Not Being Lost Forever

Parshat Bechukotai 

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

One of the main features of Parshas Bechukosai is the segment that spans most of chapter 26, known as the Tokhacha, the Great Rebuke. Commentaries note that it is divided into 5 segments reflecting degrees of further admonition, repercussion, and punishment for poor choices, poor behaviors, and a general disregard for the observance of the law. 

 After all that is presented, a verse which stands out is v. 38 - וַאֲבַדְתֶּ֖ם בַּגּוֹיִ֑ם וְאָכְלָ֣ה אֶתְכֶ֔ם אֶ֖רֶץ אֹיְבֵיכֶֽם – you will be lost amongst the nations, and the land of your enemies will consume you. 

 This concept, frightening as it sounds, is subject to much scrutiny in those who aim to understand and explain what is being predicted here. 

 Midrash Aggadah says that the idea of being lost simply means “you’ll be in exile.” Targum Yonatan and Onkelos suggest “you’ll be lost among the nations, and you’ll be finished when the enemies defeat them.” Perhaps he is suggesting that there will be no Divine protection when you find yourselves outside of the Land – the fate of your host nations will be your fate. 

Rashi speaks of being separated from one another, from your fellow Jews, when you are in those nations, and that your “being consumed” refers to those who end up dying in those foreign lands. Ibn Ezra looks at the idea of dying in those foreign lands as having been caused by the change in atmosphere and water – different air, different ph-balanced water, etc – which would cause turmoil in your bodies. (Chizkuni and Netziv also go in this direction) 

The supercommentaries on Rashi (Gur Aryeh, Sifsei Chachamim, Eliyahu Mizrachi) all question the notion that Jews in exile will be so separated from one another, particularly because the Torah does say a few verses later, that a. God will remember the Covenants forged with the forefathers (v. 42), and b. despite everything, God will not destroy and will remember, for example, His role in taking Israel out of Egypt – a memory that speaks volumes of our connection to Him forever. 

 More contemporary commentators (though from the 19th century), Netziv and R Samson Raphael Hirsch, look at this concern from a vantage point many of us would likely view as obvious, a question of assimilation. 

 Indeed that is how R Hirsch puts it, “What is spoken of here is a complete disappearance of a portion of our people.” 

 There is a famous story told of a Hassidic Rebbe (likely the Klausenberger Rebbe) who emerged from the Holocaust, who stopped the reader who was following the custom to read the Tokhacha in a whisper. “The Tokhacha has already come true. We don’t need to read it in a manner that could look like Ayin Hora any more.” 

And yet, the reality of assimilation has easily done more damage to our numbers since the Holocaust than it may have done in the centuries preceding the 19th century. 

While there was much assimilation in Europe following the Enlightenment and the Haskalah, and even into the founding of new streams/movements within Judaism, the idea of being unaffiliated or “marrying out” was far less a feature of Jewish life before the 1900s. 

 Some of the fealty to Jews marrying Jews exclusively may have been thanks to racial-like laws that did not allow Jews to marry non-Jews in many lands. And while the degree of observance of people on the fringes may not be calculable, at least when Jew marries Jew, the next generation remains Jewish and is not as easily “lost.” 

While halakha clearly defines a Jew as having been born to a Jewish mother, having a parent who is not Jewish most often leads the offspring down a path of becoming lost to our people. A halakhic definition may paint any number of people in the world as being Jewish, but how they live their lives, who they marry, how they raise their children, all contribute to how quickly they become lost to the Jewish people. 

We have all heard incredible stories of people searching, who rediscover their roots through a journey that brought them to the Promised Land or to their local Bet Din. There are beautiful stories of “coincidental” events and connections that brought people “home” to our People. 

And there are many more stories that haven’t been told and that won’t be told of people who generation after generation became further removed, so much so that even mentioning “I had a Jewish great grandmother” becomes an afterthought, if not a forgotten feature of one’s history altogether. 

 We are not going to all become “Kiruv professionals” in bringing closer all those who seem lost to our people. So where does this leave us? 

I believe there are a few points that can be helpful for us to consider as we look forward. 

1. Believe fully what the Hassidic Rebbe said, that the Tokhacha is behind us. 

2. Understand that nevertheless, we are suffering its aftereffects, and that those aftereffects may continue, due to free choice, the realities of our society and communities, the separation that phones, technology and social media have created in that people communicate more online than in person 

3. We can be grateful that we are not part of the statistics R Hirsch noted of people who disappear completely and are lost to our people 

4. We can champion the cause of the Jewish people through our own enhanced dedication, our continued Torah learning, our maximal Mitzvah observance, and our living storied lives that model what it means to be Torah observant 

5. When opportunities to engage with Jews who are affiliated but not observant arise, we should rise to the occasion. 

6. When opportunities to engage with unaffiliated Jews arise, we should rise to the occasion. 

7. Particularly now, when what’s going on in Israel is bringing Jews out of the woodwork to demonstrate their Jewish pride and their identification with the plight of our people in Israel and around the world, the time is ripe for further engagement 

Whether the words of the Tokhacha reflect a past that has happened, whether it reflects different time periods of exile, persecution, being lost to our People, the reality is that the question raised by the supercommentaries on Rashi is a legitimate one. Despite it all, we are still here. In many places we are thriving. Torah is alive. The Jewish people are making our mark in the world. And we have not been completely lost and assimilated, even in host nations that are not as benevolent and free as the United States. 

 May we be blessed to see our collective efforts through to turning the tide of the aftereffects of Tokhacha so that we, and all of Israel, could merit to experience the blessings laid out at the beginning of Bechukosai, with a return of all of our people to the Holy Land, with a Final Redemption worthy of the greatest of blessings.

The Essence of Shmittah

Parshat Behar

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

Most of Parshat Behar discusses laws and rules surrounding Shmittah and Yovel, the Sabbatical and Jubilee years, during which, among other things, the entire land of Israel was to remain untilled. 

 Kli Yakar notes the different explanations raised by varying commentators.

 Many: the reason is for the land to regain its strength (this is the view of Rambam)

 Others disagree: were that the case, then the repercussion for not observing Shmittah would be that the land would not produce food. But the punishment outlined for not observing Shmittah is exile! He also notes that this would indicate the Shmittah should be called שבת לארץ, while it is referred to in the second verse of the parsha as a 'שבת לה. (The Slonimer Rebbe addresses this noting that Shmittah is referred to as שבת שבתון... לארץ.) Furthermore, what benefit is there for the land if the people are exiled and the gentiles who settle there will work the land endlessly and it surely won’t rest at all! 

Akedah: The purpose of this mitzvah is to remember the renewal of the earth, and to remember the days of yore. The problem with this is that Shabbos, which comes once a week, is supposed to remind us of the renewal of the earth. If Shabbos is unsuccessful in doing so, how could Shmittah, which comes far more infrequently, possibly be successful in conveying a reminder of the renewal of the world? 

Therefore, Kli Yakar feels, the purpose of Shmittah is to implant in Israelites the quality of Emunah (faith) and Bitachon (trust) in the Almighty. God was concerned that when the nation of Israel would enter the land they’d work it as per how people live, and one thing would lead to another, and they’d forget that God runs the world and provides the produce and they’d think it grows from the might of their hands and labors. 

He goes on to say that the custom of farmers throughout the world is that over a 6 year period, they rotate their fields’ usage, planting two years, then having a field rest while utilizing a different part of the land (I recently heard a podcast about people who are trying to regenerate the soil around the world, using methods that aim to reverse damage done by certain types of industrial farming – see kisstheground.com, and the documentary “Common Ground”). [The non-Shmittah approach rotates fields, but is always planting. The Shmittah approach has the entire country laying fallow, all while being unable to plant ANYWHERE within the land for an entire year!] 

God’s promise is that the 6th year will be so productive, it will yield food for 3 years – the 6th, 7th (when nothing is planted), and the 8th (when the land is only starting to produce per new planting after an entire year of not working the land at all). 

The notion of the field producing for three years is indeed the workings of miracles, certainly after working it SIX years, the field then producing three-years-worth of food is even moreso. However, there is an inference, based on the letter ה in the word התבואה, that the amount of food that would be produced in year 6 would be enough for one year, but the amount that people would need to eat in order to be satiated would be much less than usual. Thus the food would last for 3 years. THIS is an even greater miracle - וזה ודאי נס נגלה וגדול מכולם. 

 These miracles will lead the nation to see that “the land is Mine” (כי לי כל הארץ), which would cause people to lift their eyes to God. A similar pattern followed with the manna, when the people turned heavenward to demonstrate their appreciation for the source of their food. The reliance on miracles for our sustenance is the purpose of Shmittah, based in a premise of having faith and trust that God will provide as He promised, conditioned on our keeping our end of the deal of keeping the land unworked during Shmittah. 

 This is why the punishment for ignoring Shmittah is exile. Those who don’t trust in God in order to live in the land on His benevolence do not deserve to live in the land, is essentially what the Torah is telling us. 

 Gentiles will not have such a fallback because their existence in the Land is based on seeing things through the lens of the natural world and science. Our existence in the land is based in miracles. 

 Through the continuing of his commentary on the Parsha, Kli Yakar demonstrates how the verses and phrases support this meta-analysis of the concept of Shmittah. 

 While there is a big push to observe Shmittah these days in the land, and there are other methods utilized for the land to not completely lay fallow for a year (Heter Mechirah, etc), that is in the Land of Israel. 

 Perhaps it goes without saying, but huge admiration is due to those who live in the Land of Israel, who are quite literally on the front lines of the story of the Jewish people, and who most clearly live in the Land on account of a deep faith and trust in the Almighty. 

This does not call anyone else’s faith and trust in the Almighty into question, as every person has reasons for being where we are, and every person has one’s own relationship with God that is based on many factors, including a variety of which are nobody else’s business. 

 However, the notion that we live our lives in a manner that is wholly devoted to God, or that our very existence relies upon our faith in God is something we ought to consider and reconsider. 

How much do we look at our homes, cars, assets, etc. and thank God for what we have? 

How much do we look at our families and thank God for what we have? 

How much do we look at our friends and neighbors, thanking God for what we have? 

How much do we look at our kehillah expressing gratitude to the Almighty for being part of a network of kind people? 

If Shmittah and Yovel are meant to remind us of our connection to God and reliance upon Him for His good graces while me make our own sacrifices to fulfill His will and live according to His precepts, then we need to translate that notion to wherever we live, however we live, and into whatever sacrifices we are willing to make to abide by the laws of His Torah, which give us the direction for living lives of holiness. 

 If life seems easy, we are truly blessed. From a different perspective, perhaps we are not sacrificing enough to demonstrate our love for the Almighty and our appreciation for the role He plays in our lives every single day.

Hair Cut on Friday When Lag Ba'Omer falls on Sunday

Rama (1530-1572) writes (Shulchan Arukh OC 493:2) that when Lag Ba’Omer falls on a Sunday (as it does this year), the custom is to cut the hair on Friday in honor of Shabbos. This is followed by a parenthetical citation, seemingly quoting Maharil (Rabbi Jacob Moelin – 1360s -1427).

 מיהו אם חל ביום ראשון, ז> נוהגין להסתפר ביום ו' לכבוד שבת (מהרי"ל). 

 Three commentaries on the page of the Shulchan Arukh take up this citation, noting that Maharil DID NOT ACTUALLY SAY THIS! 

 Following the timeline of earliest to latest, we find the Chok Yaakov (Jacob Reischer ~1670-1733, Prague) who writes “This is the opinion of Mahar”i Veil (Yaakov ben Yehuda Weil ~1385-~1455, a student of Maharil) – in Dinim and Halakhos 51, while Maharil forbids this (see below). And such is the opinion of a small number of Acharonim (to forbid it). Nevertheless, where this is a custom to allow it, it is allowed, as we need not be strict about these laws (as he noted in an earlier footnote, that when there is a doubt we need not be strict when it comes to 'Aveilus Yeshana' – commemorative mourning for events from a long time ago).”

 [ז] נוהגין להסתפר מיום ששי לכבוד שבת. זה הוא דעת מהר"י ווייל [דינין והלכות אות נא], ומהרי"ל [שם עמוד קנז] אוסר, וכן דעת מקצת אחרונים. ומכל מקום היכי דנהוג היתר נהוג, ואין להחמיר בדינים אלו, כמו שכתבתי ס"ק ב': 

 Be'er Hetev (Judah Ashkenazi of Tiktin – 1700s) writes using the exact same language as Chok Yaakov 

 זה הוא דעת מהרי"ו, ומהרי"ל אוסר וכן דעת מקצת אחרונים. ומ"מ היכי דנהוג היתר נהוג, ואין להחמיר בדינים אלו, כמ"ש בס"ק ג: 

 In his own footnote cited at the end, he mentions the Chok Yaakov that every place should follow their custom, and that there is no need to be strict when there is a ספק – a.k.a. a doubt. THEN he quotes the Kneset HaGedolah, who noted how when the Shulchan Arukh said “one is not punished” that refers to someone who got married during Sefirah, before Lag Ba’Omer, for that person is fulfilling a mitzvah. However, one who gets a haircut during Sefirah was customarily fined and punished… Note this is on the general comment that the mourning period of Sefirah goes through Lag Ba’Omer, before any “exception” is raised by Rama regarding haircuts, if Lag Ba’Omer falls on Sunday. 

 Chochmas Shlomo (Shlomo Kluger, 1785-1869), s’if 2, raises a similar discussion surrounding if Rosh Chodesh Sivan falls on Sunday, as to whether one may get a haircut on the Friday before. Quoting the Pri Megadim who allows it, arguing it’s the same as the Lag Baomer situation, he wonders how the Pri Chodosh forbade the haircut on Friday if Rosh Chodesh Iyar falls on Sunday. 

 Rabbi Kluger questions the thought process of Pri Chodosh based on the assumption that haircuts are really only allowed on Lag Ba’Omer itself during Sefirah, so if a person misses it on Lag Ba’Omer, the person will end up being scraggly for TWO Shabboses, the one before and the one after Lag Ba’Omer. This is a reason for the allowance on Friday (when Lag Ba'Omer is Sunday), because it would enhance Shabbos, AND Lag Ba’Omer would be a make-up day if the person misses the Friday allowance. Additionally, the Friday allowance in the case of Lag Ba’Omer on Sunday is because it would be shameful to Shabbos that “you can get a haircut the day AFTER Shabbos, but not the day BEFORE?” 

 Two other reasons that the Rosh Chodesh Sivan situation is different than Lag Ba’Omer: 

 1. After Rosh Chodesh there are a number of days during which one could get a haircut prior to Shavuos (the שלשת ימי הגבלה), versus the view that the haircut is only allowed on Lag Ba'Omer 

 2. According to a number of opinions, there isn’t an allowance to get a haircut on Rosh Chodesh Sivan anyway (while on Lag Ba’Omer, virtually everyone agrees that haircuts are permitted), so there could be no extension from "you could get on Sunday anyway" to Friday

 מיהו אם חל ביום ראשון נוהגין להסתפר מיום ששי לכבוד שבת. נ"ב, הנה אם חל ראש חדש סיון באחד בשבת אם מותר להסתפר בערב שבת, ראיתי בפרי מגדים [אשל אברהם אות ה] שכתב שהוא מותר, שהוא כמו בל"ג בעומר, ותמה על הפרי חדש דאוסר בחל ראש חדש אייר באחד בשבת להסתפר ביום ו', וכתב ולא ידעתי טעמו, ע"ש. ולפענ"ד נראה דבראש חדש סיון ודאי לא צדקו דברי הפרי מגדים, דאין ראיה מל"ג בעומר, דהתם כיון דאם לא יסתפר בל"ג בעומר לא יוכל להסתפר אח"כ אף לשבת הבא, ולכך חיישינן לנוול לב' שבתות, ובל"ג בעצמו כיון דהוא יום אחד חיישינן לאונסא וכדומה, ובפרט דבזיון הוא שעל שבת לא יגלח וביום א' אחר השבת יגלח, לכך מותר לגלח בערב שבת, ובפרט דלא לשבת הזה חששו כיון דבו אסרו לגלח ולא חיישינן לנוולו, אך לשבת הבאה חיישינן כיון דבו התירו לגלח קודם לו בל"ג בעומר ולא יהיה בנוול בשבת, ואם לא יגלח עתה אולי בל"ג בעומר יוולד לו אונסא וכדומה, וגם בזיון היא לשבת כנזכר לעיל, לכך התירו לגלח בערב שבת. אבל בראש חדש סיון דאפשר לו לגלח אח"כ כל הימים, לזמן מרובה לא חששו לאונסא, ויכול לגלח קרוב לשבת הבאה ולא יהיה מנוול, ובשביל אותו שבת אין לגלח, דביה לא חששו לניוול דהרי אסרו לגלח עד ראש חדש, יחול אימתי שיהיה. ועוד, דבל"ג בעומר דהוא עצמו מותר מדינא לרוב הפוסקים, לכך אם חל ביום א' מותר בסמוך לו. אך בראש חדש סיון הרי מפורש במג"א [ס"ק ה] דאין היתר, רק בשלשה ימי הגבלה והפרי מגדים [שם] עצמו כתב דלא ידע מנין נמשך המנהג להתיר בראש חדש, א"כ הבו דלא לוסיף עלה, דוקא בראש חדש אבל לא להתיר אף קודם לו. וזה הוי טעמו של הפרי חדש, כיון דבראש חדש אייר רוב האוסרין, והמחבר כתב שטעות הוא בידם, ולכך אף הנוהגין להקל היינו בראש חדש עצמו, ולא להקל אף קודם לו, ואינו דומה לל"ג בעומר דשם מותר לרוב הפוסקים כנזכר לעיל. לכך בין בראש חדש אייר בין בראש חדש סיון יש לאסור לגלח בערב שבת קדש, כן נראה לפענ"ד נכון לדינא: 

 Mishnah Berurah (Yisrael Meir Kagan, 1838-1933) notes in note 11 that if a person feels he will not have the time to properly get one’s haircut in the morning, he could get his hair cut on Thursday night in advance of Shabbos, when Sunday is Lag Ba’Omer. [Not included above in the count, because this commentary appears in its own work, not on the same page as the regular Shulchan Arukh]

 אכן כשחל ל"ג בעומר בע"ש והוא לו שעת הדחק לעשות ביום אפשר שיש להקל לו לעשות בלילה שלפניו: 

 This leaves us to explore what Maharil really said! 

 In the book Maharil (https://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=14721&st=&pgnum=41) it says that Maharil would not trim his beard at all until Erev Shavuos. And even if Lag BaOmer fell out on Sunday he would not permit shaving on the Friday before it, using the example of a mourner. In that case if the Shloshim falls on Shabbos he is allowed to shave on Friday, but if the Shloshim falls on Sunday he could not wash on Friday.

 אמנם מהרי"ל הוא נהג בעצמו שלא גלח זקנו עד ערב רגל השבועות. וגם אם חל ל"ג בעומר ביום א' לא התיר לגלח בע"ש דלפניו דוגמת אבל שאם חל שלשים שלו בשבת מגלח בע"ש ואם כלו הל' באחד בשבת אסור לרחוץ בע"ש. (ושניהם שוים דשניהם רק מנהגא בספרי מהרי"ל ישן, ול"נ דמלשון מהרי"ל ישן יש להוכיח דטעות נפל בספרי מהרי"ל שלפנינו וצריך להיות לרחוץ ולמחות ולגלח וכך צ"ל לשונו אם חל ל"ג בעומר ביום א' לא התיר לגלח ע"ש דלפניו דוגמות... 

 In this text, this entire analysis is disputed, as to whether he is referring to haircuts or washing at the end of the 30-day mourning period, and he goes on to say that there is a difference anyway between the actual mourning for a relative, and this ancient mourning of Sefiras HaOmer. The former is far more obligatory, and the latter is far less so. The text also goes on the quote Mahari”v (Mahari Veil) who was permissive regarding the haircuts on Friday when Lag Ba’Omer is on Sunday – indicating that a. this book of Maharil was recorded after his passing, and b. Mahari”v disagreed with his teacher. 

 What remains unclear to me is how the citation of the Rama is to the Maharil, if Maharil was clearly against it. But there are at least three possibilities: 

 1. Rama didn’t write "(מהרי"ל)" as a citation – someone else did 

 2. Rama wrote (מהרי"ו) and it was changed by some editor later 

 3. Rama wrote "(מהרי"ל)" but he was referencing the book in which מהרי"ו is quoted, that the idea of this being a custom is recorded there, while he wasn't referencing the actual opinion of Rabbi Moelin.

 Nonetheless, there is certainly grounds to stand on for those who wish to get a haircut this Friday. It has clearly been a practice for over 400 years, if not longer, to get haircuts on Friday in honor of Shabbos when Lag Ba’Omer falls on Sunday. 

 Those who wish to wait until Sunday are certainly welcome to do so. And since the custom most Jews have is to get haircuts even after Lag Ba’Omer, even if one misses the opportunity, one could still get a haircut in time for the following Shabbos.

The Joy When the Labor is Completed

Parshat Emor

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Most of the latter half of Parshas Emor should be more familiar to us because we hear it two other times in the year – on Sukkos and on Pesach – as the Yom Tov Torah reading. 

This elaboration of the holidays is more complete than in any other segment of the Torah, as the holidays are mentioned as a group several times (in Mishpatim, in Ki Sisa, in Pinchas, and in Re’eh), while Pesach gets honorable mention even more times in the Torah. A number of things stand out regarding how the holiday of Sukkos is presented in this parsha, such as that the Mitzvah of Sukkah and the 4 Minim are mentioned here (and here only). 

We also find the word אך – a language of exclusion – “However,” which suggests that whatever follows that introductory word is unique to this situation, different from the other holidays. 

 And while the phrase שבעת ימים appears in others contexts in the Torah, it is attached to two phrases that we don’t find with Pesach ever (the other “7 day” holiday): 

 (לט) אַ֡ךְ בַּחֲמִשָּׁה֩ עָשָׂ֨ר י֜וֹם לַחֹ֣דֶשׁ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֗י בְּאָסְפְּכֶם֙ אֶת־תְּבוּאַ֣ת הָאָ֔רֶץ תָּחֹ֥גּוּ אֶת־חַג־יְקֹוָ֖ק שִׁבְעַ֣ת יָמִ֑ים בַּיּ֤וֹם הָֽרִאשׁוֹן֙ שַׁבָּת֔וֹן וּבַיּ֥וֹם הַשְּׁמִינִ֖י שַׁבָּתֽוֹן:

 (מ) וּלְקַחְתֶּ֨ם לָכֶ֜ם בַּיּ֣וֹם הָרִאשׁ֗וֹן פְּרִ֨י עֵ֤ץ הָדָר֙ כַּפֹּ֣ת תְּמָרִ֔ים וַעֲנַ֥ף עֵץ־עָבֹ֖ת וְעַרְבֵי־נָ֑חַל וּשְׂמַחְתֶּ֗ם לִפְנֵ֛י יְקֹוָ֥ק אֱלֹהֵיכֶ֖ם שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים: 

There is a subtle difference between the phrase שבעה ימים and the phrase שבעת ימים. The former refers to 7 days, though not specifically in a row. The latter refers to 7 days in a row. For Pesach, we find the instruction to not have Chametz in the home שבעת ימים and to engage in the eating of Matzah for שבעת ימים. Obviously both of these refer to seven consecutive days. 

For Sukkos, however, the seven consecutive days references a mitzvah to celebrate and to be happy. 

Rabbi Baruch HaLevi Epstein suggests that the unique quality that Sukkos has is on account of what is written in the first pasuk quoted above – that the holiday comes at a time when you have completed your gathering of the grain of the land. Sukkos comes at the end of the summer growing season, and on the agricultural plain (as each of the three festivals has an agricultural aspect to) is a celebration of the completion of one’s work. 

Pesach is the time of the barley harvest, but there is more work to be done after the holiday. Shavuos is the time of the wheat harvest, but there is more work to be done after the holiday. Sukkos is when all the ingathering of fruit has already taken place. (Pesach and Shavuos is the harvesting of winter-grains, while Sukkos includes the harvesting of Summer grains, and also the fruit ingathering). 

 The notion that one can feel “my work is done” is a tremendous blessing. (More on this below) 

There is an additional component that may be true and unique to Sukkos. The Mishnah in Rosh Hashana (1:2) tells us that the world is judged 4 times a year – on Pesach for grain, on Shavuos for fruits, on Rosh Hashana everyone is judged, and on Chag we are judged for water. 

 “Chag” in the Talmud usually refers to Sukkos. Considering when we pray for water – Hoshana Rabba and Shmini Atzeres, the latter of which is technically after Sukkos is over – it may be possible to suggest that the reference to “Chag” in the Mishnah refers in this context to Shimini Atzeres, which is linked to Sukkos as its Yom HaShmini in the first verse quoted above, as well as in Parshas Pinchas (Bamidbar 28:35). If that is the case then Sukkos is a time free of judgment as well. (I admit this last argument is a little shaky). 

 The notion of being happy is one that challenges many people today. (Dennis Prager delivered a lecture series and wrote a book entitled “Happiness is a Serious Problem”) People generally get overwhelmed with pressures and stress, the need to be everything for everybody, and the overwhelming need to find a sense of purpose. Finding a sense of purpose is surely an important goal. And while finding happiness and experiencing happiness is certainly a goal, is it always attainable? 

Rabbi Nachman famously taught מצוה גדולה להיות בשמחה תמיד. It’s a great Mitzvah to be joyous all the time. I don’t know which count of Mitzvos Rabbi Nachman was looking to, as there isn’t an actual Mitzvah to be happy all the time. However, we do have a mitzvah to rejoice on our Festivals. We are warned in the Tokhacha of Ki Savo that the curses of the great rebuke (Devarim 28:47) come upon us for not having served God with joy. While we are meant to serve God all the time, this hardly counts as a Mitzvah to be בשמחה תמיד. 

 There are teachings in Pirkei Avos as well – Shammai taught to greet everyone with a smiling countenance (1:15), Rabbi Yishmael taught to greet everyone with joy (3:12), and Simcha is one of the 48 paths to wisdom through the study of Torah (6:5). 

 While they instruct it and advise it, there isn’t instruction in these works for how to achieve it. Money can’t buy happiness, the saying goes. And Avos also goes in that direction when it offers the teaching of Ben Zoma, “Who is wealthy? The one who is content with one’s lot” – or השמח בחלקו, one who rejoices in one’s portion. 

 There is a sense of joy that comes with being content. It’s all OK. It will be alright. Looking at the bright side. Finding the silver lining instead of focusing and harboring on the negativity only. 

 And then there’s what Rabbi Epstein noted above, the feeling that “my work is done.” 

 This is the feeling one should have when Shabbos arrives – the feeling that my work is complete, that there is nothing more that needs to be done, save for enjoying the Shabbos for which I have prepared and out of which I make the most of the time available – both in the company of others and on my own terms. 

 Sukkos serves as a model for this, because when done correctly, in the agrarian society, one’s labors are complete and the time can be dedicated to other efforts since our food is prepared for the winter by the time Sukkos rolls around in Eretz Yisrael. 

 May we be blessed to have that feeling weekly, that my labor is complete. And as other times and stages of life also lend themselves to that feeling, may that existence too be consumed with joy as we navigate day to day existence. Hopefully the teachings of Avos – greeting people with a smiling countenance or even with joy – can also help train us to focus on the positive, as we aim for greater joy and contentment in our lives. 

 Rabbi Tarfon taught in the last Mishnah of Avos Chapter 2, “It is not on you to finish the job, but neither are you free to disregard it.” This refers to the full-time job of life, which we are always aiming to improve upon and get closer to completion. Joy should carry us through it, especially when we feel mini-completions of tasks that can be deemed accomplished at varied points in our existence on this earth.

Different Perspectives on Loving Your Neighbor As Yourself

Parshat Kedoshim 

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

 Rabbi Akiva famously said “V’ahavta L’Reiakha Kamokha” is an important principle of the Torah. This statement is attributed to him in a number of places – including Yerushalmi Nedarim 9:4. In Bereishis Rabba 24, the statement continues with Rabbi Akiva explaining, so you will not say, “Since I’ve been embarrassed my friend should be embarrassed with me. Since I’ve been cursed, my friend should be cursed with me.” 

Obviously the concern for one’s fellow is to uplift, and not to try to bring down along with one’s own failures. 

[I suppose I could go on and point to how anti-Semitism points to the Jews as the root of all evil, when people are usually looking for a scapegoat for the inadequacies in their own lives. God told Kayin in chapter 4 of Bereishis, when Kayin was subsumed with jealousy over Hevel’s offering being preferred over his own, “You can do better! If not, sin is crouching at the door, and it can consume you, unless you overpower it.” If only those shouting their anti-Semitic epithets were capable of looking in the mirror and discovering their own inadequacies, and how they alone have the power to improve their situation.] 

The Artscroll Chumash provides a nice summary from HaKsav V’Hakabbalah on “how to love another.”

 • Your affection for others should be real, not feigned

 • Always treat others with respect

 • Always seek the best for them

 • Join in their pain

 • Greet them with friendliness

 • Give them the benefit of the doubt 

 • Assist them physically, even in matters that are not very difficult

 • Be ready to assist with small or moderate loans and gifts

 • Do not consider yourself better than them 

There are many interpretations of this mitzvah, and what it means to “love your neighbor as yourself.” What follows are a number of interpretations, from some of the classic commentaries on the Torah to other sources where the verse is quoted for a related purpose. Sometimes the focus might be on the simple text chosen – such as that it is written לרעך, rather than את רעך, as will become clear below. 

Netziv: This can’t be interpreted literally for we know that your life always comes before that of your friend. And everyone understands that no one is going to think or even expect that his friend will love him more than he loves himself. There are natural limits we create. Therefore the explanation is to look at the context of this phrase, going back to the warning in the beginning of the verse. If you do something bad to someone you’d hate it if they did it back to you – so too you should think before you do something bad… Revenge is like if a person is cutting meat and the hand holding the knife is not careful and it cuts the person’s other hand. Would the person take the injured hand and punish the hand holding the knife?... In other words, if somebody already did something to you, don’t take revenge. “Kamokha” means “as you” for all of Israel has one soul. 

This interpretation of Netziv is reminiscent of Hillel’s famous teaching to the potential convert who wanted to learn all of the Torah while standing on one foot: “What is hateful unto you do not do to others. The rest of the Torah is explanation – go study.” 

R Samson Raphael Hirsch: “L’Rei’Akha” does not refer to the other person’s individuality or personality. It refers to “all that comes to your friend.” We have to love and respect all that comes to our friends – ask about his health and well-being, be happy about his success and sad about his failures, help out when it is needed, try to relieve him of his difficulties or comfort him when he is in [emotional] pain… 

Rashbam: You only have to love him if he’s your friend, and if he’s a good person. But if he is evil, “Fear of God includes hating evil.” (Proverbs 8:13) 

Ibn Ezra: Love the good of your neighbor as you love your own soul 

Chizkuni: You should love to do him a favor, just as you would love if he’d do you a favor. 

Seforno: Love things about your friend that you’d love if you were in his shoes. 

Siftei Kohen: One who loves his friend who is created in the image of God, loves God and honors Him. 

 All of the above focus very simply on how one can have positive feelings towards another, and obviously does not cost anything. 

 Maimonides, Laws of Mourning 14:1: The commandments to visit the sick, comfort the mourner, tend to the dead, bring the bride to her wedding, accompany guests as they leave, make funeral arrangements, carry the coffin, eulogize; to bring joy to bride and groom and to provide them with their needs – these are all kindness that one performs with one’s body, and they have no limits. They are all included in the category of “V’Ahavta L’Rei’Akha Kamokha.” Indeed, anything you’d like others to do for you, you should make efforts to do to your brother in Torah and mitzvoth. 

Unlike some of the previous interpretations, Rambam here is putting the Mitzvah into actions, most specifically kindnesses one does for one’s fellow Jew. He goes more into the feelings one is to have in the next source. 

 Maimonides Dei’ot 6:3: There is a commandment to love every Jew like your own body as it says “V’Ahavta L’Rei’Akha Kamokha.” Therefore a person must tell of the other’s praises and care for his money just as he cares for his own money and desires his own honor. One who is honored due to his friend’s dishonor has no share in the World to Come.

Following a theme which is discussed among the commentaries on the Shulchan Arukh as to how one is to engage with one’s fellow Jew in business and commerce, we find this discussion surrounding the mitzvah at hand: 

Magen Avraham 156:2 :  There is a commandment to love every Jew as your own body, as it says “V’Ahavta L’Rei’Akha Kamokha.” But this refers specifically to your neighbor in Torah and mitzvoth. But a wicked person who does not accept rebuke – there is a commandment to hate him. (Arvei Pesachim 113) Tosafot there implies that nonetheless it is a commandment to talk with him to try to get him to change his ways lest you come to completely hate him [which is a negative quality.] 

The next source demonstrates how the opposite of fulfilling the mitzvah, hating one’s neighbor, could spiral out of control into terrible sins. 

  Sifrei Devarim 187:11: If you hate your neighbor, you may come to do harm to him. From here we learn that if you violate a light commandment, you’ll come to violate a serious one. Violate “V’Ahavta L’Rei’Akha Kamokha” and you’ll come to violate “Do not take revenge or bear a grudge” and “Do not hate your brother in your heart” and “Your brother shall live with you” to the point you may resort to murder. 

Otzar Midrashim page 274: Regarding friendship: A person should “love” other creatures, as it says “V’Ahavta L’Rei’Akha Kamokha.” The word “L’Rei’Akha” and not “Et Rei’Akha” comes to teach that the Torah obligates us towards love and to desire for one’s friend all that he loves and desires for himself. 

 Clearly, the obligations to our fellow Jews are up for debate. One way that may be helpful, just beyond the summary given to us by HaKsav V’Hakabbalah, is to give people a pass for their imperfections, just as we are aware of our own imperfections and will readily explain them away and not judge ourselves for them. If we can accept ourselves, “warts and all,” so should we be accepting of others and their flaws, looking past the “bad” in order to focus on their “good.”

Adult-erated vs. Just Kid-ding: Looking For Consistent Behavior

Parshat Acharei Mot 

by Rabbi Avi Billet

Both this and next week’s parshas, which are sometimes read together (though never in a leap year) both contain the rules of forbidden relationships – seemingly repeated. The first list (in chapter 18) lists what is forbidden, while the second list (in chapter 20) includes the repercussions for those who violate that which is forbidden in this realm. One of the forbidden relationships is adultery, which is also one of the Aseres Hadibros (Ten Commandments). 

Adultery is a strange word, because the action – being unfaithful, lying – is un-adult-like behavior, especially since a dictionary definition of adult is “having attained full size and strength; grown up; mature.” 

Apparently, though adult and adultery may sound the same in English, they come from entirely different sources: “Adult” comes from the Latin verb adolescere, “to grow up, mature.” “Adultery,” on the other hand, derives from a French word, avoutre, which in turn evolved from a distinct Latin verb, adulterare, “to corrupt.” The verb adulterate, “to debase or make impure by adding inferior materials or elements,” stems from the same source. 

 One disclaimer: Being an adult, and being grown up and mature does not mean that a person can’t have a good time and enjoy life. On the contrary, the phrase “do what you can to stay young” or “you’re only as old as you think you are” should be a blessing we should all enjoy until our final days, as I’ll illustrate with this story: 

Rabbi Chaim Soloveitchik (as I heard it) was playing on the floor with his grandchildren, and he’s exhausted and out-of-breath, while the kids have boundless energy. And someone noted how one day the kids will grow up, mature, and calm down. 

 And Rav Chaim said, No. They’re not the problem. Really we should all have so much energy and be uninhibited about doing things that our mind and body tells us we can’t or shouldn’t be doing. But in our adulthood we become boring, and we just let lethargy take over. 

 The balance between having an appropriate good time and going too far is surely one an adult can manage, hopefully with not too much thought needed. 

 In a different realm of adult behavior – judging others – we are taught in the first chapter of Avot (1:8) a teaching of Yehuda ben Tabai - וכשיהיו בעלי דינים עומדים לפניך יהיו בעיניך כרשעים וכשנפטרים מלפניך יהיו בעיניך כזכאין כשקבלו עליהם את הדין: 

 To present this slightly differently, with the onus on the judge AND litigants, a sign of maturity is accepting a judgment, moving on, not harboring ill-will towards the judge or the other litigant, even if you are right and the judge and the other baal din are wrong (in your eyes). Financial disputes are hard to get over. Everyone involved thinks they are right. With smaller amounts, there might be some people who just want to be heard, and they are willing to forego the money, because “it’s not about the money.” Some people want “blood,” and won’t make a single concession or look for compromise. 

 The mature person sees we’re dealing with another human being. And hopefully, both can come to a resolution in a mature fashion – in a dignified fashion, as befitting adults. 

 Children are often accused of being selfish – thinking about themselves and not about others. A sign of maturity is looking out for others – of course, one’s family first, but still not thinking only of oneself. Maturity means not needing every honor, not seeking the kavod, but looking to honor others, to put others up, to make others feel good, and to not have a need to be right all the time. 

 Adults who refuse to acknowledge others’ existence are immature. There was a dispute? Can’t move past it? Can’t wish someone a good Shabbos? Accept someone else’s good Shabbos greeting? Can’t say good morning? Good evening? Or be the gracious recipient of such a greeting? It is a sign of immaturity. Can’t say someone’s name? That was the acknowledged concern Yaakov Avinu had when Yosef’s brothers said to him “Do you recognize this? Isn’t it your son’s coat?” They couldn’t even say “Yosef’s” coat – causing Yaakov to say “Yosef has been torn up” because the brothers couldn’t even say his name. 

 There is such a thing as taking the high road and being the bigger person. And there is such a thing as being immature about taking the high road, such as when talking about it and telling others how much how high on the high road one is. It’s usually an opening to speak lashon hora – which is putting someone else down to put one’s self up. 

 “But I want everyone to know how much of a tsaddik I am because of what I’ve been through! And the way I WAS a mevater, and the way I WASN’T vindictive!” [Never mind that lashon hora is vindictive!] 

 That can easily be conveyed through personal refinement in middos sans lashon hora, such as when we are kind, and sensitive, and good listeners, good friends, looking out for others, showing genuine concern for others. Rambam writes thus in the fifth chapter of Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah (5:11) Best is to not develop a reputation as a hard-nose, stubborn, unmovable, difficult person to talk to and deal with about things. 

 A hard test, for those who would truly like to improve, is to ask a very close friend – not a spouse or a family member, but a good friend – in what way do my friends or acquaintances think I’m unapproachable? What do they say about me when I’m not around, though they love me as they do? 

 One who is not ready to hear the answer should not ask the question. But a person who is mature should be able to take the constructive criticism, and should also be able to not shoot the messenger who may have been tasked with an unfair question, but was looking to be helpful once prompted. 

 Humor is another example where one’s adultness can shine through. One can have a wonderful sense of humor, as long as one also has a filter and knows when to use the filter. If it is not the right time and place for the comedy or funny line, it shouldn’t be said or displayed. A comedy club has a different set of rules than the real world with real people. (Perhaps we each have an individual or two with whom we can share the funny things we come across on the Internet – that is a filter as well.)

 It is one thing to joke with friends, to joke with people, to share a light comment, to tell jokes, to make people smile, to ease tension. There certainly is a time and place for just about everything. But there are people who seem to never take anything seriously, for whom everything is a joke, they never share a comment of sincerity, nor a word of empathy or compassion, seemingly never have a moment of contemplation. This is un-adult-like behavior. 

 The parsha begins with Yom Kippur. Certainly a message of Yom Kippur is about making adult and mature choices, and not the kinds of choices that reflect immaturity. Consider three examples of how Yom Kippur fits into this theme: 

 1. There is no atonement on Yom Kippur for sins done between man and man until an apology is given and forgiveness is sought. If the apology is insincere (e.g. strictly a formality), the forgiveness need not be granted. A mature person has regret, takes steps to make amends, demonstrates the regret and the amends and sincerely begs the wronged person for forgiveness. 

 2. Aharon HaKohen, the key player on Yom Kippur, loved everyone, regardless of anything they may have done. And yet he was the one who brought the Ketores into the Holy of Holies on the holiest day of the year, because he knew how to distinguish between when it is time to build relationships through shmoozing and when it was time to be super serious. The rabbis tell us that Aharon was the antithesis of unfaithfulness because he brought peace between husbands and wives. Maybe they couldn’t communicate. Maybe they were immature and didn’t know how to talk to each other. So many babies were named Aharon – in honor of the man who had reunited husband and wife after a fight and caused a child to be born. 

 3. One of the Al Chets on Yom Kippur is “for the sin of not taking things seriously.” There are many sins done through different forms of inappropriate speech. And there’s a sin of thinking and acting “as if I am always right” – and making a big deal about my tzidkus, while not seeing that “perhaps sometimes I’m wrong; not reflecting on the way I might hurt people, or turn people off, or how I am unapproachable, or how people say things about me because they know this is how I am. So they lament and I never improve or change or even realize this about myself.” These are things a person needs to ask for forgiveness of God on Yom Kippur, and of man, whenever possible. 

 Learning about Yom Kippur half-a-year away from Yom Kippur serves as a reminder for us of our own desire to always be improving. We can be unadulteratedly good adults. 

May we be blessed to know the right time to be just kidding, and the right ways and times to behave like children in the pursuit of fun and a good time. We may enjoy life(!), but never at the expense of others, and always in the right context. With all our experience, it is better to be humble and look at life through the lens of “I might not be right, and I still have much to learn.” If we are a mentsch with ALL of our encounters – whether being the complimenter, the one with a kind word, the recipient of the same, and the person who is constantly trying to sincerely improve because this is the challenge we are all put on this earth to accomplish, we can fulfill our mission of being נושא חן בעיני א-לקים ואדם – finding favor in the eyes of God and mankind.