2 Kinds of Teshuvah

Rosh Hashana

by Rabbi Avi Billet

 Anyone who has studied the concept of Teshuvah (Repentance) knows that there are two realms in which all of us need to improve: Between ourselves and fellow Man, and between ourselves and God.

One can argue that Teshuvah between Man and God is much more easily achieved. It is literally lip service, along with a commitment of some kind to change one’s ways. Plus Yom Kippur, and your atonement potion is complete.

 For sins between ourselves and fellow Man, however, the process of Teshuvah is much more difficult. Praying to God does nothing to atone for these kinds of sins unless the offense has been either corrected or apologized for directly.

 The Slonimer Rebbe reminds us that there are two ways a person can go about trying to achieve Teshuvah. There is Teshuvah me’yirah (repentance out of fear), and Teshuvah me’ahavah (repentance out of love). Both have merits, but which is better?

 A parable will suffice to illustrate the differences. A man living in a kingdom decided that the king was no good. Organizing his friends with revolutionary ideas, he rallied people against the king, and created quite an anti-establishment movement. Until the whole thing was silenced and put down by the king.

 Realizing the danger into which he had put himself, the man came to the king on his knees begging for forgiveness and a pardon. This is Teshuvah me’yirah, repentance and returning out of fear of retribution.

 However, the king reminded him, as much as this might make him change on a personal level, the damage was done. The revolutionary ideas were planted. There is a rebellious element in the land due to his actions. In other words, even Teshuvah me’yirah does not erase the resulting damage, it does not turn back the tremendous “Hillul Hashem” – desecration of God’s name – which ensued from one’s actions.

 What can achieve that effect? Teshuvah me’ahavah, a return to God out of love. In essence, if the same revolutionary alters his views and sees not only that he should not have rebelled against the king, but that the king is kind and good and that the king only needs support from his people, he can create a pro-king revolution. He can take the opposite public stand from what he had done before, and demonstrate a real change – a change that has its roots in love for the king.

 It is counter-culture. And it can be very effective.

 The truth is, such an idea is not so counter-culture. We say every day in Shema that “You will love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your essence.” A person who actually fulfills such a notion, who sees God as a beloved, wants nothing but to please God, sees flaws in sinning, is not interested in veering from the Godlike path.

 And we also declare on a daily basis what the result from the other side is. Towards the end of Ashrei (Psalm 145) we declare, “R’tzon y’reav yaaseh… Shomer Hashem et kol ohavav,” He does the will of those who fear Him, and He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord guards all who love Him, and He destroys all the wicked.

 This is the combined response that comes to those who come to God out of fear and those who come to God out of love. Those who fear God are answered and saved. But the source of their oppression is not destroyed until they come to love Him.

 What do we prefer? To have a guardian angel protecting us whenever we’re in trouble? Or to have the trouble eradicated so the guardian angel is not necessary?

 Anyone who has ever been in dire straits knows very well that the latter option is preferred. Let me live my life without pain and suffering. Let me live without worry about what an evil person or entity will do to me, my family, my People. Let me live in such a manner that I can focus on real goals and do my part as an Eved Hashem – a servant of God – who just wants to bring light and goodness to the world.

 A man I knew passed away around Pesach time of this past year. Every time I spoke with him he’d mention all the good in his life (and believe me he had rough times as well) always noting how much he loved Hashem. For him it wasn’t lip service, it was genuine sincerity, coming from a place of goodness, of knowing that life comes full circle, and that the best friend a person can have, if one understands life in such a manner, is God. And when one realizes that, one can come to love Him.

 It may be hard for some people to come to grips with it. And some people suffer too much and have too many questions. And yet some people who suffer greatly still manage to emerge from it all, heroically, declaring their unending love for their Maker.

 May we be blessed in our pursuit of loving God and returning to Him with love, so we may all merit a Shanah Tovah – a good year for all.