Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Rosh Hashana 5773: Secret Ingredient To Teshuvah


Rosh Hashana: The Secret Ingredient to Teshuvah and A Fulfilling Life
Rabbi Avi Billet
This past shabbos we read Parshas Nitzavim,  which the Shulchan Arukh tells us is read on the Shabbos before RH to be a buffer between the devastating affects of the Tokhacha and Rosh Hashana. Who wants the Tokhacha to be the most recent memory of a Torah reading when we enter this Yom HaDin?
So instead, what is our most recent memory?
דברים פרק ל
(א) וְהָיָה כִי יָבֹאוּ עָלֶיךָ כָּל הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה הַבְּרָכָה וְהַקְּלָלָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ וַהֲשֵׁבֹתָ אֶל לְבָבֶךָ בְּכָל הַגּוֹיִם אֲשֶׁר הִדִּיחֲךָ יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ שָׁמָּה:
(ב) וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ וְשָׁמַעְתָּ בְקֹלוֹ כְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם אַתָּה וּבָנֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:
(ג) וְשָׁב יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ אֶת שְׁבוּתְךָ וְרִחֲמֶךָ וְשָׁב וְקִבֶּצְךָ מִכָּל הָעַמִּים אֲשֶׁר הֱפִיצְךָ יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ שָׁמָּה:

When God pushes you away on account of your bad deeds, you shall return to God and heed His voice – return to Him בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך. Because, if you return to Him, then He will return you to your land, He'll have mercy, he'll gather you from all the nations to where He had sent you, and He'll bring you home.
There's another passage.
(טו) רְאֵה נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַיּוֹם אֶת הַחַיִּים וְאֶת הַטּוֹב וְאֶת הַמָּוֶת וְאֶת הָרָע:
(טז) אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בִּדְרָכָיו וְלִשְׁמֹר מִצְוֹתָיו וְחֻקֹּתָיו וּמִשְׁפָּטָיו וְחָיִיתָ וְרָבִיתָ וּבֵרַכְךָ יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ בָּאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה בָא שָׁמָּה לְרִשְׁתָּהּ:

Then He says what will happen if you don't listen… and He concludes
(יט) הַעִדֹתִי בָכֶם הַיּוֹם אֶת הַשָּׁמַיִם וְאֶת הָאָרֶץ הַחַיִּים וְהַמָּוֶת נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַבְּרָכָה וְהַקְּלָלָה וּבָחַרְתָּ בַּחַיִּים לְמַעַן תִּחְיֶה אַתָּה וְזַרְעֶךָ:
(כ) לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ לִשְׁמֹעַ בְּקֹלוֹ וּלְדָבְקָה בוֹ כִּי הוּא חַיֶּיךָ וְאֹרֶךְ יָמֶיךָ לָשֶׁבֶת עַל הָאֲדָמָה אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע יְקֹוָק לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ לְאַבְרָהָם לְיִצְחָק וּלְיַעֲקֹב לָתֵת לָהֶם: פ

            God places before us a choice of life and good or death and bad. And then He tells us, "Choose Life." Which stands to indicate that there isn't really a choice. Life and goodness is the choice we make. And our actions are meant to pave the way for that reality to set in. It all comes from loving God, listening to His voice, and clinging to Him.
            It's a pretty straightforward equation. And as far as an introduction to Rosh Hashana goes, I think you can't do much better than this reminder as far as what we are looking to get out of this day.

            But I want to go back to the idea of "ושבת עד ה' אלקיך" – You shall return to Hashem your God.
            What does this mean? How does one do it? What is the secret ingredient?

            Rabbi Soloveitchik noted Rabbi Akiva's comment in the last Mishnah in Yoma.
 אמר רבי עקיבא אשריכם ישראל לפני מי אתם מיטהרין מי מטהר אתכם אביכם שבשמים שנאמר (יחזקאל ל"ו) וזרקתי עליכם מים טהורים וטהרתם ואומר (ירמיה י"ד) מקוה ישראל ה' מה מקוה מטהר את הטמאים אף הקדוש ברוך הוא מטהר את ישראל:
Rabbi Akiva rhetorically asks, "Before whom do you become pure and who purifies you?" Rabbo Soloveitchik asked, "Why does it talk about purity twice?" And he answers because there are two kinds of purification – the kind one does for oneself through dunking in a mikveh, and the kind one needed someone else for, namely to be sprinkled with the ashes of the Parah Adumah. One could not sprinkle oneself; someone else had to do it. This is the source of the idea of מטמא טמאים ומטהר טהורים.
            Rabbi Soloveitchik said Teshuvah is a similar process. There are two methods of getting rid of sin and achieving forgiveness and atonement. One can apologize to friends and get forgiveness. One can say וידוי. And, quite frankly, the Teshuvah can only come from the person's initiative. God plays no role in the person's Teshuvah. This form of Teshuvah is what Rabbi Soloveitchik calls the all year kind of Teshuvah, the "mikveh-type" of Teshuvah. But there is an element of כפרה which eludes the individual's grasp. You need God to give the כפרה to you through the medium of יום כיפור. – this is the "haza'ah kind of Teshuvah- the sprinkling" which a person can't do alone. He needs help from someone else – in this case, God.
            Most importantly, Rabbi Soloveitchk says there are two methods of getting rid of sin because there are two ways that people sin. He brings a parable of a doctor treating an injury. The doctor needs to know why a person fell down the steps. Were they pushed? Did they trip over something? Or did they pass out or have a stroke?
            In the former case, they need to treat the injury, but there is no malady. In the latter case, the person's internals need a tremendous overhaul.
            One who sins, but who has a good excuse – yetzer hara got the better of me, my friends convinced me, I thought a little skimming off the top was harmless, can correct the behavior and do teshuvah.
            But a person who fundamentally doesn't see what is wrong with one's behavior needs an "uprooting of personality and a transformation of his central value system. For this," RJBS says, "one needs God."
            I want to focus on the kind of Teshuvah that needs God. If I can't fix the errors or mishaps, and I need to do a complete overhaul, how exactly can I achieve such an outcome?
            The Gemara gives two suggestions
תלמוד בבלי מסכת יומא דף פו עמוד ב
 אמר ריש לקיש: גדולה תשובה, שזדונות נעשות לו כשגגות, שנאמר +הושע יד+ שובה ישראל עד ה' אלהיך כי כשלת בעונך. הא עון מזיד הוא, וקא קרי ליה מכשול. איני? והאמר ריש לקיש: גדולה תשובה שזדונות נעשות לו כזכיות, שנאמר +יחזקאל לג+ ובשוב רשע מרשעתו ועשה משפט וצדקה עליהם (חיה) +מסורת הש"ס: [הוא]+ יחיה! - לא קשיא; כאן - מאהבה, כאן - מיראה
            Essentially, the gemara tells us, if a person repents out of fear, שזדונות נעשות לו כשגגות, and if a person repents מאהבה, out of love, שזדונות נעשות לו כזכיות.
            The first approach is understandable – they weren't "Really" on purpose. So Teshuvah can make them look accidental.  But how could sins committed במזיד be turned into merits? Say what you will but they are still SINS!
For this, we need to look to the Rambam. The Rambam says in The last chapter of Hilchos Teshuvah that the improper way to serve God is out of יראה – that I do what I do out of fear, to be saved from the curses. It is much better to serve God מאהבה – out of love.
            The Rambam describes what that kind of service of God is: Osek BTorah UbMitzvos, walking in the paths of wisdom, not on account of anything in the world, or out of fear of bad things which might happen, and not in order to inherit goodness, rather to seek truth because it is truth. And in the end, goodness will follow. This is the way of Avraham Avinu – about whom we read from the Torah on both days of RH -  whom God called אוהביו, because he served God out of pure love and dedication. This kind of love of God is described in the Shma - ואהבת את ה' אלהיך. And when a person loves God in this manner, he fulfills all the mitzvos out of love.
            Then the Rambam asks a unique question? כיצד? HOW does one love God in this manner?
וכיצד היא האהבה הראויה? הוא שיאהב את ה' אהבה גדולה יתירה עזה מאוד עד שתהא נפשו קשורה באהבת ה' ונמצא שוגה בה תמיד כאלו חולה חולי האהבה שאין דעתו פנויה מאהבת אותה אשה והוא שוגה בה תמיד בין בשבתו בין בקומו בין בשעה שהוא אוכל ושותה, יתר מזה תהיה אהבת ה' בלב אוהביו שוגים בה תמיד כמו שצונו בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך, והוא ששלמה אמר דרך משל כי חולת אהבה אני, וכל שיר השירים משל הוא לענין זה.
            The Rambam does not go into such detail as to how to fulfill a mitzvah in any other place.
            More poignantly, however, we can ask how come the Rambam goes into these details here – in Hilchos Teshuva? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to describe the mitzvah to love Hashem in the laws of יסודי התורה? What are they doing in Hilchos Teshuvah?
            Because the Rambam is teaching us how to do Teshuvah properly! He is teaching us how the מזידs become merits! When you can't eat, you can't drink, you can't sleep because you are so in love with God – the Teshuvah is complete and the sins are turned into merits! This kind of love is beyond the scope of the natural world. As such, the net result can be supernatural – sins can become merits!.
            The Slonimer Rebbe,  in his Nesivos Shalom, accents this point with the most profound insight. The Torah begins this section saying "והיה כי יבאו עליך כל הדברים האלה הברכה והקללה" – in other words the blessing and the curse will come upon you. Then – והשבות אל לבבך – you will reflect on it in your heart, ושבת עד ה אלקיך – and then you will return to God. How could you return to God if the curse has come upon you?
            Says the Nesivos Shalom, "When a Jew loves God as a lovesick lover – חולי אהבה – there is no difference between a ברכה and a קללה. Whatever God sends a person's way, the person takes the message and fulfills the message of והשבות אל לבבך… When a person is at such a level of love, anything which comes his way comes in the form of God saying שובה אלי ואשובה אליכם and שובה ישראל עד ה אלקיך. You reflect on it in your heart, and love God even more.
            The goal of Teshuvah is to create a new person. I'm no longer the person who sinned. The verse the Rambam quotes from Shir Hashirim is
שיר השירים פרק ה
 אִם תִּמְצְאוּ אֶת דּוֹדִי מַה תַּגִּידוּ לוֹ שֶׁחוֹלַת אַהֲבָה אָנִי: - If you find my beloved, what will you tell him, - that I am lovesick. In other words - I am not the same person, I am lovesick.
 The pasuk in Nitzavim said
דברים פרק ל
 אִם יִהְיֶה נִדַּחֲךָ בִּקְצֵה הַשָּׁמָיִם מִשָּׁם יְקַבֶּצְךָ יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ וּמִשָּׁם יִקָּחֶךָ:
Even if your diaspora is at the ends of the heavens, God your Lord will gather you up from there and He will take you back.
When you're thrown to the ends of the earth, and it takes a very long journey to make your way back, you're not the same person. You can't be the same person. The adventures you've had along the way, the encounters, the experiences, have molded and shaped you into a new person, one informed by history and street-smarts and נסיון – experience. You've been there, done that. You know your life is in the hands of God, so you make a commitment.
 דברים פרק ל
 וְשַׁבְתָּ עַד יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֶיךָ וְשָׁמַעְתָּ בְקֹלוֹ כְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם אַתָּה וּבָנֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:
            As you return to God, you listen to his קול, His Voice. And today, the קול is the קול שופר, which, as the Rambam writes, is a wake up call. It's the voice of God calling from whatever a person is going through.  It’s a reminder to leave behind the sins and to forge forward as we each become a new person.
            When we achieve משם יקבצך ה אלקיך – that God gathers you up from your most distant place, we also achieve ומשם יקחך, that He takes us anew.
            This is the goal of Teshuva. This is the goal of Rosh Hashana. This is the goal of the יום הדין. That we judge ourselves and conclude that we no longer want to be the people we were until now. We want a new chance, a new life, to become a new person. We want to be able to love God wholly and completely. We want to be able to see that both the ברכה – which is easy – AND the קללה – which is much harder – is from God. And we want to love him all the same!
            Let the sound of the Shofar uplift us all. Let it penetrate the deepest depths of our souls. Let it shake us to our core. Let it herald for each of us the cry of battle – the battlecry that we channel within ourselves.
            That we can let go of any ego. That we can shift our focus to fulfill the words that we so diligently say every day – ואהבת את ה אלקיך בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך ובכל מאדך. Teshuvah does not only mean repenting. It meant RETURNING. Returning to God, as the lovesick people we are, who are having a reunion with our beloved.
            Just like most who חלילה become estranged from their parents would be welcomed with open arms if they would only knock on the door, we are always welcome if we choose to return to God. If we can truly love God with all hearts, souls and מאד, we become new people, with a new purpose. And, according to the gemara, our sins become merits.
            Let us pray that we can achieve this. Let us pray that God can give us the strength to serve Him in such a manner. That we can look past all the things we raise eyebrows to, and all the things we are cynical of, and all the things we mock. Let us flip the switch so that every task we undertake and everything which happens to us can all be seen as stemming from the mutual love that exists between father and child, between Creator and His Creations.
            If we can do this, I am confident that not only will we be blessed with a good year, but our lives will be enriched as our spirituality soars, as the totality of the focus of our existence becomes one guided by my love of God.
            What drives my going to shul? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            What drives my eating and bentching habits? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            Why do I work? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            Why do I keep shabbos? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            Why do I treat my spouse with the utmost respect? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            How do I know how to relate best to my children? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            How do I know how to fulfill כיבוד אב ואם – which can be fulfilled whether parents are alive or no longer alive? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            What guides my choices in life, my tzedakah giving, my proper usage of time? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            Why do I exercise? Why do I engage in sport? Why do I read? Why do I learn? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            What makes me a good friend that people look to and admire? What makes me a mentsch? What makes me a model citizen? ואהבת את ה אלקיך
            It's the answer to everything. It is the key to תשובה. It is what makes and creates the "New Me." It is the secret ingredient to the most fulfilling life.

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