MURDERERS and those who send them to perform their despicable acts. Just as we say for victims of the Holocaust, Hashem Yinkom Damam, and we say Y’mach Sh’mam V’Zichram about their murderers, the same appelations apply to victims of terrorist aggression and those who perpetrate the same. Who “excuse” their barbaric behavior as a “natural response to the occupation.” There is nothing natural about the use of meat cleavers and machetes. Any human being who excuses this kind of behavior has no credibility and no shred of humanity.

          My sister shared with me a note written by the widows of (Hashem Yinkom Damam) Rabbis Kalman Levine, Moshe Twersky, Aryeh Kopinsky, Mr. Avraham Goldberg,  imploring ALL OF ACHEINU BNEI YISRAEL to dedicate this Shabbos, Parshas Toldos, as a יום של אהבת חינם. A Day Of Baseless Love for our Fellow Jews. Charging us to avoid senseless quibbles, speaking lashon hara and rechilus – gossip and slander. Speaking ill of one another. I am sure this is something we can all do, as they put it – as an עילוי נשמת the souls of their murdered husbands, fathers, grandfathers.

          It shouldn’t take tragedy or a response to tragedy for us ALL to commit to this. But at least for today, let us honor this request.

          In our parsha today we read of two instances where someone was fearful for his life – each responded to the concern in a different way.

          Yitzchak was worried that if people found out he was married that they would kill him and take his wife as the prize.

          Rivkah was worried that Eisav would make good on his promise to kill Yaakov after having lost his intended bracha through seeming deception.

          Yitzchak lived amongst his enemies after discovering the threat to his life, and eventually moved to a town not too far away. Yaakov chose to run away, to let time heal the wounds, so that when he would eventually return, bygones would be bygones.

          The eventual confrontation, in both cases, went surprisingly well.

          In our parsha, after Yitzchak is first given asylum, then thrown out of Gerar because of his financial success, Avimelekh finally turns to Yitzchak to make peace. After Yitzchak counters “WHY ARE YOU HERE – YOU HATE ME?” Avimelekh explains his reasoning because, as he puts it, רָאוֹ רָאִינוּ כִּי־הָיָה יְקֹוָק עִמָּךְ. We see God is with you.

          In Parshas Vayishlach, if you ignore the Midrash for a moment, we see that Eisav is more than cordial at his reunion with Yaakov. He even appears to be magnanimous – telling Yaakov he doesn’t need the gifts Yaakov gave him, inviting Yaakov to live with him in Seir. It’s an incredible twist from what we’d expect.

          What happened? Why would these sworn enemies make peace? Did they get religion? Avimelekh mentions God. Eisav says יש לי רב – which probably doesn’t really mean “I got me a rabbi.”

          I think that for both of these men, TIME gave them the element of perspective. Avimelekh was able to see that fighting with Yitzchak was not to his benefit. If the Jew was successful financially and would only be contributing to his nation’s economy, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to expel him from [Spain, Portugal, England, Germany, Palestine, Israel...] Gerar.

         

          Eisav took an honest assessment of his assets 20 years after Yaakov left and saw he had a significant family, his nation was well under way in its formation, and he had actually done well financially. He owed his success to the blessing he received, and of course, to his own prowess, strength and talents, which were best served at creating and building, rather than in complaining and destroying.

          The Jews in Israel are not going to move to an outskirt city – like Yitzchak did in moving to Nachal Gerar. They’re not going to leave the country, as Yaakov did in fleeing to Charan. The recognition of ראו ראינו כי היה ה עמך, and that יש לי רב have to be reached by the Arabs in the land. I believe that the policies of the State of Israel reflect that they recognize these truths about the Arabs. The Arabs aren’t going anywhere, and their religion (when practiced peacefully) is respected. But it takes two to tango. And we continue to wait for TIME to help them come around to the reality that our People are not going anywhere, and that Judaism is an honorable and peaceful religion, that Jews don’t resort to violence to make a point.

          But we will respond to provocative violence with force, because we must. As Golda Meir once put it - "I understand the Arabs wanting to wipe us out, but do they really expect us to cooperate?"

          Koheles says לכל זמן. And I think we can say that only time will tell what will be. Will the events in Har Nof be a turning point in terms of how Israel views its security concerns? Will the world recognize that they who have supported the Palestinians are on the wrong side – because this is what they are supporting?

          When CNN and the BBC can be called out over and over and over for their biased reporting on this story – equating the death of the murderers by police with the death of theirvictims, declaring the attack having taken place in a mosque, suggesting all Israelis (including babies) are like combat soldiers worthy of being targetedby terrorists in their struggle, telling Naftali Bennett that holding up apicture of a murdered Jew is offensive while they posted pictures – mostlystaged, fake, or lifted from Syrian conflicts – of dead Arabs throughout the summer – when normal media calls them out for their buffoonery and malice, this is an incredible turn. Will it be a turning point? For CNN – the Chamas News Network – probably not. But good people are taking notice.

          Most importantly, will the decent people in the Arab world take the perspective of the Druze – embrace their citizenship in Israel, be proud of their country, denounce terrorism, change their rhetoric, recognize that if they can only see what Avimelekh saw – that the Jews have lowered their infant mortality rate, have raised their life expectancy age, have improved their medical care, have brought great blessing to the Land, have made a wasteland much more than just inhabitable, have provided a free society where they can live, raise families, practice their faith and fulfill a human purpose on Earth of being a contributing member of society – will they oust the evil from within them?

          Only time will tell.

          While people who are hated are discussed in theoretical cases throughout the Torah, there are three individuals who are specifically hated using the word שנאה: Yitzchak is hated by Avimelekh. Leah feels hated as a wife. And Yosef is hated by his brothers. Before the sun sets on the book of Bereshis, all of these hatreds are resolved. Peace with Avimelekh is achieved. Yaakov has seven children with Leah and is buried with her. Yosef and his brothers reconcile.

          Hatred can lead to peace. It is possible.

          My sister who lives in Israel shared with me a nice story that perhaps is a demonstration of this: Someone she knows shared a tidbit from her morning on Thursday, when she was in a bakery in Jerusalem and noticed she was standing behind Natan Sharansky. She told him she had just cited from his book this week in a class she was teaching on Sefer Tehillim, sharing his inspiring story of how he had kept a tiny book of Tehillim with him at all times, even when he had to struggle with the authorities to get it back. At that point, Sharansky smiled, reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a tiny (palm-sized) tattered book of Tehillim. Stunned, she asked him “Do you carry that wherever you go?” Sharansky didn’t even pause and he replied “Actually, it carries me!” We know his story. For him, hatred turned to peace when he was given his freedom and he was able to emigrate.

          My father went to Israel for half a day to make shiva visits to the four families in Har Nof. His report to his children written after his visits, which he sent to us via email, began: “I visited all four families. They each received me very nicely. These are very religious people who have a lot of trust and faith in God. Therefore they have accepted God's judgment with love.”

          Their letter expresses – through very broken hearts – this love. Love of God, and love of Am Yisrael. If Sharansky is right, that his Tehillim continue to carry him, then let us tap into that truth. If we can honor the request of these incredible families and love and cherish one another, and take their model as an example of how to embrace God even in the most troubling and challenging of times, we will be doing our part to bring peace to the world. And in that merit, may the blessing achieved for Yitzchak and Yaakov in their conflicts with Avimelekh and Eisav be heaped upon all of us when the Goeil Tzedek helps God fulfill the prayer of ופרוש עלינו סכת שלומיך as the understanding of these tragedies becomes clear, and the ultimate peace for our People throughout the world is achieved.

Praying To God For Real - Being a Maamin (Believer)

Rosh Hashana 5775

by Rabbi Avi Billet

          Tuesday morning many of us awoke to the news that the Shabak – Israel’s FBI – did their due diligence, and the IDF finished the job on the barbarians who kidnapped and murdered 3 teens in Israel this summer. The perps were not arrested. They will never be freed in a prisoner exchange. Baruch Hashem.

          Were we to take a look back at the year that was 5774, many of us would probably look at the events of the summer in Israel, and the backlash that continues to send EuropeanJews to seek safer locations for their families, as the defining moments of the year for the Jewish people.

          The kidnapping of Naftali Frankel, Eyal Yifrach and Gilad Shaer, HYD, the weeks that followed their kidnapping, and the uncertainty of their safety, which culminated with the discovery that they had been dead all along, and of course the summertime war which followed – which while damaging to Hamas – cost Israel 67 soldiers and 5 civilians, as well as hundreds wounded.

          We were in camp, and it was actually visiting day when I started getting reports that the ground invasion had begun, and that 13 soldiers had already been killed. I had been looking forward to seeing people, but I was inconsolable. I am sure many here cried many times over the summer. Not just over the loss of Israel’s sons, brothers and fathers, but over how Israel was demonized in the media.

          And the Arab anti-Semitism that has emerged in Europe, as well as the noted hate-incidents recorded in this country and in Canada, also served our collective memory that Naziism is alive in Europe and around the world. But instead of being Aryan, the modern Nazis are primarily Arab, or just plain bigoted anti-Semites.

          And, of course, through it all, the memory of what seemed to be the catalyst for it all, the kidnapping and brutal murder of three innocent teenagers who got into the wrong car.

          בראש השנה יכתבון וביום צום כיפור יחתמון.

          It’s a message that cuts deeply into our thoughts and emotions. Was this all decreed on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur last year? Our liturgy, which reflects the Talmud, says so. Why couldn’t it be car accidents? A young man from Lakewood, Aaron Sofer, went missing in Yerushalayim during the conflict, feared kidnapped. Turns out he tragically died in a hiking accident. Is this kind of death any less a tragedy? No.

          But in our minds, while we always have questions, we have an easier time with the things we can relate to: accidents, illnesses, and of course old-age.

          And so it comes as such an incredibly shocking and surprising message when the mother of NaftaliFrankel appeared in an Aish.com video that many of us saw, declaring the lessons she takes from her son’s murder – of the incredible spirit of Am Yisrael, the unity, the Achdus, the power of Tefillah that rallied behind her son, Gilad and Eyal as a world-wide movement. About how this is the true Am Yisrael – a people who care about one another, who look out for one another, who are there for one another. And most importantly, of having אמונה, faith in God.

          How does this woman have faith in God? She lost her son in one of the most senseless crimes of the century! Isn’t God to blame for not protecting her son, and the boys that were with him?

          You see, Rachel Frankel understands very well that that is not how אמונה works. אמונה, real faith in God doesn’t get thrown out with the bath water the minute something goes wrong. Or in her case, tragically wrong.

          One thing you should know about Real Emunah. I found a great quote in ספר מבחר הפנינים א - שער החכמה – by Rabbi Shlomo Ibn Gabirol. He said, “Know the removal of שכל (intelligence, but sometimes translated as common sense) from Emunah is like removing a head from a body. When the head is removed, the body is lost or useless. And when Sechel is lost, Emunah is lost.”

          In other words, people who have real Emunah are not simpletons who have what the public calls Blind Faith. These are really really really really really really SMART people. They know Emunah – faith – by nature contains an element of doubt. But they also make a very intelligent choice to say, Who cares if there is a possibility that I am wrong? There is a much stronger possibility that I am so so right. This is what the Rambam at the beginning of Hilkhos Yesodei HaTorah calls ידיעה – knowing that God is there.

          Secondly, people who have Emunah don’t see things in black and white. There is a world of gray, sometimes unintelligible gray, but gray nonetheless. And that hazy gray suggests a metaphor of a world which is like a very large wheel with millions and billions of cogs – some that play a larger role, some whose role is far less significant, some whose roles are not apparent until many millions of cogs have made their revolutions. And that each of us is a cog, and we can’t always see the big picture of that wheel. Some cogs just loosen up and fall out. And the wheel keeps right on spinning.

          There are many great works of Jewish philosophy that define what Emunah is. But in the same book, Ibn Gabirol has a “Shaar Haemunah,” in which he articulates some of the fundamental tenets of what it means to be a Maamin. Humility, Reverence, and the Patience to explain to someone who has questions – who may even be antagonistic – but to be able to explain because the Maamin has clarity and confidence in how the world works and in Who is running the show.

          There are some people who endure the knocks of life better than others. The poor, the ill, and the diminished. These, says Ibn Gabirol, are the Maaminim.

          You want to know who went through the school of hard knocks? Chana did! We read it a few moments ago! She had a co-wife who made her life miserable! Her husband treated her royally, and yet she couldn’t eat – because he didn’t understand her, thinking his love for her was more meaningful than the child she yearned for. Peninah made her ANGRY that her womb was closed. Not sad. ANGRY! Can you imagine a woman who is made to feel like nothing by a seemingly heartless, mean and insensitive show-off? Chana could have walked away with her tail between her legs. But she was ANGRY!

          We all know Ka’as is a bad middah. But Ka’as, the Rambam says, has its place. While Rambam warns against anger, in Hilkhot Deot 1:4, he says that a person shouldn’t get angry, except over a big deal, so the issue won’t ever happen again.

          Chana got angry at Peninah. This WAS a big deal. But it STILL happened, year after year. So one year she decided to do something about it.

          We can analyze Chana’s story for hours. But today I think we need to focus on Chana the Maamina, and her relationship with God.

          First she prays to God, crying, bitter, and we are toldוַתִּתְפַּלֵּל עַל־יְקֹוָק . She lays it all out. She says God, “I need you to see my suffering. And remember me! Don’t forget me! You ARE IN MY LIFE! YOU ARE PART OF MY EXISTENCE! If I have a child, I will dedicate his life to serving you.”

          וַתִּתְפַּלֵּל עַל־יְקֹוָק     . She is in control. She is letting Hashem, כביכול, have it.

          But Eili gives her the business. She is praying in a way that is beyond his comprehension. And she lets him know he has misunderstood her. She tells him she is suffering. וָאֶשְׁפֹּךְ אֶת־נַפְשִׁי לִפְנֵי יְקֹוָק:.  Lifnei hashem. As she hashes it out, her relationship with God seems to change.

          And then she explains herself to Eili. כִּי־מֵרֹב שִׂיחִי וְכַעְסִי דִּבַּרְתִּי עַד־הֵנָּה: I’ve spoken this way and in this manner because of my ANGER. Rabbi David Fohrman pointed out that ANGER, at least in Chana’s case, is a demonstration of being real (we know this from the תלמוד בבלי מסכת עירובין דף סה עמוד ב  -  אמר רבי אילעאי: בשלשה דברים אדם ניכר: בכוסו, ובכיסו, ובכעסו.. ) She’s not putting on a show for God, she’s letting HIM see what she is really feeling. Because Peninah has abandoned her, her husband doesn’t seem to understand her, and Eili has just accused her of being a drunk – of being someone who pours in alcohol to escape a reality. But in fact, she was pouring OUT her soul, perhaps in anger somewhat, to REFLECT her Reality, to the only being who can hear her and understand her, and Who could connect with her in the deepest way.

          And now that it has come out, she is finally able to eat – a feat which has been inaccessible to her in all of her recent Temple-trips.

          Hashem remembers her  וַיִּזְכְּרֶהָ יְקֹוָק. She remembers Hashem when she names the child. Becauseמֵיְקֹוָק שְׁאִלְתִּיו:. She won’t go to visit the Mishkan until the child is readyוַהֲבִאֹתִיו וְנִרְאָה אֶת־פְּנֵי יְקֹוָק. And when she does come, she explains to Eili that I was the woman who stood here

           לְהִתְפַּלֵּל אֶל־יְקֹוָק:.  EL HASHEM. Not al (על), not Lifnei (לפני). El (אל). To. Close. Intimate. Face to face.  (כז) אֶל־הַנַּעַר הַזֶּה הִתְפַּלָּלְתִּי וַיִּתֵּן יְקֹוָק לִי אֶת־שְׁאֵלָתִי אֲשֶׁר שָׁאַלְתִּי מֵעִמּוֹ:

          I prayed for this child, and Hashem gave me the request I had asked of Him.

          DID YOU HEAR THAT? Chana prayed for the child. But she made a request of Hashem. The child was the afterthought – the REQUEST WAS – GOD I NEED YOU TO SEE MY SUFFERING! I NEED YOU TO SEE HOW ANGRY I AM ! I NEED YOU TO NOT FORGET ME!

          And then my על ה' becomes לפני ה', and then it turns, in retrospect to אל ה'. Intimate. Close. I davened אל ה. I davened אל הנער הזה. אל – to Hashem, אל – for this child. Maybe FOR HASHEM  to be in my life. FOR this child to grace my arms.

          Her thanksgiving Tefillah – even more profound. (ב) אֵין־קָדוֹשׁ כַּיקֹוָק כִּי אֵין בִּלְתֶּךָ וְאֵין צוּר כֵּאלֹהֵינוּ:

          Chana came to the realization – though perhaps she knew this before – that she couldn’t rely on her husband, and even Eili, who should not have judged her but did, was at first unhelpful. The only ONE she could rely on was her own Emunah, her own knowledge, that HKBH is out there, and that He listens.

          And this is why Rachel Frankel’s message is not just special in its own right. It is amazing because here is a woman who went to a similar school of hard knocks as Chana. Not comparing childlessness to losing a child in a horrific terrorist act. But here is a woman who has every right to be angry. Every right to question God. To question His motivation. To reject Him.

          And yet, she seems ever closer. She is able to smile. She is able to share her message of inspiration. I have no doubt in my mind that - if I can borrow a line from tomorrow's Haftorah -  רחל מבכה על בניה. But what she has demonstrated is that through all the tears and all the difficult moments, she sees a much bigger wheel. A much bigger picture. She understands the concept of being a cog, and that each cog has a role. And that the bigger picture of Achdut of Am Yisrael says so much more about who we are as a people than anything.

          She lost a son. And because of it, a woman with no previous platform has chosen to remind her people that HKBH reigns, and that our People, united, can always turn to Him.

          May we be blessed to pray the way Chana did. To express our anger, our frustrations, and to be real. To come על ה, but transition to praying לפני ה, and to finish speaking אל ה. We want to be as close to God as we can. And, hopefully we’ll be blessed to come to the same conclusion these amazing women have come to.

          (ב) אֵין־קָדוֹשׁ כַּיקֹוָק כִּי אֵין בִּלְתֶּךָ וְאֵין צוּר כֵּאלֹהֵינוּ

BeLIeVING With All of Your Heart

Parshat Ki Tavo

by Rabbi Avi Billet

“This day God commands you to fulfill [all the laws], and you should do them with all your heart, and with all your soul.” (26:16)

 The Midrash Tanaim jumps on the classic interpretation (see also Tanchuma 1) that when Moshe says “This day” with reference to mitzvah observance, he is noting that any demonstration of following the Torah creates a visual for God as if the Jewish people have accepted the Torah today.

 It is possible that the word “L’vavkha” (your heart) is plural, suggesting more than one heart. Obviously every individual only has one heart. Midrash Tanaim suggest that the soul is also considered the heart. We know that body without a heart can not live. Perhaps the homiletic jump is not that far off, that a soulless individual has no real life.

 On the other hand, the Rosh argues that when a person prays he should be careful not to have two hearts, one focused on God and the other focused on other things.

 Rabbenu Bachaye looks at our opening verse and addresses the difference between this and a similar sentiment in the Shema. Moshe told us there, “And you shall love God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your essence… these words that I command you today should be on your heart…” The message there was also, as the Rabbis expounded, that the words of the Torah being commanded “today” should be new in your eyes always. After all, generations change, and the heart of Man is drawn after what he sees.

 This may be why the Shema is exactly that – a call to “Hear” and not to see. Seeing, after all, is a better form of proof leading to belief than merely hearing something second hand.

The truth is that every fact or event is only witnessed by a few people in the scheme of history. But if everyone talks about it, allowing others to “hear” about it, then word can spread forever.

 The message Rabbenu Bachaye extracts from our verse beginning with “this day” and ending with “with all your soul” is the teaching that a person is obligated to be “mosair nefesh” (push himself to the extremes, perhaps be ready to lay down his life) for mitzvos, throughout all generations, just as he was ready to do so on the day the Torah was given.

 Imagine what it was like to experience Revelation. To have all doubts removed, and to KNOW that God is there. To understand that our purpose in life was to be brought to this place so we could receive a gift. And the understanding of the special nature of the Torah becomes increasingly apparent, the more the weather changes from a bright and beautiful morning to a day of a smoking mountain, thunder and lightning, and the sound of a shofar.

 Just as a person would have been ready at that time to do anything for God, a person should be ready and prepared at all times, every day, to serve God properly.

 To put it more directly, the Seforno says the message of doing mitzvos with all your heart is, “That you should recognize without any doubt that it is proper to fulfill His will.”

 Whether one does it with the proper intention or not, the purpose of mitzvah observance and the goal of a Torah lifestyle is meant to train a person to be a “ma’amin,” a believer.

 Too often we fall back on the reasons for why we do the things we do, we daven because we’re trained to, we build a sukkah because it’s that time of year again, we keep Shabbos because we have to. These are all true.

 But we must also recognize that the Torah, for us, is a new book handed to us from Sinai. We know it comes from God! We know the author, the giver, and the teacher. And we want to fulfill its every word, because it is through fulfillment of these Mitzvos, and through the subsequent connection we build towards and maintain with God that we become fulfilled Jews.

 Let us strive to tap into that excitement of newness. To demonstrate for ourselves and our children and grandchildren that we can truly have a love for God and His People if we always have that fresh exhilaration at the prospect of doing His will.

Of Faith (and Animals)

Parshat Vayishlach

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Yaakov is on his return journey, homeward bound for the first time in either 22 or 36 years. His mother is dead (though he does not yet know that), and he is unsure of his status with his brother. Has he been forgiven?

            

He sends one group of messengers to Eisav with a warm greeting, "I've been away for awhile. I have made a decent living. I'm coming home – I hope I've found favor in your eyes."

            

The response is that Eisav is approaching with 400 men. (See also here on the number 400)

            

Not knowing his intent, Yaakov sends an appeasement gift to Eisav, which includes "200 she-goats, 20 he-goats, 200 female sheep and 20 rams." (32:15)

            

There were other animals as well, such as the 30 nursing camels who were either accompanied by their children (1 each) or by their male counterparts (many commentaries address the strange terminology in the verse), as well as 40 cows to 10 bulls, 20 she-donkeys and 10 he-donkeys.

            

The verse about the she-goats etc is unique, according to Rabbi Meir of Rothenberg (Maharam), because it is one of only two verses in the entire Torah in which all of the words end with a Final Mem.

            

The other verse is in Parshat Pinchas, Bamidbar 29:33, which describes a portion of the sacrifices of the 7^th day of Sukkot.

            

Maharam explains the parallel between these two unique verses.

            

God had promised Yaakov not to fear Eisav nor any other human being. By sending this gift to Eisav, he is demonstrating a lack of faith in God to the tune of 550 animals. This waste of animals is going to be the source for a payment Yaakov's descendants will have to make yearly to demonstrate their own faith in God.

The verse in Bamidbar is right before the obligations of Shmini Atzeret, so the korbanot of Shmini Atzeret do not count in the "payment."

How are there 550 korbanot? 2 for every Shabbos (52) is 104 animals. 11 for every Rosh Chodesh (12) is 132 animals. The animals for all of the holidays not including Shmini Atzeret account for the remaining 314 of the 550.

There is another approach to counting the animals. There are 2 animal sacrifices every day of the year (which they count as 360 days based on 12 months of 30 days each) equaling 720 animals. The korbanot of Rosh Chodesh and the holidays add up to 440. All together there are 1160 communal sacrifices.

Add up all the animals Yaakov sent – including the interpretation that there were in fact 60 camels – the nursing mothers and either their sons or their mates – and you have 580 animals. Double that number and you have 1160.

And so, according to the Maharam, Yaakov's punishment for his lack of faith gesture of offering Eisav 580 animals was that his descendants had to pay double that as offerings to God on a yearly basis.

As Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald of the National Jewish Outreach Program (NJOP) famously explained in his Crash Course in Basic Judaism, the tenet of Belief is a little different than Knowledge. When a person knows something, there is no doubt in one's mind. There is a fact, it can be proven, demonstrated, etc.

But "Belief" in its very nature carries with it a snippet of doubt. I believe this very much. But… I might be wrong. I can't prove it.

One can argue Yaakov had no excuse. He was a prophet. God communicated directly to him. God told him everything would be alright. While we certainly teach that one should not rely on a miracle, and one should make one's efforts, but Yaakov's approach seemed to disregard a direct promise. Some even interpret his fight with the angel as meaning to remind him that he is not supposed to even prepare to run from Eisav because everything will be alright. Either his wound prevents him from fleeing, or his victory over an angel demonstrates that he can certainly defeat Eisav.

We, on the other hand, don't have the luxury of God speaking to us in dreams and making promises. The promises were made a long time ago, and we are certainly left with a choice. We can abandon everything and say it's all nonsense.

Or we can claim our faith, declare our beliefs, and recognize that while we all have difficult moments and may even question why we do what we do, we can always fall back on the notion that we are the descendants of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, who knew what they knew and lived the way they lived, so their descendants could one day experience Revelation and receive the Torah at Sinai.

And, of course, we believe the promises for the future have yet to be fulfilled – but will be fulfilled!

In the scheme of things, maybe our People got off easy with the punishment for Yaakov's lapse of faith. Double the amount of animals he wasted on Eisav as payment to God in the Temple.

Can we afford the punishment for the lack of faith and belief that is so prevalent today? Can the blogging Apikores, and the self-hating Jews, and the online slanderers continue to only bring our People down?

Of course they can. That is what they are best at doing.

But the two Final-Mem verses remind us that events from long ago can have an impact on future generations, if all we do is exhibit a lack of faith in God.

May we be blessed to seek God in our lives, and to find and see God in as many life experiences as He makes Himself apparent.