It Starts With LOVE

Parshat Eikev

by Rabbi Avi Billet

"If you listen to God, He will keep his covenant with you. He will love you, He will bless you, etc." (7:13)

And what does He want of you? "To walk in His ways, to love Him, and to serve" Him. (10:12)

After all, "God desired to love your forefathers, and He chose their children" (10:15) to be His nation, to whom He gave His Torah and has asked of them filial devotion.

He models this kind of love through "loving the stranger" (10:18), an expectation He commands and demands of you as well (10:19)

In the Shma we are famously instructed to love God (6:5), and that exhortation is repeated in 11:1, as a condition to receiving rain and good tidings in the land (11:13 – in "V'haya Im Shamoa"), and as a condition to inheriting the land from those who no longer deserve to be its inhabitants (11:22).

One can argue that a theme of the parsha is all about love. Sometimes love is natural, as in God's love for our forefathers and for the stranger; sometimes it is commanded, as in our love for God and our love for strangers.

Coinciding with the command to love God is a command to revere God. The Shma is preceded by "Fulfill the commandments so you may revere your God…" (6:2), and is followed by "Revere and serve your God" (6:13); and in our parsha, the instruction quoted above in 10:12 of what God wants of you actually begins with "to revere Hashem your God".

In Vayikra 19:14,32 and Vaikra 25:17,36,43 we see a number of "You must revere your God" instructions as well.

Essentially, these two themes, loving and fearing God, are counted as two separate commandments. The Sefer HaChinukh lists them as commandments 418 and 432 respectively, while Maimonides has them as positive commandments numbers 3 and 4.

Now that we are a little over a week away from the month of Elul, it is an appropriate time to revisit these commandments to understand how we can best go about fulfilling them.

Sefer HaChinukh suggests a person can't fulfill commandments properly without loving God. If our attitude is such that every deed we undertake as part of our religious experience is fulfilled under the premise that we are doing this for love of God, the act is elevated and becomes more real. This is why the Shma reminds us that these words must be on our hearts all day and every day, and we must review them in our heart and soul.

Revering God, on the other hand, manifests itself in a person who guards oneself from sin on account of fear of punishment and retribution.

Maimonides goes about explaining the two commandments slightly differently. He compares loving God to how a person relates to a person one admires greatly. "When you love someone, you pay attention to the person, you praise the person, and you want others to love your friend as well." You introduce your friend to everyone. Wouldn't it be amazing if we were able to communicate this about God?

The greatest example of this was our forefather Avraham whose existence dripped with his love of God. He is credited with bringing people close to  monotheism through simply being an exemplary character, with a stellar reputation, who just modeled his love for his God on a very consistent basis.

Fearing God is not just about being scared, or fearful of punishment. It is about a higher level of respect, including not taking or using God's name in vain.

These commandments are hard to take on in practical terms. How does one apply love or reverence to a being we can not see, to which we cannot relate in our o-so-humanly needy way?

Through example. We know how to love our parents. We know how to love our children. We must view our love of God in such a way.

God's modeling of love of the stranger is helpful as well. Whether the "stranger" is a convert or someone who has chosen to live amongst the Jewish people, the life choice that causes one to give up everything to cling to the Jewish people is so beloved to God, that His love effuses to that person in a way which is humbling to the rest of us. How could we ever mistreat or stigmatize someone who has, by choice, joined our people, who God Himself loves unconditionally?

And finally, as Rabbi Chanina suggests in the Gemara (BRachot 33b), even reverence of God is something which is not as challenging as we thought. When Moshe introduces it in our parsha, Moshe says, "What does God 'ask' of you?" Not what does God demand or command, but what does God ask.

One can suggest that the reverence of God begins as a choice we make – because the command is more frightening and stifling. But if we build up our love of God, through the model of our relatives and the model of the stranger, hopefully we will come to revere God in the way the Torah otherwise instructs.

It starts with love. The rest will naturally flow from that source.

A Great, Wise, and Understanding People? Right...

Parshat Va'Etchanan

by Rabbi Avi Billet

We are now past Tisha B'Av, and our first Shabbos foray into the synagogue puts us in a position to hear this message from Moshe: "Behold, I have taught you statutes and ordinances, as the Lord, my God, commanded me, to do so in the midst of the land to which you are coming to possess.  And you shall keep [them] and do [them], for this is your wisdom and your understanding in the eyes of the nations, who will hear all these statutes and will say, 'This great nation is only a wise and understanding people.'" (Devarim 4:5-6)

            

I try not to live with blinders on. Which is why reading this triggers an exasperating throw of my hands skyward, along with a look heavenward, and a cry (sometimes aloud, but more often silent because no one is listening) of "Us? When will THIS happen?"

            

Did this happen a long time ago – perhaps during the time of David or Solomon? Did this happen during the time of the first or second Temples? Did this happen during the Talmudic Period? Does it refer to the historical anomaly of the kingdom of the Khazars?

            

It's great that the Kuzari was written by Rabbi Yehuda HaLevi. Would it ever have been written by someone from the "nations" described in the Torah?

            

The only "wisdom of this nation" I hear bandied around is the accusation of the Jews being the Illuminati, or that the Protocols are true. Of course both of these are nonsense. But when the headlines "amongst the nations" (when true) are about Jews who commit abominable deeds – especially Jews who are supposed to know better on account of their Jewish education and upbringing – the Torah (and I shudder to say this) seems to be out to lunch on reality.

            

Of course, the Torah is right. If the Jewish people would only "keep them and do them" – the commandments, that is – we would indeed be a wise and understanding people. A model to all. After all, thievery, physical abuse, cover-ups, dishonesty, slander, etc are all intolerable offenses which have no place in a world governed by Torah ideals.

            

But even so, our Public Relations would still need a lot of work. There are many cynical and skeptical people, Jewish and not Jewish, who believe the Torah mandates the stoning of adulterers (Vayikra 20) and the killing of minors (Devarim 21:20-21, 22:21-24), and the most heinous of punishments not for the perpetrators, but for the victims of sexual abuse (Devarim 22:29).

            

Anyone who makes these claims does not understand the magnitude of Torah knowledge as they look at the verse in its most simplistic translation, and have no concept of the Oral Torah, and thousands of years of rabbinic discussions addressing what these cases mean, and whether the punishments described in the Torah were ever carried out en masse or were more fixated on demonstrating the gravity of the sin, while life itself was valued.

            

The Talmud (Makkot 7) claims that courts did not exercise capital punishment. At worst, it was a very rare occurrence. And the conditions leading to such were almost impossible to attain: valid witnesses, proper warning, zero contradictions in testimony.

            

We live in a time when Sharia law, which takes some of the Biblical laws literally (or at least as prescribed in the Quran), and practices the worst kinds of corporal punishment, is on the rise in the world, in practice and acceptance, even in some Western countries.

Halakha, on the other hand, which has so many varying opinions and is a system which can help people live meaningful and fulfilling lives following various schools of interpretation, isn't growing beyond very small circles of Jews.

            

And it has become a major turnoff to many Jews who do not observe. This is wisdom? This is understanding? What are we doing wrong?

            

We are not as Jewishly educated as we ought to be. Even our rabbis and educators, and certainly a large majority of our flock do not have a mastery of Tanakh, Talmud and Halakhic literature.

            

We spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on the education of every child in his/her lifetime, yet we (and our children) can't read Hebrew, can't translate Hebrew, and have no patience to tackle a new text. We review the same laws every year, and we still don't know basic synagogue practice and basic holiday practice. Or what it means to live a life of "hatznea leches" – living a modest existence in which we do not call unnecessary attention to ourselves.

            

We preach about lashon hara, but we don't know the difference between a to'eles (discussion with a purpose) and what is pure besmirching and slander. Even as we wring our hands with dismay at the chillul Hashem, we enjoy reading all the dirt in the press about Jewish people who "look frum" who conduct themselves in ways that are anything but…

            

We talk about people doing teshuvah, but we are unaccepting of people we believe can't do teshuvah.

            

The Jewish criminals don't represent us. But we are not doing a good enough job of representing ourselves through living and modeling a Torah life that will cause others to say, "This is a great nation, wise and understanding."

            

Let the recent mourning period of Av serve as a reminder that we have a long way to go. May we find the strength to live up to our mandate from the Torah, to truly be a model nation.

Nine Days IV - Rules for Tisha B'Av

Rules for Tisha B'Av

As per the Shulchan Arukh (SA) and Mishnah Brurah (MB)

Compiled by Rabbi Avi Billet

The Fast Begins

1. Even if one ate the FINAL meal, it is permissible to eat afterwards unless one explicitly stated (doesn't have to be these words) "I am finished eating, and I am eating no more." A thought process to this effect is meaningless, according to Rama – it is only applicable if it was expressed aloud. MB records that the Vilna Gaon and Ba"ch disagree, believing that a non-verbal acceptance of this nature is binding on the individual. However, MB concludes (553:1) that there is a difference as well between a "thought in the mind" and "acceptance of the heart." If one thinks, "OK, I'm done. I am full and I don't need to eat more," that is meaningless. But if one accepts in one's heart, "I am finished eating. The fast begins for me now" – this is binding.
2. Regardless, if no declaration or "kabbalah b'lev" has been made, the fast begins at sundown.
3. Some recommended medical guidelines for how to prepare and go about fasting (for YK, I know, but applicable all the same)

The mourning of Tisha B'Av is comparable to the mourning of "Shiva," with the added provision of fasting

Restrictions of the Night and Day (exceptions to follow)

1. Eating and Drinking – includes brushing teeth, gargling, and even sipping water
2. Washing – showers, bathing, swimming
3. Anointing – using oils or perfumes that are rubbed onto the body
4. Shoes – leather shoes are not to be worn
5. Marital Relations are forbidden
6. Until mid-day, we sit on the floor or low chair
7. Until mid-day we do not wear tallis and tefillin
8. Intense Torah learning

Exceptions

1. Eating and Drinking - A person with a medical condition who must eat yet wants to fast can have 1.5 oz of liquid every 9 minutes. See these two sources for information about eating on Yom Kippur (similar rules have been accepted regarding Tisha B'Av) http://www.star-k.org/kashrus/kk-issues-measurements.htm (half way down the article); and http://vbm-torah.org/archive/moadim69/29-69moed.htm [see also Biur Halakha 554 * דבמקום חולי וכו' - עיין בספר פתחי עולם דבמקום שאין המחלה של חלערי"א חזקה ח"ו יאכל פחות מככותבת בכדי אכילת פרס וכן בשתיה כמ"ש השיעורי' בשו"ע סימן תרי"ח (כך יש להורות לשואל בט"ב שבזה לא נעקר התענית לגמרי ורחמנא ליבא בעי) ומי שירצה להתענות במקום שאין המחלה בזעם ח"ו יש ליועצו ולהזהירו שלא ילך מפתח ביתו כל היום ולהכריחו כשיצא ישא סביב לחוטמו ופיו חתיכה קאמפע"ר ומעט עשב מיאט"ע עכ"ל]: 
2. A person who must eat because of peril or real danger should drink/eat – no questions asked. Sakanas Nefashos trumps all.
3. Washing – one may wash hands after using the restroom. Certainly if hands are dirty, they may be washed. Some have the custom of only washing fingers until the knuckles for "netilat yadayim" upon waking in the morning. Depending on the nature of the post-restroom-use-washing needs, one should try to wash only the fingers, unless necessary to wash the whole hand as noted above.
4. Anointing – Deodorant is permitted, though one should apply only what is needed and avoid excess. Perfume and cologne are not recommended.
5. Shoes – a leather adornment to a shoe, which, if removed, does not change the shoe in any way, does not disqualify the shoe. Thankfully there are many options for shoes – between canvas sneakers, crocs, slippers, etc
6. M.R. – Sorry. No exceptions.
7. Floor Seating – Children who are eating need not sit on low chairs. Elderly or infirm who experience extreme discomfort need not sit on low chairs. However, we are not as strict about this (MB 559:10). Rama says we can sit on regular seats once Shacharis is over, though we try to lengthen the davening so it will end closer to mid-day (559:3). Acharonim allowed a person to place a cloth or small pillow beneath oneself (MB 559:11) or to sit on a low chair
8. Tallis – Those who wear tzitzis under their clothes should put them on without a bracha (555:1)
9. Learning – Iyov, the bad parts of Yirmiyahu, Midrash Eichah, and commentaries on Eichah and Iyov (554:1-2). One may study the Kinos in depth. Some have the custom to read the story of Kamza and Bar Kamza (Gittin 55b). As Rabbi Soloveitchik used to say, if one needs to learn Torah on Tisha B'Av, "This should be our biggest aveirah."

Other Practices

1. Some have the custom to make night time sleeping a little less comfortable through sleeping on the floor, or not using a pillow (a custom of putting a rock under one's head/pillow is also recorded (551:2))
2. One should avoid greeting people ("Shalom Aleichem" and "How are you doing?" etc). If someone accidentally greets you or doesn't know, it is OK to respond courteously, but briefly. No need to tell the person not to greet others.
3. Changes in davening are recorded in the siddur. Please note: No תתקבל in Kaddish; omit: Pitum Haktoret, Tachanun, קל ארך אפים, למנצח, the verse of ואני זאת בריתי  (in ובא לציון); Add נחם and עננו at Mincha
4. One who needs to work on Tisha B'Av may, but one should try to put in fewer hours (554:22) [working on Tisha B'Av is nonetheless less than desirable (554:24)]
5. One who will lose a lot of money should follow the practices of working on Chol Hamoed (554:23)

After the Nine Days are over

1. According to the Shulchan Arukh, one may cut one's hair and do laundry immediately after the fast ends. (551:4) MB records a minhag (custom) not to cut the hair or do laundry until midday on the 10^th of Av. (551:37)
2. MB says that eating meat and drinking wine are certainly permitted right away (551:36).
3. Shulchan Arukh says (558) not to eat meat or drink wine all of the 10^th of Av, while Rama says this stringency need not extend past midday on the 10^th of Av.
4. MB (558:3) adds washing one's body to the list of activities that resume at midday on the 10^th.
5. One who has been showering regularly during the 9 days, for need (as opposed to for pleasure) may continue the 9 days practice which was suspended for Tisha B'Av.
6. If there is a tremendous need or time constraint and laundry needs to be done the evening that Tisha B'Av is over, it may be done. If one can wait until midday on the 10^th, that is preferred.

May we all merit that this Tisha B'Av be the last, with the coming of the Final Redemption

Nine Days III - Rules of Eating

Eating During The Week in Which Tisha B'Av falls (WWTBF)

Including a very brief summary of the "After Tisha B'Av" rules

By Rabbi Avi Billet

The following lists have been compiled based primarily on the codes as laid out in the Shulchan Arukh and the Mishnah Brurah.

Eating Meat

1. Generally speaking it is forbidden to eat meat during the Nine Days, except under special circumstances, such as a Seudas Mitzvah (Pidyon HaBen, Bris, Siyum). (OC 551:10)  However, during the WWTBF, though these events may take place, it is customary to limit the amount of participants to close relatives. A minyan of non-relatives may be included, but every other participant – beyond the relatives and minyan – eats dairy. (OC 551, MB 77).
2. Meat can even be eaten under these circumstances on Erev Tisha B'Av, but not as the last meal before the fast begins. (551:10) The Mishnah Brurah recommends the meat meal take place before midday (OC 551, MB 78)
3. Parve food which is cooked in a meat pot may be eaten (551:MB 63)

Drinking wine and other alcoholic beverages

1. One does not drink wine, except at a Seudas Mitzvah as noted in the previous section.
2. All other alcoholic beverages are permitted (Rama 551:11)
3. According to the Shulchan Arukh, one may drink wine as part of a "bentching over wine" [during the week] and one may use wine for havdalah. The Rama, however disagrees. (551:10) He suggests that if wine is used for Havdalah, a child should drink it, unless there is no child present (in which case the one saying havdalah should drink). Otherwise it is customary to use beer for havdalah. (Remember to say the bracha "She'hakol"!)
4. One may bentch with wine at Seudah Shlishis – certainly if in time to drink it on Shabbos, and even if Shabbos is over when bentching takes place, because we don't (in the latter case) drink the wine.
5. One may drink wine on the Shabbos before Tisha B'Av. MB records a debate as to if one is drinking wine during Seudah Shlishis, and the meal extends until after Shabbos is over, but the person has not yet bentched and certainly has not ended Shabbos: Magen Avraham says if everyone else has ended Shabbos, he should stop drinking wine, while other Acharonim suggest that if he will still be saying "Retzeh" in his bentching, which indicates his Shabbos has not yet ended, he may still drink the wine. (OC 551: MB 56)

Erev Tisha B'Av eating

1. The restricting rules which will be described apply only to the FINAL meal a person eats on Erev Tisha B'Av. Any other meal after which a person still intends to eat is treated like a regular Nine Days or WWTBF meal. (552:9)
2. According to the Shulchan Arukh – the FINAL meal on Erev Tisha B'Av must follow these rules: 

• Not more than one cooked item
• No fish (or meat or chicken – of course) (552:2)
• You may have a number of different raw fruits (552:4)
• There is a custom to have lentils with eggs cooked in them because these are considered "mourners' foods" (552:5) Rama recommends "hard boiled eggs."
• A person who can handle it should just have coarse bread with salt, and water. Rama records the custom (not a law) to dip the egg in ashes, a practiced extracted from a teaching based in Eicha 3:16 - וַיַּגְרֵס בֶּחָצָץ שִׁנָּי הִכְפִּישַׁנִי בָּאֵפֶר. "Indeed, He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and caused me to wallow in ashes." It is customary to sit on the floor (or a low chair) for this meal (552:7), and not to eat in a company of 3 that would require a zimun (552:8)

3. For the meal(s) which take place earlier in the day, Rama writes that the Minhag (custom of) Ashkenaz (communities) is to eat a full meal BEFORE Mincha, and to eat the FINAL meal AFTER Mincha. It is important to eat more during that full meal, as one does in preparation for Yom Kippur, so one is well satiated in advance of the fast day. (552:9)
4. Even if one ate the FINAL meal, it is permissible to eat afterwards unless one explicitly stated (doesn't have to be these words) "I am finished eating, and I am eating no more." A thought process to this effect is meaningless, according to Rama – it is only applicable if it was expressed aloud. MB records that the Vilna Gaon and Ba"ch disagree, believing that a non-verbal acceptance of this nature is binding on the individual. However, MB concludes (553:1) that there is a difference as well between a "thought in the mind" and "acceptance of the heart." If one thinks, "OK, I'm done. I am full and I don't need to eat more," that is meaningless. But if one accepts in one's heart, "I am finished eating. The fast begins for me now" – this is binding.

After the Nine Days are over

According to the Shulchan Arukh, one may cut one's hair and do laundry immediately after the fast ends. (551:4) MB says that eating meat and drinking wine are certainly permitted right away (551:36). However, he records a minhag (custom) not to cut the hair or do laundry until midday on the 10^th of Av. (551:37)

When Tisha B'Av falls on Shabbos and is observed on Sunday - on the 10th of 

1. Havdala is said as it is at the end of Yom Tov - bracha on wine and Hamavdil
2. Since when "9 B'Av" ends is the 11th of Av, because Sunday is the 10th, all the restrictions of the 9 days will end right away (shaving, laundry, music, etc)
 3. There is an opinion that one should wait until the morning before eating meat and drinking wine (exception being for the havdalah wine)
4. We say Kiddush Levana at the end of Tisha B'Av. However, unlike after Yom KIppur when we extend the fast of Yom Kippur (in a sense) through saying Kiddush Levana and THEN breaking our fast, after Tisha B'Av we break our fast first and THEN say Kiddush Levana.

O, man. Where art thou?

Parshat Devarim

by Rabbi Avi Billet

In the Midrash Rabba's introduction to Megillat Eichah (paragraph 4), Rabbi Abahu compares the experience of the nation of Israel in the land and being exiled to the experience of the first identified man in the Torah, Adam. "Like Adam, they violated the covenant."

Adam was placed in the garden, was commanded, he violated the command, was judged, expelled, and God lamented over his downfall. Israel had the same experience: brought into Israel, commanded, they violated the command, they were judged and expelled. God lamented over their downfall.

The lament in both cases is highlighted by the midrash with the same word – at least in its spelling. Alef Yud Kaf Heh - איכה. The difference between the two words is that in Adam's case, the word is pronounced "Ayekah," while the lament for the Israelite nation is pronounced "Eichah."

In essence, when Adam is hiding after having eaten from the Tree of Knowledge, and God calls out to him saying, "Ayekah" – "Where are you?" (Bereshit 3:9) – God is lamenting that Adam feels his newfound knowledge gives him the ability to hide from God.

With regard to the Israelites, "O how has the city that was once so populous remained lonely!" (Eichah 1:1) It's a lament for what could have been, had the Israelites only continued to keep God's word.

Yirmiyahu said in 16:11 that the exile happened because the people abandoned God and did not observe the Mitzvot. The Midrash here (Eichah Introduction, paragraph 2) quotes Rav Huna's expounding on this that "If only they had abandoned Me and did not abandon My Torah! because observing the Torah would have brought them around to God again."

The term "Eichah," which Moshe utilizes in our parsha when he says "Eichah Esa L'vadi?" (1:12) – how could I carry this burden myself – is a powerful term which expresses a longing for every ideal imaginable: time, circumstance, peers, community.

 In a sermon he delivered in 1964, Rabbi Norman Lamm argued that the intention behind paralleling Adam to Israel is the teaching that "Israel's exile issues from a human failing rather than a specifically Jewish weakness."

 The word "Eichah"'s chief connotation is one of doom and gloom. That could be Moshe's intent when talking about the burden of leading the people alone. It was certainly Yirmiyahu's intent. Was it also God's intent with Adam?

 Following Rabbi Lamm's understanding of the parallel in the Midrash, the word Eichah, in our Parsha, in the Haftorah this week, in Megillat Eichah, and indeed even in the Adam story, teaches us a powerful lesson in what it means to lament over the loss of an ideal.

The earlier of the two Midrashic paragraphs that have been quoted here (Intro:2) suggested that abandoning God might not have been so terrible as long as the Torah had not been abandoned. The argument was that the Torah is the true anchor to God.

 In other words, falling in love with God alone – without the Torah – is not our way. A Jewish life that is governed by Torah observance, first and foremost, according to the Midrash, is what brings a person back to God.

 It's a hard sell to a rationalist. Why would anyone observe the Torah without believing in God? Perhaps the Torah has universal truths which speak to people who want to be a part of it, but have difficulty with accepting an all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful, invisible God.

 But this is the message of "Ayekah." No person who is committed to Torah can survive very long in the system without coming to some kind of epiphany that God plays an essential role in all of this. "Where are you, Adam? Where are you, Mankind?" Can you really hide forever? Do you think I won't find you? Torah comes first. Not God.

 The people, at the time of Temple's destruction, imagined that God could only be found in the Temple, but nowhere else.

 With this in mind, Rabbi Lamm proposed a few opposite-ended questions which may help us drive one of the important messages of Tisha B'Av into our systems.

 What makes you think that you can declare any place in the world out-of-bounds for God? May a man hate his brother, so long as he prays in the Bet Hamikdash? May he exploit his worker and drive his slaves, as long as he brings his sacrifices regularly to Jerusalem?

 "When you restrict God only to the Synagogue, then He refuses to dwell even in the Synagogue." Parallel statements about when we pick and choose the manner in which we observe Torah and Halakha are easily understood.

We dress one way in shul and school, and with no rules in other places. We keep separate dishes in our homes, but aren't careful about kosher standards outside the home. We would never go to places of ill-repute in our neighborhood, but on vacation or when no one knows us, all bets are off. We would never speak inappropriately, but we don't object to being around others who do. The list goes on.

The message of Eichah and Ayeka is a lament over where we could be. We need not pretend we can hide from God. We must strive to have our external and our internal lives match one another – to be the most wholesome people we can be.

Even Moshe's lament about his leadership is a poignant reminder that we in the Jewish community need not go about this alone. We have one another, and we must utilize one another, to create a system that helps us raise and better our lives and Jewish experiences to the exponential power we can achieve through unwavering personal and communal support for such efforts.

The Insignificance of Marah

Parshat Matot-Masei

by Rabbi Avi Billet

As the Torah depicts the early travels of the Israelites, small details from famous stops are recalled.

"… They crossed the Red Sea toward the desert. They then traveled for three days through the Eitam Desert, and they camped in Marah. From Marah to Elim – in Elim there were 12 water springs and 70 palms… They left Alush and camped in Rephidim, where there was no water for the people to drink." (33:8-14)

Does the Torah intend to list stops on the journey, or to recall significant events? If the former, we should just be reading destinations. But if the latter, the events of Marah should be mentioned.

Following the Sea splitting, the people traveled for three days without finding water. They came to Marah but could not drink of the water, "ki marim hem" – because they (either the waters or the people) were bitter. Moshe placed a stick in the waters to sweeten them. 'There God taught them a decree and a law, and there He tested them.' (summary of Shmot 15:22-25)

Why is nary a word recorded in our parsha about the three days before reaching Marah or about the miracle of the sweetened water?

The Alshich notes how the lack of water in Rephidim is desribed: "There was no water for the people to drink." There was water! It just was not available for the people.  They had Miriam's well, but it had been sealed as a consequence of the people turning from the Torah teachings they had accepted in Marah when they complained about their food situation in Shmot 16. (33:14)

Recall that arrival in Marah followed three days of wandering during which water was not to be found. Even in Marah, where there was water, it was undrinkable because of bitterness. It is hard to understand how there was no water to be found when we consider the geography. The people had come straight from the Red Sea – were there no rivers, streams or springs extending from the Sea? They were so close to the ironically numbered Oasis of Elim ("twelve" springs and "seventy" palms), and yet they couldn't find water?

Rashi tells us (Shmot 15:22) that Moshe literally had to drag the people away from the Sea after they were saved from the pursuing Egyptians because "the plundering of Egypt's wealth was even greater at the Sea than it had been as they were leaving Egypt" with riches.

Perhaps seeing such riches, desiring such riches, and being told they were unavailable embittered the people greatly. They were so depressed over the loss of the windfall profits that through three days of blurry or misty-eyed travel, they could not see water, even though it may have been in abundance. And so, when they came to Marah, where there was water, they could not drink it because "Marim hem" – they were bitter.

Was it the water that was bitter? Or were the people bitter (Pesikta)? Perhaps they felt God had abandoned them when they were forbidden from partaking of the Egyptian spoils!

Perhaps they simply could not see a bright side to the story. They may have been thinking, "Moshe! We had it all! We would have been taken care of for the rest of our lives! You made us leave so much behind at the Sea! How could you? What were you thinking?"

The Ktav V'Hakabalah (Rabbi Yaakov Tzvi Mecklenburg) says the Torah claims the place was called Marah on account of the bitter water (which Malbim contends had been sweet until they arrived) so we would not think it was based on the people being bitter or Moshe becoming bitter on account of their depression. "This is not the place to recall bitterness and complaining, because they repented immediately and prayed to God."

Perhaps a nod to the Marah experience is left out of the travel-roll because the lesson of Marah is no longer relevant. In Elim the people's eyes were opened to seeing God's plenty. In Rephidim the people learned not to complain. But the events leading to Marah were the opposite of appreciating God's gifts. 

They had properly thanked and praised God for His heroics at the Sea. But then they were forced to withdraw from what seemed to be, at the time, the greatest gift of all – Egypt's wealth, even more than what they had taken from Egypt during the Exodus.

Marah was its own entity, an event that stood by itself, frozen in time. It had been a place for Teshuvah, a place of mental healing, and a place to learn a few Mitzvot. But the Mitzvot were relearned at Sinai, and the Teshuvah and mental healing was more of the "we need to move past this" variety than the "we sinned" variety. Imagine spending your life harping over the stock you could have bought, the building you could have purchased, the spouse you could have married, the children you could have had, the community you could have moved to, the choices you could have made, the job or opportunity you let slip through your fingertips, never being able to let go of those "if only" thoughts.

Many life experiences can teach us very important lessons. Sometimes the lessons bear repeating (ie. Elim and Rephidim). Sometimes one event is life-changing and we never forget the lesson. And some events were important at the time, but became overshadowed by later events, making once-important episodes almost insignificant in the blueprint of history.

Marah was of the latter type: important in its time, but not worth a mention 40 years later. The money was by now inconsequential and they had experienced Sinai.

May we merit to heed these lessons – to appreciate God's gifts, to have reputations of "not complaining," and to let one-time events have their impact such that their significance become embedded in who we are, so they need not become what-if moments that we revisit time and time again.