Yizkor: If You Are Reading These Words

Yizkor on Shavuos 

presented by Rabbi Avi Billet, 5785 

In past Yizkors I’ve gone back and forth, either using Ruth as the impetus for the main theme of this talk or a more generic message. General themes I’ve shared here from Rus included: 

The concept of remembering the dead through establishing a future in their memory, as demonstrated through the concept of Yibum, and the emphasis on Ruth carrying Machlon’s child, though conceived with Boaz 

Another time I used Na’ami’s turnaround from being bitter over all her losses to finding a purpose in life through seeing Ruth find a spouse and have child, who Na’ami raises almost as her own 

Another year the focus was on how Boaz was so wonderful to everyone he encountered, even as Chazal tell us he is introduced to us in the text shortly after the passing of his wife. 

Another year, the focus was on how each person in the Megillah – most notably Rus, Na’ami, and Boaz, all of whom suffered loss, found a path forward through focusing on what they HAD in life, instead of burying themselves in their own sorrow. It may have been day by day. There may have been a silent struggle we aren’t privy to in the text. But whether it was Na’ami and Rus intending to live out their lives together if nothing else were to happen, or Boaz finding solace in God and in his own being a Baal Chesed – that’s what they do. And that is nothing short of inspiring. 

 Last year, we were having an appeal for a Driving Simulator for IDF amputees, and the topic of the day was primarily October 7 and the subsequent war. Soldiers were being killed weekly – it was such a horrible time. 

And while the war is still going on, and soldiers are not immune from what happens in battle – as far as news goes, it has been far less intense than it was then. 

At the RCA convention, Koren Publishers had a booth, and I picked up a book there called אם אתם קוראים את המילים האלה. “If you are reading these words…” The book is a compilation of around 50 final letters written by soldiers who did not return home. There are explanations – some wrote several letters to different family members and only one was shared with the editors of the book. There are also mini essays by some contemporary figures such as Yemima Mizrachi and Rav Tamir Granot, who lost his son in the war. 

I am going to read two of them now. The first is more religious and national in tone. The second is not religious at all, but is deeply personal. Please note these are my loose translations, so if I missed something in the subtleties of the translation – that is my error. I think the general gyst will nonetheless come through. 

 If I shall die at the hands of the enemy, I request that the world will hear  No one should seek vengeance or callout for vengeance. Whoever I take with me (I hope) - I will take. To whomever this causes them to burn in their bones- let them have that feeling with life. 

Should it happen that the dreams we have don’t come back to our nation, and one day they make the decision to clear out Otniel, I request that they should not clear out, move, re-inter my grave. Leave me in my place, in the place where I lived. If our enemies will decide to destroy, to disintegrate, to uproot, to plow, let me be a display to their true essence.

 I had faith in the path. I had faith in the return of our nation to our land. I had faith in the small action (10/7) that was criticized (The footnote says he took his time to help get a woman out of a house in Be’eri that slowed down their operation to save more people). It was a small point to save a life. 

If I die as a fallen soldier on the land, they should remember and teach others to remember that this is not just another war or another intifada. Or some other action. It was the same very long war for our land and the identity of our people which has been going on for 150 years

 I wanted to, and I tried to be a Mench. To be a Jew. 

Elchanan Kalmanson   

Another letter was written by Adi Danan And it reads as follows   

To my family 

I know that at the end of the day maybe this letter is just written to me, and that all will be OK and that the war will end. However, if at the end, something happens to me, there is something that I would like to tell you before I go into Gaza. 

I can tell you that I merited to have the best family that I could possibly ask for. You turned me into an independent child who knows how to honor his parents and to value everything that I have. You taught me to value people and everything around me. And to speak. And to take a reckoning of what is good and what is not good. In life, you did not deprive me of anything. Anything that I wanted I had, and for this, I am so grateful.  

 Abba: I know that you will tell me that I am a chump, and why are you writing things like this. But in the end of the day, I don’t get to decidewhat will be and what will not be. I will be as careful as I can in whatever I do. 

I had a great merit of having the best friend, the man who is my rock and foundation, the person that I put on a pedestal, the man who watched over me. You were always concerned for me, you were always there even when I did not need you, and you always show the concern of a father and a never-ending love.  

I love you on a level that you cannot even understand, but I request from you in a personal way man to man, that you should watch over the family. You need to be there for whomever needs you. You have to show a smile and elevate our family because you are it’s heart  

Ima: my queen. The woman that I love most in the world. I don’t have much to say beyond thank you. Thank you that you were always concerned for me, that you educated me that you took care of me, that you were always there for me, you felt for me and you were concerned for me. 

At the end of the day, I can tell you that you are the one who turned me into what I became, the best creation that you can possibly make  I want you to know that I simply love you on levels that you can’t even understand, and I request that you should watch over everyone and be strong. I want you to know that you are the person that I am most emotional over. I love you forever and ever. 

To my sisters : to my twin sister, who is flesh of my flesh, the person who understands me most in the world I don’t know even how to begin, but I will tell you that I love you so much, my little Linoy.  And even if something were to happen, I will always be there for you and I will watch over you from above  You are my twin sister, the person who I went through everything with, from the time that we were tiny little babies and adorable until the time we grew up and became soldiers. I love you, Linoy, and will love you forever   

Leori, my little one, the one I watched over my whole life. I remember when Linoy and I were in fourth grade we were laying on the bed of Ema and Abba and they brought you, adorable little chubby baby, to the bed and they said to us “this is your sister “  From that moment on, I knew I would be watching over you for all of my life  You turned me into the happiest brother in the world. I love you deeply. 

Continue to be the smiley person you are who loves everybody. And I ask of you to give nachat to our parents. Be a wonderful girl, Leori.  Succeed in your studies. I want to hear that you have some great degree that’s going to help you in life. And at the end of the day, you should just be a good person because I am here all the time watching you from above. I love you forever.   

My Yahali  My personal cynic. The person who caused me to know what it means to love and to be loved. I remember when we met in the Alon experience between guard duty. You were not at all interested in dating. But I remember in our first conversations how we clicked. The first connections that caused me to have butterflies in the stomach. The smile I would have whenever I would receive a message from you or when I was waiting for a phone call every time I had the chance.  

You caused me to love, my Yahali, you caused me to feel comfortable with you. And to be able to show you love without boundaries. Maybe we are together five months. But it feels as if we have been together for years. I ask of you, my Yahali, I am with you. And I will be with you for all of life.  How yonatan kalimi put it. “I am here even if nothing works out..” I am here, even above, watching over you all the time. 

I love you with the love that has no end, my woman, and I will always love you.  Thank you for being a part of me. For causing me to know that I have merited the greatest thing I could’ve wanted. I love you, dear Babu 

I just wish to add a thanks to all of my friends and to all the people who accompanied me throughout my life. You helped me become who I am and you brought for me the greatest joy in life. I love you. 

My family, my Yahali, you are everything for me and I love you forever

 ‎תודה שהייתם חלק ממני ‏

Thank you for being a part of me 

  I would imagine that were we to put pen to paper and write our own last notes, just like in this book, every letter would come out differently. We all have different relationships with different people, and even with the different members of our families.

 On Yizkor, though, I think it’s worth considering what our loved ones might have written to us, if they had faced their own mortality so immediately, as does a soldier going into battle. What would they say to us now, were they to see us? 

Our grandparents. Our parents. Aunts, uncles. 

 “I’m so proud of you. Everything you do gives me such Nachas. You are such a mentch. You look out for so many people. You are a model of chesed – sometimes I pinch myself at how lucky I am to have you as my descendant, or my niece or nephew.”

 Or for those remembering siblings, perhaps siblings would say “I always knew you’d be carrying the banner of our family. You’re doing great. I love watching your family from up here. Thanks for being the rock of our family, the one my kids look to as their connection to our generation.”

 For those remembering a spouse, perhaps the note would sound like this. “I know how much you miss me. I miss you so much too. I hear you every night when you tell me about your day and wish me a good night. I know you take every day, day by day, and get through it. I want so much for you to LIVE. To be there for our kids for a long time. For you to find happiness. I miss you. And I’m waiting patiently for you. Don’t rush!” 

And for those remembering children – and we have a fair number of people in our shul who are in the group that I call “the club no one wants to be in” (Na’ami was in that club too!)… perhaps children are saying, “I know how much you miss me. And I miss you too. I wish things could have been different. But now I know that I need to be where I am, and you need to be where you are. And it’s not fair to you. But you have done so much good in my memory. You’ve lived incredible lives in my merit. So I’ve been pulling strings for you. And I know you know it. I’m OK. I hope you can be OK, even with the huge hole in your heart that you carry every day of your life. I love you forever and ever.” 

 What we can take from final messages, and from Megillas Rus, and from everyone we see is this: We have one life to live. We will all suffer pain, loss, in our lifetimes. Only those who die before they suffer pain and loss will not – because they didn’t live long enough. And that is a tragedy for their loved ones. 

 But pain and suffering is a part of life. Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein said suffering is supposed to transform us. Rabbi Soloveitchik was quite candid about his own suffering (he lost his mother, his wife, and a brother - all in an 12 month period) and used it as a catalyst to get CLOSER to God. 

And that, I think, is what those who are gone would want of us. We refer to the world to come as the Olam HaEmes – the world of truth. There are no lies, no falsehoods, nothing unclear about what it’s all about in that sphere. 

Our lives are a road that eventually gets us there, but while we are here, we are to live the most meaningful lives, be M’kadesh Shem Shamayim, and have the best relationships with people we can possibly have. To tell them what we think – in a positive, complimentary, beautiful way. To draw ourselves closer. And when necessary and possible, to mend the divide that may have caused distance between us. ‏

One way we serve as a merit for our loved ones is in the charitable donations we give in their memory – its what we commit to in the Yizkor service. שאתן צדקה בעד הזכרת נשמה 

This holiday our appeal is for the charity account of our shul. Just so you should know, in 2024, we were Zocheh to distribute more than $53,000, aside from the monies raised for special projects in our Israel Emergency Fund, and the driving simulator mentioned earlier. 

 This year – in only FIVE MONTHS, the generosity of our membership has allowed us to distribute over $56,000 thus far. Over $25,000 was Maos Chitim. Recipients included organizations that help put food on the tables of needy people in Israel and the US, donations to Kollels – a small way of supporting Torah learning, and over $15,000 so far to individuals who come collecting for their personal needs (in addition to Maos Chitim and Matanos L’Evyonim). 

 The highest volume time for movement of these funds is around Rosh Hashana, Chanukah, Purim, and Pesach. But there is a need throughout the year, as there are many people who come through our shul doors. They are greeted warmly. And they enjoy the beneficence of our gracious Kehillah. Thank you for your generosity.

 We don’t always have the opportunity to meet needy people, especially in the reality of our gated communities. . But I am most honored and humbled to be the Shaliach on behalf of those who contribute – the brachos we, as a Kehillah, get from those who are the beneficiaries of our Chesed should continue to serve as a Merit for our shul. 

And when you give on behalf of and in the merit of loved ones remembered at Yizkor, it should serve as a Merit for their Neshamas, and as a merit for you, their loved one, who continues to give them Nachas in your looking out for God’s children