Friday, October 5, 2018

3 Ingredients to A Successful Jewish Life

Parshat Bereshit 

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

Jewish people who have traversed through the Orthodox experience may have followed any number of paths. The most common are those who were born into Orthodoxy and never left, those who became inspired to commit to an Orthodox lifestyle and have only strengthened their commitment over time, those who converted to Judaism and have similarly strengthened their commitment over time, those who left Orthodoxy (whether Hassidic – which garners the most media attention, or anywhere else in the spectrum of Orthodoxy), or those whose spiritual awakening waned over time.

There is a wonderful example from the parsha for why there might be downturn in commitment, and how, with proper preparation, people can stay committed and even grow in their religious experience.

One rule was given to the original human occupant(s) of the Garden of Eden. “God commanded the human saying, ‘You will eat of all the trees of the garden. And you will not eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for on the day you eat from it, you will become mortal (literally: will die).’” I translate “will become mortal” because after eating from the tree, Adam lives close to 1000 years.

In summary. The whole garden is accessible, except for one specific, named tree.

And yet, when the serpent approaches Chava, after goading her suggesting God said you can’t eat from the trees of the garden, she responds saying “We may eat of the fruits of the garden. However, of the fruit tree in the garden, God said don’t eat from it and don’t touch it – lest you die.”

This is clearly not an accurate reflection of what Adam had been told. Chava changes a few important details. 1. She implies that they may only eat from some trees. 2. When she mentions how God “said” what we can’t eat, she opened the door to the idea that eating from the tree is not a big deal, as the mere notion of “saying something” isn’t binding (God had actually commanded!). 3. In not mentioning the reason for the prohibition in eating from the tree (loss of innocence, and the depth of good v evil), her sense seemed to suggest that the tree was dangerous/poisonous, and therefore forbidden to touch.

Defining reasons for commandments is a risky business. Once the reason becomes irrelevant, you’re one step away from declaring a commandment irrelevant. The only reason for every mitzvah is precisely because it is commanded by God. And we follow orders.

But the real take home lesson comes from how Chava became a super-frummy about the tree-rules in the very short lifespan she had before eating the forbidden fruit.

Imagine if Chava had said to the snake – “I can eat from every tree. I can’t eat from one tree. Big deal – I don’t need it anyway. I don’t care for what you say I’m missing” – the history of the world might look very very different.

Instead she starting making yeshiva-style analogies. I can’t eat this one, but maybe God didn’t just mean this one… He meant the trees around it. So if I can’t eat, I won’t even touch it! How quickly did she go from seeing that she could touch it to eating it? About five seconds, thanks to the serpent. 

How do we go from taking on too much, adding too much, and getting off that high to losing everything roller coaster?

I think there are 3 components to the solution.

The first is KNOWLEDGE.

People drawn to a life of Judaism, frumkeit, people who are sold on the idea that a “Torah life is the only authentic life” can’t stop there. Because going through motions without knowledge, or when that inspirational figure is no longer nearby, can get old and stale quickly. And even if a person can maintain the life, not having the knowledge to back up the practice and the life choices, makes for too many challenges when questions come along.

I know a man who is heavily involved in learning – he studies, he gives classes, some of his kids went through the Aish system and are even involved in kiruv. I won’t call him a person who has grown stale in his Jewish experience. He became inspired in his twenties and defines himself as a baal teshuva. He heard a talk I gave in which I presented this question to the crowd: “How long are you going to rely on your baal teshuvah-ness to justify where you are in your Jewish life.” He said to me afterwards, “You know, I haven’t thought about it. But I’ve been calling myself a baal teshuvah for 40 years. I have to stop making excuses for myself.”

The second ingredient for our solution is MODERATION.

It is never a good idea to jump full scale into a new way of life without proper preparation. Some people quit smoking cold turkey, and that is amazing. But most people who try to go through significant lifestyle changes know that baby steps of adjustment are much easier to maintain than huge leaps.

While there are many Jews who came to observance through the baal teshuvah movement or through conversion who are the envy of all of us due to their dedication, commitment and modeling everything we ought to admire about what it means to choose this way of life, there are also some who became baalei teshuvah or who converted, who years later are not where they were when that transition time took place. (These are facts. I am not judging anyone)

This is why the third ingredient to maintaining religiosity is CONSISTENCY. 

Go to shul daily. Have an unbreakable prep-for-Shabbos routine. Learn some Torah every day.

Knowledge is empowering. It allows for moderation and the ability to be consistent to be in your own hands, at your own pace. It is also best when not demanded or monitored by a community or authority figure.

Our lives are imperfect. That is the human experience. But with knowledge, moderation, and consistency, we can set ourselves on a trajectory of constant growth.

Chava failed. She didn’t have the knowledge she needed, because she was just told something, and didn’t seek to understand better. She had one mitzvah and she made it much bigger than it was. No moderation. And there was no consistent behavior that could help her avoid being ensnared by the serpent.

Now that we have celebrated Simchas Torah, and have begun a new cycle with Bereishis, it is a wonderful opportunity to make a commitment to increasing our knowledge, leading to moderation in practice, and the consistency that help us grow in slow but manageable steps, so we never remain stagnant in our Jewish journey of life.

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