Chanukah
by Rabbi Avi Billet
One of the more popular questions asked about Chanukah is why is it celebrated eight days if the miracle of the oil was only for seven days? Meaning, if the people who rededicated the holy Temple found enough oil to last one day, then that one day isn’t a miracle!
Of course, the supposition that they celebrated eight days because of the miracle of the oil is only one view. There are other ways to look at Chanukah, through history and through precedent that may help us have a deeper appreciation for the holiday.
In Book of Maccabees I Chapter 4, the classic work of the Apocrypha states: “On the twenty-fifth of the ninth month, Chislev, in the year 148 they rose at dawn and offered a lawful sacrifice on the new altar of burnt offering which they had made. The altar was dedicated…The whole people fell prostrate in adoration and then praised Heaven who had granted them success. For eight days they celebrated the dedication of the altar, joyfully offering burnt offerings…”
One of the reasons for choosing to celebrate 8 days was because they had missed the holiday of Sukkot plus Shmini Atzeret on account of the fighting and sought to make it up, at least on a celebration level, at this time.
But even such a celebration has much deeper routes. Consider that the dedication and consecration of the Mishkan, the Tabernacle of the Wilderness, covered an eight-day period. The “Yom HaShmini” is highly celebrated in the Torah portion of that name. And while that celebration was marred by the untimely and tragic deaths of Aharon’s sons Nadav and Avihu, the day being defined as the eighth day indicates it followed seven prior days of celebration.
In the book of Melachim (Kings) at the dedication of the Temple build under Solomon’s financing and leadership, we find a depiction of a celebration for 7 days, followed by an additional seven days. They had missed Yom Kippur that year, due to the pending completion, and sought to make it up to God through an additional celebration. Smack in the middle of the two seven days periods the verse (8:66) highlights an “eighth day” – presumably Shmini Atzeret – which was an extra special day of celebration.
Clearly celebrations of this length are normal when it comes to the Temple’s dedication.
A simple question can be asked. Did they observe an 8-day celebration at the completion of the building of Temple #2? Towards the end of Ezra Chapter 6, we are told the Temple was completed on the 3rd day of Adar. A little over a month later, Pesach was observed in all its glory as a 7 day holiday. While a great many sacrifices were offered at the time of the completion of the construction, a time period for how long the dedication celebration took is not recorded. Did they save their celebration for Pesach time? It is possible.
If it is true that their celebration was only 7 days, how does that fit in with the proposed theory, that dedications of Temples are always eight days? It’s very simple. The second Temple was missing something – it never rose to the level of the First Temple. It did not have an Ark, the High Priest did not have the Urim V’Tumim, and there was an air of this not being a complete return to the glory of the old days.
This leads us to the significance of the number 8. Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch makes a powerful case for the significance of the number 7 in the Torah and in all of Jewish life. Very few things are attached to the number eight, though they include Shmini Atzeret, the Dedication Day (see above), Brit Milah, and the number of strings in each Tzitzit corner. He also mentions Shavuot as being the beginning of an eighth week (following 7 complete weeks of Sefirat Ha’Omer), Jubilee as the beginning of an eighth cycle (following 7 complete Shmittah cycles), as well as the eighth day being the day a baby animal to be used as an offering is now fit – prior to which it was to remain with its mother.
The Midrash notes in the account of Creation that Sabbath turned to God and said “You made a partner for each day. 1 has 2, 3 has 4, 5 has 6. What will be with me? God said ‘Israel will be your partner.’” Hirsch says that seven is directly connected to God, but the number eight represents the visible upholder of the seven. Shmini Atzeret is our way of celebrating with God one last time at the end of Sukkot. There is ample evidence that Shavuot – owing to its linkage to Pesach through the counting of the Omer – is the eighth day of Pesach. Tzitzit and Milah are public displays of God’s presence in our midst.
Thus a complete celebration of eight days, as indicated by the Divine hand the Maccabees and co. felt at the conclusion of their defeat of Antiochus, was certainly warranted. But I think there’s one more point to consider as well.
Antiochus famously outlawed 3 mitzvot: Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, and circumcision. Isn’t it fascinating that an eight day Chanukah will always include at least one Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, and its length of time reminds us of the mitzvah of Brit Milah (this latter point is also noted by the Aruch HaShulchan!).
The public displays of candles on Chanukah are our way of publicly demonstrating that the enemy was defeated, and his designs failed. And we very proudly observe Shabbos and Rosh Chodesh during Chanukah, and give a tribute to our most common 8-day celebration (a tribute to Brit Milah, because you can’t plan these things…) through how this holiday is set up in the calendar.
May we be blessed to take the lesson of Chanukah, a public rededication to God, as we celebrate for eight days.
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Monday, December 4, 2017
Yichud: A Societal Problem and Real World Solution
Parshat Vayeshev
by Rabbi Avi Billet
It seems that every week another famous personality is outed as a sexual predator or abuser, and is publicly fired and condemned. Of course, with all accusations, a person is innocent until proven guilty, but in the cultures where “everyone knew” what was going on and was hush-hush about it, the guilt seems to be a fait accompli.
Most of these cases involve a man using his position of power to get away with behavior that is (to put it lightly) objectionable. Could a woman ever be guilty of the same abuse of power? Absolutely. Due to the inherent differences in nature of men and women, women are far less likely to use their power in this manner, but it can certainly happen.
In last week’s Torah portion, we read of Shechem, prince of a city, who used his power to take advantage of Dinah, daughter of Yaakov. Justice was meted out to him fairly quickly through the sword of her brothers, but her life was ruined as a result.
This week we read of a woman in a position of power who sought to take advantage of a young man. Mrs. Potiphar, the wife of Yosef’s master, spent days, possibly weeks, months, even a year, trying to seduce Yosef. Noticing every word the text uses to describe her advances to Yosef, commentaries jump from her being desperate, to her being threatening to Yosef in order to get what she wanted. 39:10 indicates how she approached him day after day, and how he refused to “lay next to her, to be with her.” What these two phrases indicate in terms of what result she was looking for will be addressed in a moment.
Many Midrashim note a comparison between this tale and another tale of a forward woman, who was much more modest in her proposal, and certainly not in a position to abuse power. In fact the man in that other situation, despite being placed in an uncomfortable situation, was nothing shy of a true gentleman. That story is the Ruth/Boaz story, when she came to his granary in the middle of the night, as he slept on the floor, and she uncovered his feet and lay down next to him. When he awoke and found a woman laying at his feet, the conversation went like this: “Who are you?” “I am Ruth, your handmaid, and you shall spread your wing over your handmaid, for you are a near kinsman." And he said, "May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter; your latest act of kindness is greater than the first, not to follow the young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not be afraid. All that you say I will do for you, for the entire gate of my people know that you are a woman of valor…” (Ruth 3:9-11)
While what she says had deeper undertones of a long term commitment, what was she thinking in the here-and-now? Was she proposing for Boaz to “take her” at that moment? Was she nervous about what he might choose to do? And Boaz, the gentleman, sends her an important message: “Do not be afraid.” Granted, he could have had no ill-motive, and may have been saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything you asked.” But he says “Do not be afraid,” which clearly indicates an effort to put her at ease and not be worried about her safety.
Potiphar’s wife did nothing of the sort. Why she wanted Yosef may relate to his personal beauty, her disgust for her husband, her husband’s personal preferences (and therefore inattentiveness towards her - see Alshikh 39:8).
Rabbenu Bachaye noted that when Yosef was promoted in Potiphar’s house he felt he was a master and on top of the world. This drew the master’s wife to Yosef even more, because he wasn’t a lowly servant. On the other hand, I wonder how ancient societies viewed the master or mistress of the house having their way with the help. It is no secret that the third president of the United States was involved in this fashion with his own slaves. Was it expected, therefore, that Yosef was to be submissive and an easy conquest for her, and the fact that he had a mind of his own was most insulting to her? Alshikh claims she may have wanted him at any point prior, but it was only when he became like a master that she could actually get away with approaching him.
There is no question, however, who truly had the power over the other. She was the master’s wife, and he was the servant. So her advances were therefore no different than the kind we read of in the newspapers today.
We are left to understand what is meant by Yosef’s refusal to “lay next to her, to be with her.”
The simplest summary of what was going on is in the Midrash Sechel Tov, who writes that Yosef “did not listen to her” to commit the act, “to lay next to her” even to simply lay on the same bed (some commentaries suggest “with clothes on”), or “to be with her” in violation of the rules of seclusion, where the two of them are alone together in the same room (hereafter "Yichud"), even with nothing official going on (Ibn Ezra says “to talk with her”).
It is this last one which is the key to all ails of our society’s indiscretions. Malbim, Seforno, Rashbam and others mention Yichud as something Yosef refused to give in on, and when he found himself alone in the house with her – a reality he did not foresee – he ran out of the house!
When the Vice President was harangued by the media for essentially saying he avoids seclusion with any woman who is not his wife, I recall shaking my head thinking, he is aware of the laws of Yichud, and a “liberal” society is killing him for exercising common sense. Turns out he has a very good alibi, will not likely be accused of anything, and in a sense, will have the last laugh.
Avoiding seclusion, and therefore the remotest possibility of indiscretion, is what should be promoted and embraced by our society. It means lots of open doors, or at the very least, being in rooms with windows or video cameras, so suspicion can be cast aside and temptation undermined by either the fear of being caught, or the embarrassment of being seen doing something inappropriate.
I once heard Rabbi Mordechai Willig suggest avoiding yichud with the Internet as well. May that suggestion also be taken under advisement. Amen.
by Rabbi Avi Billet
It seems that every week another famous personality is outed as a sexual predator or abuser, and is publicly fired and condemned. Of course, with all accusations, a person is innocent until proven guilty, but in the cultures where “everyone knew” what was going on and was hush-hush about it, the guilt seems to be a fait accompli.
Most of these cases involve a man using his position of power to get away with behavior that is (to put it lightly) objectionable. Could a woman ever be guilty of the same abuse of power? Absolutely. Due to the inherent differences in nature of men and women, women are far less likely to use their power in this manner, but it can certainly happen.
In last week’s Torah portion, we read of Shechem, prince of a city, who used his power to take advantage of Dinah, daughter of Yaakov. Justice was meted out to him fairly quickly through the sword of her brothers, but her life was ruined as a result.
This week we read of a woman in a position of power who sought to take advantage of a young man. Mrs. Potiphar, the wife of Yosef’s master, spent days, possibly weeks, months, even a year, trying to seduce Yosef. Noticing every word the text uses to describe her advances to Yosef, commentaries jump from her being desperate, to her being threatening to Yosef in order to get what she wanted. 39:10 indicates how she approached him day after day, and how he refused to “lay next to her, to be with her.” What these two phrases indicate in terms of what result she was looking for will be addressed in a moment.
Many Midrashim note a comparison between this tale and another tale of a forward woman, who was much more modest in her proposal, and certainly not in a position to abuse power. In fact the man in that other situation, despite being placed in an uncomfortable situation, was nothing shy of a true gentleman. That story is the Ruth/Boaz story, when she came to his granary in the middle of the night, as he slept on the floor, and she uncovered his feet and lay down next to him. When he awoke and found a woman laying at his feet, the conversation went like this: “Who are you?” “I am Ruth, your handmaid, and you shall spread your wing over your handmaid, for you are a near kinsman." And he said, "May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter; your latest act of kindness is greater than the first, not to follow the young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not be afraid. All that you say I will do for you, for the entire gate of my people know that you are a woman of valor…” (Ruth 3:9-11)
While what she says had deeper undertones of a long term commitment, what was she thinking in the here-and-now? Was she proposing for Boaz to “take her” at that moment? Was she nervous about what he might choose to do? And Boaz, the gentleman, sends her an important message: “Do not be afraid.” Granted, he could have had no ill-motive, and may have been saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything you asked.” But he says “Do not be afraid,” which clearly indicates an effort to put her at ease and not be worried about her safety.
Potiphar’s wife did nothing of the sort. Why she wanted Yosef may relate to his personal beauty, her disgust for her husband, her husband’s personal preferences (and therefore inattentiveness towards her - see Alshikh 39:8).
Rabbenu Bachaye noted that when Yosef was promoted in Potiphar’s house he felt he was a master and on top of the world. This drew the master’s wife to Yosef even more, because he wasn’t a lowly servant. On the other hand, I wonder how ancient societies viewed the master or mistress of the house having their way with the help. It is no secret that the third president of the United States was involved in this fashion with his own slaves. Was it expected, therefore, that Yosef was to be submissive and an easy conquest for her, and the fact that he had a mind of his own was most insulting to her? Alshikh claims she may have wanted him at any point prior, but it was only when he became like a master that she could actually get away with approaching him.
There is no question, however, who truly had the power over the other. She was the master’s wife, and he was the servant. So her advances were therefore no different than the kind we read of in the newspapers today.
We are left to understand what is meant by Yosef’s refusal to “lay next to her, to be with her.”
The simplest summary of what was going on is in the Midrash Sechel Tov, who writes that Yosef “did not listen to her” to commit the act, “to lay next to her” even to simply lay on the same bed (some commentaries suggest “with clothes on”), or “to be with her” in violation of the rules of seclusion, where the two of them are alone together in the same room (hereafter "Yichud"), even with nothing official going on (Ibn Ezra says “to talk with her”).
It is this last one which is the key to all ails of our society’s indiscretions. Malbim, Seforno, Rashbam and others mention Yichud as something Yosef refused to give in on, and when he found himself alone in the house with her – a reality he did not foresee – he ran out of the house!
When the Vice President was harangued by the media for essentially saying he avoids seclusion with any woman who is not his wife, I recall shaking my head thinking, he is aware of the laws of Yichud, and a “liberal” society is killing him for exercising common sense. Turns out he has a very good alibi, will not likely be accused of anything, and in a sense, will have the last laugh.
Avoiding seclusion, and therefore the remotest possibility of indiscretion, is what should be promoted and embraced by our society. It means lots of open doors, or at the very least, being in rooms with windows or video cameras, so suspicion can be cast aside and temptation undermined by either the fear of being caught, or the embarrassment of being seen doing something inappropriate.
I once heard Rabbi Mordechai Willig suggest avoiding yichud with the Internet as well. May that suggestion also be taken under advisement. Amen.
Friday, December 1, 2017
Finding Silver Linings
Parshat Vayishlach
by Rabbi Avi Billet
The Torah portion is replete with life-events that certainly did not go the way those involved in them would have wanted. And yet, positive thinking people try to find silver linings. Sometimes the silver lining is obvious; sometimes it is only discovered years later.
Yaakov anticipated a major confrontation with Eisav, yet it seems to go rather well!
Yaakov certainly did not plan to have a fight on the eastern side of the Yabok river. Yet when it ends, and despite his injury, Yaakov is the victor, he receives a blessing, and we have a mitzvah that reminds us of that fight every day (not to eat the ‘gid hanasheh’).
What positives can be gleaned from the following examples of things that do not go his way: the death of his mother, the rape of his daughter, the death of his wife, the strange incident of Reuven and Bilhah?
For Yaakov, maybe Rivkah’s death means that Rivkah’s prophesy or concern will never come true – of losing the “two of you on the same day.” If Rivkah is not around, having died at the age of 133 according to Seder Olam, then she will never lose two people on the same day. This is at least a blessing of longevity for someone! And it’s not like Rivkah’s life was cut short! – Yaakov was just away for too long.
What good comes from the rape of Dinah?
For Dinah in the moment, nothing. Her life seems ruined and worthless. But in the bigger picture - Eradication of evil. The ridding of a lying, thieving, rape-defending society. According to some, Dinah was the mother of Osnat, the eventual wife of Yosef, dropped off in Egypt for adoption, and raised to ultimately be returned to her family through her royal nuptials. And, of course, Osnat was the mother of Menashe and Ephraim. Not too shabby for her tragic beginnings!
What good comes from the death of Rachel?
In the here and now. nothing. How could anyone ever say that the death of a young mother has a positive side to it? However, as we read in the haftorah on Rosh Hashana, Rachel played a very significant role insofar as how she cries over her children. Dying and being buried at that spot set up antidote for the Jewish people that the strike of exile would not spell the complete annihilation of the Jewish people.
What good comes from the Reuven Bilhah incident? Beyond Rashi, who argues that Reuven did not sin, and of course the many commentaries who argue that he did sin, we can look to the interpretation of the Shakh who defends Reuven’s sincere intentions to keep the family unit intact, and to maintain the requisite number of children required (12) to begin a new nation. His thinking went along the lines of “If Yaakov has more children, some of his original 12 will be rejected. Perhaps he’ll start by rejecting some of Leah’s children.” So he took matters into his own hands to avoid the creation of more siblings. Negative, not his business, etc. But his actions ultimately preserved Am Yisrael’s family unit.
We are taught in many places to judge people favorably, even and especially when we don’t see the whole picture; to say “This too is for the best” even when in the moment it doesn’t seem that it is; to be able to find the blessing in bad news, just as readily as we find something to be grateful for in good news.
Sometimes it takes time to see these things. And sometimes it is extremely important not to judge based on only one perspective. Even when trying to arbitrate or adjudicate between people in an argument, we must hear both sides.
It takes special people to hear the other person’s side and be able to acknowledge that such a side is valid. And that the view that I have isn’t the only one. It may have taken Yaakov, for example, five seconds to realize this, but he didn’t get to act on it until 34 years later when he actually met up with Eisav and acknowledged, “Eisav, your grievance is valid.” And Eisav saw a positive side too – Yaakov has grown up, moved on from those days when he tricked me, and is ready to let bygones be bygones. Why don’t I meet him halfway, so we can depart as friends?
We should be blessed to be able to look past the bad and find the good in the challenges that come our way in life. And if we have to wait a little longer to find that good, let us be blessed with the patience to wait for it to roll around. Because it will come! We just need to open our eyes and embrace the possibility of being surprised one day when clarity hits. Hopefully it will come through blessing and not through tragedy. And may we blessed to know it when we see it and acknowledge God’s kindness, as Yaakov does at the beginning of the parsha when he says “Katonti” I have become humbled from all the kindnesses you have shown me, which I have come to recognize as Your constant presence and Your constant protection through all the struggles life has brought.
by Rabbi Avi Billet
The Torah portion is replete with life-events that certainly did not go the way those involved in them would have wanted. And yet, positive thinking people try to find silver linings. Sometimes the silver lining is obvious; sometimes it is only discovered years later.
Yaakov anticipated a major confrontation with Eisav, yet it seems to go rather well!
Yaakov certainly did not plan to have a fight on the eastern side of the Yabok river. Yet when it ends, and despite his injury, Yaakov is the victor, he receives a blessing, and we have a mitzvah that reminds us of that fight every day (not to eat the ‘gid hanasheh’).
What positives can be gleaned from the following examples of things that do not go his way: the death of his mother, the rape of his daughter, the death of his wife, the strange incident of Reuven and Bilhah?
For Yaakov, maybe Rivkah’s death means that Rivkah’s prophesy or concern will never come true – of losing the “two of you on the same day.” If Rivkah is not around, having died at the age of 133 according to Seder Olam, then she will never lose two people on the same day. This is at least a blessing of longevity for someone! And it’s not like Rivkah’s life was cut short! – Yaakov was just away for too long.
What good comes from the rape of Dinah?
For Dinah in the moment, nothing. Her life seems ruined and worthless. But in the bigger picture - Eradication of evil. The ridding of a lying, thieving, rape-defending society. According to some, Dinah was the mother of Osnat, the eventual wife of Yosef, dropped off in Egypt for adoption, and raised to ultimately be returned to her family through her royal nuptials. And, of course, Osnat was the mother of Menashe and Ephraim. Not too shabby for her tragic beginnings!
What good comes from the death of Rachel?
In the here and now. nothing. How could anyone ever say that the death of a young mother has a positive side to it? However, as we read in the haftorah on Rosh Hashana, Rachel played a very significant role insofar as how she cries over her children. Dying and being buried at that spot set up antidote for the Jewish people that the strike of exile would not spell the complete annihilation of the Jewish people.
What good comes from the Reuven Bilhah incident? Beyond Rashi, who argues that Reuven did not sin, and of course the many commentaries who argue that he did sin, we can look to the interpretation of the Shakh who defends Reuven’s sincere intentions to keep the family unit intact, and to maintain the requisite number of children required (12) to begin a new nation. His thinking went along the lines of “If Yaakov has more children, some of his original 12 will be rejected. Perhaps he’ll start by rejecting some of Leah’s children.” So he took matters into his own hands to avoid the creation of more siblings. Negative, not his business, etc. But his actions ultimately preserved Am Yisrael’s family unit.
We are taught in many places to judge people favorably, even and especially when we don’t see the whole picture; to say “This too is for the best” even when in the moment it doesn’t seem that it is; to be able to find the blessing in bad news, just as readily as we find something to be grateful for in good news.
Sometimes it takes time to see these things. And sometimes it is extremely important not to judge based on only one perspective. Even when trying to arbitrate or adjudicate between people in an argument, we must hear both sides.
It takes special people to hear the other person’s side and be able to acknowledge that such a side is valid. And that the view that I have isn’t the only one. It may have taken Yaakov, for example, five seconds to realize this, but he didn’t get to act on it until 34 years later when he actually met up with Eisav and acknowledged, “Eisav, your grievance is valid.” And Eisav saw a positive side too – Yaakov has grown up, moved on from those days when he tricked me, and is ready to let bygones be bygones. Why don’t I meet him halfway, so we can depart as friends?
We should be blessed to be able to look past the bad and find the good in the challenges that come our way in life. And if we have to wait a little longer to find that good, let us be blessed with the patience to wait for it to roll around. Because it will come! We just need to open our eyes and embrace the possibility of being surprised one day when clarity hits. Hopefully it will come through blessing and not through tragedy. And may we blessed to know it when we see it and acknowledge God’s kindness, as Yaakov does at the beginning of the parsha when he says “Katonti” I have become humbled from all the kindnesses you have shown me, which I have come to recognize as Your constant presence and Your constant protection through all the struggles life has brought.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Lashon Hora: Some Dos and Don'ts
Parshat Vayetze
by Rabbi Avi Billet
Yaakov spends 20 years living in Lavan’s house.
He has his rows with Lavan – more than a third of the parsha is dedicated to their dialogues. And it isn’t pretty. Accusations, threats, etc. One would think Yaakov has every right in the world to talk about Lavan. To let it out about how bad a guy Lavan is. To announce to the world that Lavan is the biggest cheat. To let everyone know they should never deal with Lavan, never work for Lavan, never have anything to do with Lavan.
But he doesn’t do that. Sure, he speaks to his wives about their collective relationship with Lavan before they leave on account of the evil eye Lavan has been pointing in all of their direction. Is this Lashon Hora? No. When there is an existential threat facing himself, his children, his family, he must talk about it.
But at the very end of the parsha, after having it out for the final time with Lavan, Yaakov and Lavan reach an agreement. We’ll build a pile of rocks. I’ll stay on my side, you stay on your side. And we will leave each other alone.
Translation: The threat is passed.
So there is nothing to say.
Recall that when Yaakov came to Charan at the beginning of the parsha, and asked people how Lavan was, they said He’s fine. Everything’s good! Which stands to reason that all of Lavan’s tricks were just with Yaakov. For whatever reason. Is he a threat to others? We don’t know.
But now he is out of Yaakov’s life. And so when do we ever find Yaakov talking about Lavan? At the beginning of next week’s parsha, Yaakov will send a message to Eisav – “Im Lavan garti” – I’ve been living with Lavan. Plain fact. Non-judgmental. No incriminating information about his experience. Rashi even puts a positive spin on it, saying “and I kept the 613 mitzvos” – meaning, I remained steadfast with God in Lavan’s house.
The part of “not learning from his wicked ways” is Rashi’s comment suggesting an implication from Yaakov’s words, but it does not mean that Yaakov said that.
The Chofetz Chaim decried Lashon Hora because he saw people had no shame in speaking it. One of the Talmud’s examples of how you know if something is Lashon hora is you have to turn around to see if someone you don’t want to be hearing is listening. Tell-tale sign that the words are Lashon Hora.
The Gemara in Arachin 15b has a number of aphorisms about Lashon Hora. But they’re not just lip-service.
The Talmud also compares Lashon Hora to an arrow, or nowadays a bullet, because once it’s fired, you can regret it all you want but you can’t stop its trajectory. The damage is impossible to be undone. The best a person can achieve MAYBE is to be granted forgiveness and MAYBE a chance to clarify or “take back” the comment before whom it was said.
So let’s make some groundrules. If one can learn, learn Torah and have it be an antidote to engaging in Lashon Hora.
If a person is not so learned, practice a bit of humility. We wouldn’t want people to speak about us, so let us not speak about others.
When my grandmother, A"H was in her mid-70s she told me a story which she found to be quite instructive in how she viewed gossip that some people live to discuss. One day she was in the company of a bunch of her long-time girlfriends. One of them had a piece of juicy gossip. The others were begging her to tell them. She asked them, “Can you all keep a secret?” They leaned in, “Yes, yes, of course.”
“Well so can I.”
My grandmother was very impressed by this person.
We must learn from Yaakov Avinu – when you are threatened, any Lashon Hora you engage in must be l’toeles, to achieve a goal which is for the betterment and wellbeing of your family or community. But if it is simply aimed at destroying and just bringing people down, it has no place in our community. We must eradicate the evils of Lashon Hora from among us.
by Rabbi Avi Billet
Yaakov spends 20 years living in Lavan’s house.
He has his rows with Lavan – more than a third of the parsha is dedicated to their dialogues. And it isn’t pretty. Accusations, threats, etc. One would think Yaakov has every right in the world to talk about Lavan. To let it out about how bad a guy Lavan is. To announce to the world that Lavan is the biggest cheat. To let everyone know they should never deal with Lavan, never work for Lavan, never have anything to do with Lavan.
But he doesn’t do that. Sure, he speaks to his wives about their collective relationship with Lavan before they leave on account of the evil eye Lavan has been pointing in all of their direction. Is this Lashon Hora? No. When there is an existential threat facing himself, his children, his family, he must talk about it.
But at the very end of the parsha, after having it out for the final time with Lavan, Yaakov and Lavan reach an agreement. We’ll build a pile of rocks. I’ll stay on my side, you stay on your side. And we will leave each other alone.
Translation: The threat is passed.
So there is nothing to say.
Recall that when Yaakov came to Charan at the beginning of the parsha, and asked people how Lavan was, they said He’s fine. Everything’s good! Which stands to reason that all of Lavan’s tricks were just with Yaakov. For whatever reason. Is he a threat to others? We don’t know.
But now he is out of Yaakov’s life. And so when do we ever find Yaakov talking about Lavan? At the beginning of next week’s parsha, Yaakov will send a message to Eisav – “Im Lavan garti” – I’ve been living with Lavan. Plain fact. Non-judgmental. No incriminating information about his experience. Rashi even puts a positive spin on it, saying “and I kept the 613 mitzvos” – meaning, I remained steadfast with God in Lavan’s house.
The part of “not learning from his wicked ways” is Rashi’s comment suggesting an implication from Yaakov’s words, but it does not mean that Yaakov said that.
The Chofetz Chaim decried Lashon Hora because he saw people had no shame in speaking it. One of the Talmud’s examples of how you know if something is Lashon hora is you have to turn around to see if someone you don’t want to be hearing is listening. Tell-tale sign that the words are Lashon Hora.
The Gemara in Arachin 15b has a number of aphorisms about Lashon Hora. But they’re not just lip-service.
And R. Johanan said in the name of R. Joseph b. Zimra: One who bears evil tales almost denies the foundation [of faith].
R. Johanan say in the name of R. Joseph b. Zimra: Any one who bears evil tales will be visited by plagues
Further said Resh Lakish: One who slanders makes his sin reach unto heaven
R. Hisda said in the name of Mar ‘Ukba: One who slanders deserves to be stoned with stones.
R. Hisda say in the name of Mar ‘Ukba: Of him who slanders, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: He and I cannot live together in the world
Further said R. Hisda in the name of Mar ‘Ukba: About one who slanders, the Holy One, blessed be He, says to the prince of Gehinnom: I shall be against him from above, you be against him from below, and we shall condemn him
R. Hama b. Hanina said: What is the remedy for slanderers? If he be a scholar, let him engage in the Torah. But if he be an ignorant person, let him become humble
The Talmud also compares Lashon Hora to an arrow, or nowadays a bullet, because once it’s fired, you can regret it all you want but you can’t stop its trajectory. The damage is impossible to be undone. The best a person can achieve MAYBE is to be granted forgiveness and MAYBE a chance to clarify or “take back” the comment before whom it was said.
So let’s make some groundrules. If one can learn, learn Torah and have it be an antidote to engaging in Lashon Hora.
If a person is not so learned, practice a bit of humility. We wouldn’t want people to speak about us, so let us not speak about others.
When my grandmother, A"H was in her mid-70s she told me a story which she found to be quite instructive in how she viewed gossip that some people live to discuss. One day she was in the company of a bunch of her long-time girlfriends. One of them had a piece of juicy gossip. The others were begging her to tell them. She asked them, “Can you all keep a secret?” They leaned in, “Yes, yes, of course.”
“Well so can I.”
My grandmother was very impressed by this person.
We must learn from Yaakov Avinu – when you are threatened, any Lashon Hora you engage in must be l’toeles, to achieve a goal which is for the betterment and wellbeing of your family or community. But if it is simply aimed at destroying and just bringing people down, it has no place in our community. We must eradicate the evils of Lashon Hora from among us.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Prayers of Righteous People Must Come from The Humblest of Places
Parshat Toldot
by Rabbi Avi Billet
I wonder what it was like for Yitzchak and Rivkah to bare their souls before the Almighty in their hopes of having a child.
Yitzchak pleaded with God opposite his wife, (or perhaps, as Rashbam translates, for his wife’s sake) for she was barren. God granted his plea, and his wife Rivkah became pregnant.
Perhaps in the repetition of the word “Ishto” there’s a subtle hint of a generational difference. While Avraham was eventually agreeable to the idea that he could have a child from another woman, this was not an option for Yitzchak. He wanted the child to come from HIS WIFE RIVKAH.
The Midrash explains that his prayer was more worthy than hers because he was a tsaddik ben tsaddik – the righteous product of righteous parents. Does this mean her prayer was worthless? How could it be that the prayer of someone who has unrighteous parents is worthless?
The Midrash Sechel Tov throws an interesting twist, suggesting that her barreness was a response to the blessing of her family when she left, those who told her to be a mother of a multitude of descendants – the fact that she is childless for 20 years demonstrates that their blessing was worthless. Her children were born on account of her husband’s prayer.
That’s no justification for her personal suffering! 20 years of infertility, just so her brother wouldn’t get the credit of his blessing coming true? Troubling!
There is an interesting theory in the rabbinosphere about why the Foremothers were all barren until prayer or a blessing opened their wombs. The Talmud (Yebamot 64) says quite simply that God wanted their “prayers of the righteous.”
Rabbenu Bechaya notes from here that the prayers of the righteous have the power to change nature. And the proof is from the specific word the Torah uses, “Va’ye’etar,” whose root references a farming tool which overturns grain. This prayer was to overturn God’s decree. (Paroh uses the same language to Moshe four times, perhaps for obvious reasons.)
He goes on to give specific reasons for the barren-ness of each of the mothers.
The Slonimer Rebbe says, You’re looking at it wrong. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Prayer, Tefillah, Kavvanah, requires one to demonstrate the quality of being extremely humble, especially before the Almighty. Someone who comes from a not as clean background has a very EASY time humbling oneself. “God. I know I’ve done bad things in my life. I know I come from parents who were sinful. So I am undeserving. But, here I am.”
It’s pretty easy to be a realist in that kind of situation.
But a Tzaddik ben Tzaddik? “God. I’m a good person. My parents were good people. So I’m not really sure why I’m having this difficult time in my life. Here I am.”
It is much harder for such a person to humble oneself and say, “I am nothing. My background is worth nothing. Everything I’ve done in my life is meaningless before you. So here I am, asking for something I don’t deserve to get.”
Do you think Yitzchak wanted a child more than Rivkah did? The Meshech Chokhma says Yitzchak knew he was going to have a child! It was promised to him by God through the blessing to Avraham. He knew he was not the problem! Therefore, as Chizkuni notes, he didn’t need to pray for himself!
And so he prayed for her.
And of course Rivkah also wanted a child. But many who describe her prayer explain it similarly as her saying I only want a child with HIM. And she prayed for her husband to be the father of her children – that they should be able to make it work.
This is the lesson we have to remember. Prayer is sometimes selfish. But more often it’s selfless. I’m praying for the other person. I’m looking out for my family, my friends. And I am humbling myself so that God can see that I am sincere.
Davening is only meaningful if it is a serious endeavor. And as we learn from the Slonimer Rebbe, the more one humbles oneself, the more powerful the davening is.
This is our challenge when we come to shul. To daven like Yitzchak and Rivkah. To have our priorities clear and correct. To know what we come to do, what we have to do to achieve it, and how this challenge can last twenty years… or a lifetime! until our goals are met. Those of us who have a spouse should pray for our spouse. Those of us who have children, should pray for our children. Those who have grandchildren or great-grandchildren, should be very busy in the synagogue – praying for each and every one of them.
We should also pray for those who are or seem to be alone, that they should find the "simchas hachaim" (joy of living) they seek to have, in whatever ways they choose to go about making this life meaningful.
And those of us who have no family have a community. Pray for our community, locally and globally – pray for the people of Israel. Pray that we should experience peace and prosperity, and the continued opportunity to enjoy life with family, friends, communities, and, most humbly, with our God.
by Rabbi Avi Billet
I wonder what it was like for Yitzchak and Rivkah to bare their souls before the Almighty in their hopes of having a child.
Yitzchak pleaded with God opposite his wife, (or perhaps, as Rashbam translates, for his wife’s sake) for she was barren. God granted his plea, and his wife Rivkah became pregnant.
Perhaps in the repetition of the word “Ishto” there’s a subtle hint of a generational difference. While Avraham was eventually agreeable to the idea that he could have a child from another woman, this was not an option for Yitzchak. He wanted the child to come from HIS WIFE RIVKAH.
The Midrash explains that his prayer was more worthy than hers because he was a tsaddik ben tsaddik – the righteous product of righteous parents. Does this mean her prayer was worthless? How could it be that the prayer of someone who has unrighteous parents is worthless?
The Midrash Sechel Tov throws an interesting twist, suggesting that her barreness was a response to the blessing of her family when she left, those who told her to be a mother of a multitude of descendants – the fact that she is childless for 20 years demonstrates that their blessing was worthless. Her children were born on account of her husband’s prayer.
That’s no justification for her personal suffering! 20 years of infertility, just so her brother wouldn’t get the credit of his blessing coming true? Troubling!
There is an interesting theory in the rabbinosphere about why the Foremothers were all barren until prayer or a blessing opened their wombs. The Talmud (Yebamot 64) says quite simply that God wanted their “prayers of the righteous.”
Rabbenu Bechaya notes from here that the prayers of the righteous have the power to change nature. And the proof is from the specific word the Torah uses, “Va’ye’etar,” whose root references a farming tool which overturns grain. This prayer was to overturn God’s decree. (Paroh uses the same language to Moshe four times, perhaps for obvious reasons.)
He goes on to give specific reasons for the barren-ness of each of the mothers.
- Sarah – She was barren so that Yishmael would be born. She was barren to open the door for her name to change. Sarai was barren. But Sarah was not.
- Rivkah was barren for 20 years – why? So that Eisav would not have the chance to rebel in Avraham’s lifetime. For Avraham to “come to his fathers in peace,” Eisav’s birth needed to be delayed 20 years.
- Rachel was barren so that Bilhah and Zilpah would be put into a position from which they could produce Dan, Naftali, Gad, Asher.
The Slonimer Rebbe says, You’re looking at it wrong. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Prayer, Tefillah, Kavvanah, requires one to demonstrate the quality of being extremely humble, especially before the Almighty. Someone who comes from a not as clean background has a very EASY time humbling oneself. “God. I know I’ve done bad things in my life. I know I come from parents who were sinful. So I am undeserving. But, here I am.”
It’s pretty easy to be a realist in that kind of situation.
But a Tzaddik ben Tzaddik? “God. I’m a good person. My parents were good people. So I’m not really sure why I’m having this difficult time in my life. Here I am.”
It is much harder for such a person to humble oneself and say, “I am nothing. My background is worth nothing. Everything I’ve done in my life is meaningless before you. So here I am, asking for something I don’t deserve to get.”
Do you think Yitzchak wanted a child more than Rivkah did? The Meshech Chokhma says Yitzchak knew he was going to have a child! It was promised to him by God through the blessing to Avraham. He knew he was not the problem! Therefore, as Chizkuni notes, he didn’t need to pray for himself!
And so he prayed for her.
And of course Rivkah also wanted a child. But many who describe her prayer explain it similarly as her saying I only want a child with HIM. And she prayed for her husband to be the father of her children – that they should be able to make it work.
This is the lesson we have to remember. Prayer is sometimes selfish. But more often it’s selfless. I’m praying for the other person. I’m looking out for my family, my friends. And I am humbling myself so that God can see that I am sincere.
Davening is only meaningful if it is a serious endeavor. And as we learn from the Slonimer Rebbe, the more one humbles oneself, the more powerful the davening is.
This is our challenge when we come to shul. To daven like Yitzchak and Rivkah. To have our priorities clear and correct. To know what we come to do, what we have to do to achieve it, and how this challenge can last twenty years… or a lifetime! until our goals are met. Those of us who have a spouse should pray for our spouse. Those of us who have children, should pray for our children. Those who have grandchildren or great-grandchildren, should be very busy in the synagogue – praying for each and every one of them.
We should also pray for those who are or seem to be alone, that they should find the "simchas hachaim" (joy of living) they seek to have, in whatever ways they choose to go about making this life meaningful.
And those of us who have no family have a community. Pray for our community, locally and globally – pray for the people of Israel. Pray that we should experience peace and prosperity, and the continued opportunity to enjoy life with family, friends, communities, and, most humbly, with our God.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
An Officer and a Gentleman - A Veteran's Day Sermon
November 11, Parshat Chayei Sarah
The sermon began with the reading of this prayer in Hebrew and in English. It was lightly adjusted to include those who "served" as well as those who are serving now. https://www.ou.org/judaism-101/prayers/prayer-safety-american-military-forces/
We are honored to be observing Veterans Day today, בו ביום, and to give tribute – as well as to the Veterans of the United States of America – specifically to the members of our shul who served in the Armed Forces of the United States.
United States citizens always owe a debt of gratitude to those who served in the US military, because it is the military and all of its branches who put themselves at the front lines to protect all of us from invading powers. Keeping all military confrontations off shore – I believe since the Civil War is one of the greatest gifts given to the United States by its military.
To be a military person, one must not only be giving, and ready to sacrifice. But one must believe in the cause for which we stand and for which we fight. One must be ready to take orders when given. And one must be able to follow orders, so that any mission may succeed.
The true heroes are the ones who don’t think of themselves as heroes. Who humbly go about their business, and their job, serving for the sake of God and country, and, as we say in our tribute to the military, The valiant soldiers, who risk their lives to protect the welfare of all Your creation.
In thinking about this, it occurred to me that we have a model of the first real military man in our parsha. He is a Veteran who turned his life into one of service. Who dedicated his life to following orders. And who always lived a life of integrity and honor.
One of the more mysterious characters in the Torah is Avraham’s anonymous servant. While Avraham’s servant Eliezer is named only once in the Torah, in chapter 15, that name is given by the Midrash to every servant we see attached to Avraham. Whether it is the person who joins Avraham in fighting against the 4 kings, or the person who prepares the meat for the 3 guests at the beginning of last week’s parsha, or the one who accompanies him to the Binding of Yitzchak. So universal is this view, that I am unaware of anyone who even questions whether the fellow Avraham sends to find a wife for Yitzchak could possibly be anyone other than Eliezer.
In the scheme of his story being presented in the Torah, he gets more press time than Yitzchak gets in the Torah. We almost, in a sense, know more about him than we know about our second patriarch. And in many ways, he’s viewed as a success story of Avraham’s and Sarah’s from their efforts in Charan. He is called “Damesek Eliezer” – implying he was from Damascus – which is somewhere near Charan. Two weeks ago I suggested he was the main success story of the Nefesh Asher Asu B’Charan.
In the Midrash, there is a view that he did not want to be successful in his mission to bring back a wife for Yitzchak, because he had a daughter whom he hoped Yitzchak would marry. Beyond that perspective, the credit given to him for his fealty to Avraham is beyond anything most people experience – beyond, I suppose, in the military.
He too has his own story, his own journey, in the teachings of the rabbis.
The first time he is introduced to us is in Chapter 14, when the Torah recounts the tale of the battle with the 4 kings. The Talmud in Nedarim 32a talks about how Avraham’s 318 men were in fact Eliezer, with numerical value of 318 – an idea confirmed by Midrash Tanchuma, who says Avraham told his servants who were sinful to go home. All left, so God made Eliezer as strong as 318 men.
Targum Yonatan (14:13) says he was Nimrod’s son, which is what made him a great warrior. No matter how we splice it, he was on the battle field alongside Avraham, present only because he was following orders.
There is no question that he earns his stripes in the battles against the 4 kings. Avraham’s concern that Eliezer would be the only one to inherit him was legitimate! After all, Eliezer had been willing to sacrifice everything for Avraham!
And when the destruction of Sodom ended Lot’s narrative in the Torah, things may have been looking up for Eliezer. But in the meantime, Yishmael had been born. Yitzchak’s sun was rising. But at the end of last week’s parsha, Yishmael had been rejected, or at least ejected, and Yitzchak’s relationsh wip with Avraham may have become an estranged one, owing to one view of how Yitzchak understood his role in the Akedah.
Translation – perhaps Eliezer is seeing the dawn of a new day for himself. And then, after the death of Sarah, and no new possibility for Avraham to have another child, Eliezer may have thought it’s a done deal. Until Avraham asks him to find a wife for Yitzchak.
Strike one – Yitzchak will inherit. Strike two - the wife will not be from Eliezer’s line. What does he do now?
Supposing the assumption is true, that he was banking on failing, in hopes of becoming Avraham’s Mechutan, the fact that he goes through with his mission anyway shows how he is able to detach his personal view from the plans of his superior officer. Why did Avraham not want Eliezer’s daughter? The information we have is sketchy at best.
The simplest answer is that Avraham’s main objection was because Eliezer was from the descendants of Cham, who had been cursed. And while the Midrash Rabba (60) tells us Eliezer was able to get his way out of being cursed, that objective was only achieved due to his success in this mission – finding a wife for Yitzchak.
One midrash in Pirkei D’Rabi Eliezer says that he was a servant of Nimrod’s that Nimrod gave to Avraham after the fiery furnace incident. He earned his own freedom due to his service to Yitzchak, and merited to become Og king of Bashan.
Even if that Midrash is accurate, I don’t suppose any Og that exists at this time is the same Og as the one Moshe confronts 400 years later. Og, like Pharaoh, was a title given to each king of Bashan.
In either case, Eliezer is rewarded due to his success in finding Rivkah.
How did Avraham know Eliezer could be trusted in such a fashion?
I believe it hinges down to one simple verse which describes everything we need to know about Eliezer. (ב) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אַבְרָהָ֗ם אֶל־עַבְדּוֹ֙ זְקַ֣ן בֵּית֔וֹ הַמֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ Zkan beyso means he is the elder of Avraham’s household. But what does הַמֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ mean? The Pesikta explains שהיה שליט ביצרו כמותו: That he was in control of his yetzer/inclination, just as he was.
The Kli Yakar fills in the blanks of what this means. Eliezer was above suspicion! He would not take bribes! Some commentaries suggest that Eliezer might find the right girl for Yitzchak and keep her for himself! Avraham knew Eliezer would never do this. Because he was מֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ – he knew what was his own. And he therefore knew what was not his own.
Kli Yakar explains how those who have a desire for money actually has the coveted money control them. Koheles 6 speaks of this, how a person who is not שמח בחלקו is always expecting something from God, and is always suspect of personally justifying taking things that don’t belong to him. He who is שמח בחלקו on the other hand, is מֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑ו . He would NEVER take what doesn’t belong to him. He rules over his belongings, and his belongings don’t rule over him.
Those who served in the armed forces know what it means to live this existence – being selfless, doing what’s right because it’s right, following orders, getting the job done, etc. even when personal interests might be in conflict with the greater mission.
We all know life isn’t roses. And even the military, with all its order and rules, is not roses. But there is an ideal which is aimed for, and a product which emerges, which we proudly look to as people who served with honor and distinction. Sometimes at great sacrifice.
That was Eliezer. And that is the people we honor on this day.
The sermon began with the reading of this prayer in Hebrew and in English. It was lightly adjusted to include those who "served" as well as those who are serving now. https://www.ou.org/judaism-101/prayers/prayer-safety-american-military-forces/
We are honored to be observing Veterans Day today, בו ביום, and to give tribute – as well as to the Veterans of the United States of America – specifically to the members of our shul who served in the Armed Forces of the United States.
United States citizens always owe a debt of gratitude to those who served in the US military, because it is the military and all of its branches who put themselves at the front lines to protect all of us from invading powers. Keeping all military confrontations off shore – I believe since the Civil War is one of the greatest gifts given to the United States by its military.
To be a military person, one must not only be giving, and ready to sacrifice. But one must believe in the cause for which we stand and for which we fight. One must be ready to take orders when given. And one must be able to follow orders, so that any mission may succeed.
The true heroes are the ones who don’t think of themselves as heroes. Who humbly go about their business, and their job, serving for the sake of God and country, and, as we say in our tribute to the military, The valiant soldiers, who risk their lives to protect the welfare of all Your creation.
In thinking about this, it occurred to me that we have a model of the first real military man in our parsha. He is a Veteran who turned his life into one of service. Who dedicated his life to following orders. And who always lived a life of integrity and honor.
One of the more mysterious characters in the Torah is Avraham’s anonymous servant. While Avraham’s servant Eliezer is named only once in the Torah, in chapter 15, that name is given by the Midrash to every servant we see attached to Avraham. Whether it is the person who joins Avraham in fighting against the 4 kings, or the person who prepares the meat for the 3 guests at the beginning of last week’s parsha, or the one who accompanies him to the Binding of Yitzchak. So universal is this view, that I am unaware of anyone who even questions whether the fellow Avraham sends to find a wife for Yitzchak could possibly be anyone other than Eliezer.
In the scheme of his story being presented in the Torah, he gets more press time than Yitzchak gets in the Torah. We almost, in a sense, know more about him than we know about our second patriarch. And in many ways, he’s viewed as a success story of Avraham’s and Sarah’s from their efforts in Charan. He is called “Damesek Eliezer” – implying he was from Damascus – which is somewhere near Charan. Two weeks ago I suggested he was the main success story of the Nefesh Asher Asu B’Charan.
In the Midrash, there is a view that he did not want to be successful in his mission to bring back a wife for Yitzchak, because he had a daughter whom he hoped Yitzchak would marry. Beyond that perspective, the credit given to him for his fealty to Avraham is beyond anything most people experience – beyond, I suppose, in the military.
He too has his own story, his own journey, in the teachings of the rabbis.
The first time he is introduced to us is in Chapter 14, when the Torah recounts the tale of the battle with the 4 kings. The Talmud in Nedarim 32a talks about how Avraham’s 318 men were in fact Eliezer, with numerical value of 318 – an idea confirmed by Midrash Tanchuma, who says Avraham told his servants who were sinful to go home. All left, so God made Eliezer as strong as 318 men.
Targum Yonatan (14:13) says he was Nimrod’s son, which is what made him a great warrior. No matter how we splice it, he was on the battle field alongside Avraham, present only because he was following orders.
There is no question that he earns his stripes in the battles against the 4 kings. Avraham’s concern that Eliezer would be the only one to inherit him was legitimate! After all, Eliezer had been willing to sacrifice everything for Avraham!
And when the destruction of Sodom ended Lot’s narrative in the Torah, things may have been looking up for Eliezer. But in the meantime, Yishmael had been born. Yitzchak’s sun was rising. But at the end of last week’s parsha, Yishmael had been rejected, or at least ejected, and Yitzchak’s relationsh wip with Avraham may have become an estranged one, owing to one view of how Yitzchak understood his role in the Akedah.
Translation – perhaps Eliezer is seeing the dawn of a new day for himself. And then, after the death of Sarah, and no new possibility for Avraham to have another child, Eliezer may have thought it’s a done deal. Until Avraham asks him to find a wife for Yitzchak.
Strike one – Yitzchak will inherit. Strike two - the wife will not be from Eliezer’s line. What does he do now?
Supposing the assumption is true, that he was banking on failing, in hopes of becoming Avraham’s Mechutan, the fact that he goes through with his mission anyway shows how he is able to detach his personal view from the plans of his superior officer. Why did Avraham not want Eliezer’s daughter? The information we have is sketchy at best.
The simplest answer is that Avraham’s main objection was because Eliezer was from the descendants of Cham, who had been cursed. And while the Midrash Rabba (60) tells us Eliezer was able to get his way out of being cursed, that objective was only achieved due to his success in this mission – finding a wife for Yitzchak.
One midrash in Pirkei D’Rabi Eliezer says that he was a servant of Nimrod’s that Nimrod gave to Avraham after the fiery furnace incident. He earned his own freedom due to his service to Yitzchak, and merited to become Og king of Bashan.
Even if that Midrash is accurate, I don’t suppose any Og that exists at this time is the same Og as the one Moshe confronts 400 years later. Og, like Pharaoh, was a title given to each king of Bashan.
In either case, Eliezer is rewarded due to his success in finding Rivkah.
How did Avraham know Eliezer could be trusted in such a fashion?
I believe it hinges down to one simple verse which describes everything we need to know about Eliezer. (ב) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אַבְרָהָ֗ם אֶל־עַבְדּוֹ֙ זְקַ֣ן בֵּית֔וֹ הַמֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ Zkan beyso means he is the elder of Avraham’s household. But what does הַמֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ mean? The Pesikta explains שהיה שליט ביצרו כמותו: That he was in control of his yetzer/inclination, just as he was.
The Kli Yakar fills in the blanks of what this means. Eliezer was above suspicion! He would not take bribes! Some commentaries suggest that Eliezer might find the right girl for Yitzchak and keep her for himself! Avraham knew Eliezer would never do this. Because he was מֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ – he knew what was his own. And he therefore knew what was not his own.
Kli Yakar explains how those who have a desire for money actually has the coveted money control them. Koheles 6 speaks of this, how a person who is not שמח בחלקו is always expecting something from God, and is always suspect of personally justifying taking things that don’t belong to him. He who is שמח בחלקו on the other hand, is מֹּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑ו . He would NEVER take what doesn’t belong to him. He rules over his belongings, and his belongings don’t rule over him.
Those who served in the armed forces know what it means to live this existence – being selfless, doing what’s right because it’s right, following orders, getting the job done, etc. even when personal interests might be in conflict with the greater mission.
We all know life isn’t roses. And even the military, with all its order and rules, is not roses. But there is an ideal which is aimed for, and a product which emerges, which we proudly look to as people who served with honor and distinction. Sometimes at great sacrifice.
That was Eliezer. And that is the people we honor on this day.
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
"The Years That Avraham LIVED"
Parshat Chayei Sarah
by Rabbi Avi Billet
Both our first Patriarch and Matriarch die in this Torah portion. The parsha begins with the death of Sarah, hence the name “Chayei Sarah,” and it essentially concludes with the end of the lives of Avraham and Yishmael, respectively.
How Sarah’s death and Avraham’s death are portrayed are only slightly different, aside from the obvious difference in the number of years they lived.
“And these were the life of Sarah, 100 hundred years, 20 years, and 7 years, the years of the life of Sarah.” (23:1) For Avraham it says, “These were the days of the years of the life of Avraham, that he lived, 100 years, 70 years and 5 years.” (25:7)
In the depiction of the summary of Avraham’s life, there is a curious phrase that seems unnecessary: “That he lived.”
It should seem obvious that if we are seeing an enumeration of the numbers of years of Avraham’s life, that these are the years that he lived. We never say “so and so was 90 at death, and he lived a different number of years," so why is that the implication for Avraham?
Firstly, we do actually say this at times, such as when a person spent the last few years in a terrible medical condition. Whether Alzheimer’s, dementia, vegetative, unresponsive, a coma, etc – how often do we hear family members say “This is not a life anymore.” Always praying for a recovery, of course, but also hoping for an end to suffering.
Even with such a disclaimer, the phrase still begs an explanation.
Or HaChaim utilizes a known Midrash about Eisav, that he was about to (as we might say today) “go off the derech,” and Avraham’s life was cut short by 5 years so he wouldn’t see Eisav in a bad light. This Midrash presupposes that all 3 patriarchs were supposed to live for 180 years.
In this perspective “Avraham lived” only 175 of the years of what were supposed to be his 180.
Kli Yakar’s approach is a little more profound. Focusing not on Avraham’s missing 5 years, he notes the difference between the life of Avraham and the life of Sarah. Sarah’s life was much more tragic – between her infertility, her being abducted by Pharaoh, Avimelekh and perhaps others, and dealing with the aftermath of the binding of Yitzchak – it’s hard to say she lived life to the fullest and got the most out of as many moments as possible.
Avraham, on the other hand, lived life to the utmost. From recognizing God at a younger age, spreading ideas of monotheism, having a spectacular relationship with God, having a number of children, and even seeing his grandchildren in his lifetime, Avraham’s life was a life that “he lived.”
And so we must ask ourselves a simple question. Because of course we all go through the motions of life and live our allotted years. But in what manner do we make our lives “worth living?”
For some people life is about providing for the material needs of self, family and others.
For some people life is about getting as close to God as possible.
Some people put much stock in their daily davening. Some in their regular learning.
Some want to eat, drink, and be merry.
Some don’t want anyone to tell them what to do.
Some focus on politics, some focus on sports, some on current events, while some are ignorant of it all.
Are we living our lives well – making this one-time gift into a life that was worth it?
Avraham did it at every moment. Sarah didn’t merit it for various reasons. And now the question is about us. How do we live our lives? Are we truly living in every possible moment?
by Rabbi Avi Billet
Both our first Patriarch and Matriarch die in this Torah portion. The parsha begins with the death of Sarah, hence the name “Chayei Sarah,” and it essentially concludes with the end of the lives of Avraham and Yishmael, respectively.
How Sarah’s death and Avraham’s death are portrayed are only slightly different, aside from the obvious difference in the number of years they lived.
“And these were the life of Sarah, 100 hundred years, 20 years, and 7 years, the years of the life of Sarah.” (23:1) For Avraham it says, “These were the days of the years of the life of Avraham, that he lived, 100 years, 70 years and 5 years.” (25:7)
In the depiction of the summary of Avraham’s life, there is a curious phrase that seems unnecessary: “That he lived.”
It should seem obvious that if we are seeing an enumeration of the numbers of years of Avraham’s life, that these are the years that he lived. We never say “so and so was 90 at death, and he lived a different number of years," so why is that the implication for Avraham?
Firstly, we do actually say this at times, such as when a person spent the last few years in a terrible medical condition. Whether Alzheimer’s, dementia, vegetative, unresponsive, a coma, etc – how often do we hear family members say “This is not a life anymore.” Always praying for a recovery, of course, but also hoping for an end to suffering.
Even with such a disclaimer, the phrase still begs an explanation.
Or HaChaim utilizes a known Midrash about Eisav, that he was about to (as we might say today) “go off the derech,” and Avraham’s life was cut short by 5 years so he wouldn’t see Eisav in a bad light. This Midrash presupposes that all 3 patriarchs were supposed to live for 180 years.
In this perspective “Avraham lived” only 175 of the years of what were supposed to be his 180.
Kli Yakar’s approach is a little more profound. Focusing not on Avraham’s missing 5 years, he notes the difference between the life of Avraham and the life of Sarah. Sarah’s life was much more tragic – between her infertility, her being abducted by Pharaoh, Avimelekh and perhaps others, and dealing with the aftermath of the binding of Yitzchak – it’s hard to say she lived life to the fullest and got the most out of as many moments as possible.
Avraham, on the other hand, lived life to the utmost. From recognizing God at a younger age, spreading ideas of monotheism, having a spectacular relationship with God, having a number of children, and even seeing his grandchildren in his lifetime, Avraham’s life was a life that “he lived.”
And so we must ask ourselves a simple question. Because of course we all go through the motions of life and live our allotted years. But in what manner do we make our lives “worth living?”
For some people life is about providing for the material needs of self, family and others.
For some people life is about getting as close to God as possible.
Some people put much stock in their daily davening. Some in their regular learning.
Some want to eat, drink, and be merry.
Some don’t want anyone to tell them what to do.
Some focus on politics, some focus on sports, some on current events, while some are ignorant of it all.
Are we living our lives well – making this one-time gift into a life that was worth it?
Avraham did it at every moment. Sarah didn’t merit it for various reasons. And now the question is about us. How do we live our lives? Are we truly living in every possible moment?
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