To Heal a Broken Heart

Parshat Tzav

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

 The tragic story of a fire in Brooklyn coming on the ten year anniversary of a similar story in Teaneck has left the greater Jewish community reeling. We mourn with these families, and wish for a recovery for those still in medical care.

 Having seen and experienced devastating loss, the only thing I know to be experientially true is that love and the passage of time are the most important ingredients to being able to continue with life and to find happiness once again – if that becomes a goal in life. Having faith in God is also helpful, because it can help a person find a sense of purpose in living beyond tragedy.

 Towards the beginning of its commentary on our parsha, the Midrash Rabba aims to explain how those who suffer through devastating ordeals can get closer to God, utilizing the experience of King David, who said in Tehillim (Psalms 51:19): “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; O God, You will not despise a broken and crushed heart.”

 How true this statement is, and how true do we hope for it to always be.

 Of course, the Midrash does not raise this sentence in a vacuum. The parsha does focus heavily on sacrifices. And the Midrash paints King David’s statement as one of hope for how he could get closer to God despite having suffered terrible calamities.

 One utilization of the verse asserts King David’s Teshuva (repentance) process, in the aftermath of the Batsheva incident of Samuel II 12 as, “God, I have overcome my evil inclination, and I have repented before You. If You accept my repentance, I know that my son Shlomo will build the Beit Hamikdash, and build the Mizbeach, and burn the sacrifices on it.” This is how “a broken spirit” can turn into the fulfillment of “the sacrifices of God,” when the dream of what future generations can hopefully accomplish can be articulated and hopefully actualized.

 Another view utilizes the same verse as the answer to a question – not about King David and his son Shlomo, but about any person looking to find God: How do we know that a person who repents is given the credit for having gone up to Jerusalem, having built the Temple, having built the Mizbeach, and for sacrificing all of the offerings? Because this is how “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit.” The broken heart that accompanies repentance can bring about the highest level of serving God.

 But closeness to God is not only achieved through repentance, as is demonstrated through the concluding teaching of the Midrash, in the name of Rabbi Alexandri. If a human being is served with broken vessels, it is assumed to be an insult. But God is the opposite – He knows that the most powerful and the most poignant service comes from the brokenhearted. “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and He saves those of crushed spirit.” (Tehillim 34:19) God is the One “Who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Tehillim 147:3). The prophet Isaiah (57:15) quotes God Himself, who said, “With the lofty and the holy ones I dwell, and with the crushed and humble in spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble and to revive the heart of the crushed…”

 What, therefore, is the meaning of “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit?” That through a broken heart one has the ability to come closest to God.

 The broken heart can be demonstrated in one of two ways. Either a person sins and breaks one’s heart through repentance. Or tragedy breaks one’s heart, and the person turns to God through serving him.

 When a nation can collectively have a broken heart, this Midrash is suggesting that we are experiencing the closest chance we have to seek out God’s presence, and to feel His comforting hand. When King David wrote Tehillim 51 in the aftermath of the Batsheva tale, he had two experiences which weighed heavily on his conscience.

 The first was that his conduct in that story was sinful and he needed to return to God. His deed was public, his exhortation from the prophet was spelled out to him, and he was also made aware through prophesy of what was expected of him.

 The second was that he had suffered the ultimate loss of several of his children – the first child born from his union with Batsheva (Shlomo was the 2nd child of that union), the deaths of his sons Avshalom and Amnon in his lifetime, as well as his daughter Tamar’s defilement at the hands of her half-brother Amnon. (Adoniyahu, another son, was killed shortly after King David’s death.)

 In our local story, there is no sin. There is no prophet. And there are no answers. There is only tragedy, suffering, and loss, for a family and for a community.

 There is no healing from losses of this kind. There is always an emptiness in the lives of surviving family members, as well as in the greater community.

 Hopefully, with the outpouring of love and with time, everyone will be able to find some kind of comfort from the ultimate Comforter because He will see that what brings us closest to Him is the broken heart.

After the Deaths of the Righteous - Speak!

A response to the week of the Boston bombing, the tragedy in West, TX, and a local tragedy in Boca Raton, FL, [this last article is referenced in the text below], concluding with a personal tribute on the occasion of a yarzeit

Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor (A sermon)

          There is an expression in Hebrew that combines the names of our parshas this week and next - Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor – after the deaths of the righteous speak. Some view it as an ironic statement introducing what you say before eulogizing one who wasn't righteous.

          But some take it as a statement which reflects a reality – after the death of the righteous it is a time to speak, to reflect, and to take note. And it is that focus which I would like to apply to my words this morning.

          The story is told of Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach – when asked by a yeshiva bochur if it was bittul torah to travel three hours up to Tiveriah, Tzfat, Meron, etc. to daven by the mekomot ha-kedoshim there, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach replied that he should daven by the kedoshim here in Jerusalem, buried at Har Herzl.

Between the reflections of Yom HaZikaron in Israel, and the loss of innocents in Boston and in West, Texas, as well as the tragedy which befell the South Florida Jewish community when a 12 year old girl was killed in a traffic accident in Boca on Monday, it is a real opportunity to fulfill "Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor."

When innocent people die in accidents or in senseless acts of terror – and it became clear yesterday even to those who thought it might have been "domestic" that the latest Boston Massacre was a result of terrorism – we, the good citizens of the world, are left to wonder, what is going on on this earth?

We are left to question the ways of God, knowing we will not find answers.

We are once again faced with the impossible-to-answer-question of why bad things happen to good people.

The Sefirat HaOmer period has become a yearly reminder of tragedy, as many of our brothers and sisters observe customs of mourning to commemorate the "era that never was" on account of the deaths of Rabbi Akiva's students. Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor.

People of faith do not seek to find answers – because there is but one answer. There is a Master of the Universe. He knows what He is doing. He understands the big picture. He has the benefit of the wide lens. And the luxury of time.

In time, some of us may see or understand. Some of us might only understand when our bodies have left us and we are soaring souls. Some of us may wander and wonder for the rest of our days and never achieve the clarity we so yearn for right now.

Perhaps the clarity is too painful. Perhaps seeing and knowing are things we are not quite ready to do.

Parshas Acharei Mos begins with instructions given to Aharon for how to conduct himself in his most special role as Kohen Gadol, on the Holiest Day of the year, Yom Kippur. The instructions came after the deaths of Nadav and Avihu – it's a painful pill for Aharon to swallow. But he must also learn from their mistakes - what not to do. In fact it's the first thing he's told "וְאַל יָבֹא בְכָל עֵת אֶל הַקֹּדֶשׁ מִבֵּית לַפָּרֹכֶת אֶל פְּנֵי הַכַּפֹּרֶת אֲשֶׁר עַל הָאָרֹן וְלֹא יָמוּת כִּי בֶּעָנָן אֵרָאֶה עַל הַכַּפֹּרֶת:" Don't come to the Holy of Holies at any time – as your sons tried to do! Don't die doing the service! Come one day a year, in the manner which will be described.

Is this pouring salt in Aharon's wounds? It's hard to say, as the Torah paints Nadav and Avihu here in a positive light: בְּקָרְבָתָם לִפְנֵי יְקֹוָק וַיָּמֻתוּ: - that as they were getting very close to God they died -  Perhaps even suggesting that while the death of loved ones is painful for those who are left behind to mourn, maybe sometimes death is a gift to the person who dies.

Rabbi Goldberg from the Boca Raton Synagogue wrote an incredible tribute to the 12-year old girl and her parents,which was featured on Aish.com. He quoted her father, Rabbi Stern, who, in his eulogy for his daughter expressed gratitude to those who have helped his family at this difficult time. More remarkably, he offered words of gratitude to the Almighty Himself for sharing Shoshi with them, even if it was only for 12 short years."

This is Acharei Mos Kedoshim Emor.

The Sterns even told the police to reach out to the driver, who after the traffic investigation was deemed to have done nothing wrong and was not charged, and to tell him “Please, I beg of you, get in touch with him and tell him that we are people of faith, we believe in God and we know that this was not his fault. Please,” she said, “tell him not to allow this to ruin the rest of his life.”

I have heard similar sentiments expressed by parents of Israeli soldiers who are killed by friendly fire. They say, we forgive you, we love you, we know what you are going through. And we accept it as the will of God.

Acharei Mos Kedoshim Emor.

In Parshas Kedoshim, we have an interesting conglomerate of laws and instructions. In some ways there are connections and themes, but for the most part it is an interesting mixed bag of laws. However, there are a few laws which refer to the treatment of a Ger = a stranger who lives among you. I do not believe it refers to a convert, because to me, what we call a convert is a "Jew." A ger, therefore is a ger Toshav – a person who has accepted to be a Noahide, who lives in your land, accepts your autonomy, follows your civil laws, but is not a Jew.

Our commandments regarding the Ger are to leave some produce in the field for him, as well as for the poor, not to oppress him, and that he should be treated like a regular Ezrach – a citizen – and ואהבת לו כמוך.

But there is a caveat. He must behave as an Ezrach. Because we read immediately at the beginning of the next Perek, that a Ger who gives his child to Molech, to idolatry, to an ideal so antithetical to our cause and peoplehood, he is to be killed by the people of the land.

And while I believe our justice system in the United States is pretty good – it isn't perfect, what is? – I don't believe we are strong enough with people who choose to live here but live an anti-American life. The individuals apparently responsible for the Boston Massacre, were apparently legal residents of the United States. But this does not matter - they are not "gerim" who are Ezrachim who are deserving of the liberties afforded to basic criminals.

Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor – we must speak truth that evil people who are looking to harm innocent people – Kedoshim sometimes means Holy, but it also means separate, and perhaps even elite – which we can say about people who can run a marathon in 4 hours – they are kadosh in distinguishing themselves in their training, their devotion, their drive, their stamina, and their dedication to get to that 26^th point second mile – the evil and destructive people are not even deserving of a civil trial. They get what they deserve – ובערת הרע מקרבך.

 It is insulting that anyone might waiver and say, even before yesterday's revelations, that this "might not be terrorism." It must be shouted that "This is terrorism and the person or people responsible are not only not welcome in this land, but if you perpetrate crimes of this manner, this is worse than espionage and is punishable – כאשר עשו כן יעשו להם."

If you don't stand for peace in your own borders, the Torah tells us, the civil unrest – INTERNALLY! – will destroy you and everything you stand for.

As for those in West, Texas – It's a terrible tragedy. We pray for them to be able to pick up from the devastation, we mourn for the loss of innocent life, and we hope better times will come for them in the proper time.

Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor. Say the right words. At the minimum be sympathetic and empathetic. And if at all possible, do whatever you can to help.

The Gemara in Brachos 5a warns us that when a person sees tragedies hitting him, Yefashfesh B'maasav. He must examine his deeds. This may apply on a personal level, a family level, a community level, or even a city, state, national or even international level.

In his eulogy on Aish.com Rabbi Goldberg similarly noted the practice of the sages: "If one of the members of the community has tragically died, the entire community should be anxious, worried and concerned."

          While this is not to suggest that we as a community, as a shul or as a People are responsible for any of these events – we don't know the ways of God – nonetheless we are left to look at our deeds, care more for one another – certainly internally, but also to be good neighbors and good citizens. To carry ourselves with dignity and to conduct ourselves with courtesy and respect for others.

Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes we are treated badly. Sometimes the sharp retort feels like the most pleasurable thing to say in a particular moment.

But we must resist and be the best we can be.

Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor. Innocent people die – we must reflect on the frailty of life and remember how quickly it can be taken away. We must make the most of our relationships, appreciate our spouses, children, parents. We must maximize how we utilize our time – for pleasure, of course, but more importantly for spiritual pursuits and endeavors. We are here in shul on a lovely weekend, for example, because that is important to us. Instead of looking at a clock, perhaps we can benefit from telling ourselves we don't spend enough time here, that maybe we need to be in shul as much as we can, to provide the nourishment that fills the needs of our souls.

I want to conclude with a brief tribute to a man who I witnessed, even in my short time knowing him, living this way.

The founding gabbai of Anshei Chesed was Elie Frances, of blessed memory. A more dedicated shul man you couldn't find. Loving his gabbaius, caring about the seder hatefillah, dotting the Is and crossing the Ts of making the experience at the bimah and in the kahal a smooth experience for all.

He was a hidden child during WWII, and he made up for his lost years of Jewish education in ways we could not imagine. He was a wonderful, sincere, baal tefillah – particularly on the Yomim Noraim, when he graced us with his sincerity and heartfelt emotion on the High Holidays.

I remember watching him once thinking "he could do this for another 30 years – he loves it so much." But it was not to be. His final months passed too quickly. He leaves a void in this shul that those who knew him well feel on a regular basis.

Leah is one of the Kiddush sponsors today on the occasion of Elie's yarzeit. We join you in wishing his neshama to have the aliyahs that our brachos will give. We also thank you for continuing to bring the Frances grace and charm to our shul. It's a little different on the women's side of the mechitzah, but what you bring to our shul is a lot more than a smooth davening experience. And we are grateful that you have found the strength to come and to participate in the way you do.

Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor gives the responsibility to the living to speak well of those who are gone, to have important conversation of how we can be מקדש שם שמים, and hopefully bring about an era in which tragedies – whether seemingly man-made or man-provoked, or coming from God himself, need not impact those about whom we care the most.

Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor  – it is our hope that you can continue to Emor – to speak of Elie and to remember him in this fashion – whether as a tribute to enhance the davening experience or a tribute to enhance the learning experiences that others will undertake in his name.

תנצבה.