Parshat Toldot
by Rabbi Avi Billet
Our parsha shares with us 3 stories. The first is the background of the birth of Eisav and Yaakov and the sale of the Bechora, the second is the one chapter dedicated to the life of Yitzchak, and the final tale concerns the blessings seemingly designated for Eisav which Yaakov received based on his mother’s intervention and instruction.
If I could summarize each of these stories with their aftermath objectively, based on the text we have, it would sound like this:
The first story is divided into two parts.
Tension of pregnancy is resolved with assurance that two nations will emerge.
Tension between twins – if any – is resolved through a financial arrangement agreed to by both sides.
The second story also has two components.
First part is: Tension between sides resolved when there is an understanding of who the parties are – Yitzchak and Rivkah being husband and wife.
Second part: Tension is resolved when – some time after having realized that Yitzchak’s being in his city was a blessing, and that his kicking Yitzchak out was not good for business – Avimelekh comes with his general and a group of ambassadors and tells Yitzchak that because they see God is with him, they want to be on his side. Strange, of course, because when Avraham had his encounters with the Gerarites some time ago, he noted to them that the reason he was not on the up and up about his relationship with Sarah, claiming to be her brother and not mentioning that he is also her wife – was because they were not God-fearing! One would think they’d have learned their lesson!
Nonetheless they do come around and the tension ends with a new treaty.
The third story has tension between brothers not coming to a resolution, because the only thing that will heal the raw hurt is time. But who is to blame? Who cheated whom? Where is the address for Eisav’s grievance? Against Yaakov? Against their mother? Against their father? Is Eisav’s grievance even warranted – after all, shouldn’t he have told his father, “I know what you want me to do, and why, but the fact is that while I am the older brother, I sold all merits of the birthright to my brother some time ago – so if this is about a blessing to a first born… you have the wrong guy.”
Eisav did not do that. That conversation might have given us a clearer picture into Yitzchak’s intentions – meaning if he had only called to “Eisav” and not to “his son who is ‘gadol,’” we would know for sure. But once we see he’s dealing with a descriptive, then the question is who really owns that descriptive?
So is Eisav’s rage warranted in the end? He wants to kill his brother. Is that a proper response? Maybe a fair response is “let’s come to the table and come to an equitable solution or a resolution of this misunderstanding.”
Perhaps the value of the blessing in question is something I don’t completely understand (when Eisav and Yaakov meet up in chapter 32, they both seem to be doing fine financially) – but surely this kind of discussion could be had at a negotiating table. Maybe Eisav could have even said “Thank you for keeping me honest!”
But there is a hatred that goes beyond reason. And this is why Eisav is described in our tradition as wicked. You don’t like what happened – your immediate response is rage and murder? To Eisav’s credit, he cared about his father too much so he didn’t do it right away.
But he did also believe his father was at death’s door. After all, Yitzchak was now 123, and he was within 5 years of when his mother Sarah died. Yishmael dies in this year as well (at age 137, and he and Yitzchak were 14 years apart), so perhaps Yitzchak was feeling his mortality in a way he hadn’t until that point.
It’s difficult to judge Yitzcak, Eisav and Yaakov. Eisav felt cheated and that his perspective was justified. But Yaakov felt his perspective was justified. And while Yitzchak may have felt, on the one hand, that he was deceived (27:35), on the other hand, he does not undo the blessing and he even affirms it (end of 27:33).
Eisav’s reaction seems to be one of rage. He plans a murder. Is this reaction justified? Well, we need to consider – Did Yaakov ruin Eisav’s life? On the contrary, he took a burden of the birthright – which Eisav did not value and did not want – off Eisav’s his hands in an agreed upon transaction. And, in all honesty, owing to our knowing what Rivkah knows, he also followed through with what was rightly coming to him due to their prior agreements.
Eisav – you can’t have it both ways. You made an agreement, didn’t hold yourself to it, then you get angry when you don’t get what you might think is yours, but really isn’t?
There has to be a recognition that when someone does you a good turn – as Yaakov did in feeding you when you were hungry and exhausted, as Yaakov did in taking a spiritual burden off your hands, as Yaakov did in purchasing from you something you did not want –– the verse says “and he SOLD his birthright to Yaakov” and that “Yaakov GAVE to Eisav the soup and bread and something to drink…” That was not the price of the birthright. That was a meal to celebrate the transaction ---- you owe, at the very least, a debt of gratitude, and an awareness that there are no takebacks. Rivkah, and in turn, Yaakov kept you honest in taking the blessing that was Yaakov’s to receive. You should say thank you!
Hate and rage are not justifications for killing innocents. It is just an emotion that separates good people from bad people. Good people can feel rage and hate, but what do they do with it? Bad people turn to violence as their outlet. The two most difficult tensions in the parsha were eventually resolved with Avimelekh saying “We see God is with you,” and through Yaakov and Eisav having a separation of time – over 36 years – during which time, it seems, feelings relaxed and things could normalize. Though, it should be noted that when Yaakov and Eisav reunite in Vayishlach, Yitzchak is still alive.
God, and time.
If Eisav had been God-fearing, he would have been honest about the blessing. If he had let the time since the sale – which had taken place almost 50 years prior to the blessing – sink in to his new reality (even if he regretted it later!) he should have been honest about it. Instead he let his emotion, and ultimately rage rule his day.
He couldn’t express gratitude, because he couldn’t be honest with himself about what the people around him were doing – freeing him from responsibility, and giving him a chance at the life he needed to live. A life of being a free spirit not bound to time and place.
When we are God-fearing, we don’t let our emotion overtake how we respond to others. When we realize that our raw feelings are overtaking us, we need to give time a chance to heal us, to set things aright, to help us see the bigger picture.
Time doesn’t heal everything, but it helps us move on. And hopefully, with time, we can put our anger aside and find that those we carry grudges against also want to move on, not having to live or finish a life with regret over a relationship that soured at one point, but did not need to carry on in hatred for years or decades.
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