Finding Commonality With Humanity

Parshat Matos 

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

This time of year often leads me to think about life in general, but also about the story and history of the Jewish people. Reviewing sermons from previous years, I found that a few years back I posed the question on this Shabbos Mevorchim: “How do we once again work ourselves into a feeling of mourning over the loss of the Beis HaMikdash? How can we make Tisha B’Av into something that pierces our soul? How can we get ourselves to cry in pain over the void in our lives – one to which we have no inkling of how to relate, because we don’t even know what we’re missing?”

Who could imagine that we’d have an easier time relating to these questions just a few short years later?

It’s not because we have a better appreciation of the loss of the Beis HaMikdash, unfortunately. But we do have a sense of a loss of normalcy (for hopefully the time being and not long term) and of what it means to see changes to life, at an alarmingly fast pace.

Think about what a 3-week period of breaching Yerushalayim’s walls leading to destruction of the centuries-old religious center, and immediate exile meant. Think about how many fell at the hands of the invading hordes, who didn’t particularly contemplate whether this man’s, woman’s, child’s life had any value. That was then – and we still feel the repercussions today. 

The war with Midian, which is described in Parshas Matos, is a frightening tale of how horribly wrong things can go when nations don’t understand one another. Midian were descendants of Avraham Avinu through Keturah. Moav were descendants of Lot – Avraham’s nephew. Neither were part of the 7 nations of the land of Canaan subject to whatever judgment had been meted against them by the Almighty. And yet they viewed Israel as their enemy, and were responsible for giving up their daughters to entice Israelites to sin in a manner that led to the deaths of 24,000 people.

Perhaps disturbing to our ‘modern’ sensibilities, the war with Midian is described as an act of vengeance (31:2). Why vengeance? And why not vengeance against Moav? The simple answer for why Moav is left out of this war of annihilation is because their motivation for getting involved with Israel was fear (Rashi has a different explanation). Instead of communicating with Israel through diplomatic means, they tried to destroy Israel in backhanded ways. Midian, on the other hand, entered an ideological and ultimately physical battle that was not their fight. They were never even remotely threatened - Israel never even tried to pass through Midian!

Rabbi Yitzchok Nissenbaum explained that revenge is a natural desire for individuals and for nations. However, it is only justified in two instances: a. if the hatred coming from the enemy has no reason or justification, meaning there is no way to rid the enemy of his hatred, and b. if the enemy is cruel by nature, which means there is no way to find a common ground.

Anti-Semitism is the world’s longest and oldest hatred. Joseph Telushkin and Dennis Prager co-wrote “Why the Jews?” analyzing its history. Unstrikingly, the Midrash Tanchuma on our parsha sums up their main arguments, in addressing why after God called it “the vengeance of the children of Israel,” Moshe went on to call it “the vengeance of Hashem.” The Midrash says, “Moshe said, ‘Master of worlds, it is known before You that all the hatred the enemies have towards us is because we are the nation of Hashem. The mountain was called Sinai; because of it ‘sinah’ (hatred) was brought against the nation of Israel. Were we to only worship their idols as they do, and mix with them and be exactly like them they wouldn’t hate us.” This is why Moshe called it “the vengeance of Hashem,” because it is only because we are the nation of Hashem that the hatred exists.

I do believe that many people are not anti-Semitic. I do believe many Americans believe in the free exercise of religion, the need for diversity of faiths, and that all good people are deserving of a fair space to believe as they believe, to worship as they worship, and to be accepted in society as citizens of the world.

Haters hate. Not all haters are evil. Some are grossly misinformed. Some have bought into stereotypes. Some are uneducated. Some have never met a Jew. Some read one bad story and assume all people in that category are bad. It is wrong to read any story and assume that all people who look like the criminal in a story are criminals.

I certainly believe that most African Americans are good people. That most Arabs are not terrorists. That most police officers are decent, hard working people who put their lives on the line every day. And of course, that most Jews are good people. And that most haters have never even met the people they hate. Maybe, if those who hate were to expand their horizons and engage in diplomatic conversations, they’d sing a different tune. (Google “Daryl Davis” and learn about a “black man who attends KKK rallies” - to prove this point.)

Midian didn’t have to fight. They chose to be cruel, sacrificing their own daughters, and they chose to engage in all-out war against Israel. Rabbi Nissenbaum said that kind of hatred can’t be fixed. Vengeance was in order.

Golda Meir is attributed with having said “We can forgive you for killing our sons, but we cannot forgive you for making us kill your sons.” Who would have ever thought that within 5 years of the Yom Kippur War, Egypt would turn to Israel to say we don’t want to fight anymore? Peace is always possible when the life choices we make are not ruled by the need or desire for vengeance. When we see another as a human being who just thinks differently, and who is also, at the core, a decent person who has similar dreams for our world and future generations, we can certainly find much in common and much common ground.

The Jewish people have always said, “We just want to live our way, and have others accept that we do things differently.” We don’t make demands of them, they should not make demands of us. With diplomacy and understanding of the other, we can see a brighter future.