There is one part of the davening during
this time period which has a very unique impact on me every time it comes
around. And it’s even more profound when I actually lead the Selichos. It is in
the section of שמע קולנו.
אל תשליכנו לעת
זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו
It is most striking for me, because it is
one of the clearest memories I have of my grandfather, ZL, who passed away 15
years ago on the first night of Rosh Hashana. He had Parkinsons disease for the
last 9 years of his life. But whether I sat in shul with him or whether it was
just in our house, I recall how my grandfather, who never complained about his
ailments, would say אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה. God,
don’t forsake me and cast me off into old age, when my strength ebbs, don’t
abandon me.
My grandfather, who was fond of reminding
me that a person who eats horseradish for a 100 years lives to be an old man,
was not a complainer. He used to tell me, in his slight European accent, “Once
upon a time I was a young man.” That was his way of saying, I’m an old man now
and I can’t do the things I could do in my youth.
אל תשליכנו לעת
זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו
I can’t explain why it resonates with me.
My grandfather was double my current age when I was born. I feel, and hope, that the actual words shouldn't be my reality for a long time. But still – I can’t
shake that memory.
Maybe it’s related to what comes before
it. In Selichos, we say תביאנו אל הר קדשך… before
we get into Shema Koleinu. My grandfather would always – and when I say always,
I mean ALWAYS – mention the גאולה שלימה. He read
the book אם הבנים שמחה, Rabbi
Yossochor Teichtel’s treatise about the return to ציון, as his bible. In every family event when we’d whip out the
video camera and ask Grampy for a statement, he’d say something like “יעזר הקבה שנראה
את הגאולה שלימה במהרה בימינו. “ That
God should help us see the Final Redemption – so the idea of והביאותים אל הר
קדשי ושמתחים בבית תפילתי in its
own way already gets me thinking about him.
In yeshiva we’d always sing those words –
והביאותים אל הר קדשי – in
both Mussaf and in Neilah, and often before opening the Aron for Shema Koleinu.
It helps us remember – יזכור – that this life is incomplete without a complete return to
Zion. My grandfather knew this. He also knew that there’s a major difference
between עוד ישבו זקנים וזקנות ברחובות ירושלים. - That
the elderly sit in rebuilt Jerusalem, where they should be honored and revered - And not being cast off in old age
אל תשליכנו לעת
זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו.
One more story: the last time I spoke
with my grandfather in any memorable way – because he couldn’t speak coherently
for the last year of his life - was when my father and I went to visit him shortly before Pesach. It's amazing how when we'd put his tefillin on him, all the words which were unclear melted away and Shema Yisrael was clearly what he was saying.
Anyway, when we got there, his nurse told us he normally eats well, but today he wasn't cooperating. I was left alone with him for a moment, and he kept saying, "Zmanim. Zmanim." Zmanim means "time." What on earth was he talking about? As I continued to press him, it occurred to me that he thought it was Yom Kippur. He knew he wasn't well, that he had to eat something. But he also wanted to know when Yom Kippur would be over, so he could resume eating normally. We tried to tell him it was a few days before Pesach. But he didn't believe us.
Here he is, in a relative state of mental incapacity, and he's thinking it's Yom Kippur.
We all know of people who have lost
control of parts of their mind and body, and sometimes it brings out the worst
in them. Which they obviously get a pass for – they are not themselves. But
what comes out in one's lost state of mind? Some people get drunk and become the most
embarrassing mess. I’ve seen people get drunk and share chiddushei torah. Crazy Torah thoughts, sometimes. But words of Torah.
For my grandfather, he thought it was YK.
What do we think about when the going
gets tough?
It’s too hot. It’s too cold. My phone
died. I can’t figure out these apps. There was a line at Costco. Excuse me,
BJs. The rabbi spoke too long. Davening took too long. The chazzan schlepped.
The chazzan was no good. There wasn’t enough food. The chuppah went on and on.
It’s this person’s fault, It’s that person’s fault. The clock was broken. The
computer didn’t work. The customer service person couldn’t even speak English.
It’s the Democrats. It’s the Republicans.
When we gather for Yizkor – what are we
thinking about? I just saw a video of a Torah dedication ceremony in a Chiloni– not religious – kibutz in Israel.
The Synagogue was being named for Hadar
Goldin, one of the soldiers killed – before his wedding, by the way – in Israel during
the summer. The Torah was being dedicated in memory of Daniel Turgeman, the
four year old boy killed by rocket fire by one of those little rockets that
don’t hurt anyone because Israel has an iron dome, as some in the mainstream
media put it. It was amazing to see – and my father, who is involved with some
of these Torah dedications, tells me this is a growing phenomenon in Israel –
not religious kibbutzim are building synagogues and having Torahs dedicated.
And in cases like this, in memory of people who were killed simply because they
were Jewish. What are they thinking about? That there’s a lot more that unites
the Jewish people than divides the Jewish people. That the Torah is not only
for the observant. Every person who is Jewish has a חלק in the Torah.
When we say אל תשליכנו לעת
זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו, we
aren’t really asking that we die young so we never have the chance to be cast
off in old age. As we all know. Which is one reason why these tragic losses
must be remembered. Husbands, Fathers, sons, fiances, grandsons, a little boy. They never had the chance to cry out to Hashem
for real. We must think about them during Yizkor. We must think about them when
we daven and pray, no matter how much, or how often, we daven and pray.
When the going gets tough we miss our
loved ones. I have met many elderly people who tell me, “I speak to my mother
every day.” The mother died a long time ago. But she isn’t dead. She lives
inside her daughter, who is now in her eighties. Rabbi Soloveitchik’s father
died when he was 38. For the rest of his life, he pictured his father when he
was learning Torah, and of course at the yearly yarzeit shiur he gave, for
several hours. And I know many people remember their loved ones daily. Not just
at Yizkor on Yom Kippur or some other holiday.
We began the Torah reading today saying
(א) וַיְדַבֵּר יְהֹוָה אֶל משֶׁה אַחֲרֵי מוֹת שְׁנֵי
בְּנֵי אַהֲרֹן בְּקָרְבָתָם לִפְנֵי יְהֹוָה וַיָּמֻתוּ:
(ב) וַיֹּאמֶר יְהֹוָה אֶל משֶׁה דַּבֵּר אֶל אַהֲרֹן
אָחִיךָ וְאַל יָבֹא בְכָל עֵת אֶל הַקֹּדֶשׁ מִבֵּית לַפָּרֹכֶת אֶל פְּנֵי הַכַּפֹּרֶת
אֲשֶׁר עַל הָאָרֹן וְלֹא יָמוּת כִּי בֶּעָנָן אֵרָאֶה עַל הַכַּפֹּרֶת:
What is the goal of the instructions for
the Kohen Gadol on Yom Kippur – ולא ימות! He
shouldn’t die! His sons died serving God in an inappropriate fashion. Let that
not be Aharon’s fate.
But you know what’s amazing about even
the deaths of Aharon’s sons? They never seem to be forgotten. In the Torah
they’re mentioned 3 times as Aharon’s sons AFTER THEY ARE DEAD. I know families
who have Rachmana Litzlan lost children. Ask them how many children they have,
and they usually say the number that reflects their living children. There are
some who say the number that they had who were born, even though one is no
longer alive. But that is far less the case – because it is awkward, strange,
and not sociologically acceptable.
But I applaud those who can do so.
Because they live Yizkor all the time. Not only do they remember, but they also
don’t forget. They don’t push it aside. It becomes part of who they are – and
in many many cases, it makes them stronger, and closer to one another.
Yes, the opposite happens as well,
sometimes. And that makes for a double tragedy – the loss of the family member,
and the loss of the cohesion of family.
But in Aharon’s case, it seems it made
the union stronger. There was a concern that Aharon not die. Sometimes death is
the end, but sometimes the "living death" is even more tragic. I spoke with a
younger man this week, who told me that his father has severe brain damage – I
don’t recall the episode that caused this, whether it was a stroke or some kind
of physical trauma. And they have been praying for years that his suffering
end. They don’t even ask for a refuah shleimah any more. There is no refuah. We
know what this means. It is a horrible existence. Hashem Yerachem.
Maybe for Aharon the concern was that the
loss of his sons should not make him dead to the world. The Bnei Yisrael NEEDED
Aharon! לא ימות!
There’s a halakha that says that a person
who is married is preferred to lead the services on the High Holidays. Because
the person who knows what it means to be a בעל רחמים, for his wife, for his children, can stand as the best
representative of the Tzibbur.
Who better than Aharon could serve in
such a capacity? Who better than Aharon could stand before the Ribbono Shel
Olam and pray, beg, for mercy for Bnei Yisrael? Who better than Aharon could
beseech the Creator and say, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD! Have mercy! Let none
suffer the way I have suffered! Let none experience loss the way I have
experience loss! And let those who suffer loss לא ימות! And perhaps bless me too that אל תשליכנו לעת
זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו.
Moshe and Aharon live out their lives in
good health until their dying day. They are never cast off into old age! What a
bracha! What a bracha….
Last night I mentioned the need to set
personal goals on Yom Kippur.
Here are a few that I take from what has
been said until now.
11. Tap into our essence. What will come out of our
brains and mouths when we are not in control. We have to train ourselves to
speak and to think pure thoughts. To continue to always try to build upon our
connection to our Father in Heaven.
2. אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו – We
pray for good health, and to be in a community where aging is embraced by the
younger people, who honor and respect and do not cast off the elderly. And of
course, good health also comes with a price tag, the hishtadlus necessary, our
responsibility to do our part to maintain our good physical health, through
good habits, and our good spiritual health, through prayer, learning, and a
constant climbing to the goal of getting as close to God as humanly possible.
3 3. לא ימות. Not
only to not die. But to not die inside. Don’t shut off the world. Don’t be out
of touch. Don’t close people out. Don’t let even tragedy set us back. If Aharon
could move on after losing two sons in a moment, hopefully all of our setbacks
pale in comparison. It is through an embracing of life and the people around us
that life itself becomes meaningful and fulfilling and worth the effort.
4. Never forget our loved ones. Don’t remember them only
on the 4 Yizkors of the year. Remember them always. The impact they had in our
lives. Talk to them. Listen to their counsel. Improve upon the education they
gave us and the world they laid open for us. And become the best humans and
Jews we can be.
5. Keep Zion in our hearts at all times. We must
remember, we cannot forget, our brothers and sisters in Israel. Jews all over
the world are still attacked for being Jews. It seemed it was getting better
since the Holocaust. But we see it is getting worse. We thank God for the
tolerant and the Ohavei Yisrael who understand that bigotry has no place in a
civilized world. But much of the world – and certain elements of its
population, and certain religions – remain uncivilized. The real Shivas Zion –
Israel is what we often call the ראשית צמיחת גאולתינו – is incomplete until the Messiah comes. Israel is at the front
line in the war to save humanity from itself, as Prime Minister Netanyahu just
articulated to the United Nations this week. So we remember the citizens of
Israel who gave their lives this summer – from the three kidnapped and murdered
boys, Naftali, Gilad and Eyal , to the 67 soldiers who fell in מבצע צוק איתן – Operation Protective Edge, and the civilians who lost their
lives as well. We owe it to them to support and grow that which they gave their
lives for – עם ישראל, ארץ ישראל, and to live as a Jew, not only unashamed, but PROUD that I
have ה אלקינו ה אחד above
me, and that I am part of a people who have given and continue to contribute so
much to this world.
On a personal note, I hope I always
remember, and never forget – Hashem tells us this form a few times in the Torah
– זכור and לא תשכח – that והביאותים אל הר קדשי precedes
אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו.
Because remembering Zion is how my
grandfather lived, and with אל תשליכנו לעת זקנה ככלות כוחינו אל תעזבנו – that’s how he died. Never wanting to be cast off. Never
wanting to let go. Pushing himself to go to shul when it took him twenty
minutes to get from his front door to the car, because they lived in a
brownstone that had 20 steps from street to front door. And who always
remembered that ה promised
there will be a גאולה שלימה. And as
a person who believed wholeheartedly in God, at every turn in his life – a
bris, a bat mitzvah, a birthday, a Chanukah party, a wedding, he demonstrated for me what
it means to believe there is light at the end of a tunnel. People live, people
die. But HKBH reigns. And he promised that there is a brighter future. When עוד ישבו זקנים
וזקנות ברחובות ירושלים.
Maybe Yizkor, Remember, is something we
do 4 times a year simply because it’s a reminder. It is a service of the lip.
But the real challenge is all year לא תשכח, not to forget. Not to forget is the mandate we all have –
because it takes effort not to forget. We have to take responsibilities upon
ourselves, and live lives that reflect what our forbears set for us.
We remember. We must. But even moreso, we
must take all these responsibilities upon ourselves year round, so that we not
forget. And with this, we should be blessed with a שנת חיים וברכה, a year of life and blessing.
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