by Rabbi Avi Billet
I beg your indulgence as I share with you this personal letter penned by me to me. It was important to write it, following the lesson of the Chasam Sofer (see below), so that the message would come across (to me) and not go right out the other ear. The "we" in the letter is royal - comes with the territory of talking to oneself. I added the question that refers to "72-100 hour work week" for the benefit of others who may do (or are successful at) what the question suggests. Thank you for listening to me talk to myself.
Dear Me,
In the seventh chapter of the Laws of Teshuvah (Repentance), Maimonides reminds us that even not-so-obvious "sins" require a repentance of some kind.
"A person should not think that repentance is only necessary for those sins that involve deeds such as promiscuity, robbery, or theft. Rather, just as a person is obligated to repent from these, similarly, he must search after the evil character traits he has. He must repent from anger, hatred, envy, frivolity, the pursuit of money and honor, the pursuit of gluttony, and the like. He must repent for all [of the above]."These sins are more difficult than those that involve deed. If a person is attached to these, it is more difficult for him to separate himself. In this context, [Isaiah 55:7] exhorts: 'May the wicked abandon his path and the crooked man, his designs.'"
The quote from Isaiah is quite familiar to any shul-goer, because it is at the beginning of the haftorah that we read at Mincha on fast days, when the listener is encouraged to "Seek out God where He could be found."
The prophet continued his exhortation instructing the crooked man to
"Return to the Lord, Who shall have mercy upon him… and will freely pardon. 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' says the Lord.'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts [higher] than your thoughts. For, just as the rain and the snow fall from the heavens, and it does not return there… so shall be My word that emanates from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, unless it has done what I desire and has made prosperous the one to whom I sent it…'" (Isaiah 55:7-11)The Chasam Sofer used this instruction to remind even the greatest of scholars that there is merit to hearing a person give a public rebuke. In other words, to the scholars who believed they could get more out of learning "mussar" and ethical teachings on their own, Rabbi Sofer would say they could gain even more from attending a lecture or class from an instructor. I'm hoping this letter will serve as that rebuke - even though (rightly) don't count yourself among the greatest of scholars. :)
Rain or snow fall from the heavens and they do their job. It may take a little time for the rain or snow to penetrate the earth, seek out the roots and have their desired impact, but there is no question that the moisture is the solution for the problem of the dry, parched, or at least unwatered earth. Even if the impact is not felt right away, every farmer will tell you that a good crop is heavily dependent on the rainfalls.
And so to even the greatest scholar, Rabbi Sofer would issue the reminder that all your learning is nice, but the mussar and ethical teachings that are self-learned go in one ear and out the other.
When the exhortation comes from someone else, on the other hand, (ahem!) it is like a message from God that penetrates and will eventually land its mark on your soul.
The Rambam's list of deeds that fall out of the realm of directly punishable actions bear repeating. "Anger, hatred, envy, frivolity, the pursuit of money and honor, the pursuit of gluttony." These are often enough character traits that impact oneself more than they impact others.
Every time we think about teshuvah, perhaps we've thought about how we've wronged God or how we've wronged other people.
This statement from Maimonides reminds us that we also need to be concerned that we may have wronged ourselves. And maybe this should trigger a different line of questioning than the more regular one the "mussar teachers" are prone to share.
Am I pleased with myself? Do I treat myself right? Do I eat healthily, or do I pursue unhealthy food options just because I can't help myself? Is my anger in check? Even if no one ever sees it but me, like when I'm driving or when I analyze my relationships in my heart? Do I really need to work 72-100 hour weeks to make so much money, especially if it's at the expense of not ever seeing my family? And why do I hate everyone in my heart of hearts?
Sometimes the greatest enemy we have, the one that brings us down, is the one that stares at us in the mirror.
A -
As we embrace Yom Kippur, it is my hope that these words can be like the rain that falls and doesn't return to God emptyhanded. Every person can use a reminder that there is more to teshuvah than only getting forgiveness from God and others, and changing our actions to achieve that forgiveness.
Sometimes we need to look in the mirror, as we hope that message impacts ourselves as well.
GMAR CHATIMAH TOVAH TO ALL
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