Rosh Hashana: The
Secret Ingredient to Teshuvah and A Fulfilling Life
Rabbi Avi Billet
This past shabbos we read Parshas Nitzavim, which the Shulchan Arukh tells us is read on
the Shabbos before RH to be a buffer between the devastating affects of the Tokhacha
and Rosh Hashana. Who wants the Tokhacha to be the most recent memory of a
Torah reading when we enter this Yom HaDin?
So instead, what is our most recent memory?
דברים פרק ל
(א) וְהָיָה כִי יָבֹאוּ עָלֶיךָ כָּל
הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה הַבְּרָכָה וְהַקְּלָלָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ
וַהֲשֵׁבֹתָ אֶל לְבָבֶךָ בְּכָל הַגּוֹיִם אֲשֶׁר הִדִּיחֲךָ יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ
שָׁמָּה:
(ב) וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ
וְשָׁמַעְתָּ בְקֹלוֹ כְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם אַתָּה וּבָנֶיךָ
בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:
(ג) וְשָׁב יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ אֶת שְׁבוּתְךָ
וְרִחֲמֶךָ וְשָׁב וְקִבֶּצְךָ מִכָּל הָעַמִּים אֲשֶׁר הֱפִיצְךָ יְקֹוָק
אֱלֹהֶיךָ שָׁמָּה:
When God pushes you away on account of your bad deeds, you
shall return to God and heed His voice – return to Him בכל
לבבך ובכל נפשך. Because, if
you return to Him, then He will return you to your land, He'll have mercy,
he'll gather you from all the nations to where He had sent you, and He'll bring
you home.
There's another passage.
(טו)
רְאֵה נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַיּוֹם אֶת הַחַיִּים וְאֶת הַטּוֹב וְאֶת הַמָּוֶת
וְאֶת הָרָע:
(טז) אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם
לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בִּדְרָכָיו וְלִשְׁמֹר מִצְוֹתָיו
וְחֻקֹּתָיו וּמִשְׁפָּטָיו וְחָיִיתָ וְרָבִיתָ וּבֵרַכְךָ יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ
בָּאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה בָא שָׁמָּה לְרִשְׁתָּהּ:
Then He says what will happen if you don't listen… and He
concludes
(יט) הַעִדֹתִי בָכֶם הַיּוֹם אֶת
הַשָּׁמַיִם וְאֶת הָאָרֶץ הַחַיִּים וְהַמָּוֶת נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַבְּרָכָה
וְהַקְּלָלָה וּבָחַרְתָּ בַּחַיִּים לְמַעַן תִּחְיֶה אַתָּה וְזַרְעֶךָ:
(כ) לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ
לִשְׁמֹעַ בְּקֹלוֹ וּלְדָבְקָה בוֹ כִּי הוּא חַיֶּיךָ וְאֹרֶךְ יָמֶיךָ לָשֶׁבֶת
עַל הָאֲדָמָה אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע יְקֹוָק לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ לְאַבְרָהָם לְיִצְחָק
וּלְיַעֲקֹב לָתֵת לָהֶם: פ
God places
before us a choice of life and good or death and bad. And then He tells us,
"Choose Life." Which stands to indicate that there isn't really a
choice. Life and goodness is the choice we make. And our actions are meant to
pave the way for that reality to set in. It all comes from loving God,
listening to His voice, and clinging to Him.
It's a
pretty straightforward equation. And as far as an introduction to Rosh Hashana
goes, I think you can't do much better than this reminder as far as what we are
looking to get out of this day.
But I want
to go back to the idea of "ושבת עד ה' אלקיך" – You shall return to Hashem your
God.
What does
this mean? How does one do it? What is the secret ingredient?
Rabbi
Soloveitchik noted Rabbi Akiva's comment in the last Mishnah in Yoma.
אמר רבי עקיבא אשריכם
ישראל לפני מי אתם מיטהרין מי מטהר אתכם אביכם שבשמים שנאמר (יחזקאל ל"ו)
וזרקתי עליכם מים טהורים וטהרתם ואומר (ירמיה י"ד) מקוה ישראל ה' מה מקוה
מטהר את הטמאים אף הקדוש ברוך הוא מטהר את ישראל:
Rabbi Akiva rhetorically asks, "Before whom do you
become pure and who purifies you?" Rabbo Soloveitchik asked, "Why
does it talk about purity twice?" And he answers because there are two
kinds of purification – the kind one does for oneself through dunking in a
mikveh, and the kind one needed someone else for, namely to be sprinkled with
the ashes of the Parah Adumah. One could not sprinkle oneself; someone else had
to do it. This is the source of the idea of מטמא טמאים
ומטהר טהורים.
Rabbi
Soloveitchik said Teshuvah is a similar process. There are two methods of
getting rid of sin and achieving forgiveness and atonement. One can apologize
to friends and get forgiveness. One can say וידוי. And, quite frankly, the Teshuvah can only
come from the person's initiative. God plays no role in the person's Teshuvah.
This form of Teshuvah is what Rabbi Soloveitchik calls the all year kind of
Teshuvah, the "mikveh-type" of Teshuvah. But there is an element of כפרה which eludes
the individual's grasp. You need God to give the כפרה to you through the medium of יום כיפור. –
this is the "haza'ah kind of Teshuvah- the sprinkling" which a person
can't do alone. He needs help from someone else – in this case, God.
Most
importantly, Rabbi Soloveitchk says there are two methods of getting rid of sin
because there are two ways that people sin. He brings a parable of a doctor
treating an injury. The doctor needs to know why a person fell down the steps.
Were they pushed? Did they trip over something? Or did they pass out or have a
stroke?
In the
former case, they need to treat the injury, but there is no malady. In the
latter case, the person's internals need a tremendous overhaul.
One who
sins, but who has a good excuse – yetzer hara got the better of me, my friends
convinced me, I thought a little skimming off the top was harmless, can correct
the behavior and do teshuvah.
But a
person who fundamentally doesn't see what is wrong with one's behavior needs an
"uprooting of personality and a transformation of his central value
system. For this," RJBS says, "one needs God."
I want to
focus on the kind of Teshuvah that needs God. If I can't fix the errors or
mishaps, and I need to do a complete overhaul, how exactly can I achieve such an
outcome?
The Gemara
gives two suggestions
תלמוד בבלי מסכת יומא דף
פו עמוד ב
אמר ריש לקיש: גדולה
תשובה, שזדונות נעשות לו כשגגות, שנאמר +הושע יד+ שובה ישראל עד ה' אלהיך כי כשלת
בעונך. הא עון מזיד הוא, וקא קרי ליה מכשול. איני? והאמר ריש לקיש: גדולה תשובה
שזדונות נעשות לו כזכיות, שנאמר +יחזקאל לג+ ובשוב רשע מרשעתו ועשה משפט וצדקה
עליהם (חיה) +מסורת הש"ס: [הוא]+ יחיה! - לא קשיא; כאן - מאהבה, כאן - מיראה
Essentially,
the gemara tells us, if a person repents out of fear, שזדונות
נעשות לו כשגגות, and if a person
repents מאהבה,
out of love, שזדונות נעשות לו כזכיות.
The first
approach is understandable – they weren't "Really" on purpose. So
Teshuvah can make them look accidental.
But how could sins committed במזיד be turned into merits?
Say what you will but they are still SINS!
For this, we need to look to the Rambam. The Rambam says in
The last chapter of Hilchos Teshuvah that the improper way to serve God is out
of יראה
– that I do what I do out of fear, to be saved from the curses. It is much
better to serve God מאהבה – out of love.
The Rambam
describes what that kind of service of God is: Osek BTorah UbMitzvos, walking
in the paths of wisdom, not on account of anything in the world, or out of fear
of bad things which might happen, and not in order to inherit goodness, rather
to seek truth because it is truth. And in the end, goodness will follow. This
is the way of Avraham Avinu – about whom we read from the Torah on both days of
RH - whom God called אוהביו, because he
served God out of pure love and dedication. This kind of love of God is
described in the Shma - ואהבת את ה' אלהיך. And when a person loves God in this
manner, he fulfills all the mitzvos out of love.
Then the
Rambam asks a unique question? כיצד? HOW does one love God in this manner?
וכיצד היא האהבה הראויה?
הוא שיאהב את ה' אהבה גדולה יתירה עזה מאוד עד שתהא נפשו קשורה באהבת ה' ונמצא
שוגה בה תמיד כאלו חולה חולי האהבה שאין דעתו פנויה מאהבת אותה אשה והוא שוגה בה
תמיד בין בשבתו בין בקומו בין בשעה שהוא אוכל ושותה, יתר מזה תהיה אהבת ה' בלב
אוהביו שוגים בה תמיד כמו שצונו בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך, והוא ששלמה אמר דרך משל כי
חולת אהבה אני, וכל שיר השירים משל הוא לענין זה.
The Rambam
does not go into such detail as to how to fulfill a mitzvah in any other place.
More
poignantly, however, we can ask how come the Rambam goes into these details
here – in Hilchos Teshuva? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to describe the
mitzvah to love Hashem in the laws of יסודי התורה? What are they doing in Hilchos Teshuvah?
Because
the Rambam is teaching us how to do Teshuvah properly! He is teaching us how
the מזידs become merits! When you can't eat, you
can't drink, you can't sleep because you are so in love with God – the Teshuvah
is complete and the sins are turned into merits! This kind of love is beyond
the scope of the natural world. As such, the net result can be supernatural –
sins can become merits!.
The
Slonimer Rebbe, in his Nesivos Shalom,
accents this point with the most profound insight. The Torah begins this
section saying "והיה
כי יבאו עליך כל הדברים האלה הברכה והקללה" – in other words the blessing and the curse will come upon you.
Then – והשבות אל לבבך – you will reflect on it in your heart, ושבת
עד ה אלקיך – and then you will
return to God. How could you return to God if the curse has come upon you?
Says the
Nesivos Shalom, "When a Jew loves God as a lovesick lover – חולי אהבה – there is
no difference between a ברכה and a קללה. Whatever God sends a person's way, the person takes the
message and fulfills the message of והשבות אל לבבך… When a person is at such a level of love,
anything which comes his way comes in the form of God saying שובה אלי ואשובה אליכם
and שובה ישראל עד ה אלקיך. You reflect on it in your heart, and love God even more.
The goal
of Teshuvah is to create a new person. I'm no longer the person who sinned. The
verse the Rambam quotes from Shir Hashirim is
שיר השירים פרק ה
דברים
פרק ל
Even if your
diaspora is at the ends of the heavens, God your Lord will gather you up from
there and He will take you back.
When you're
thrown to the ends of the earth, and it takes a very long journey to make your
way back, you're not the same person. You can't be the same person. The
adventures you've had along the way, the encounters, the experiences, have
molded and shaped you into a new person, one informed by history and
street-smarts and נסיון – experience. You've been there, done that. You
know your life is in the hands of God, so you make a commitment.
וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד יְקֹוָק
אֱלֹהֶיךָ וְשָׁמַעְתָּ בְקֹלוֹ כְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ
הַיּוֹם אַתָּה וּבָנֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:
As you
return to God, you listen to his קול, His Voice. And today, the קול is the קול שופר, which, as the Rambam writes, is a wake up
call. It's the voice of God calling from whatever a person is going
through. It’s a reminder to leave behind
the sins and to forge forward as we each become a new person.
When we
achieve משם יקבצך ה אלקיך – that God gathers you up from your most distant place, we also
achieve ומשם יקחך, that He takes us anew.
This is
the goal of Teshuva. This is the goal of Rosh Hashana. This is the goal of the יום הדין. That
we judge ourselves and conclude that we no longer want to be the people we were
until now. We want a new chance, a new life, to become a new person. We want to
be able to love God wholly and completely. We want to be able to see that both
the ברכה
– which is easy – AND the קללה – which is much harder – is from God. And we want to love him
all the same!
Let the
sound of the Shofar uplift us all. Let it penetrate the deepest depths of our
souls. Let it shake us to our core. Let it herald for each of us the cry of
battle – the battlecry that we channel within ourselves.
That we
can let go of any ego. That we can shift our focus to fulfill the words that we
so diligently say every day – ואהבת את ה אלקיך בכל לבבך
ובכל נפשך ובכל מאדך. Teshuvah
does not only mean repenting. It meant RETURNING. Returning to God, as the
lovesick people we are, who are having a reunion with our beloved.
Just like
most who חלילה
become estranged from their parents would be welcomed with open arms if they
would only knock on the door, we are always welcome if we choose to return to
God. If we can truly love God with all hearts, souls and מאד, we become new people, with a new purpose.
And, according to the gemara, our sins become merits.
Let us
pray that we can achieve this. Let us pray that God can give us the strength to
serve Him in such a manner. That we can look past all the things we raise
eyebrows to, and all the things we are cynical of, and all the things we mock.
Let us flip the switch so that every task we undertake and everything which
happens to us can all be seen as stemming from the mutual love that exists
between father and child, between Creator and His Creations.
If we can
do this, I am confident that not only will we be blessed with a good year, but
our lives will be enriched as our spirituality soars, as the totality of the
focus of our existence becomes one guided by my love of God.
What
drives my going to shul? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
What
drives my eating and bentching habits? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
Why do I
work? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
Why do I
keep shabbos? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
Why do I
treat my spouse with the utmost respect? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
How do I
know how to relate best to my children? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
How do I
know how to fulfill כיבוד אב ואם – which can be fulfilled whether parents are alive or no longer
alive? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
What
guides my choices in life, my tzedakah giving, my proper usage of time? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
Why do I
exercise? Why do I engage in sport? Why do I read? Why do I learn? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
What makes
me a good friend that people look to and admire? What makes me a mentsch? What
makes me a model citizen? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
It's the
answer to everything. It is the key to תשובה. It is what makes and creates the "New
Me.
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