You People

Parshat Shemot 

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Someone recently brought to my attention that there is a movie coming out entitled “You People,” about “a new couple and their families who find themselves examining modern love and family dynamics amidst clashing cultures, societal expectations and generational differences.” (IMDb) An interracial and interreligious couple (the former shouldn’t be problematic, the latter should be much more concerning) find themselves with their families utilizing the ubiquitous phrase “You people” to introduce their basic ignorance of the others’ culture. 

Many of us are familiar with the term “You people” which is unfortunately used in a context which should not be so familiar as it is often used by Jews who are unaffiliated when talking about Jews who are observant. 

This week in Boca Raton, a protest was held against an HOA that was looking to limit access to a walking gate that would save the Shomer Shabbos residents from having to walk 2 miles to get to the closest shul by cutting the walk to .7 miles. Those looking to limit access to this gate are clearly guided by viewing their observant neighbors as “You people” rather than as citizens of this country who are entitled to not be discriminated against for their religious beliefs. As Rabbi Blumenthal of BRS West put it, no other religious group or creed would be treated this way. Only because it is Orthodox Jews is this kind of treatment “OK” in the eyes of those who seek to limit access to a Shabbos gate. 

This is nothing new. “You people” was utilized by the Egyptians at the beginning of our Parsha. We know from the tale of Yaakov in Lavan’s house that being a shepherd could be a financial windfall. Yaakov amassed a tremendous amount of wealth in his final six years in Lavan’s house, all from being a successful shepherd. 

The fact that Bnei Yisrael came to Egypt and declared to Pharaoh “we are shepherds” served to put them in a position where they’d be separated from general Egyptian culture, where they’d be able to do their shepherding uninhibited by Egyptians, and where they’d essentially amass great wealth. 

After Yosef and his generation died, we are told that the Bnei Yisrael were fruitful and multiplied and filled the land. This likely means that their inhabitance expanded beyond the borders of Goshen. People needed to move to the suburbs because Goshen could simply not hold everyone. 

What happens when wealthy and successful members of an-until-recently-royal-family move to live among everyone else? The new neighbors see people they haven’t been exposed to before, they note their wealth, their high class of living, their large families, and they react. Perhaps some say “how beautiful!” In all likelihood others say, “Who are these people? Who do they think they are? Where did they get their money and possessions?” הנה עם בני ישראל רב ועצום ממנו – the nation of Israel is great and mighty from us. The source of their wealth is what they sucked out of our nation and economy! (Bina L’Itim) 

In the case of Egypt, there were downsides from their living among the Egyptians. Eventually those living in closer proximity to their Egyptian neighbors were largely indistinguishable. They stopped circumcising, they lived like Egyptians, they embraced idolatry and Egyptian culture. Our sages teach us that a few things saved the Israelites from complete assimilation – not changing their names, their manner of dress, not speaking Lashon Hora, and holding on to certain secrets (this list is not exhaustive). In other words, no matter what happened, they were always viewed as “you people” in a way, a reality that saved them from complete assimilation. 

Which leaves us with a question. Is isolating a group that wants to maintain its identity, by calling them “you people” as if to distinguish from “the rest of us normal people” a good thing or a bad thing? Meaning, if through saying “you people” the targets of that term are being identified as distinct, who have different practices than others, is this a bad thing? 

Obviously the answer depends on much context that is missing in the question. 

If there is no disdain in “you people” and no intent to discriminate against the “you people” then to be called “you people” in a manner which is admiring and which is accepting should not be viewed as a problem. 

The problem, however, is that the term “you people” is often preceded by “the problem with…” and is therefore not usually coming from a good place. 

History has proven time and time again that referring to any group as “you people” (with whatever phraseology might be employed to make the distinction) nearly always ends in travesty. “You people” leads to treating other people as being sub-human, thereby allowing some humans to treat other humans in a way which is inhumane. 

In our own communities we must respectfully call out the usage of the term “you people” when it is used in a way that is condescending and unkind, and when it comes from a place that indicates that any group, which may have different preferences and modes of practice, whether culturally, food-wise, or of course when motivated by certain halakhic dictates, is being discriminated against. And while some forms of communal practice seem innocuous and reasonable standards to bear, the reality is that that is not always the case. 

This is not to suggest that all things have to be, for example, to our liking only. We must also be tolerant of others and we must avoid being judgmental of a different set of standards that may not be our preference. 

What we learn from a comment God makes to Moshe “בני בכורי ישראל” is that all of humanity are God’s children. We may have a special place in the tapestry of being the children of God, but this does not allow us or anyone else from thinking that anyone is “better” than anyone else, or that anyone has more of a mandate on determining what is right for all. 

There is certainly a delicate balance that must be walked when dealing with other people and with their sensitivities. But “you people” should ideally be a phrase everyone agrees to table, as it is unproductive and only serves to alienate and isolate people who have a legitimate claim – to be treated as a human being who may have different needs and different struggles. 

May this balance be achieved, and may all neighbors find peace with one another.