Thoughts and Prayers

 This is based on a sermon I gave several years ago on a Shabbos we had dedicated to "infertility awareness"

Parshat Vayikra

by Rabbi Avi Billet

A number of Midrashim pose the question (ascribed either to Rabbi Yoseh, Yosi, or Dosa), "Why do children begin learning the [Chumash] from the section about korbanot [offerings]?" And the answer is, "Because just as the korbanot are pure, so are the children pure." 

Rabbenu Bachaye looks at the word ויקרא, which has a small Alef, and tells us (after a lengthy analysis) that it is not God who is speaking to Moshe. It is the 'כבוד ה that we saw at the end of the book of Shmos, filling the Mishkan, talking to Moshe. That 'כבוד ה refers to a different small letter which is involved in creation – the ה in אלה תולדות השמים והארץ בהבראם. There the ה is also small. In other words, the ה of בהבראם references the Glory of God which calls Moshe with a small א. Connecting the dots, both small letters together remind us that even the sacrificial order is part of God’s plan for His world. 

 When we consider these teachings from the very beginning of Vayikra we see a most significant thread that combines several ideas together. Korbanot are pure. So we teach them to children who are pure. Arguably, those who are tasked with teaching children need to undertake that enormous and essential responsibility with humility (another inspired teaching about how Moshe approached his prophesies - with the utmost humility). Too often today we hear of “teachers” who brainwash and indoctrinate students to an ideology, rather than teaching critical thinking skills without an agenda other than the pursuit of truth.

 In thinking of humility, children, God’s role in creation, let’s consider a divergence from the parsha to explore a related topic. 

We’ve all heard it before. Tragedy strikes and some media person says “Our Thoughts and Prayers are with those suffering.” A politician posts on Twitter, “Thoughts and Prayers with the victims and their loved ones.” Some other social media guru might share the same sentiment. And while most normal people join that echo chamber and are kind and sensitive and humble in considering the difficulties others may be facing, there is also an irreverent component of mainstream media and atheistic or emotional social media who mock this notion that people can pray for others after tragedy. They might even indicate their own “belief” that prayers are for simpletons and buffoons. “What do your thoughts and prayers do for us? You can’t undo tragedy!” 

 And of course they are right. You can’t undo tragedy. But that’s not what “Thoughts and prayers” means. 

 As our community engages in Tefillah three times a day, and typically spends around 2.5 hours every Shabbos engaged in prayer and Service of God, perhaps what follows is an example of “preaching to the choir.” Nevertheless, consider this incredible insight about prayer, and its lasting impact in the world. 

 One of the Torah narratives in which prayer for others plays a role is the story of the pre-destruction of S’dom. Rav Moshe Feinstein asked why God found the need to tell Avraham about S'dom? Even if He knew Avraham would pray, He also knew that Avraham's prayer would have no effect. S'dom was doomed, and not even Avraham could save it! 

Rav Moshe answers that God wanted Avraham's prayers anyway. Avraham's prayers were powerful and needed to be brought to the earth for a purpose – a purpose and design other than to save the doomed city. 

Similarly, the Talmud (Sanhedrin 44b) tells us that when Avraham prayed near the city of Ai (Bereshit 12:8), his prayers did nothing at the time, but prevented Yehoshua's army from being routed in the Battle of Ai (Yehoshua 7:5) around 465 years later. 

This is one element of prayer that is beyond all of us. We simply do not know what our prayers do, what merit they serve to advocate for in our world. 

This is one of the reasons that we say the prayer for the government no matter our feelings of whichever administration. Even those who disagree politically with “the president, VP and constituted officers of government of this land,” the fact is that were man-made tragedy or even act-of-God tragedy to befall them, that would be very bad for this country in the greater non-local-politics kind of picture. The prayer is as much (if not more) for us, and for the Jewish people globally as it is for the individuals mentioned by title and position in the prayer. 

This is also why we say Tehillim beyond what is in our davening for varying reasons – adding an additional thought of urgency aimed at a particular outcome, whether for someone who is in hospital, or for the soldiers of Israel, the people of Israel, and hostages. 

 There is a distinction in Halakha between issuing a זעקה – which is not recommended on Shabbos – and a תפילה – which is absolutely permitted on Shabbos. Praying for others, at any time, is absolutely appropriate. My mother keeps lists of girls, mostly former students of hers, but she isn’t exclusive about that, for whom she prays daily – for them to find a shidduch or have a child. While there was a time when she likely had her own children in mind as well – following the dictum that “if you pray for others for the thing you need, you are answered first” – thank God even though my siblings are all married and blessed with children, she still prays for others all the time. 

 The Talmud tells us in Niddah and Kiddushin that there are three partners in creation: Mother, Father, and God. If the contributing factor of one of these partners doesn’t work right, it seems the Talmud is saying, there will not be a baby. And while with modern medical science we can suggest there is sometimes a 4th partner, medical science doesn’t note when God is not contributing His part. That is where the devout Jew needs to pay careful attention to the Talmud’s 3rd partner. 

 Rabbi and Mrs. Dovid and Leah Trenk were married 3 years and did not have children. The specialist they went to read through a file and “looked Dovid Trenk in the eye. ‘You’re never having children,’ he said. The words were devastating. Dovid Trenk went home despondent, but his wife saw things differently. ‘Is the doctor Hashem?’ she asked. ‘Who gives him the authority to decide something like that?’ The mashgiach in Mirrer yeshiva told him, ‘Until today, you trusted a doctor. From now on, you will start trusting the Ribono Shel Olam to help you.’… he was inspirater heights in simchah, Emunah, and tefillah…” (“Just Love Them,” Artscroll Press, pages 74-75) A year later they had their first child, and subsequently were blessed with a large family. 

The small Alef in Vayikra is universally viewed as a reminder of Moshe’s humility in approaching God. None are more humble than those who turn to God, begging for a child. On Parshat Tazria, Rabbi Yitzchak Caro (in his Toldot Yitzchak) utilizes a Talmudic teaching to give a formula for how the expectant parent must pray for fertilization to take root, and follow through during stages of the pregnancy for things to be brought to their desired result. It seems that the health of the child and success of the pregnancy is dependent on prayer much more than on nature - אם כן נראה שזה הדבר תלוי בתפילה ולא בטבע. 

 In our world of science and rationalism, we tend to aim to find explanations for why things go right, and even moreso for when things go wrong. It’s the man, it’s the woman, it's the doctor’s approach and system of treatment, etc. 

 But maybe, just maybe, we don’t have all the answers because some causes and cases go beyond the realm of the natural world. An unhealthy woman sometimes gives birth to a completely healthy and normal baby. A healthy woman can’t carry a baby to term. What’s wrong with this picture? Toldot Yitzchak’s suggestion is the solution to the role we can all play. There is a need for prayer that goes far beyond our understanding, and enters the realm of the cosmos in terms of where it sits, lies and waits, and then returns to influence the world. 

Years ago a colleague of mine shared with me an essay from a project his shul had in which people wrote of what tefillah means to them. One thought, from a mother of a child-diagnosed-with-cancer, impacted me deeply. She wrote, "You don't know what prayer is until you find out your child will not outlive you." Most helpful, she shared, was when a person who had gone through a similar trial confided in her saying, "There are times when you will be angry at God. You will not be able to pray. Don't worry. The rest of us will be praying for you." 

These are powerful thoughts. It's not just that every individual has the ability to move mountains. It's that we are all in this together, looking out for one another, making a prayer-contribution somewhere, because somehow, it helps all of us, perhaps in ways we could not even consider or imagine. That thought was shared by a mother whose child was not going to live much longer. Perhaps such a sentiment can apply as well to the man and woman who are not yet parents, who are looking at a bleak future, because they have no idea what the future holds for their unconceived child, or for their pregnancies that miscarry time after time. 

 This is what thoughts and prayers for others is all about. Just like we can’t undo tragedy, we can’t change the past. But the future is a wide open book of possibility, of realities that haven’t been written yet. 

I know of cancer survivors who had babies. I know of people who, through the help of science and medicine, had babies after years of tears and infertility, and even those who after thinking they could only have babies with help were shocked to find a beating heart in a womb they were told couldn’t make it happen alone. In other realms of challenge, people have risen to tremendous heights and accomplished many things in the aftershocks of their tragedy, through inspiring others or undertaking tremendous projects of Chesed, inspiration, and philanthropy. 

Vayikra is a parsha that opens with the small Alef of humility to remind us that some things are just beyond us. We don’t know everything and we can’t control everything. It is a parsha that introduces the sacrificial rite, which included the bringing of offerings on behalf of others, or to benefit others. And it brings to mind the ה of בהבראם, that we have no right to discount the role God plays in everything we see. 

 When we issue thoughts and prayers, we indicate that in whatever ether, whatever cosmos that are beyond our understanding, we are trying to have an influence. We are doing what we can, connecting with the Borei Olam, to show HIM that we believe our prayers are what He wants, and that He uses them how He wants to move the mountains we care about – or in ways we would certainly support if only we knew what He knows. Sometimes people need a physical healing. Sometimes people need a spiritual healing. Sometimes people need an emotional healing. Sometimes people need to find methods of coping because the challenges life throws their way can be so overwhelming. We think of them and pray for them because we care that they can find a way to enjoy life even with the difficulties life may throw their way – and when healing is possible, that it should be achieved with God speed. 

 It’s also why we give Maos Chittim, why we do Bikkur Cholim, Nichum Aveilim, and do what we can for people – rejoicing with them in good times and being as supportive as we can in rough times.

The life we live is not one in which we go it alone and don’t care about others. On the contrary, if we don’t care about others, our lives are hardly worth living.