Yom Kippur
by Rabbi Avi Billet
A year ago, a family I know almost had a terrible tragedy. Their 2 year old son (who is now 3, thank God) fell into the pool. He was under water for some time and was taken out of the pool unconscious. With God's help, the doctors at the children’s Emergency Room which took him pulled off a miracle, revived him and just before Yom Kippur of last year he went home.
When I visited him in the hospital, his mother shared with me a few points worthy of sharing here.
First. “Never be judgmental.” How many times have we heard of these kinds of tragedies and asked, “Where were the parents?” And then we judge them for what happened. She said to me, “I was right there. We were leaving the pool. I turned for a second – for a second! – to gather my things. And then this happened.”
The truth is we often are extremely judgmental. How many people judged the parents of the child who was attacked by the alligator in Disney? Or the parents whose child ended up in the gorilla display at the Cincinnati zoo? How many times have we heard a story about a child being tragically left in a hot car? I knew an 8-year old child who jumped into a pool to race his cousin, when there were plenty of adults there, and they did not know there was a short in the pool light, which pumped the pool with electricity. His cousin got out, but he was intent on winning the race, and by the time he got out of the pool, he had basically been electrocuted. Can we blame the parents?
It is shameful to suggest these are bad or neglectful parents. This type of thing could happen to anyone. Anyone who is raising children – when they think about it – should give a blessing of thanksgiving at the end of every day that the kids are OK. Between the things they do because they don’t know to be careful, or the amount of times they run into the street, a parent can’t be the police all the time.
Second. “Everything is in God’s hands.” She told me, “I can’t imagine what the rest of my life would look like had the result of this story gone in the other direction.” We talk about this in the U’netaneh Tokef service. Who will die at the pre-destined time, and who will die not at the pre-destined time? Who in water…? “I must thank God every day for the miracle that my child is ok.”
How often do we notice the miracles that happen every day? How often do we express our gratitude and appreciation for the blessings God gives us every day?
How often do we blame things that happen on – actually on anything and everything? We certainly never blame ourselves. There is a level of Emunah (trust in God) that we fail to achieve if we assume we know why things happen. Those who trust in God understand He is running the show. We MUST do our part. But once we’ve done our part, we are left to leave the uncertain up to Him.
Third. “I was given a ‘pikadon’ – a gift from God to watch over – 2 years ago. And I was regiven that pikadon on the day [the doctors saved his life.]”
I hope she can carry that perspective forever. And it’s a perspective we ought to have as well. Our own lives are a pikadon – a gift from God to watch over. And every day, whether we say Modeh Ani, Alokai Neshama, or pay attention to the words of Modim, in which we give thanks to God “for our lives which are given to Your hand, and for our souls which are entrusted to you,” we nevertheless tend to lose sight of the “miracles that are every day, evening, morning and afternoon.
I remember when the plane was landed on the Hudson several years ago, listening to a radio program in which the host was interviewing someone who had been on the plane, and he asked the person, “You have a second chance at life. How does that make you feel?” And the person said, “I’m very grateful to be alive. I hope to do good things with the gift I’ve been given.”
One of the more fascinating perspectives on the concept of life and death hanging in the balance is shared by the Alshikh on Parshat Nitzavim. He discusses how what we are judged for is our destination of “Gehinnom” (purgatory) versus “Chayei Olam” (eternal life).
In other words, our deeds inform less whether we will live or die in the coming year, but what kind of stock we are building for the journey our souls will take when our time on Earth is over. This very easily explains how wicked people can live year after year while wonderful people – whether old, or tragically very young – might die.
To summarize, our three lessons from near tragedy are: Don’t judge others, as we have no idea what happened, unless we were there (and if we were we wouldn’t judge!); everything is in God’s hands – we must do our part, but to a certain degree we have to be ready to let go and realize we can’t control everything; life and everything in it is a gift from God, and we must acknowledge and show appreciation to the Almighty for everything He does for us and everything we have.
May we be blessed to have a year filled with blessings and joy.
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