by Rabbi Avi Billet
The Torah tells us that Yaakov lived in Egypt for 17 years, and when it came close to the time for Yisrael to die, he called Yosef in and asked him to swear that he’d oversee that burial will take place in Canaan. Yosef says “I will do as you say.” “Swear to me!” So Yosef swore, and Yisrael bowed on the bed.
Some time passes (the text isn’t clear on how much time) and Yosef is told “Your father is sick,” which prompts him to bring his sons, Menashe and Efraim, to get a blessing from their grandfather. In that conversation, in an effort to clarify past events, Yaakov recalls how he had to bury Rachel on the side of the road, and had no choice about it. [There is surely significance to the Torah’s switching from “Yisrael” to “Yaakov” in the narrative – but that is beyond the scope of this essay.]
As Yosef is bringing his sons closer to Saba Yaakov, we are told that “Yisrael’s eyes were heavy from old-age,” an indicator of why one might imagine he doesn’t seem to recognize Yosef’s sons, and why he chooses to put his right hand on the younger son (Efraim) in the coming verses.
Which leads to this question? When was he sick? In the opening verses of the parsha? Or not yet at that point, but only when the verse tells us (48:1) “Your father is sick?”
Rabbi Baruch Epstein suggested that when Kevurah (burial) is on the mind of an individual, it is often when the person is sick, and death is on the mind. But in the opening verses of the parsha, there is no indication given that he was sick “yet.” In fact, we have seen that a health issue can be a prompt for action prior to this! “When Yitzchak’s eyes weakened, he called Eisav…” to have Eisav prepare food for him. But there is no such prompt here –he simply calls Yosef and has him swear regarding burial without telling Yosef anything other than that he needs Yosef to swear as noted above.
Rabbi Epstein surmises that Yaakov was already sick, as indicated by the verse “And the days of Yisrael came closer to death.” There is a known statement in the Talmud that prior to Yaakov, no one really got sick before dying. Death was sudden, without warning, and therefore without an opportunity to prepare, put things in order, say good bye to family members, etc. Yaakov requested that pre-death illness be a part of the world (Bava Metzia 87a). When he knew something was awry, he hid this reality from Yosef intentionally, for had Yosef known his father was at death’s door, Yosef might not have been obligated to follow through with whatever promise. After all, as is known, people make all kinds of commitments to the dying in order not to upset them, or in order to put their heart and mind at ease when they are close to the end. These kinds of commitments are called נדרי אונסין, and are not binding (See Yoreh Deah 228).
Therefore Yaakov did not reveal anything about his illness at the time he was asking Yosef to swear to bury him in Canaan because he did not want Yosef to feel as if the vow was forced or coerced or being taken in order to placate a dying man. Yaakov wanted it to be done as part of a normal conversation unaffected by Yosef’s concerns for his father’s mental health.
Once that was past, and once Yosef had returned home, word came back to him that “Your father is sick.” Whatever conversations happen now can fall under the category of נדרי אונסין, because the main vow Yaakov needed had been undertaken with an assumption of health all around due to Yaakov giving such an appearance to Yosef at the time.
This interpretation of this narrative just goes to demonstrate that some conversations are harder to open, and are uncomfortable to have. No one wants to talk about death and what will happen after one’s life on this earth has come to its end. We hope we will not be a burden to our family, but inevitably, the arrangements, the funeral, the burial will all be something that will happen and will be dealt with.
As much as we are able to put things in order in our lifetimes, the easier it will be for family when the time comes.
Yaakov had a burial plot, but he did not have the means to get there. Yosef had the means, so Yaakov arranged that with him.
Many people have burial plots. Others have paid for “everything” pre-need. It’s a good conversation to have either directly with a Chevra Kadisha, or with the family members most likely to be tasked with dealing with the final passage, whenever it comes, hopefully to 120 in good health.
The advantage of talking to a Chevra Kadisha, rather than a funeral home, is that the Chevra Kadisha knows what you want, they will remind you of all the things that religious Jews do, and they won’t try to sell you a fancier coffin or shrouds that are untraditional. In the event of a need for transport, they have so much experience, that having everything arranged simply requires a loved one to make one phone call, and so much discussion, decision making, crunching numbers over financing, arranging travel for family (another thing worth setting aside money for should one want family to be able to come without hesitation) will all or mostly be taken care of through that phone call.
Yaakov Avinu wanted to make sure that the process was as easy as possible. Many commentaries note his genius in making Yosef swear, so that even Pharaoh, who may have had other ideas, could not in good conscience subvert Yosef’s oath to his father. Pharaoh could say to Yosef “You must swear to return” but he could not say “You are sworn never to leave Egypt.” So in more than one way, Yaakov demonstrated that even if he were ill in the initial conversation with Yosef in the parsha, his mind was clear, and he knew exactly what he was doing. [A fascinating thought to ponder is that Yosef also made his brothers swear to take him out of Egypt at the time of Exodus. That should have been honored by the Pharaoh of the Exodus, based on the precedent set at this time!]
Hopefully we too can get the proper guidance and advice, have the difficult conversations, and make sure our final transitions will be as easy for our families as possible, aside from the undeniable difficulty and pain that accompanies the end of life – which is a part of life.
If we take care of these things in advance, while we are alive, then even in death we can still be giving to our family peace of mind through the harrowing ordeal they will inevitably experience.
May we be blessed to not have to use our pre arrangements for many years.
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