by Rabbi Avi Billet
In the context of a discussion surrounding tzara’as and Lashon Hora, the Talmud in Arakhin 16a asks “Why are the vestments of the Kohanim mentioned near the section about offerings? To teach us that just as offerings bring atonement, the Kohen vestments bring atonement.”
The Talmud goes on to list what sin each garment atoned for:
The tunic (כתונת) atones for murder; the pants (מכנסים) atone for sexual sins/immorality; the hat (מצנפת) atones for those who are haughty; the belt (אבנט) atones for sins of the heart; the breastplate (חשן) atones for sins in judgment and law (דינין); the apron (אפוד) atones for idolatry; the cloak (מעיל) atones for lashon hora; the forehead plate (ציץ) atones for those who are bold-faced (in a negative way).
(This is also discussed in Zevachim 88b)
Clearly the significance of the Kohanim wearing their garments is meant to not only make them look polished and holy, but to work behind the scenes so that those who see the garments would achieve atonement for certain private sins.
I’ve heard or read the following joke going both ways (meaning the punchline is sometimes given to the Jewish child and sometimes to the Catholic child), where the Catholic child and the Jewish child are debating over who has a greater religious leader. For fun, I’ll tell it with the Jewish child getting the punchline, which is the way I first heard from Irish Catholic comedian Hal Roach. The little Catholic boy says, “Our priest knows much more than your rabbi.” And the Jewish boy says, “Of course he does! You tell him everything!”
We don’t have confessionals in our way of life. We leave the confession of sins in the realm of private conversations between man and God, and sometimes a private conversation between one who has harmed someone else and that person’s victim. Perhaps when someone does hataras nedarim with a specific neder in mind, the person will say in front of the court what the neder was along with a brief explanation for why the person wants to disavow the vow.
What is interesting is that at least half of the sins atoned for by the garments of the Kohanim are demonstrative of someone feeling superior to another. Certainly that is the case for haughtiness, some sins of the heart, lashon hora, and being bold-faced. One can argue that it’s the case for murder also – at least in some cases of murder. By extension, we can say that character-assassination falls into some of these categories as well.
For some reason over the last 10 days I’ve had a number of people come to me with a question, and all of the questions began the same way.
“Rabbi, I have been conducting myself a certain way (this variable changes with each question). Someone told me that what I am doing is wrong, and that I need to be doing something else (this variable also changes). Is that true?”
Sometimes what the presumably-aiming-to-be-helpful person is saying has an element of truth in it, though sometimes they made it up or "heard it somewhere." But even the true things are not necessarily a normative Jewish practice! They're not grounded in the Shulchan Arukh, and the imposition being put upon the person now asking me the question as an added burden is entirely inappropriate.
While clarifying the halakha is often easy enough, there are a few points that need to be emphasized.
- If you weren’t asked a question, it is not advisable to give unsolicited advice.
- A practice that works for you might not work for someone else.
- A practice that works for you might not even be grounded in halakha, but might have its sources in kabbalah which would certainly not make it obligatory on anyone.
- If you are not the person’s religious guide, don’t give unsolicited religious guidance
- If you are unaware of the person’s sensitivities or specific needs, imposing your will can cause undue and unfair stress.
I will assume that the people in question meant well. But I will also assume that the people in question were not thinking through how their words would be taken.
The Kohen’s garments were meant to atone for sins that a person knows about, and in some cases, is unaware of! Which simply means we need that extra safety net to protect us from the sins we don’t want to have committed.
Which brings me to the final point.
Many people talk about sechel and common sense. You’ve probably heard the line “Common Sense is not too common.” Maybe it’s true about some people, maybe it is not. But we certainly don’t want to strain any kind of relationship or encounter by being the religious police for someone else.
There are delicate ways to have conversations. Obviously if someone is doing something that is clearly wrong, and by wrong I mean a blatant violation of Torah law, it is hard to ignore. But then it becomes a multi part question: Am I 100% sure that I am correct? Do I have a relationship with this person? Do I know how to communicate with this person? Will my comment fall on deaf ears? Would it be better to speak to our shared rabbi, or perhaps another 3rd party who can help out?
Here is a personal example. Many years ago I spent Shabbos in the home of someone who has an autistic child, and who also has help in the house due to the child’s needs. Understandably, this child has no concept of Shabbos, or the rules of Shabbos. This child eats freshly cooked eggs every morning, and the non-Jewish household helper makes eggs for the child, even on Shabbos. I assume the parent asked a “shayla” and was given the answer that there is no way to explain “Shabbos” to the child, and that to accommodate the child’s routine, this setup works. But the hostess offered fresh eggs to my child, which I politely refused. We could have the cereal so graciously put out on the table.
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to berate or embarrass the person, and certainly not in her home. So I asked a more senior rabbi (not the woman’s rabbi, and not my father, in case you are curious) and the rabbi asked me the questions outlined two paragraphs above. And it gave me the answer I needed, which was to call the person on a weekday, mention my discomfort with what had taken place, and ask in a sensitive way “are you aware that you can’t have a non-Jew cook for a Jew on Shabbos?” As it turns out, the hostess knew all this. She had a rough Friday night, was not thinking in the morning, and was being a gracious hostess, forgetting in the moment that while the fresh eggs were fine for her special-needs child, they should not be made available to my child. It was a lovely conversation! She was grateful that I called. While I wasn’t looking for an apology, she apologized and explained why she was so spaced-out (her words) that morning. The point is that after deliberation and consultation with a person wiser than I am, I was able to approach this dilemma properly and respectfully.
Some people use religion or religiosity as a hammer to demonstrate they are better than others. This is unfortunate. Some people use religion as their excuse or justification for their own mistreatment of someone else. This is also unfortunate.
We should be blessed to know our place and to contribute to others’ space in a manner that is appropriate and appreciated. We should not impose our will on others. If we want to raise, at a different time, a natural conversation that raises the points, we should do so without pointing out what triggered the conversation and what we caught the person doing – certainly not in public! – and we should use good judgment on whether and when it is appropriate to go that far in private.
We don’t have the Kohen’s clothes to atone for our blunders. We have to live with our errors and the ways in which we turn people off. So hopefully we are blessed to make fewer errors, to consult with others on how to handle difficult situations, and never use religion to excuse our own intolerance or impolite critique of someone else.
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