Vayetze: Thanksgivings of the Forefathers
Rabbi Avi Billet
Over the extended weekend, I was privy
to a number of emails, online articles and Facebook postings of what people
"are thankful for." This being the Thanksgiving Weekend, this concept
is highly appropriate. In our own personal experiences, most of us surely have
lists – they may be quite similar to one another, but of course they're not the
same.
Many people are grateful for a home to
live in, a free country, family, etc.
This week was a very emotional week
for many of us, thinking about the situation in Israel; some of us have family
there, or relatives in the army, and our thoughts and prayers go out to those
who continue to endure what no peace loving nation should need to endure.
Here is a short list of some of the things I am grateful for:
I am grateful for a ceasefire only if
it really means no more rockets flying into Israel. Beyond that, I am not much of a fan as
I would prefer Israel destroy all of Hamas infrastructure and
send them back to the Middle Ages where they prefer to live. But I am not a
politician and my opinion does not hold any sway in Israel.
I am grateful for the support given by
the State Department and the President to Israel's right to defend itself. I question
why they only step in to intervene after Israel strikes back and not while all the
rockets are flying, and my conclusion is that even the current State Department
does not care much about Jewish blood. They will "allow" Israel to defend itself, but not too much.
Once the Jew fights back, no one can stand it. They'll defend the right to
self-defense, but they won't defend the right to live in peace without rockets
terrorizing peaceful civilians.
So while I appreciate the things which
were said, I still think they were cowards in not stopping the rockets years
earlier. Jewish life remains cheap, and "Jewish might" remains
something which is admirable, but not something which is allowed to show itself
for more than a week at a time.
While I choose to be critical for all
that was unsaid over the years, I am also thankful to the US for its role in
supporting the Iron Dome missile defense system which undoubtedly saved many
many lives and prevented significant damage in many ways.
But I planned to talk about the
Thanksgivings of the Forefathers – and in that vein, I am referring to their
Thanksgiving dinners.
While they did not likely have Turkey and stuffing or pumpkin pie, there are
many meals which are described in the book of Bereishis, and they do share a
common theme: Thanksgiving – a note of שהחיינו וקימינו והגיענו לזמן הזה.
Surely the Avos ate on a daily basis, but the meals which are noted include the
following:
Avraham's meals – when the three
guests came after his bris milah, when Yitzchak is weaned. One might say a meal
was hosted for Eliezer when he is making the proposals to Rivkah on behalf of
the patriarchal family - it's a sort of "L'Chaim" or engagement meal.
Yitzchak's meals – when he makes peace
with Avimelekh, and the foods Yaakov and Eisav bring to him
Avraham's meals are self-explanatory:
Post-bris, Avraham celebrates life and the opportunity to continue to do
Chesed. He is bringing guests into his home. There's no indication that Avraham
pulled all the stops in celebrating Yitchak's bris. But he did make a משתה גדול
when Yitzchak was weaned. I guess he appreciated being able to sleep through
the night again.
Yitzchak's meals come when he makes
peace with an adversary – Avimelekh, who stole and stuffed his wells, and who
made life difficult for him; and at a time in his life when he
seems to be looking to pass the baton. He isn't getting any younger, he is
concerned he may die soon, and he wants to give Eisav the opportunity to do a
mitzvah so he (Eisav) can receive a blessing as a reward. The ability to raise a child
and live so long to bless him when he is well on in his mature years – Eisav
and Yaakov were 63 when the blessing incident took place – is something to be
thankful for.
Which leaves us with Yaakov's meals.
In Yaakov's case, irony abounds. There is a משתה when he marries לאה, but no
celebration when he marries רחל. 13 years later he has a meal with a man
he despises, after he articulates in no uncertain terms why he finds the man to
be despicable – and if I could take out-of-context a joke I read-as-a-child in
MAD Magazine, perhaps the only nice thing Yaakov could say about Lavan is that
he happens to be Yaakov's father in law. Maybe we can also say he likes Lavan's daughters too.
Just about every other meal celebrates
something special – a bris, a chesed opportunity, a weaning, kibud av va'em,
peace with a rival.
Here there's a celebration at one
wedding, but no celebration at the one where we would most expect it, and the
peace with Lavan is not like with Avimelekh – it's more of the cold peace that
exists between two enemy nations who don't really like one another but don't want to fight anymore either. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine and we
will have nothing to do with one another.
Is this a celebration? Is this a
Thanksgiving?
The answer is that Yaakov's meals were
different from everyone else's, because Yaakov was dealing with the biggest
trickster the Torah has ever known. The Toldos Yitzchak explains the difference
between Lavan and others: we saw clearly with Avraham and Lot (who I did not mention earlier because
he is not one of the Avos) that when they serve a meal, they serve FOOD. Lavan,
on the other hand, only served משתה – drinks! – so that as the Daas Zekenim
points out as well – Yaakov would get drunk and would not notice that Leah was
standing where Rachel should have been.
Lavan wasn't only a low-life, he was
cheap! We are told ויאסוף לבן את כל אנשי
המקום ויעש משתה. He
gathered all the people together to make this משתה. Why? Since when
does the Torah tell us about those who gather for a celebration, beyond the people
whom the celebration honors? Never! We don't hear about Avraham's party list
when he made a משתה
גדול ביום הגמל את יצחק.
The Malbim explains that Lavan only
invited people so they could agree to the "rule" he was making up
that "It is not done in our land to marry off the younger before the older."
If he just made it up, Yaakov wouldn't believe him. But with the whole wedding
party, Lavan stacks the vote in his direction "proving" that that's
the custom. Why did he never mention it before to Yaakov? Because it was a
fabrication – made up to justify his behavior. And, of course, Yaakov would
never suspect a ruse was being pulled in front of so many people.
And why did he need to justify it? Was
he really trying to marry off Leah? The Midrash says it was a ruse to get
Yaakov to stick around, because Lavan had been blessed on account of Yaakov's
presence. Midrash Sechel Tov fleshes out the story suggesting that Lavan is
called Lavan Ha'Arami because he was Lavan HaRamai – the trickster. He reminded
everyone that they had been blessed with water ever since Yaakov came (recall
the well incident with the stone – having a stone on a well indicates the need
for rationing), and Lavan wanted to preserve Yaakov's presence in Aram. To that end, he suggested to his
neighbors that he will marry Leah off to Yaakov, knowing he'd agree to stick
around for another seven years in exchange for marrying Rachel. He convinced everyone
to give gifts so Yaakov would be convinced all was legit - but
then he (Lavan) sold the gifts to buy the food (whatever that may have been) for the celebratory meal. Using their
own money - a party made from everyone's contributions.
This is why there was no celebratory
meal after the marriage to Rachel. Yaakov was stuck in Lavan-town for another
seven years. That’s nothing for him to celebrate. And there was no way people
were going to contribute again to help Lavan make a second meal. They had
participated in a quote unquote celebration as a charade. Therefore there was no real
celebration.
With regard to the meal at the end of
the parsha, after Lavan chases Yaakov, accuses him of stealing his daughters,
Yaakov's children, and Lavan's belongings, they have a conversation which
concludes with an agreement to leave one another alone.
At that point, Yaakov sees all of
Lavan's people as brothers and invites them for a meal:
The Radak describes Yaakov's intent in this way: עשה סעודה ומשתה כדי
שיאכלו ביחד בהפרדם זה מזה לזכרון הברית:
Lavan leaves in the morning. We never
hear from him again. How did he feel? Was he at peace? Or was he stewing over
the peace he was coerced into making? We don't know. But we do know that he is
out of the picture, and as far as we know he doesn't cross the line he agrees
never to cross.
Is it a celebration for Yaakov? Is it
really a Thanksgiving meal?
In a sense it is! Lavan agrees never
to bother Yaakov again, and as far as we know, he doesn't! Whether he is
broygez about how it went down – he remains out of the picture and he and
Yaakov have peace between them!
Every Thanksgiving is an opportunity
for us to express out gratitude for the good in our lives, and for the
existence we can enjoy if we put the past behind us and move on with our lives.
We don't forget the past, but we move on with the status quo. Or we try to
improve the status quo with the materials and opportunities that lie before us.
This is the challenge the State of Israel
faces – with an enemy led by a Lavan-style leadership who are deceitful, who
lie, who use Israel's humanitarian aid against Israel; who care more that
Yaakov suffer than they care to look in their own backyard to address the
suffering of their people that is in their hands to prevent or deal with.
Lavan didn't like what he had to hear,
but he did recognize that Yaakov had a right to move on with his life and that
after 20 years of struggling with one another, that it was time to move on.
When real peace was made, Yaakov was so
ready to let bygones be bygones that he viewed all his adversaries as his
"brothers." For Yaakov, this was a real Thanksgiving. A real
blessing. He was now in charge of his own destiny and Lavan would never stand
in his way again.
Lavan is also in charge of his own
destiny. He is no longer blessed with Yaakov's presence. But he can learn from
the good Yaakov did, the blessing Yaakov brought to Lavan's home, and he can
use his experience to make his life better. The ball is in his court.
I strongly believe that aside from the obvious reason, the State
of Israel is Yaakov, and the choice Lavan faced is the choice the Arabs face
today. They can embrace the reality of Israel בשמחה, or they can be
broygez about it while they realize Israel is not going anywhere.
But until they decide to acknowledge
the celebratory meal of peace, there will not be peace in the region. And I do
not believe it will be Israel's fault.
The world has its narrative – some are
Israel's allies, and some such as CNN – ChamasNews Network – will continue to be anything but.
Just as the Avos had their Thanksgiving meals celebrating specific
events, we too have Thanksgiving and the simchas in our lives to be thankful
for. But we continue to look forward to the day when Thanksgiving is not just a
once a year celebration, but a year-round celebration for the eternal peace
that will one day settle on our homeland and our Holy Land, במהרה בימינו אמן.
