by Rabbi Avi Billet
One of the tales in our parsha concerns the tribes of Gad and Reuven who come to Moshe with a request that they believe will benefit them financially – they have many animals and they find that the land recently conquered by the Israelites is fertile and good for their flocks.
Moshe’s initial response concerns the fact that they are projecting preference for a land that is technically NOT the Promised Land as it is east of the Jordan. This sounds eerily like those who rejected the Promised Land in the times of the spies, preferring other lands (even a return to Egypt!).
With a little encouragement they quickly change their tune, noting how inappropriate it would be for them to sit comfortably in their new homes while the rest of the Israelites are fighting to conquer the Holy Land. “We will build enclosures for our sheep, and cities for our children. Our children will stay home while we are fighting, and we won’t come home until everyone else is settled. Our portion that’s coming to us is on the eastern side of the Jordan.”
There are two glaring errors in the words they say. Firstly, they speak of building homes for their sheep before concerning themselves with their children. Secondly, they don’t mention God at all, even after Moshe told them about how their request to stay east of the Jordan sounded like those who challenged God at the time of the spies.
So Moshe responds to both issues by putting what should be their order of priorities, while doubling, tripling, quadrupling down on Who is in charge. “Moses said to them, "If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves for battle before the Lord, and your armed force crosses the Jordan before the Lord until He has driven out His enemies before Him, and the Land will be conquered before the Lord, afterwards you may return, and you shall be freed [of your obligation] from the Lord and from Israel, and this land will become your heritage before the Lord. But, if you do not do so, behold, you will have sinned against the Lord, and be aware of your sin which will find you. So build yourselves cities for your children and enclosures for your sheep, and what has proceeded from your mouth you shall do." [translation from Chabad.org] [32:20-24]
Their response indicates that they “got it.” Note the change of the order, and the mention of God. (32:25-27)
“The descendants of Gad and the descendants of Reuben spoke to Moses, saying, "Your servants will do as my master commands. Our children and our wives, our livestock and our cattle will remain there, in the cities of Gilead. But your servants will cross over all who are armed for combat before the Lord, for the battle, as my master has spoken."
We live in a very challenging time for our people. This is not just because the month of Av, the “bad-luck month” of the Jewish people, is upon us. But it is because the priorities of the Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven are guiding much of the thinking of today, and our community (the greater Jewish community) is not immune from this challenge.
I was speaking with a colleague this week who told me how things have changed with the congregants he encounters. Those who used to be in higher-income professions, physicians and lawyers, are the current middle-class. On both sides of them there are the haves-very-much and the have-nots. And the haves-very-much have so much they don’t even know what to do with it. For example, there are people who charter planes to fly domestic at the cost of $20,000 and think nothing of it.
And on the other side, despite inflation and recession, there are people who do not know the secret of navigating this all-in business-gimmick getting-the-right-khap economy and world, who are struggling mightily.
I asked him if he has seen philanthropy on the rise in the haves-very-much group, and the answer was not in as significant a way as it could be. Of course there could be those who give privately so no one knows. But the truth is, even those who live modestly despite their means are usually known to be generous if they are in fact givers.
So the finances are a priority in a manner quite similar to that of the Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven.
Are children marginalized? It’s a loaded question. I have no doubt that parents love their children. In fact I think parents try to do the best they can for their children, wanting to give them everything, and wanting to make their lives the easiest they can be.
However, as I have heard from Dr. David Pelcovitz on a number of occasions, that desire leads to an illness he refers to as “Affluenza.” The illness of having way too much and still not being happy. The privilege of not having to work for anything, and therefore not appreciating anything.
And while I do not know if this is a sign of finances, a product of tuition expenses (for those who can less afford), or other factors, but as a mohel I often hear people tell me after their third child – in quite definitive terms – WE ARE DONE. THERE WILL NOT BE ANOTHER. We’ve gone from a time when Jewish families more often had four or five children to three being the magic number. [This is simply an observation, and more of a lament than a criticism towards those who are blessed to be able to choose when to start and when to stop. It should certainly not be viewed as a criticism towards those who struggle with infertility, who, even when blessed with a child or two, know all too well that each child is a miracle, especially if each child was preceded by numerous miscarriages.]
And, putting it all together, God’s role in all of this. Those who prioritize their children and descendants, and their education in the ways of God and the ways of the Torah, are doing their best to demonstrate an understanding of the lives we are blessed to live.
But when there is no significant observance or enhancement of this life outside of what schools might offer, then even a kosher home and home that observes Shabbos will not be enough for us to see future generations holding fast to what should be our priorities. When davening (or even shul attendance!) doesn’t happen when school is out, when modesty rules are ignored by parents and children, when Torah study is confined to what we learn in school only, when people aren’t as strict about Kosher rules as they should be when on vacation, we are setting kids up for failure.
Spending so much to send children to day schools and yeshivas, while not practicing the Torah-priority that the schools teach and preach, is the kind of thing children see through really quickly. In some cases it gets the kids to become more religiously attuned than their parents (thank God), and in some cases it leads them to drop everything altogether when they finish high school, if their questions were never answered or addressed, or if all they saw seemed hypocritical to them.
No matter how we feel Bnei Gad and Bnei Reuven followed through with their commitments on the battlefield, the fact is that they remained outsiders to the rest of the tribes. And when time came to send the tribes off into exile, they were the first to be exiled and the first to be lost forever.
May our priorities of children and grandchildren being our most precious possessions shine through. May our focus on finances be balanced by a desire to be givers and to remember that our success comes from the Almighty. And may we always keep God front and center in our lives so that all that our ancestors lived and died for can remain their legacy as the Jewish people remain a significant force in the world, representing God and His Torah as best as we can.
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