Bringing the Children Along

Parshat Nitzavim Vayelekh 

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

 On the rare occasion that I need to make a late-night run to Walmart for some odd or end that we need, while I am (hopefully) obviously going out on this errand by myself, I marvel at how there are sometimes families, with very small children, at the store at the same time. And we’re not talking about the single mom who has no other choice but to bring her children – these are families with two parents present along with their little children. 

 It's not for me to judge, and I certainly don’t say anything. But I imagine that were I to ask, the answer I’d get from the parents is “We had to do this errand together. Do you expect us to leave our children home by themselves? What do you think we are – irresponsible?” I don’t want to get into an argument, so if my guess of an answer were to turn out to be true, it is certainly better that they take their children than leave them home by themselves. I understand that it’s very hard to get a last-minute babysitter. (Nevermind that you could have done what I did – but I guess some items that get picked off the shelf need a discussion in the store…😇) 

We have a unique commandment in the Torah that only applies one time every 7 years, and that is the Mitzvah of Hakhel, the gathering of the entire Jewish nation in Jerusalem on the holiday of Sukkos attached to the Shmittah year. 

Quick aside: Rashi and Rabbenu Bachaye say it was in the Sukkot immediately AFTER the Shmittah year, at the beginning of the 1st year of the new cycle. Targum Yonatan and R Yosef Bkhor Shor say it that it is after 7 years from the last Hakhel, in the actual Shmittah year – at a time when people don’t need to tend to their fields and gardens, they can all afford to go to Jerusalem. Ramban in Parshas Reeh (chapter 15) makes it quite clear that we “pasken” like the first approach that says Hakhel would take place on the Sukkos immediately after the Shmittah year ended. 

The mitzvah in question is for “the nation to gather, men, women and children.” (31:12) To what might seem an obvious question – the men and women will each get their own benefits from the national gathering, but what will the children get out of it? – Rashi notes (based on the Gemara in Chagigah 3) that the purpose of bringing the children was for their parents to get the reward/merit (שכר) for bringing them. 

 That doesn’t seem to benefit the children. And, to be honest, if the parents are all going because they are required to go, then just like the people I see in Walmart, do we expect they’d leave their children home alone while they make the trek to Jerusalem? Of course they’re going to take their children along. They don’t have a choice! So why is this a Mitzvah? In Yalkut Ha’Urim, the author suggests the obvious answer, the famous teaching of Rabbi Chananya ben Akashiya. “God wanted to give merits to the Jewish people, and so He gave them many mitzvos…” If the adults have to bring their children anyway, they may as well get the merit of fulfilling a mitzvah while doing so. Fair enough. 

This leaves us with the question of what the children would get out of coming to Hakhel, especially if they are too young to understand what is going on, and too young to appreciate the role of the king, of the Torah being read, of the grandeur of all of the nation being there. The Torah explains their role, in 31:13, as “listening and learning to revere the Almighty.” 

The Sfas Emes explains, demonstrating a clear understanding of the realities of children, that there is an ideal (they will listen and learn to revere God) and then there is reality, that they’ll be running around, playing games, not paying attention, missing the point entirely. And so, looking at Rashi’s comment, he says it is more important for the parents to be present and distracted by their children – because at least the children are in attendance and in this incredibly inspiring atmosphere, the memory of which (simply being there) they may carry more than what they might have gleaned from listening to the Torah being read or any speeches, most or all of which they likely would not remember. 

The Sfas Emes concludes the thought suggesting that in general, adults should be willing to sacrifice their own fulfillment and growth in order to teach their children or be sure to it that the message comes across to the next generation. 

In a different comment on this section of the Torah, Sfas Emes emphasized the holiness of the atmosphere which can have an indelible imprint on the Neshama (soul), an impact which is invaluable, something that we can never actually put a price on, as it may be carried to realms we could never foresee. 

Rabbi Yehoshua was a great example of this – not specifically from Hakhel, but all the time – as his mother would bring his cradle to the Beis Medrash in order that he would be exposed to the sound of Torah study from a very young age (Yerushalmi Yevamos ch 1, 8b). Undoubtedly that contributed to his becoming the man he became. 

 I recall once hearing a story about two great rabbis who came to an elementary level yeshiva to give a talk and a faher (oral quiz) to the students. The event included lunch, and after the meal, their regular Rebbe apologized to these great rabbis that as part of their approach to Chinukh in the yeshiva, the boys sang the Birkat Hamazon (“Bentching”) together. These great rabbis did not hesitate – not only did they not accept the apology, but they sang the Bentching along with the boys. Is this an example of their sacrificing their own “kavvanah,” perhaps their own scrupulousness and degree of concentration, to sing a memorable melody of the Birkat HaMazon along with children? Absolutely. But do you know what? Not only was it a beautiful message to the children, that these great rabbis “bentched” with them, but it also gave great strength to the children’s Rebbe to see value and merit in what he was doing regularly, sacrificing his own “bentching”, so the children would learn it, remember it, and be trained to make Birkat Hamazon part of their own mealtime routine. 

We must always remember that the presence of children in any Jewish environment, whether shul or a gathering, is a blessing. If sometimes their presence seems disturbing, it is much more important that they feel comfortable in places like shul, than that they feel unwelcome or not desired. 

 In Hakhel, it was run-of-the-mill. The kids were there, but their attention may have easily been focused elsewhere. 

 The parents got the most out of the experience as they could, but they also saw that their children had a memorable shared experience with family, seeing themselves as part of the Bnei Yisrael, in an inspiring setting they could recall in their long-term memory as a defining moment in their development as members of the Nation of Israel.

The Blessing WITH You

 Parshat Ki Tavo

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Chapter 28 begins with 14 verses of positivity and blessing leading into the long “Rebuke” which is known as the Tokhacha. In those 14 verses, we find the following message. יְצַ֨ו ה' אִתְּךָ֙ אֶת־הַבְּרָכָ֔ה בַּאֲסָמֶ֕יךָ וּבְכֹ֖ל מִשְׁלַ֣ח יָדֶ֑ךָ וּבֵ֣רַכְךָ֔ בָּאָ֕רֶץ אֲשֶׁר־ה' אֱ-לֹקֶיךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לָֽךְ: 

 Artscroll’s translation is “Hashem will command the blessing for you in your storehouses and your every undertaking; and He will bless you in the land that Hashem, your God, gives you.” 

 Another translation, from Chabad.org’s online full-Tanakh-with-translation is: “The Lord will order the blessing to be with you in your granaries, and in every one of your endeavors, and He will bless you in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you.” 

A more accurate, direct translation would read, “God will command/instruct with you blessing in your אסםs (barn, granary, storehouse?) and in all of your hand’s endeavors. And He will bless you in the land that ה' אֱ-לֹקֶיךָ gives/is giving you.” 

Loose translations tend to aim to give a message, though they are always a commentary because they have to make a choice at how to explain the language of the text. An accurate translation sometimes purposely leaves things vague because the text is vague! 

 One word which is lost in this mix of translations is אתך, and the attempt at translating that word is highlighted in bold in each version of the verse above. Most would certainly argue that אתך means “with you,” though what that phrase means depends on its context. 

A number of interpretations suggest that it references a partnership with the Almighty. 

 Peninei Torah: Blessing comes upon something that ‘exists.’ [God doesn’t make miracles from nothing for anyone.] Just as a pasuk promises (Devarim 15:18) that God will bless you in all that you do, the key is that “you” have to be “doing something.” If a person is sitting with clasped hands waiting for God’s blessing to come without making any kind of effort (Hishtadlus) the blessing can not come upon a person. “God will instruct for the blessing to happen אתך, only with your participation in making things happen.” 

Based on a verse in Iyov 22:28, the Rabbis taught that if a righteous person declares something, God will make it happen. Two examples are Yehoshua calling on the sun to stay put until the battle in Givon was over, and Eliyahu declaring the flour will never run out. And thus Kli Yakar said that if you are a righteous person instructing for Bracha to happen, God will command for it to happen and agree with you for the blessing to come true. 

  HaKtav V’Hakabbalah: It almost seems as if the blessing “exists” and God commanded for it to be “with you.” However, that would make more sense if the verse actually read as יצו עליך. Therefore he is of the opinion that the “command” is one that goes back generations to when the blessing was first attached to our forefathers. God is essentially including the blessing with you, causing something made long ago to cling to you as well. It’s not a new blessing, it is one that drafts you into it with time. 

 Rav Hirsch also pins the blessing on a person who is taking initiative. 

 When we consider what it means to have the blessings of God upon us, we would do well to realize that there is a partnership in place. Yes, we want God to provide for us and to give to us and to protect us. But He wants something in return. He doesn’t want us to be content with freebies and handouts and being given everything on a silver platter. He wants our effort, our struggles, our participation in following through with the ideal life He has laid out for us in the land, which requires our buy-in as well. 

This is true of every aspect of Jewish living. 

 Whether it’s growth in Torah – we don’t grow from just sitting back and listening to a lecture or shiur. We have to be “all in” in our effort to study, to learn, to understand a text or a topic. 

When it’s spiritual growth – we don’t grow from simply listening to others or sitting in the back (so to speak) with an open siddur. We need to apply ourselves to the task of getting to know ourselves, what our needs are, and how much we are willing to invest our energy and resources in improving our spiritual connection to God. 

 The same can be said about every effort one pursues or wants to pursue. Noone becomes a good athlete from sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else play. One needs to practice and improve and challenge oneself. 

The message from the Torah and the word אתך is that God WANTS THIS PARTNERSHIP. If we can only want it as well and put in the effort that will aid in our own growth, we will be blessed with God, with a partnership with the Divine that is the envy of the world, one that makes us closest to Him in this world.

Returning Lost Objects, Finding Our True Selves

Parshat Ki Tetze 

 by Rabbi Avi Billet

When counting per parsha, Ki Tetze has the largest number of Mitzvos in the book of Devarim, and in all of the Torah! Some of them have been seen before in the most Mitzvah-prolific parshas such as Mishpatim and Kedoshim, and some have been counted then as Mitzvos, and some are only counted here as Mitzvos by the Sefer HaChinukh. Perhaps the easiest reason for any repetition, in general, is that Moshe is speaking to the next generation, and is reminding them of some of the more important things he has taught over the years while also focusing on the instructions that will fare them best when they enter the Land of Canaan and begin building a new society there outside the realm of the partially supernatural living they’ve experienced in the wilderness (Manna, special water sources, pillars of cloud and fire, etc.) 

 One mitzvah which appears in two places is regarding the returning of a lost (and therefore found) object. In Devarim 22:1 the verse says that “You shall not see the lost ox or sheep of your brother wandering and let it be. [Rather] you should return them to your brother.” The word brother here means “your brother in observance” or “your brother in Mitzvos.” 

In Mishpatim (Shemos 23:4) the verse says “When you bump into the ox or the donkey of your enemy [and realize it is] lost, return it to him.” 

While the verse speaks of a lost animal, Sefer HaChinukh titles the Mitzvah “To return a lost object to an Israelite” and goes into detail about how the mitzvah includes any lost items, and that the purpose of the mitzvah is to promote neighborliness and to encourage people to seek out the owners of things that have been lost to set things aright. The specific laws are discussed in Bava Kama and Bava Metzia and concern where the items were lost (such as a particular market or a particular building, rather than a very busy thoroughfare), if they can be easily identified (losing a single dollar bill wouldn’t count, while losing a stack of bills in which you know the exact amount could be more easily verifiable, or losing a more unique object, especially if it has identification markers on it), and if the owner has hope of ever getting it back based on all the circumstances (if found in the sea, for example, we can assume the owner gave up hope, even if it has a name on it). 

The Internet has proven a fascinating resource for helping men who’ve misplaced their Tallis and Tefillin (such as on a train or in an airport) be reunited with them, since the Hebrew name, often enough with a last name, is usually on the bag! 

The question is asked, however, why does Mishpatim refer to the person who lost the animal as “Your enemy” while in our parsha the person is “your brother”? 

Rabbenu Bachaye essentially argues that the Torah is presenting on a spectrum. It could be that when finding an object the finder may realize that the item belongs to someone s/he does not like and may be inclined to think “Forget about it. Why should I go out of my way for that person?” Or it is unclear to whom it belongs, and the finder may feel “Why should I go out of my way for a stranger? This person is wasting my time!” As we know, that kind of attitude already puts the one who lost the item in a negative light in the mind of the finder. Therefore the Torah is teaching that returning an object gives the finder a different perspective, especially when the owner receives the property back and is genuinely grateful. The message is for the finder to remove those negative feelings, so by the time the returning of the object or animal takes place, the owner is already viewed as a friend. 

 Meshekh Chokhmah presents a different perspective. The Talmud (Pesachim 113) asks a simple question: Is one even permitted to hate? Doesn’t the Torah say “You shall not hate your brother in your heart!” (Vayikra 19:17) He answers that a person could come to hate one’s Jewish brother having witnessed the person sin, prior to the event of the Golden Calf, because at that point Bnei Yisrael were referred to as a “Kingdom of Priests and a Holy Nation.” Someone who sinned was considered to be one who was tainting that special mission, and could therefore be considered an enemy. 

 However, now in Devarim, after all of Israel participated in sin, even minimally, one does not have the allowance to simply hate someone for sinning. Instead, a person’s responsibility when seeing another person sin, instead of judging the other, is to examine one’s own deeds. 

 Am I perfect? Am I careful about every mitzvah? Am I flawless in the way I go about doing the things I do? 

Since the answer to these questions is typically “No” (unless the person IS a perfect tzaddik or tzadekes, which is rare), we are forbidden to hate the other person. Instead we should focus on the things we don’t like about ourselves and aim to improve upon them. 

This is where Teshuvah can fit in as it reminds us that we are imperfect (which is ok, since we are human), and that instead of looking outward at others, we ought to look inwards. 

 One simple way to improve is to seek out to help others. 

See something on the floor? Pick it up! 

Does it belong in the trash can? Throw it out! 

Does it belong to someone or is it unique enough that it could be identifiable by its owner? Try to return it! 

Going to the store and have a neighbor who doesn’t drive or who is immobile? Offer to shop for them! Or offer to take them to the store. It may take a few extra minutes, but a Chesed is worth all the time we have. 

See someone struggling with their purchases, loading their car? Offer to help or just help with a smile! 

See someone distraught over losing something? Help! Retrace steps. Look everywhere possible. 

Being there for others is one of the most human-training activities we can engage with. When we get a thank you and a compliment it feels great. But even if we don’t, knowing we did our part to help also feels good, and helps us see that people aren’t necessarily bad. Sometimes they are just misunderstood. And sometimes a little careless. And sometimes a little forgetful or eccentric. Which means they have plenty of good qualities… the onus is on us to see the good qualities and chalk up the qualities we don’t like to their being uniquely human in their own way. 

 Like everything, how we view others and their lost objects says a lot about our outlook on the world. If we can find the positive, we will be positive. If we live with a positive outlook on life, we will find the positivity in others. 

 Hopefully we aren’t too hard on ourselves in the process, as we recognize our own flaws as a work-in-progress, while aiming to improve through the life long task of Teshuvah and being more wholesome and good in God’s eyes. And by extension, in the eyes of Man.