Hair Cut on Friday When Lag Ba'Omer falls on Sunday

Rama (1530-1572) writes (Shulchan Arukh OC 493:2) that when Lag Ba’Omer falls on a Sunday (as it does this year), the custom is to cut the hair on Friday in honor of Shabbos. This is followed by a parenthetical citation, seemingly quoting Maharil (Rabbi Jacob Moelin – 1360s -1427).

 מיהו אם חל ביום ראשון, ז> נוהגין להסתפר ביום ו' לכבוד שבת (מהרי"ל). 

 Three commentaries on the page of the Shulchan Arukh take up this citation, noting that Maharil DID NOT ACTUALLY SAY THIS! 

 Following the timeline of earliest to latest, we find the Chok Yaakov (Jacob Reischer ~1670-1733, Prague) who writes “This is the opinion of Mahar”i Veil (Yaakov ben Yehuda Weil ~1385-~1455, a student of Maharil) – in Dinim and Halakhos 51, while Maharil forbids this (see below). And such is the opinion of a small number of Acharonim (to forbid it). Nevertheless, where this is a custom to allow it, it is allowed, as we need not be strict about these laws (as he noted in an earlier footnote, that when there is a doubt we need not be strict when it comes to 'Aveilus Yeshana' – commemorative mourning for events from a long time ago).”

 [ז] נוהגין להסתפר מיום ששי לכבוד שבת. זה הוא דעת מהר"י ווייל [דינין והלכות אות נא], ומהרי"ל [שם עמוד קנז] אוסר, וכן דעת מקצת אחרונים. ומכל מקום היכי דנהוג היתר נהוג, ואין להחמיר בדינים אלו, כמו שכתבתי ס"ק ב': 

 Be'er Hetev (Judah Ashkenazi of Tiktin – 1700s) writes using the exact same language as Chok Yaakov 

 זה הוא דעת מהרי"ו, ומהרי"ל אוסר וכן דעת מקצת אחרונים. ומ"מ היכי דנהוג היתר נהוג, ואין להחמיר בדינים אלו, כמ"ש בס"ק ג: 

 In his own footnote cited at the end, he mentions the Chok Yaakov that every place should follow their custom, and that there is no need to be strict when there is a ספק – a.k.a. a doubt. THEN he quotes the Kneset HaGedolah, who noted how when the Shulchan Arukh said “one is not punished” that refers to someone who got married during Sefirah, before Lag Ba’Omer, for that person is fulfilling a mitzvah. However, one who gets a haircut during Sefirah was customarily fined and punished… Note this is on the general comment that the mourning period of Sefirah goes through Lag Ba’Omer, before any “exception” is raised by Rama regarding haircuts, if Lag Ba’Omer falls on Sunday. 

 Chochmas Shlomo (Shlomo Kluger, 1785-1869), s’if 2, raises a similar discussion surrounding if Rosh Chodesh Sivan falls on Sunday, as to whether one may get a haircut on the Friday before. Quoting the Pri Megadim who allows it, arguing it’s the same as the Lag Baomer situation, he wonders how the Pri Chodosh forbade the haircut on Friday if Rosh Chodesh Iyar falls on Sunday. 

 Rabbi Kluger questions the thought process of Pri Chodosh based on the assumption that haircuts are really only allowed on Lag Ba’Omer itself during Sefirah, so if a person misses it on Lag Ba’Omer, the person will end up being scraggly for TWO Shabboses, the one before and the one after Lag Ba’Omer. This is a reason for the allowance on Friday (when Lag Ba'Omer is Sunday), because it would enhance Shabbos, AND Lag Ba’Omer would be a make-up day if the person misses the Friday allowance. Additionally, the Friday allowance in the case of Lag Ba’Omer on Sunday is because it would be shameful to Shabbos that “you can get a haircut the day AFTER Shabbos, but not the day BEFORE?” 

 Two other reasons that the Rosh Chodesh Sivan situation is different than Lag Ba’Omer: 

 1. After Rosh Chodesh there are a number of days during which one could get a haircut prior to Shavuos (the שלשת ימי הגבלה), versus the view that the haircut is only allowed on Lag Ba'Omer 

 2. According to a number of opinions, there isn’t an allowance to get a haircut on Rosh Chodesh Sivan anyway (while on Lag Ba’Omer, virtually everyone agrees that haircuts are permitted), so there could be no extension from "you could get on Sunday anyway" to Friday

 מיהו אם חל ביום ראשון נוהגין להסתפר מיום ששי לכבוד שבת. נ"ב, הנה אם חל ראש חדש סיון באחד בשבת אם מותר להסתפר בערב שבת, ראיתי בפרי מגדים [אשל אברהם אות ה] שכתב שהוא מותר, שהוא כמו בל"ג בעומר, ותמה על הפרי חדש דאוסר בחל ראש חדש אייר באחד בשבת להסתפר ביום ו', וכתב ולא ידעתי טעמו, ע"ש. ולפענ"ד נראה דבראש חדש סיון ודאי לא צדקו דברי הפרי מגדים, דאין ראיה מל"ג בעומר, דהתם כיון דאם לא יסתפר בל"ג בעומר לא יוכל להסתפר אח"כ אף לשבת הבא, ולכך חיישינן לנוול לב' שבתות, ובל"ג בעצמו כיון דהוא יום אחד חיישינן לאונסא וכדומה, ובפרט דבזיון הוא שעל שבת לא יגלח וביום א' אחר השבת יגלח, לכך מותר לגלח בערב שבת, ובפרט דלא לשבת הזה חששו כיון דבו אסרו לגלח ולא חיישינן לנוולו, אך לשבת הבאה חיישינן כיון דבו התירו לגלח קודם לו בל"ג בעומר ולא יהיה בנוול בשבת, ואם לא יגלח עתה אולי בל"ג בעומר יוולד לו אונסא וכדומה, וגם בזיון היא לשבת כנזכר לעיל, לכך התירו לגלח בערב שבת. אבל בראש חדש סיון דאפשר לו לגלח אח"כ כל הימים, לזמן מרובה לא חששו לאונסא, ויכול לגלח קרוב לשבת הבאה ולא יהיה מנוול, ובשביל אותו שבת אין לגלח, דביה לא חששו לניוול דהרי אסרו לגלח עד ראש חדש, יחול אימתי שיהיה. ועוד, דבל"ג בעומר דהוא עצמו מותר מדינא לרוב הפוסקים, לכך אם חל ביום א' מותר בסמוך לו. אך בראש חדש סיון הרי מפורש במג"א [ס"ק ה] דאין היתר, רק בשלשה ימי הגבלה והפרי מגדים [שם] עצמו כתב דלא ידע מנין נמשך המנהג להתיר בראש חדש, א"כ הבו דלא לוסיף עלה, דוקא בראש חדש אבל לא להתיר אף קודם לו. וזה הוי טעמו של הפרי חדש, כיון דבראש חדש אייר רוב האוסרין, והמחבר כתב שטעות הוא בידם, ולכך אף הנוהגין להקל היינו בראש חדש עצמו, ולא להקל אף קודם לו, ואינו דומה לל"ג בעומר דשם מותר לרוב הפוסקים כנזכר לעיל. לכך בין בראש חדש אייר בין בראש חדש סיון יש לאסור לגלח בערב שבת קדש, כן נראה לפענ"ד נכון לדינא: 

 Mishnah Berurah (Yisrael Meir Kagan, 1838-1933) notes in note 11 that if a person feels he will not have the time to properly get one’s haircut in the morning, he could get his hair cut on Thursday night in advance of Shabbos, when Sunday is Lag Ba’Omer. [Not included above in the count, because this commentary appears in its own work, not on the same page as the regular Shulchan Arukh]

 אכן כשחל ל"ג בעומר בע"ש והוא לו שעת הדחק לעשות ביום אפשר שיש להקל לו לעשות בלילה שלפניו: 

 This leaves us to explore what Maharil really said! 

 In the book Maharil (https://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=14721&st=&pgnum=41) it says that Maharil would not trim his beard at all until Erev Shavuos. And even if Lag BaOmer fell out on Sunday he would not permit shaving on the Friday before it, using the example of a mourner. In that case if the Shloshim falls on Shabbos he is allowed to shave on Friday, but if the Shloshim falls on Sunday he could not wash on Friday.

 אמנם מהרי"ל הוא נהג בעצמו שלא גלח זקנו עד ערב רגל השבועות. וגם אם חל ל"ג בעומר ביום א' לא התיר לגלח בע"ש דלפניו דוגמת אבל שאם חל שלשים שלו בשבת מגלח בע"ש ואם כלו הל' באחד בשבת אסור לרחוץ בע"ש. (ושניהם שוים דשניהם רק מנהגא בספרי מהרי"ל ישן, ול"נ דמלשון מהרי"ל ישן יש להוכיח דטעות נפל בספרי מהרי"ל שלפנינו וצריך להיות לרחוץ ולמחות ולגלח וכך צ"ל לשונו אם חל ל"ג בעומר ביום א' לא התיר לגלח ע"ש דלפניו דוגמות... 

 In this text, this entire analysis is disputed, as to whether he is referring to haircuts or washing at the end of the 30-day mourning period, and he goes on to say that there is a difference anyway between the actual mourning for a relative, and this ancient mourning of Sefiras HaOmer. The former is far more obligatory, and the latter is far less so. The text also goes on the quote Mahari”v (Mahari Veil) who was permissive regarding the haircuts on Friday when Lag Ba’Omer is on Sunday – indicating that a. this book of Maharil was recorded after his passing, and b. Mahari”v disagreed with his teacher. 

 What remains unclear to me is how the citation of the Rama is to the Maharil, if Maharil was clearly against it. But there are at least three possibilities: 

 1. Rama didn’t write "(מהרי"ל)" as a citation – someone else did 

 2. Rama wrote (מהרי"ו) and it was changed by some editor later 

 3. Rama wrote "(מהרי"ל)" but he was referencing the book in which מהרי"ו is quoted, that the idea of this being a custom is recorded there, while he wasn't referencing the actual opinion of Rabbi Moelin.

 Nonetheless, there is certainly grounds to stand on for those who wish to get a haircut this Friday. It has clearly been a practice for over 400 years, if not longer, to get haircuts on Friday in honor of Shabbos when Lag Ba’Omer falls on Sunday. 

 Those who wish to wait until Sunday are certainly welcome to do so. And since the custom most Jews have is to get haircuts even after Lag Ba’Omer, even if one misses the opportunity, one could still get a haircut in time for the following Shabbos.

The Joy When the Labor is Completed

Parshat Emor

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Most of the latter half of Parshas Emor should be more familiar to us because we hear it two other times in the year – on Sukkos and on Pesach – as the Yom Tov Torah reading. 

This elaboration of the holidays is more complete than in any other segment of the Torah, as the holidays are mentioned as a group several times (in Mishpatim, in Ki Sisa, in Pinchas, and in Re’eh), while Pesach gets honorable mention even more times in the Torah. A number of things stand out regarding how the holiday of Sukkos is presented in this parsha, such as that the Mitzvah of Sukkah and the 4 Minim are mentioned here (and here only). 

We also find the word אך – a language of exclusion – “However,” which suggests that whatever follows that introductory word is unique to this situation, different from the other holidays. 

 And while the phrase שבעת ימים appears in others contexts in the Torah, it is attached to two phrases that we don’t find with Pesach ever (the other “7 day” holiday): 

 (לט) אַ֡ךְ בַּחֲמִשָּׁה֩ עָשָׂ֨ר י֜וֹם לַחֹ֣דֶשׁ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֗י בְּאָסְפְּכֶם֙ אֶת־תְּבוּאַ֣ת הָאָ֔רֶץ תָּחֹ֥גּוּ אֶת־חַג־יְקֹוָ֖ק שִׁבְעַ֣ת יָמִ֑ים בַּיּ֤וֹם הָֽרִאשׁוֹן֙ שַׁבָּת֔וֹן וּבַיּ֥וֹם הַשְּׁמִינִ֖י שַׁבָּתֽוֹן:

 (מ) וּלְקַחְתֶּ֨ם לָכֶ֜ם בַּיּ֣וֹם הָרִאשׁ֗וֹן פְּרִ֨י עֵ֤ץ הָדָר֙ כַּפֹּ֣ת תְּמָרִ֔ים וַעֲנַ֥ף עֵץ־עָבֹ֖ת וְעַרְבֵי־נָ֑חַל וּשְׂמַחְתֶּ֗ם לִפְנֵ֛י יְקֹוָ֥ק אֱלֹהֵיכֶ֖ם שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים: 

There is a subtle difference between the phrase שבעה ימים and the phrase שבעת ימים. The former refers to 7 days, though not specifically in a row. The latter refers to 7 days in a row. For Pesach, we find the instruction to not have Chametz in the home שבעת ימים and to engage in the eating of Matzah for שבעת ימים. Obviously both of these refer to seven consecutive days. 

For Sukkos, however, the seven consecutive days references a mitzvah to celebrate and to be happy. 

Rabbi Baruch HaLevi Epstein suggests that the unique quality that Sukkos has is on account of what is written in the first pasuk quoted above – that the holiday comes at a time when you have completed your gathering of the grain of the land. Sukkos comes at the end of the summer growing season, and on the agricultural plain (as each of the three festivals has an agricultural aspect to) is a celebration of the completion of one’s work. 

Pesach is the time of the barley harvest, but there is more work to be done after the holiday. Shavuos is the time of the wheat harvest, but there is more work to be done after the holiday. Sukkos is when all the ingathering of fruit has already taken place. (Pesach and Shavuos is the harvesting of winter-grains, while Sukkos includes the harvesting of Summer grains, and also the fruit ingathering). 

 The notion that one can feel “my work is done” is a tremendous blessing. (More on this below) 

There is an additional component that may be true and unique to Sukkos. The Mishnah in Rosh Hashana (1:2) tells us that the world is judged 4 times a year – on Pesach for grain, on Shavuos for fruits, on Rosh Hashana everyone is judged, and on Chag we are judged for water. 

 “Chag” in the Talmud usually refers to Sukkos. Considering when we pray for water – Hoshana Rabba and Shmini Atzeres, the latter of which is technically after Sukkos is over – it may be possible to suggest that the reference to “Chag” in the Mishnah refers in this context to Shimini Atzeres, which is linked to Sukkos as its Yom HaShmini in the first verse quoted above, as well as in Parshas Pinchas (Bamidbar 28:35). If that is the case then Sukkos is a time free of judgment as well. (I admit this last argument is a little shaky). 

 The notion of being happy is one that challenges many people today. (Dennis Prager delivered a lecture series and wrote a book entitled “Happiness is a Serious Problem”) People generally get overwhelmed with pressures and stress, the need to be everything for everybody, and the overwhelming need to find a sense of purpose. Finding a sense of purpose is surely an important goal. And while finding happiness and experiencing happiness is certainly a goal, is it always attainable? 

Rabbi Nachman famously taught מצוה גדולה להיות בשמחה תמיד. It’s a great Mitzvah to be joyous all the time. I don’t know which count of Mitzvos Rabbi Nachman was looking to, as there isn’t an actual Mitzvah to be happy all the time. However, we do have a mitzvah to rejoice on our Festivals. We are warned in the Tokhacha of Ki Savo that the curses of the great rebuke (Devarim 28:47) come upon us for not having served God with joy. While we are meant to serve God all the time, this hardly counts as a Mitzvah to be בשמחה תמיד. 

 There are teachings in Pirkei Avos as well – Shammai taught to greet everyone with a smiling countenance (1:15), Rabbi Yishmael taught to greet everyone with joy (3:12), and Simcha is one of the 48 paths to wisdom through the study of Torah (6:5). 

 While they instruct it and advise it, there isn’t instruction in these works for how to achieve it. Money can’t buy happiness, the saying goes. And Avos also goes in that direction when it offers the teaching of Ben Zoma, “Who is wealthy? The one who is content with one’s lot” – or השמח בחלקו, one who rejoices in one’s portion. 

 There is a sense of joy that comes with being content. It’s all OK. It will be alright. Looking at the bright side. Finding the silver lining instead of focusing and harboring on the negativity only. 

 And then there’s what Rabbi Epstein noted above, the feeling that “my work is done.” 

 This is the feeling one should have when Shabbos arrives – the feeling that my work is complete, that there is nothing more that needs to be done, save for enjoying the Shabbos for which I have prepared and out of which I make the most of the time available – both in the company of others and on my own terms. 

 Sukkos serves as a model for this, because when done correctly, in the agrarian society, one’s labors are complete and the time can be dedicated to other efforts since our food is prepared for the winter by the time Sukkos rolls around in Eretz Yisrael. 

 May we be blessed to have that feeling weekly, that my labor is complete. And as other times and stages of life also lend themselves to that feeling, may that existence too be consumed with joy as we navigate day to day existence. Hopefully the teachings of Avos – greeting people with a smiling countenance or even with joy – can also help train us to focus on the positive, as we aim for greater joy and contentment in our lives. 

 Rabbi Tarfon taught in the last Mishnah of Avos Chapter 2, “It is not on you to finish the job, but neither are you free to disregard it.” This refers to the full-time job of life, which we are always aiming to improve upon and get closer to completion. Joy should carry us through it, especially when we feel mini-completions of tasks that can be deemed accomplished at varied points in our existence on this earth.

Different Perspectives on Loving Your Neighbor As Yourself

Parshat Kedoshim 

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

 Rabbi Akiva famously said “V’ahavta L’Reiakha Kamokha” is an important principle of the Torah. This statement is attributed to him in a number of places – including Yerushalmi Nedarim 9:4. In Bereishis Rabba 24, the statement continues with Rabbi Akiva explaining, so you will not say, “Since I’ve been embarrassed my friend should be embarrassed with me. Since I’ve been cursed, my friend should be cursed with me.” 

Obviously the concern for one’s fellow is to uplift, and not to try to bring down along with one’s own failures. 

[I suppose I could go on and point to how anti-Semitism points to the Jews as the root of all evil, when people are usually looking for a scapegoat for the inadequacies in their own lives. God told Kayin in chapter 4 of Bereishis, when Kayin was subsumed with jealousy over Hevel’s offering being preferred over his own, “You can do better! If not, sin is crouching at the door, and it can consume you, unless you overpower it.” If only those shouting their anti-Semitic epithets were capable of looking in the mirror and discovering their own inadequacies, and how they alone have the power to improve their situation.] 

Adult-erated vs. Just Kid-ding: Looking For Consistent Behavior

Parshat Acharei Mot 

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Both this and next week’s parshas, which are sometimes read together (though never in a leap year) both contain the rules of forbidden relationships – seemingly repeated. The first list (in chapter 18) lists what is forbidden, while the second list (in chapter 20) includes the repercussions for those who violate that which is forbidden in this realm. One of the forbidden relationships is adultery, which is also one of the Aseres Hadibros (Ten Commandments). 

Adultery is a strange word, because the action – being unfaithful, lying – is un-adult-like behavior, especially since a dictionary definition of adult is “having attained full size and strength; grown up; mature.” 

Apparently, though adult and adultery may sound the same in English, they come from entirely different sources: “Adult” comes from the Latin verb adolescere, “to grow up, mature.” “Adultery,” on the other hand, derives from a French word, avoutre, which in turn evolved from a distinct Latin verb, adulterare, “to corrupt.” The verb adulterate, “to debase or make impure by adding inferior materials or elements,” stems from the same source. 

 One disclaimer: Being an adult, and being grown up and mature does not mean that a person can’t have a good time and enjoy life. On the contrary, the phrase “do what you can to stay young” or “you’re only as old as you think you are” should be a blessing we should all enjoy until our final days, as I’ll illustrate with this story: 

Rabbi Chaim Soloveitchik (as I heard it) was playing on the floor with his grandchildren, and he’s exhausted and out-of-breath, while the kids have boundless energy. And someone noted how one day the kids will grow up, mature, and calm down. 

 And Rav Chaim said, No. They’re not the problem. Really we should all have so much energy and be uninhibited about doing things that our mind and body tells us we can’t or shouldn’t be doing. But in our adulthood we become boring, and we just let lethargy take over. 

 The balance between having an appropriate good time and going too far is surely one an adult can manage, hopefully with not too much thought needed. 

 In a different realm of adult behavior – judging others – we are taught in the first chapter of Avot (1:8) a teaching of Yehuda ben Tabai - וכשיהיו בעלי דינים עומדים לפניך יהיו בעיניך כרשעים וכשנפטרים מלפניך יהיו בעיניך כזכאין כשקבלו עליהם את הדין: 

 To present this slightly differently, with the onus on the judge AND litigants, a sign of maturity is accepting a judgment, moving on, not harboring ill-will towards the judge or the other litigant, even if you are right and the judge and the other baal din are wrong (in your eyes). Financial disputes are hard to get over. Everyone involved thinks they are right. With smaller amounts, there might be some people who just want to be heard, and they are willing to forego the money, because “it’s not about the money.” Some people want “blood,” and won’t make a single concession or look for compromise. 

 The mature person sees we’re dealing with another human being. And hopefully, both can come to a resolution in a mature fashion – in a dignified fashion, as befitting adults. 

 Children are often accused of being selfish – thinking about themselves and not about others. A sign of maturity is looking out for others – of course, one’s family first, but still not thinking only of oneself. Maturity means not needing every honor, not seeking the kavod, but looking to honor others, to put others up, to make others feel good, and to not have a need to be right all the time. 

 Adults who refuse to acknowledge others’ existence are immature. There was a dispute? Can’t move past it? Can’t wish someone a good Shabbos? Accept someone else’s good Shabbos greeting? Can’t say good morning? Good evening? Or be the gracious recipient of such a greeting? It is a sign of immaturity. Can’t say someone’s name? That was the acknowledged concern Yaakov Avinu had when Yosef’s brothers said to him “Do you recognize this? Isn’t it your son’s coat?” They couldn’t even say “Yosef’s” coat – causing Yaakov to say “Yosef has been torn up” because the brothers couldn’t even say his name. 

 There is such a thing as taking the high road and being the bigger person. And there is such a thing as being immature about taking the high road, such as when talking about it and telling others how much how high on the high road one is. It’s usually an opening to speak lashon hora – which is putting someone else down to put one’s self up. 

 “But I want everyone to know how much of a tsaddik I am because of what I’ve been through! And the way I WAS a mevater, and the way I WASN’T vindictive!” [Never mind that lashon hora is vindictive!] 

 That can easily be conveyed through personal refinement in middos sans lashon hora, such as when we are kind, and sensitive, and good listeners, good friends, looking out for others, showing genuine concern for others. Rambam writes thus in the fifth chapter of Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah (5:11) Best is to not develop a reputation as a hard-nose, stubborn, unmovable, difficult person to talk to and deal with about things. 

 A hard test, for those who would truly like to improve, is to ask a very close friend – not a spouse or a family member, but a good friend – in what way do my friends or acquaintances think I’m unapproachable? What do they say about me when I’m not around, though they love me as they do? 

 One who is not ready to hear the answer should not ask the question. But a person who is mature should be able to take the constructive criticism, and should also be able to not shoot the messenger who may have been tasked with an unfair question, but was looking to be helpful once prompted. 

 Humor is another example where one’s adultness can shine through. One can have a wonderful sense of humor, as long as one also has a filter and knows when to use the filter. If it is not the right time and place for the comedy or funny line, it shouldn’t be said or displayed. A comedy club has a different set of rules than the real world with real people. (Perhaps we each have an individual or two with whom we can share the funny things we come across on the Internet – that is a filter as well.)

 It is one thing to joke with friends, to joke with people, to share a light comment, to tell jokes, to make people smile, to ease tension. There certainly is a time and place for just about everything. But there are people who seem to never take anything seriously, for whom everything is a joke, they never share a comment of sincerity, nor a word of empathy or compassion, seemingly never have a moment of contemplation. This is un-adult-like behavior. 

 The parsha begins with Yom Kippur. Certainly a message of Yom Kippur is about making adult and mature choices, and not the kinds of choices that reflect immaturity. Consider three examples of how Yom Kippur fits into this theme: 

 1. There is no atonement on Yom Kippur for sins done between man and man until an apology is given and forgiveness is sought. If the apology is insincere (e.g. strictly a formality), the forgiveness need not be granted. A mature person has regret, takes steps to make amends, demonstrates the regret and the amends and sincerely begs the wronged person for forgiveness. 

 2. Aharon HaKohen, the key player on Yom Kippur, loved everyone, regardless of anything they may have done. And yet he was the one who brought the Ketores into the Holy of Holies on the holiest day of the year, because he knew how to distinguish between when it is time to build relationships through shmoozing and when it was time to be super serious. The rabbis tell us that Aharon was the antithesis of unfaithfulness because he brought peace between husbands and wives. Maybe they couldn’t communicate. Maybe they were immature and didn’t know how to talk to each other. So many babies were named Aharon – in honor of the man who had reunited husband and wife after a fight and caused a child to be born. 

 3. One of the Al Chets on Yom Kippur is “for the sin of not taking things seriously.” There are many sins done through different forms of inappropriate speech. And there’s a sin of thinking and acting “as if I am always right” – and making a big deal about my tzidkus, while not seeing that “perhaps sometimes I’m wrong; not reflecting on the way I might hurt people, or turn people off, or how I am unapproachable, or how people say things about me because they know this is how I am. So they lament and I never improve or change or even realize this about myself.” These are things a person needs to ask for forgiveness of God on Yom Kippur, and of man, whenever possible. 

 Learning about Yom Kippur half-a-year away from Yom Kippur serves as a reminder for us of our own desire to always be improving. We can be unadulteratedly good adults. 

May we be blessed to know the right time to be just kidding, and the right ways and times to behave like children in the pursuit of fun and a good time. We may enjoy life(!), but never at the expense of others, and always in the right context. With all our experience, it is better to be humble and look at life through the lens of “I might not be right, and I still have much to learn.” If we are a mentsch with ALL of our encounters – whether being the complimenter, the one with a kind word, the recipient of the same, and the person who is constantly trying to sincerely improve because this is the challenge we are all put on this earth to accomplish, we can fulfill our mission of being נושא חן בעיני א-לקים ואדם – finding favor in the eyes of God and mankind.

Seven Days to Transform

Parshat Metzora 

by Rabbi Avi Billet

 A man who was afflicted with tzaraas was given clearance by the Kohen, but even after washing his clothes, shaving his hair and dunking in a mikveh, and returning to the camp, וְיָשַׁ֛ב מִח֥וּץ לְאָהֳל֖וֹ שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים. He still needs to camp outside his own tent for a week. 

 He’s almost there! He’s gone through the transformation! He’s examined his deeds, he’s merited to have the tzaraas disappear. He can go home! His job is done! 

 But he has to wait outside his tent for another week! How could this be?

The Alshikh explains that it’s true he went through an important process, but the most important process begins when he is on the threshold of his house when he is barred from entry. Because it’s only אחר רבוי ימים יתחיל לתקן העבירות. After a slightly extended period of days, he can truly begin to make a tikkun (corrective) for his sins. A process is one thing to begin. But if a real transformation in a person’s approach hasn’t occurred there is no home to which one can return. Externals are wonderful. "I’m not demonstrably speaking lashon hara. I am not exhibiting signs of stinginess. But has my heart changed as well?" 

 When there is no internal change, there is nothing to talk about. (Think of Hamas and their supporters. As long as they maintain their charter and have their eyes on the land of Israel being completely Judenrein, there is nothing to talk about. They can “say” whatever they like. But if there isn’t an internal change as well, it is worthless.) 

The Alshikh further explains: when a person merits to return to the camp – this is the Holy Camp. However, he is not ready to re-enter his own domain. It’s one thing to settle one’s score with others. In a way it is much easier. But how does one settle the score with oneself? The soul needs its own personal tikkun. 

 Remember how Yaakov worked 7 years to marry Rachel? And the Torah describes those years as if they were days (ויהיו בעיניו כימים אחדים)? The Alshikh employs a reverse equation here. That ימי שנותיו שבעים שנה are alluded to in this seven day period. When the seven day period is over, it becomes, in a sense, a rebirth for the person. 70 years – a lifetime! – has passed. You’re outside your home. You see day to day life going on, and you can’t be a part of it. Its almost like the final scene in Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town.” You’re watching life go on, but you’re not in it – it is passing you by and you’re at best just a fly on the wall. 

 Seven days feels like an eternity. But in truth, that seven day period – which is a day of further introspection, of furthering our commitment to changing beyond the externals and changing the heart – can is very liberating. When we finally understand why we’re waiting outside, we know who we are, and we see what real change needs to take place in order to return home. "What must I do? And what can I expect of others in order to achieve that coveted return to the home?" 

Some of the commentaries utilize the gemaras in Moed Katan 15 and Krisus 8 that say his being forbidden from returning home is a metaphor to returning to his wife. In other words, his inability to return home means that marital relations are forbidden for another week.

The Vilna Gaon [as seen in the ktav v’hakabbalah] points to the Mishnah in the last chapter of Negaim that says he is both מנודה מביתו שבעת ימים ואסור בתשמיש המטה. He may not enter his house, and marital relations are also forbidden. In simple terms, this means his wife can’t visit him outside either. 

Some point out the disparity. If it were a woman who had tzaraas, the prohibition against marital relations would not apply – it says מחוץ לאהלו and not מחוץ לאהלה. It’s only the man who was a metzora who had this prohibition. The Torah Temimah suggests a reason, that perhaps the 7-days that the man waits outside is reminiscent of the 7 days the woman waits in her taharah reality before she actually goes to the mikveh. It is a precautionary preventative to avoid a prohibition. It’s to be sure that in case a relapse occurs – in the metzora’s case through the return of tzaraas – they will not have been living in sin. He was tameh for a while, now he is having 7 pure days to prepare for their reunion. 

 Why is the additional week-long prohibition only on the man when he had tzaraas, and not on the woman if she had tzaraas? The Torah Temimah explains, because we don’t want her to become further denigrated in the eyes of her husband. 

 Why should there be a difference? Don’t the marital relations involve both parties anyway? Perhaps the Torah is suggesting a sociological reality. All of the laws of tzaraat are addressed in the masculine. Except when it said in last week’s parsha that if a “man or a woman” has the mark. Both could get tzaraas, but it may be more likely that a man would get it. 

Could it be that the attainment of tzaraas was more common in men than in women? It could be that it’s basically expected that a man will go through this process. But a woman? Could a woman be as guilty as a man? 

 Speaking in generalities – the sins which the gemara claim caused tzaraas are lashon hora (slander and gossip), murder, swearing in vain, immorality, haughtiness, theft, and stinginess. Surely women can do these too, but it can be argued anecdotally (and perhaps statistically) that men have cornered the majority in most of these markets. 

 A man will deal with the embarrassment, the stigma, and may even roll his eyes when it comes around again. He looks good bald and he doesn’t mind having no eyebrows. For her, however, the ordeal itself, plus the removal of the eyebrows is devastating enough! Don’t further bring her down through keeping her separated from her husband, who she, of all people, really needs after her ordeal, to help her cope with her new reality. This is a wonderful example of the Torah showing sensitivity to a woman’s needs. 

 Most men, on the other hand, don’t put as much stock in their looks as their female counterparts. And if they need to go rugged another week, they accept it as the price to pay, and understand that the transformation is not complete without this week. And so this week becomes a time of thought, introspection, commitment, and real change.

 No matter the arena in which one sees a seven-day waiting period being utilized, the final 7 day period, of being so close and yet so far, is meant to drive home the idea that just because a negative ordeal seems over, it is not over yet until the person has gone through the complete process that was the purpose of the project to begin with. 

 This is the problem with every “ceasefire” deal in Israel. It is the complication in every discussion surrounding the future of some ephemeral “Palestine” when there is no acknowledging the pervasive attitude that wants all the Jews dead, and for Israel to no longer exist. 

 For a former metzora, it is understanding the real nature of the act that put the tzaraas ordeal in motion and making a real move to change. 

 For a husband, it’s a different kind of appreciation of his wife. 

 For a wife, her emotional needs become increasingly clear to her husband. 

 And perhaps, to stretch the thought to the coming holiday, the 7 day period when we are out of our comfort zone – with no hametz – maybe it is to help us appreciate what we have throughout the year just a little more.

Differences Between Animals and Humans – the Power of Positive Speech

Parshat Tazria

 by Rabbi Avi Billet 

Rashi’s opening comment on Tazria notes how the previous parsha (Shemini) spent the entire previous chapter talking about animals, and then Tazria begins speaking of the human condition, to simply reflect the order of creation of animals and humans.

Commenting on this point, Sifsei Chachamim (Rabbi Shabbatai Bass) reminds us of several reasons given in the Talmud (Sanhedrin 38a) for why humans were made last: 

1. So no one could argue that humans were partners in creation 

2. If a person should ever get arrogant, he can be told “a mosquito was created before you” 

3. So he could fulfill a mitzvah right away (Shabbos) 

4. So he could participate in a celebratory meal right away, having arrived once everything in the world was already set. 

 Then he writes, “If this were the formula being used, then we should see Parshat Metzora being presented before Tazria, because Metzora speaks of a man (who was created first in Bereishis Chapter 2) while Tazria speaks of a woman! The answer is that the concept of a woman giving birth is far more frequent than a man getting Tzaraas (a nod to the principle of ...תדיר ושאינו תדיר), AND because the main reason for the spreading of tzaraas was a reckoning for a man having relations with his wife while she was in the state of Niddah.” [This concept appears in a number of rabbinic sources (See Sefer HaRokeach, Hilchos Niddah 318; Or Zarua Hilchos Retzuos Shechoros 564), sometimes claiming the tzaraas would go on their children, sometimes on the man himself, as an outcome of this sin.] 

While the Gemara in Arachin 16a lists seven sins which cause tzara’as: lashon hora (slander and gossip), murder, swearing in vain, immorality, haughtiness, theft, and stinginess, and the verses in Mishlei 6:16-19 list other behaviors God detests, somehow the one deed that has captured our attention in this regard, more than any of the others, is Lashon Hora. 

 Much has been and written about the dangers of Lashon Hora. Mark Twain’s colleague Charles Dudley Warner is credited with saying “Everyone always talks (complains?) about the weather, but no one does anything about the weather.” 

The same can be said of Lashon Hora. We talk about it, but tend not to do much about it.

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter addressed the question raised in the context of Rashi’s opening comment and wryly noted that people are very careful about forbidden food, in other words what they put into their mouths, and are not careful at all about their tongues, specifically what comes out of their mouths through speech. 

 The proximity of these two parshas – Shemini dealing with kosher animals, and Tazria dealing with kosher human behavior – is to serve as a warning that “If a person is so careful and meticulous over what he puts into his mouth, then he certainly needs to be particularly careful about what comes out of his mouth – in terms of speech. After all, what comes out of his mouth can also spread tumah. 

It is through the sin of Lashon Hora that the most tumah is spread, and therefore the practice must must stop.” 

One of the methods utilized in the Talmud to help a person stop sinning is to distract oneself with wholesome activity in place of the sin. One who has lustful thoughts should fill his mind with Torah. Someone who does bad deeds should seek out opportunities to do Chesed. 

Surely the same can be said for those who have a Lashon Hora problem that it is advisable to fill one’s speaking hours with positive speech. The more one engages in positive speech, the more one will avoid participating in negative speech. 

Eleanor Roosevelt is generally credited as having said “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” Let us avoid being small-minded, and focus on being great-minded. 

Visit with people who are lonely – ask them about their lives. Try to focus the conversations on things which give them joy to talk about. Perhaps read an article aloud and then discuss its contents. Make it into a multiple parts visit, and read a chapter of a book – making each visit an anticipated event! – and discuss the book and its contents. 

 In one of his articles in Peninim Al HaTorah, Rabbi Avraham Leib Scheinbaum writes this (he writes in the masculine for convenience, but it applies to all): 

“We can use our lashon tov, positive speech, to make someone feel good, to calm him and raise his self-esteem. The best aspect of this is that it takes very little effort on our part to generate a positive feeling within someone else. Regrettably many of us do not have it in (ourselves) to expend even the slightest effort to help another person. We are so wrapped up in ourselves, in our lives, that we forget that others around us are crying out. 

“What about giving someone a compliment – telling them they look good, spoke well wrote an inspiring article, did a great job, prepared a good dinner? These are just a few examples where a few words can go a long way. Another way that positive speech can make a difference is by promoting peace between two people, two groups… Giving good advice and building someone’s self-[worth] are additional ways in which good speech helps others. 

 “Last is the idea of praying for others…” 

Many of us are familiar with the saying “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.” I once heard a nice corollary to that. “If you have something nice to say, say it all!” After all, nothing sparks human relationships more than that which sets humans apart from animals, the ability we have to get closer to people through the positive use of our unique “כח הדיבור” – power of speech – which animals do not possess. Animals are capable of doing nice things for one another. They can also protect one another when they are attacked by a predator. But they are incapable of speaking – that is uniquely human. 

Let us therefore throw in another teaching from the lead-in of animals in Shemini to the discussion surrounding humans in Tazria. Animals don’t talk about one another. Their interactions are of practical things and when they have disputes, they settle them relatively quickly and move on with their lives. They don’t harbor grudges and they don’t rally others to their side, to destroy a peer who need have no part in whatever bothers the animal in question. 

So should it be for us. We should not talk about one another when it serves no purpose other than to bring another person down. We should aim to finish and resolve disputes in an efficient manner, without needing to rally people to our side. We should do what we can to lift other people up, and aim to use our power of speech for good things such as compliments, the sharing of good information, the discussion of important ideas, and most importantly for the study and teaching of Torah and for Tefillah. 

 I recently advised someone who is in a constant dispute with a family member to try to shift focus, and instead of getting upset all the time, to pray for that person. It may not resolve all the issues that exist between them, but it does change a perspective… “I am praying for that person… it makes it much harder for me to get upset at that person.” 

This too can be a beautiful focus of using our כח הדיבור for positive speech.

Preparing, Disappointment, and Rising Despite…

Parshat Shemini

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

In its elaboration of the roles of Moshe and Aharon in the dedication of the Mishkan, the midrash Rabba presents a debate between a number of rabbis on the one side, and Rabbi Elazar bar Yosi on the other side, as to how Moshe understood what was to be his role in the Mishkan. 

 The larger group of rabbis are of the opinion that all 40 years of wandering, Moshe was the optional Kohen Gadol. It was not his job, per se, but if he wanted to perform the service there was room for him to play that role. We say in Kabbalas Shabbos משה ואהרן בכהניו, and the Midrash applies the Kehuna to both brothers, to Aharon AND to Moshe. The same teaching is derived from a verse in Divrei Hayamim I 23, according to Rabbi Berachia in the name of Rabbi Simone

 יג בְּנֵ֥י עַמְרָ֖ם אַֽהֲרֹ֣ן וּמֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיִּבָּדֵ֣ל אַֽהֲרֹ֡ן לְֽהַקְדִּישׁוֹ֩ קֹ֨דֶשׁ קָֽדָשִׁ֤ים הֽוּא־וּבָנָיו֙ עַד־עוֹלָ֔ם לְהַקְטִיר֩ לִפְנֵ֨י יְהֹוָ֧ה לְשָֽׁרְת֛וֹ וּלְבָרֵ֥ךְ בִּשְׁמ֖וֹ עַד־עוֹלָֽם: יד וּמֹשֶׁ֖ה אִ֣ישׁ הָֽאֱלֹהִ֑ים בָּנָ֕יו יִקָּֽרְא֖וּ עַל־שֵׁ֥בֶט הַלֵּוִֽי: 

Rabbi Elazar bar Yosi says Moshe wore a white garment for the seven preparation days only, in order to be on hand to serve during that time. 

 But there was a problem. Rabbi Tanchum notes how in his preparation for the Yom HaShmini, Moshe did not receive any divine instruction. Everything he did, and everything he instructed his brother and nephews to do, were part of information he had learned previous to this preparatory week. 

 When the fire came down and consumed what was on the Mizbeach at the end of Chapter 9, וירא כל העם וירונו ויפלו על פניהם the entire nation, including Moshe, "Raised their voices in praise and threw themselves on the ground" – it was a Revelation of sorts for all, because this was the first time the people felt the divine presence through the process. 

 Why was it that Moshe did not receive any divine instruction or inspiration during this time period? The Midrash does not say. But it does bring two examples of seven day periods that, in a sense, did not end up going well for Moshe. 

 Rabbi Shmuel Bar Nachman says the episode at the burning bush took a week. For six days, God was cajoling and convincing Moshe to accept his assignment and go to Egypt. On the seventh day, Moshe said the fateful words שלח נא ביד תשלח – please send someone else. And God's reaction was, "If you want me to send someone else, I will. I'll cut your wings when I am ready to." 

There are two opinions recounted in the Midrash: 

 Rabbi Levi says, God followed through with this at the very end of Moshe's life. For the first seven days of Adar, Moshe prayed and beseeched God to allow him to enter the land. And on the seventh day (7 Adar, the day Moshe died), God told him "You will not cross this Jordan river." 

 Rabbi Chelbo says, For the ז' ימי המילואים – the seven preparatory days for the Yom HaShmini, Moshe served in the capacity of the High Priest, assuming the position was his. On the seventh day, Moshe was told by God that it was not his – that his brother Aharon was to be the High Priest. And this is why he is giving all the zero hour instruction in the zero hour. 

 If we look back to Purim, this is similar to what happened to Haman in the Megillah. He’s on the top of the world. The queen has invited him to a party, exclusively, with only the king. And when he goes in to the king’s chambers looking for permission to hang Mordechai, and even assuming his suggestion of having an officer lead a different officer around town on a horse is for Mordechai to lead Haman around, the whole thing is shot to pieces when Achashveirosh tells him he is to do it all to Mordechai – in other words, “While you thought you were being promoted, in fact, you’re fired.” 

 It’s a reminder that NOTHING is guaranteed in life. Those who are on the top could be at the bottom in an instant if God wills it so. 

 Moshe saw it all before him - that he'll be the Kohen gadol, that he'll enter the land - who could have known that when zero hour would come, the answer would be No… it’s not going to be the way you think? 

Moshe had six or seven days to prepare only to find out he didn't have the job. It’s hard to imagine the devastation, the disappointment, the negative feeling, the sense that your own pre-determined worth has been shot down. 

And yet, Moshe finds that he has value in others places, and it seems that he was able to compartmentalize his feelings, and a. be supportive of Aharon in Aharon’s new position as full time Kohen Gadol, and b. find a different place for his role in the comfort that he will soon be positioned to give to Aharon following the soon-to-be-seen deaths of Nadav and Avihu. 

 This, in essence, becomes our challenge and task when the opportunity presents itself. We may not always have a six or seven-day buildup to an anticipated event or outcome, but we must always prepare ourselves for the possibility that things might not go as we wish. 

Our challenge is to funnel our energies into arenas that are most suited for the roles we can play, in which we are not dependent on an outsider or some other entity to determine our worthiness for the position. 

 The easiest place to do this is in the arena of Chesed, when we set the terms for what we do, when we do it, how much time and money we spend, and what we hope to get out of it – the feeling of accomplishment of having gifted time and resources to someone else. 

 It’s not rocket science. But it is life. And life is also about rolling with the circumstances we are handed and dealt, making the best of the life we are blessed to live.