by Rabbi Avi Billet
A simple reading of the Gemara in Arakhin 16a informs us that
tzaraat, a spiritual disease with a physical manifestation that is definitely
not “leprosy,” could come upon a person for one of seven sins: lashon hora
(slander and gossip), murder, swearing in vain, immorality, haughtiness, theft,
and stinginess.
Raise your hand if
you might get tzaraat if such a disease were extant today. (We can all put our
hands down now)
It’s sad that most
people focus only on Lashon Hara, because the reality is that even people who
are not gossipers are not immune to the other causes of tzaraat. Everyone has a
yetzer hara (evil inclination) and everyone makes mistakes. While murder is
presumably most uncommon, the rest of the seven are not that far fetched for
many people, in one form or another.
In its time, getting
tzaraat would trigger being sent out of the camp of Israel, while they traveled
in the wilderness, and outside of town once settled in the land, for the
duration of a week. This week-long exile, which was sometimes extended for a week (or two!), was
meant to give the person pause, to think, to reflect on which sin caused the
affliction and how the person could make different choices for the future.
Hopefully, the
tzaraat was meant to give the exiled a week to rethink choices and make a commitment
to a different future – one of ahavat yisrael (loving one’s fellow Jew), and
ahavat habriyot (loving one’s fellow Man). The actions which lead to tzaraat have a common theme that the violator sees himself/herself as being better than others, or above the law. The change would shift a person's entire essence to being a top-of-the-line mentsch.
There isn’t much
to say about tzaraat that does not venture beyond the theoretical and
hypothetical, simply because it is not our reality today. But we do have
week-long excursions that are not brought on by sins which may nonetheless give
us pause to reflect and to think about our lives and what is most important to
us. (Disclaimer:) The only comparison to be taken here is the length of time the people in
question are removed from “normal life.”
One week long
venture is a holiday such as the upcoming Pesach. Another 7-day escape is the
vacation. Sometimes the holiday and the vacation are combined. A third 7-day
removal from the day-to-day norm is when someone dies and the family sits for
the mourning period of “shiva.”
On holidays and on
vacations, and particularly when they are combined, whether people go to a
hotel, a different state, or just don’t go to work, the test of “who we are and
what we stand for and believe” is brought to the fore. How do we conduct
ourselves? How do we portray ourselves? How do we spend the time we don’t
normally have? Are we unaccountably lazy? Do we only spend the time doing fun
things? Where is the dedication to Torah and Tefillah (prayer)? Do others see
us as gluttonous? Or gaudy? Do we show off?
We must reflect,
think, and look at ourselves very introspectively and try to comprehend how
others see us. And we must also hold ourselves accountable for how we use our
time. It is OK to enjoy a vacation and to spend quality family time having fun.
But a Jew is a Jew 24/7, not just when life is normal, kids are in school, and
there’s a daily commute to work. The goal is to be mekadesh shem shamayim (to sanctify God's name) at every turn.
This is why those
who are committed to davening and daf yomi have an easier time because they are
driven to keep it up even when life’s routine is interrupted.
Shiva is a very
different kind of escape. And the reflection is surreal. Everyone experiences shiva
differently, and since the deceased’s age and stage of life is different in
every home, the feeling in every shiva home is different as well.
Shiva is not just
a reflective time for the mourners. It is also for the visitors to think about
life and to remember the deceased and to focus on why mourners mourn and what
the role of the “Menachamim” – the consolers – is supposed to be.
Too many people
come to shiva homes for personal reasons instead of to be there for the
mourners. Too many people talk about nonsense when conversations, if there
should even be conversations, are supposed to be directed by the mourner, while
the consoler’s job is to keep it focused on the deeds of the deceased, to help
the mourner in such a personal reflection.
It should go
without saying, but too many well-meaning people say the dumbest or most
regrettable things during their shiva visits. How the person died is not as
relevant as how the person lived. The details of the final moments are not as
important as the details of the legacy left behind, or in the event of the
tragic death of a young person, the absolute sadness and profound loss felt by
those who are mourning. In this latter case, the mourners need to know they
have friends who care about them. They don’t need to know whether life will
ever be the same or that “I know how you feel.” (We don’t.)
Every 7-day escape
is indeed a time to reflect and contemplate who we are, what we believe, what
we stand for and what is most important to us. Hopefully we can use the time
well and come out of the experience with a new commitment to be more aware,
more sensitive, more caring, and more humble in the way we present ourselves and
the way we relate to others.
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