The ways we do Purim incorrectly - and how to fix them!
by Rabbi Avi Billet
Mikra Megillah
While there are many halakhot related to the actual Megillah scroll, and how best to fulfill one’s obligation, easily the most important rule associated with the Megillah reading is to hear every word. This is an obligation on all men and women, following the dictum mentioned in the Talmud in several places that אף הן היו באותו הנס. In fact, the halakha highly recommends the Megillah to be read in the presence of 10 people, but in a fit of deviation from the norm, the requirement of 10 is not for a “minyan” purpose, but rather for a “pirsumei nisa” (publicizing the miracle) purpose, which opens the door to the possibility that the ten people could be a mix of men and women. (690:18) This is not to downgrade the preference of reading/hearing the Megillah in the presence of a minyan - that is ideal. But when circumstances are different, halakha shares the above perspective.
The obligation for children who have reached the age of Chinukh (education/understanding) to hear the Megillah is also codified in the Shulchan Arukh.
The customs surrounding which verses are said aloud by the congregation, which words are said in one breath, and which words need to be adjusted/repeated are interesting, but “every place should follow its custom.” (690)
Where things get dicey is in the realm of the making noise at Haman’s name, a practice lamented by the Mishneh Brurah (689:17-18), and even questioned by Ram’a, even as the latter notes that customs are important and shouldn’t be questioned. (690:17)
Mishneh Brurah (690:59) notes some Rishonim and Acharonim who had different personal customs and practices surrounding their own reactions to Haman’s name during the reading. He notes how the Pri Megadim felt that whatever merit was gained in denouncing Haman’s name was overshadowed by their not hearing every word of the Megillah.
In 689:18, the Mishneh Brurah writes the following:
משנה ברורה סימן תרפט ס"ק יחועכשיו בעו"ה נהפוך הוא שלבד שאינם שומעים אלא הם מבלבלים שגם הגדולים אינם יכולים לשמוע וכל ביאתם הוא רק להכות את המן ובזה אין האב מקיים מצות חינוך כלל ובאמת מצד מצות חינוך צריך כל אב להחזיק בניו הקטנים אצלו ולהשגיח עליהם שישמעו הקריאה וכשיגיע הקורא לזכור שם המן האגגי רשאי הקטן להכותו כמנהגו אבל לא שיהיה זה עיקר הבאת הקטן לביה"מ:
“And now, in our many sins, things have been switched completely. Not only do (the children) not listen (to the Megillah), but they disturb the older people (those over bar mitzvah) who can not hear. Their entire purpose in coming seems to be to make noise at Haman, which negates the father’s fulfilling any mitzvah of education. For “Chinukh” purposes, every parent should be holding his minor children, assuring that they hear the reading and don’t make the noisemaking the main reason for their coming to the house of study.”
This is why the “Quiet Megillah reading” has been gaining traction in many communities. People want to go back to the way it’s supposed to be – hearing every word of the Megillah without distraction.
And while the Mishneh Brurah’s lament is real (and ignored), we should make every effort to make Mikra Megillah about hearing the Megillah and not about making noise at Haman’s name. Overkill does not translate to doing it better or right.
Matanot La’Evyonim
What is the difference between an עני and an אביון? In simple terms, an עני is a poor person, to whom we are obligated to help out as often as we can. We do this with our designated “ma’aser monies” throughout the year. An אביון is someone who is needy – in a particular moment in time. We help this person at that moment in time. People, for example, who have a weekly budget for Shabbos, but not for Purim, might be considered אביון, needy of support on Purim day.
An עני is not typically obligated to give to other poor people, for he does not have the requisite funds to do so. But he is nevertheless obligated on Purim to give to an אביון. (Ta”z, Mishnah Brurah, Olat Shabbat - 694:1)
Matanot La’Evyonim, more than anything, is meant to address immediate Purim needs. The abundance of people collecting money for other needs, or for organizations and yeshivas, is more than likely a distortion of the concept of “כל הפושט יד” – that anyone who extends a hand asking for funds is to be given a handout on Purim.
The following is recorded in the Shaarei Teshuva in his commentary on the Shulchan Arukh’s requirement to “give at least two gifts to two poor people.”
בא"ר בשם הרמב"ם טוב להרבות במתנות לאביונים מלהרבות בסעודתו ומשלוח מנות לרעים
“In the Eliyahu Rabba, in the name of the Rambam (he writes) that is good (better) to increase one’s gifts to the needy than to increase one’s meal and one’s mishloach manot.”
It’s a very simple equation: Spend more, much more, in one’s outlay for the needy than on one’s personal needs and on one’s friends who receive the Mishloach Manot.
Mishloach Manot
שולחן ערוך אורח חיים הלכות מגילה ופורים סימן תרצה
* חייב (יח) לשלוח לחבירו (יט) יא שתי מנות [ז] ג) בשר * או של (כ) <ד> מיני אוכלים, שנאמר: ומשלוח מנות איש לרעהו (אסתר ט, יט ו - כב) יב שתי מנות לאיש אחד. וכל המרבה לשלוח לריעים משובח; ואם אין לו, <ה> מחליף עם חבירו, (כא) זה שולח לזה סעודתו, וזה שולח לזה סעודתו, כדי לקיים: ומשלוח מנות איש לרעהו
“A person should send to one’s friend two portions of meat or other foods, as it says ‘the sending of portionS’ (in plural), which means two portions to one person. Those who increase in their giving to others… this is praiseworthy. If one doesn’t have (a lot of food? A lot of friends?) one can trade with one’s friend, each sends the other a meal (for Purim).” (695:4)
Mishneh Brurah (18) there says that if one is sending to a wealthy person, to one individual is sufficient. If one is sending to the poor, one should send Mishloach Manot to at least two poor people.
Mishneh Brurah (20) also extrapolates that the idea of two portions of meat or other foods translates to the food being cooked and ready to be eaten as a meal. A drink could be included. Some say that sending a raw food item that is ready to be cooked (such as a burger patty that can be grilled relatively quickly – my example) is sufficient as well.
Mordechai and Esther did not designate this time period as a time when people look at the Mishloach Manot they receive, and give, as an opportunity to decide “who are my friends” and “who are not my friends”; “who snubbed me” and “who will I snub”; “how creative, fancy, glitzy, and how much money can I spend to impress people?” or “how much garbage packaged candy can I send to people?”; "Am I obligated to reciprocate to everyone who extends something to me?" (No. You are not. A kind word, a hearty thank you, Purim cheer are more than adequate responses.) Mishloach Manot was set up to be a way of giving a meal to someone else on Purim, in an effort to create or at the very least help foster a caring community.
In simple terms, if the Mishloach Manot we give are not a real meal, we are wasting our time, money, effort, and mitzvah! And if we turn it into a numbers game and a competition, we are completely missing the point.
Mishteh – Seudat Purim
שולחן ערוך אורח חיים הלכות מגילה ופורים סימן תרצה
* <א> חייב אינש לבסומי בפוריא * א) עד דלא ידע (ד) בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי. הגה: <ב> וי"א דא"צ להשתכר כל כך, ג אלא שישתה יותר מלימודו (כל בו) (ה) [ב] וישן, ומתוך שישן אינו יודע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי. (מהרי"ל). ואחד המרבה ואחד הממעיט, ובלבד שיכוין לבו לשמים. ...טוב לעסוק {ב} מעט בתורה קודם שיתחיל הסעודה, וסמך לדבר: ליהודים היתה אורה ושמחה (אסתר ח, טז) ודרשינן: אורה, זו תורה (מהרי"ב).
This passage, from 695:2 shows us what a Purim Seudah is supposed to look like. Of course the meaning of the phrase from the Talmud “חייב אינש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי” is heavily disputed, from an absolute obligation to get plastered/drunk on Purim to a need to have Simcha. (The interpretation I love the most is “one is obligated to get drunk with Purim” – in other words that one should soak in all of Purim’s messages and have it define one’s day. This has nothing to do with imbibing wine).
In general, getting drunk is a practice frowned upon in Judaism. Ramban includes it in his examples of being נבל ברשות התורה, acting poorly with the Torah’s permission (because the Torah never prohibits drinking). Any biblical example of someone getting drunk (Noach, Lot, etc.) is never a good one.
The Rama says whether one gets drunk or not, imbibes more or less, it should ONLY be done for the sake of heaven.
Also, it is important to study Torah before beginning the meal. The Jews had light (Ora) and joy (Simcha). Light = Torah, the Talmud teaches us. So we have to remember our roots before we enjoy the Purim meal.
Much has been written, tweeted, blogged, spoken, about the irresponsible behaviors of some adults, many yeshiva students, and many high school students (who are underage) who overindulge in alcoholic beverages on Purim. There is simply no excuse for this in any context other than responsible drinking at a Purim meal, in a manner that leads one to perhaps fall asleep at the table or on a couch or bed (the other meaning of the Aramaic word פוריא)
Certainly getting into cars, or chas v’shalom behind the wheel (!) after having alcohol is not only a terrible Chillul Hashem but is extremely dangerous! Vomiting in your house or in someone else’s house is a Chillul Hashem. Being brought to the emergency room on account of behavior that was entirely preventable is a Chillul Hashem.
Let us remember what Mordechai and Esther had in mind. Joy over being saved. Thanks to Hashem for the salvation. A celebration of Torah and community. This is what Purim should be about.
Anything else is simply a distortion.
Costumes
Some people call me the Grinch that stole Purim.
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| copyright Dr. Seuss |
But I did not make this up. Here is the Ram’a, 696:8:
שולחן ערוך אורח חיים הלכות מגילה ופורים סימן תרצו
ומה שנהגו ללבוש פרצופים בפורים, וגבר לובש שמלת אשה ואשה כלי גבר, אין איסור בדבר מאחר שאין מכוונין אלא לשמחה בעלמא; ו) {ג} וכן בלבישת כלאים דרבנן. וי"א דאסור, <ה> אבל המנהג כסברא (ל) הראשונה. וכן בני אדם החוטפים זה מזה דרך שמחה, אין בזה (לא) משום לא תגזול (ויקרא יט, יג) (לב) ונהגו כך, ובלבד שלא יעשו דבר שלא כהוגן על פי טובי העיר (תשובת מהר"י מינץ סימן י"ז /ט"ו/).
“Regarding the practice people have of wearing masks on Purim. And a man wears drag and a woman (wears) men’s articles… there is no prohibition as they are only intending to have joy (i.e. be silly). And the same holds true regarding Rabbinically prohibited mixtures in clothes*. But there are those who forbid it. Nevertheless the custom is like the first view… The main thing is that people should not do things that are not approved by the leaders of the city.”
* many take issue with this exception of the Ram’a regarding “kilayim”
Perhaps more correctly, one might consider following this comment of the Ram’a, brought down in the name of Mahari’l (695:2):
שולחן ערוך אורח חיים הלכות מגילה ופורים סימן תרצה
יש שנהגו ללבוש בגדי שבת וי"ט בפורים, וכן נכון (מהרי"ל)
“There are those who have the custom to wear Shabbos and Yom Tov clothes on Purim, and this is a correct practice.”
Conclusion
Purim has come to symbolize a joyous time, a time of celebrating triumph over enemies, and a time to reflect on our commitment to Torah, God, and one another.
It has also become a time in which certain elements of silly behavior is given a thumbs up.
So I won’t come down too hard on costumes or themed Mishloach Manot.
But let us remember that many families throw out a lot of the candy they are given. So putting people in a situation in which they will violate “Bal Tashchis” is a violation of “Lifnei Iver.”
Giving chametz that people can’t possibly consume in advance of Pesach puts people in a difficult situation as well – see previous paragraph.
Purim is a fun day, but it is really supposed to be a meaningful day. For some people, all the driving around and all the hectic takes away from the real ability to soak Purim in, to get drunk on the concept of Purim, to delight in God, to delight in the Rabbinic holiday that requires both a Yom Tov meal and Yom Tov clothes, and really reminds us how important our community is, and to recommit ourselves (as the Talmud says) to Torah during this time period.
May we be zocheh (merit) to do Purim right, to avoid waste, excess, Chillul Hashem, and instead celebrate the holiday as it is meant to be celebrated. Give to others. Delight in one another. Extend a hand to someone we don’t know, whether the person is needy financially or needy of a friend.
And we should be blessed to once again see darkness turned to light as the new enemies of the Jewish people meet the same end as their historical ancestors.
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