Looking Out For Father

Parshat Vayigash
by Rabbi Avi Billet

When Tzafnat Pane'ach reveals his true identity to his brothers, he says "I am Yosef. Is my father still alive?" (45:3)

Speechless, the brothers say nothing, forcing Yosef to say, "I am Yosef your brother whom you sold to Egypt." He recognizes that all was part of God's master plan, and makes clear he will not take revenge against them in any way.

Why is Yosef's first question "Is my father still alive?" From all the talk that has transpired between Yosef and the brothers, it seems to be beyond question that Yaakov is still alive.

While some (Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch and others) suggest Yosef revealed himself at this moment to determine if the brothers were lying – had they been using their father as a tool for a sympathy vote? –
the fact that Binyamin is present is a strong indicator that they hadn't harmed him, and were telling the truth! He had not come in the first place because their father wanted him home.

Most explanations for Yosef's initial question focus on his intent to send his brothers a message, or a rebuke, as opposed to an attempt to find out whether his father is, after all the conversations they've had, "truly" still alive.

Rabbenu Tam (quoted by Riva) says Yosef's queries until now (e.g 43:27) determined that Yaakov was alive. Now, Yosef is asking about his father's state of health.

Rabbi Yitzchak Caro (Toldos Yitzchak) suggests Yosef mentioned his father first in order to set their fears of his retribution against them aside. Even Eisav, who hated and wanted to kill Yaakov, knew he would never do so while his father was living (27:41). Knowing his father is alive, Yosef reminds them immediately upon revelation of his identity that he will not be punishing them now. He further mentions that it was God who sent him down, as evidenced by his becoming a "father figure" to Pharaoh, to further reassure them that they had nothing to worry about. [Food for thought: How old was this Pharaoh? Many textual hints indicate he was quite young…]

The Beis HaLevi suggests there is a rebuke hidden in Yosef's words: why did they not have all these thoughts about their father when they treated Yosef the way they did 22 years ago? Perhaps, he adds, Yosef was expressing concern over how his father survived the pain of not knowing what had happened to him.

Rabbi Pinchas Horowitz (Panim Yafos) brings a novel interpretation as he points out that when Yosef went to Egypt, the divine presence accompanied him (39:2). Yosef was asking if his father still had Ruach HaKodesh – if Yaakov still received revelations from God – a form of extra-strength "living." Once Yosef's presence in Egypt was revealed to Yaakov in 47:27, he was able to accept the need to go to Egypt to fulfill the promise made to Avraham in the Brit Bein Habtarim of Bereishit 15.

As Yosef knew his dream of his father bowing to him as king still needed to be fulfilled, I like to think Yosef knew quite well that his father was physically alive, and that no amount of pain over Yosef's absence, or anguish over Binyamin's journey to Egypt would cause Yaakov's death.

At the same time, I don't think Yosef really meant to say "How did you not consider these feelings when it came to the way you treated me?" Yosef admitted his belief that God was behind his being sent to Egypt. There is a strong line of thinking that every step of Yosef's behavior toward his brothers prior to identifying himself was meant to help them achieve and demonstrate their personal and group repentance/teshuvah. They have clearly matured immeasurably in the last 22 years.

Perhaps Yosef was showing them that every moment of his life, prior to his exile and since the last time he saw them, his thoughts and feelings were aimed at pleasing his father. This is not as much rebuke to them, as much as it is a demonstration of his personal mindset and an explanation, at the first moment they will listen to him as Yosef, of how he always related to them and why he treated them the way he did.

When he would bring tales of his brothers' deeds to his father, and brought their hatred upon himself, he was acting in the best interests of his father. He never had the chance to explain to them then, and only now, because he is in the position of having their respect and undivided attention, this is the first thing he wants them to understand.

Parents put their hearts and souls into their children, hoping their offspring will minimally follow the proper path they see their parents model and teach. In an ideal world, most parents prefer their children surpass their own levels of commitment, faith, learning, and service of God.

As parents can't see everything, Yosef took on the role of being his father's eyes and ears – a position his brothers misunderstood and detested.

Upon finally seeing that his brothers have their father's best interests in mind, his first thought to them, as Yosef, is "That was always my mindset." He is trying to show them that he was always their brother, and always loved them, their father, and their family unit.