The Ger and Me - Equals?

Parshat Shlach

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan translates Bamidbar 15:15-16 as follows: 

“Among the group that may marry one another, the same rule shall apply both to you and to the proselyte who joins. It is an eternal law for future generations that the proselyte shall be the same as you before God. There shall thus be one Torah and one law for you and for the proselyte who joins you.” 

This past Shabbos I was thinking about those who join the Jewish people, because one of the more heart-wrenching stories in Parshat B’haalotkha is the tale of Moshe and his father-in-law. 

In the Torah’s narrative, Moshe tries to convince his father-in-law to join the Israelites, to “be our eyes,” perhaps as a guide, or in some other role. And Yitro’s (as Chovav) response is “I would rather not go. I wish to return to my land and my birthplace.” (10:30) Moshe does try to make all kinds of promises, “If you go with us, we will share with you whatever good God grants us.” (10:32) What he chooses to do is left up to the reader to imagine. Some commentaries suggest that Yitro’s two appearances in the Torah took place in the same span of time, thus suggesting his exit at the end of Shmot 18 indicates that he did indeed return home. 

Why was he hesitant to join the Jewish people? Wasn’t he a righteous convert? 

The answer is that he did not see a future for himself in the land. Sure, he was sold on the idea of God. He was committed to being a monotheist. He may have even been committed to being a Jew. But as a righteous convert, he looked at the projected division of the land by tribe and thought, “Woops! There’s no place for me there!” 

So he said, “Look. I have a nice house. A nice farm. I have my family. I’ll happily go home and convert them to my Jewish faith. But the Jewish community does not have a place for me.” 

When we look at the verse in our Parsha, the Torah indicates here, as it does in other places, that the “ger” is to be treated as an equal. 

First, the idea that the “ger” is referred to as a “ger” when the “ger” has become a “Jew” indicates that we continue to attach a label, and even a stigma, to the Jew by choice. 

Second, do we really need a reminder of this nature? Meaning, if the “ger” is indeed “one of us” then what is the question? Shouldn’t it be obvious that the treatment of the “ger” is the same as everyone else? And that the law applies equally to the “ger” as it does to everyone else? 

Finally, how can we honestly say that the “ger” is treated equally, when we know it isn’t true? 

There are conversations in the Talmud in which the convert’s ability to say the first blessing of Shmoneh Esrei is questioned, because it describes “our God, the God of our Forefathers.” After all, the forefathers are not “really” the ancestors of the convert! Similarly the question is raised regarding the declaration made when presenting Bikkurim (the first fruits) as discussed in the beginning of Parshat Ki Tavo. May a convert state that “here we are in the land You promised to our forefathers?” They were not his forefathers! 

A Kohen may not marry a female convert. There are discussions in Jewish law about whether a convert can serve as a rabbi, or on a Bet Din (Jewish court). 

The Torah has rules about individuals from some nations who want to join the Jewish people, that they need to wait a few generations for their conversion to be finalized. In some cases, the conversion is never accepted! 

So, simply put, is there equality or not? 

Yitro’s descendants were given the land of Yericho, a city upon which Yehoshua placed a curse against any Israelite who would settle there. Gee! Thanks a lot! 

I have been present at a number of conversions. It is a blessing of being a mohel, that I am sometimes asked to perform the “hatafat dam brit” ritual on male converts before they enter the mikvah. It is always emotional. People who have waited for this moment sometimes break down and cry upon emerging from the Mikvah and being told “Welcome home, brother.” We embrace. We love the convert! That is our mitzvah. 

But then we let go. We forget that the convert does not have the background we have. We forget that the convert does not have an extended Jewish family. We forget that the convert is always very sincere, but sometimes does not always know what Judaism’s rules are. We forget that without regular contact, the convert might feel neglected and might sometimes fall back to old habits. 

We sometimes also forget that the convert came to Judaism after doing much thinking outside the box. And that that approach to life in general, thinking outside of the box, is what brought this person into our circles to begin with. And then, instead of embracing that different approach to life, we sometimes judge the convert for being a deep thinker, researching everything life has to offer, and not falling in line with the mainstream. 

Many converts I met have a relationship with God that should be the envy of all the Jews! We have to learn from the sincere converts about what it means to love Judaism, despite the challenges, despite certain hardships, and like Yitro, despite not having a place that made him comfortable. 

The Jew by choice who sticks through all the adversity and difficulties that accompany leaving your family and joining the Jewish people deserves our admiration and respect, and should always be embraced for thinking outside of the box, for that is what brought him or her to the join us as a brother or sister.