Being a "Shomer Torah" Means Being a Pleasant Person

Shavuot

by Rabbi Avi Billet

When I was in ninth grade, Rabbi Cohen trained our class to respond to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with the answer of “an Eved Hashem.” (One who serves God) 

Once when I was hired by a non-Sabbath-observing family to be their son’s mohel in an Orthodox synagogue in Manhattan, I got a call from someone at the synagogue, doing due diligence in maintaining the synagogue’s standards, and he asked me “Are you a shomer Torah U’Mitzvos?” (One who observes the Torah and commandments) My response at the time, in a nod to the human imperfection we all share, was that “I do my best.” 

I was thinking about these two anecdotes this past weekend when I came across a comment of Or HaChaim on the rebuke of parshat Bechukotai, in which he gives 42 explanations for what the opening words of that segment can mean – “If you go in my laws.” His 4th interpretation utilizes the verse from Mishley 3:6, “In all your ways you should know Him.” He describes how every behavior a person undertakes should be channeled through the lens of being an “oved Hashem” (one who serves God).

It’s one thing to speak in general hyperbole, but he actually gives examples: when you eat, when you drink, when you speak, etc. 

My thought jumped to the verse we say often, such as when we replace the Torah in the Ark, from later in that chapter in Mishlei, 3:17, “Its ways are ways of pleasantness.” 

As this week we celebrate the giving of the Torah on Shavuot, and as the last chapter of Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) is studied this week in synagogues and Jewish homes, perhaps a new idea of what it means to be a “servant of God” and what “the Torah’s ways are pleasantness” means is in order. 

There are different ways to classify mitzvot: Bein Adam Lamakom (as concerns Man’s direct relationship with God), and Bein Adam LaChaveiro (as concern’s Man’s relationship with one’s fellow man). We can certainly argue over which are easy, which are difficult. But I would argue that it is relatively easy to fulfill most of the former kinds of commandments. They don’t impact anyone else, in most cases they don’t cost very much, and God is forgiving when we don’t fulfill, and when we make a commitment to do better. 

Our commandments between man and man, on the other hand, are somewhat more difficult. It’s hard to pay damages, it’s hard to love someone “as I love myself,” it’s hard to not carry a grudge, it’s hard to not hate some people in my heart. 

Mitzvot may or may not refine our character. Some mitzvot – those related to caring for others – are supposed to refine our character. Most mitzvot between Man and God do not specifically aim to refine our character. Shaking a lulav, eating matzah, posting a mezuzah – all important mitzvot, but while they may demonstrate a reverence for God, they do little to advance character refinement. 

But the Torah, in its totality, is meant to be a guide towards pleasantness. The 6th chapter in Avot demonstrates this idea in many ways. 

“Rabbi Meir would say: Whoever studies Torah for Torah's sake alone, merits many things; not only that, but [the creation of] the entire world is worthwhile for him alone. He is called friend, beloved, lover of G d, lover of humanity, rejoicer of G d, rejoicer of humanity. The Torah enclothes him with humility and awe; makes him fit to be righteous, pious, correct and faithful; distances him from sin and brings him close to merit… He becomes modest, patient and forgiving of insults. The Torah uplifts him and makes him greater than all creations.  

“Such is the way of Torah: Bread with salt you shall eat, water in small measure you shall drink, and upon the ground you shall sleep; live a life of deprivation and toil in Torah…  

“Do not seek greatness for yourself, and do not lust for honor. More than you study, do. Desire not the table of kings, for your table is greater than theirs, and your crown is greater than theirs… 

“Torah is acquired with forty-eight qualities…[which include] minimizing talk, minimizing gaiety, slowness to anger, good heartedness, faith in the sages, acceptance of suffering, knowing one's place, satisfaction with one's lot, qualifying one's words, not taking credit for oneself, likableness, love of G d, love of humanity, love of charity, love of justice, love of rebuke, fleeing from honor, lack of arrogance in learning, reluctance to hand down rulings, participating in the burden of one's fellow, judging him to the side of merit…” 

It would be dishonest to ignore some of the passages in the Torah which promote violence. However, at worst they were a one-time commandment of God pursuant to a goal which is beyond our comprehension today. 

It would certainly be exceedingly difficult to find any Jewish teacher or leader who advocates any kind of violence against any group of people, accepting in the case of self-defense and self-preservation, the two natural rights associated with taking up arms against others. 

With all of this, I posit that a person who is observant of the laws of the Torah can certainly claim to be a “Shomer Mitzvot.” But until Torah has achieved the goal of refining a person’s character, until all of us are pleasant, as per the Torah’s teachings which are meant to refine character, we can not completely classify ourselves as “Shomrei Torah.” 

If our goal in life is to be an “eved Hashem” and a “shomer Torah U’mitzvot” then a pleasant demeanor towards all we encounter is essential in fulfilling that goal.