Parshat Vayeshev
by Rabbi Avi Billet
It seems that every week another famous personality is outed as a sexual predator or abuser, and is publicly fired and condemned. Of course, with all accusations, a person is innocent until proven guilty, but in the cultures where “everyone knew” what was going on and was hush-hush about it, the guilt seems to be a fait accompli.
Most of these cases involve a man using his position of power to get away with behavior that is (to put it lightly) objectionable. Could a woman ever be guilty of the same abuse of power? Absolutely. Due to the inherent differences in nature of men and women, women are far less likely to use their power in this manner, but it can certainly happen.
In last week’s Torah portion, we read of Shechem, prince of a city, who used his power to take advantage of Dinah, daughter of Yaakov. Justice was meted out to him fairly quickly through the sword of her brothers, but her life was ruined as a result.
This week we read of a woman in a position of power who sought to take advantage of a young man. Mrs. Potiphar, the wife of Yosef’s master, spent days, possibly weeks, months, even a year, trying to seduce Yosef. Noticing every word the text uses to describe her advances to Yosef, commentaries jump from her being desperate, to her being threatening to Yosef in order to get what she wanted. 39:10 indicates how she approached him day after day, and how he refused to “lay next to her, to be with her.” What these two phrases indicate in terms of what result she was looking for will be addressed in a moment.
Many Midrashim note a comparison between this tale and another tale of a forward woman, who was much more modest in her proposal, and certainly not in a position to abuse power. In fact the man in that other situation, despite being placed in an uncomfortable situation, was nothing shy of a true gentleman. That story is the Ruth/Boaz story, when she came to his granary in the middle of the night, as he slept on the floor, and she uncovered his feet and lay down next to him. When he awoke and found a woman laying at his feet, the conversation went like this: “Who are you?” “I am Ruth, your handmaid, and you shall spread your wing over your handmaid, for you are a near kinsman." And he said, "May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter; your latest act of kindness is greater than the first, not to follow the young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not be afraid. All that you say I will do for you, for the entire gate of my people know that you are a woman of valor…” (Ruth 3:9-11)
While what she says had deeper undertones of a long term commitment, what was she thinking in the here-and-now? Was she proposing for Boaz to “take her” at that moment? Was she nervous about what he might choose to do? And Boaz, the gentleman, sends her an important message: “Do not be afraid.” Granted, he could have had no ill-motive, and may have been saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything you asked.” But he says “Do not be afraid,” which clearly indicates an effort to put her at ease and not be worried about her safety.
Potiphar’s wife did nothing of the sort. Why she wanted Yosef may relate to his personal beauty, her disgust for her husband, her husband’s personal preferences (and therefore inattentiveness towards her - see Alshikh 39:8).
Rabbenu Bachaye noted that when Yosef was promoted in Potiphar’s house he felt he was a master and on top of the world. This drew the master’s wife to Yosef even more, because he wasn’t a lowly servant. On the other hand, I wonder how ancient societies viewed the master or mistress of the house having their way with the help. It is no secret that the third president of the United States was involved in this fashion with his own slaves. Was it expected, therefore, that Yosef was to be submissive and an easy conquest for her, and the fact that he had a mind of his own was most insulting to her? Alshikh claims she may have wanted him at any point prior, but it was only when he became like a master that she could actually get away with approaching him.
There is no question, however, who truly had the power over the other. She was the master’s wife, and he was the servant. So her advances were therefore no different than the kind we read of in the newspapers today.
We are left to understand what is meant by Yosef’s refusal to “lay next to her, to be with her.”
The simplest summary of what was going on is in the Midrash Sechel Tov, who writes that Yosef “did not listen to her” to commit the act, “to lay next to her” even to simply lay on the same bed (some commentaries suggest “with clothes on”), or “to be with her” in violation of the rules of seclusion, where the two of them are alone together in the same room (hereafter "Yichud"), even with nothing official going on (Ibn Ezra says “to talk with her”).
It is this last one which is the key to all ails of our society’s indiscretions. Malbim, Seforno, Rashbam and others mention Yichud as something Yosef refused to give in on, and when he found himself alone in the house with her – a reality he did not foresee – he ran out of the house!
When the Vice President was harangued by the media for essentially saying he avoids seclusion with any woman who is not his wife, I recall shaking my head thinking, he is aware of the laws of Yichud, and a “liberal” society is killing him for exercising common sense. Turns out he has a very good alibi, will not likely be accused of anything, and in a sense, will have the last laugh.
Avoiding seclusion, and therefore the remotest possibility of indiscretion, is what should be promoted and embraced by our society. It means lots of open doors, or at the very least, being in rooms with windows or video cameras, so suspicion can be cast aside and temptation undermined by either the fear of being caught, or the embarrassment of being seen doing something inappropriate.
I once heard Rabbi Mordechai Willig suggest avoiding yichud with the Internet as well. May that suggestion also be taken under advisement. Amen.
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