Nine Days [II] – Music and Celebrations (not including Bris Milah)

Yesterday I wrote about the rules of laundering clothing during the Nine Days.

Today, our topic focuses on an important aspect of diminishing "simcha" – joy – during this nine-day period.

Let us begin with the Shulchan Arukh – again from Chapter 551 (תקנא)

1 – When [the month of] Av begins, we minimalize our rejoicing…

2 – From Rosh Chodesh until the fast we minimize business practices, and building things that give us pleasure, such as a new home for his son getting married, or a work of art. Or planting something that gives joy… If one's wall is going to fall, even though building brings joy to build, it is permissible [to fix]. For the sake of a mitzvah [all of these activities] are permitted. There are no weddings during this period, and we don't make meals celebrating betrothal (Eirusin). However, one may commit to a betrothal without a celebratory meal – even on 9 Av one may make such a commitment, to avoid someone else stepping in and possible taking the match you are looking to marry.

Ram'a – the custom is to be stringent and not to marry from the 17^th of Tammuz through 9 Av.

10 – For a meal associated with a mitzvah: Milah (AB's note - not our topic), Pidyon Haben, the completion of a Masechet (siyim), or a meal of betrothal, it is permitted for those who are relevant to the meal to eat meat and drink wine. But the crowd should be moderated and not too big.

On this last point, the Ta"z recommends that those who participate be relatives of the family.

Fair point.

But let us examine what is discussed here in general. It seems that the restrictions on rejoicing are generally on meat and wine consumption (which is also mentioned in chapters I did not cite here), and on having parties that can easily wait a few days, such as a betrothal meal and a wedding. Where do we get the carte blanc prohibition on live music (not to take away from a-capella groups)?

On the betrothal meal note, we have an inherent contradiction. In paragraph 2, the Shulchan Arukh says we do not have betrothal meals, while in paragraph 10, he writes that a betrothal meal may feature meat and wine (though with a limited guest list). Which one is it? Prohibited? Or permitted even with meat and wine?

The Magen Avraham gives two answers:

1. The case in chapter 2 is talking about a party not at the time of the betrothal. In other words, it is not celebrating the moment of joy, but it is a post-facto celebration that the couple will be getting married. The case in chapter 10, however, refers to when they actually announce their betrothal, which is clearly permitted during the Nine Days, and is even permitted during on Tisha B'Av itself (though the meal on 9 Av would be kind of sketchy).
2. 
   The words "Seudat Eirusin" should be removed from paragraph 10, where it was placed by some editor or the like.

I am not sure about either answer, but at least the first one makes sense.

Let's move on.

The source for no live music is actually the Mishneh Brurah 16, who says:

One may betroth because Eirusin without a meal is not a joyous occasion [it is neutral]. Certainly one can make a commitment through the writing of Tenaim (conditions), but a meal is still prohibited – even without dancing and music. Even on Shabbos it is prohibited to make a meal to celebrate such an occasion. To eat a few grocery items when they're writing the Tenaim is not considered a celebratory meal. It is prohibited to make dances and music from the 17^th of Tammuz and on, even without betrothal. (Eliyahu Rabba)

Well, there you have it. It is the Eliyahu Rabba who says music and dancing is prohibited during this time period. Which makes sense of course, because if one wants to minimize one's joy, one should certainly refrain from those activities.

I just find it fascinating that the Shulchan Arukh doesn't mention it straight out, leaving us open to thinking that music isn't necessarily a joy-bringer. Or, to put it another way, if the music is the kind that doesn't lead to dancing - such as on the radio or on a cd or ipod, or incidentally in a department store or in the background of a film - it is perhaps in a different category.

An Inspiring Tale of the Ten Days

One component of my job has placed me as a visiting rabbi to the Anshe Chesed Synagogue in Boynton Beach. I served as rabbi there on Rosh Hashana, will return this shabbos and for Yom Kippur and will be there periodically throughout the year.

The president of the synagogue gave my name to an individual who works with some of the residents at Heritage Park - Liberty Inn, and I was invited to present a pre Yom Kippur service as part of the scheduled activities for the Jewish residents.

It is truly an inspiration to meet people who have lived extraordinary lives. A couple of the women there were over 100 years old.

One woman, who is 111 or 112, is described by her fellow residents in this way - "111. And she's got all her marbles." I am not sure if she heard everything I said though. After I described the shofar as a ram's horn, I sounded the shofar, and then I saw her perk up (she had been visibly attentive throughout), and then she said, "That's a ram's horn." As in, "I recognize that sound and you probably didn't mention this until now, but what you're doing is making sounds out of a ram's horn."

I spoke to her afterwards. Can you imagine? She was born in the 1800s!

Stories, Songs, and Significance

While in some contexts my singing is OK, I did not want to risk torturing people, so I brought in different recordings: a traditional cantorial rendition of Kol Nidrei (it wasn't Yossele Rosenblatt or Al Jolson, though people asked), "K'vakoras" of Regesh, "U'vashofar Gadol" of Lev V'Nefesh II, a cantorial interpretation of "V'yeda Kol Pa'ul" as performed by Chazzan Moshe (Oscar) Berry, and Shlomo Carlebach's "V'yeetayu kol" which has been adapted by many to the words "L'shana Haba'ah Berushalayim" (originally by Rabbi Baruch Chait, for those interested in a little Jewish Music history)

In between these songs I told a couple of stories: This one from chabad dot org, the boy who whistled, and I introduced Carlebach's song telling his story of meeting soldiers who were injured in the Yom Kippur war. "They lost eyes, limbs, etc... And I swear to you they saw what nobody saw before, and they felt what nobody will ever feel again..."

A Feeling and a Mood

Music is tremendously powerful. Slow horns, slow singing, slow slow slow, tempo and melody. It changes the atmosphere. It can cause people to sit up at attention and to feel the moment.

And stories can touch the soul as well. The Cantonist minyan (first story from chabad dot org above) and the one about the soldiers relate to people in a nursing facility, because they speak of individuals who have scars (physical and /or metaphorical) of the things they've experienced in their lives. They've been through a battle and they've emerged with their faith intact.

Senior citizens in residence facilities have had their share of battles, and it is these they can place before God on Yom Kippur, saying "Look what I've been through. And I ask, for Your sake, as I will continue to believe in You, that You please grant the things I wish for - a healthy and sweet new year."

The shofar also stirred up memories of places in distant pasts. Some had not had the opportunity to hear it this year until that point.

We Can Do This

Like many people, I say more than I do. But it is tremendously humbling and gratifying to go into a place such as this, share with the elderly and infirm, knowing that what I bring is appreciated and meaningful and brings a positive spin on a day.

There are good days and bad days in our lives and in residence homes. A little entertainment and education goes a long way.

We can all appreciate that.

And for those who have the time and something to share (you can even read a story to people), volunteering an hour of your time to give joy to others is an experience you won't regret.

And you won't forget.