Shelo Asani Ishah Part I - Needing Better Hasbara

This is the first of two essays on this topic. Part II can be found here 

In Israel, the term "hasbara" refers to "Good P.R." (Public Relations). When something looks bad to skeptical observers, good "hasbara" explains the rationale behind decisions and actions taken.

In essence, hasbara is a form of being a spinmeister - either to explain the unexplainable or to clarify a major misunderstanding.

Judaism has a lot of explaining to do. Not because our religion or its practices need defense (maybe it does, sometimes), but because there is a tremendous amount of misunderstanding. People may read a passage, in context, and even moreso out of context, and draw their own conclusions about what things mean.

The Talmud (and other Jewish books) were burned in 1242 because of misunderstandings in the Talmud (this is a very simple explanation, I know), causing the loss of hundreds of years of scholarship. Remember that pre-printing press all copies of books were hand copied, with no typeset and molds to reprint lost editions.

She'lo Asani Isha

I know this is a loaded topic. But I am going to give a new stab at it. With no apologetics.

A number of years ago I came across Joel Wolowelsky's book about women in Jewish life (I don't have the book, but I imagine it was probably "Women, Jewish Law and Modernity: New Opportunities in a Post-Feminist Age"). He has a section in the book entitled "The Silent Bracha" in which he argues that the blessing recited in the morning prayers "Blessed are you God... that He did not make me a woman" should be recited silently in the synagogue.

The crux of the argument included the idea that since more and more women attend the synagogue, when they are present they are forced to answer Amen to such an insensitive denigrating blessing. To affirm that they are inferior. (I am not quoting verbatim - just as memory serves me, or perhaps as my own interpretation is taking the argument.)

This, of course, is more than insensitive - it is offensive.

An Impossibility
Is it really possible that the authors of such a blessing were unaware that half of the population are women? Can we accept the premise that the rabbis who put together the prayer book were so dumb they wouldn't realize women would read and understand this blessing and become incensed? Can you imagine them going home to their wives that evening

- "Honey, what did you do today?"

- "It was incredible. We composed the opening blessings of the prayer book. We bless God for the most incredible gifts He has given us. For giving us the ability to see, to wake up, to stand, for shoes, clothing etc."

- "Sounds really nice, dear."

- "Oh. And..."

- "Was there another blessing?"

- "Uhhhhh...."

- "Come on! You can tell me. I promise I won't get upset!"

- "Thank you for not making me a woman! You understand, honey. I don't want to be what you are. You repulse me! That's why we made such a blessing."

- she hits him over the head with a vase

Seems ludicrous! And yet I still remember the anger of the woman who said to me, "I will never forgive a religion that has such a blessing in its liturgy" (OK. Those weren't her exact words - but that was her point.)

As such, I feel this bracha needs better hasbara. It really gets a bad rap.

The Drama Man inside of me

As an actor, I often question what is the correct "dramatic reading" of statements which are supposed to be spoken. I ask this question when characters in the Bible speak, and I ask it here as well. What is the intention of the speaker? What information does the speaker have? What influences what the speaker says?

To put it a different way, the blessing could have just as easily read "She'asani Ish" - for having made me a man.

The fact that it is written in the negative, blessing for "not being a woman," is suggestive, and requires of us to think why these words were chosen and what was their original intention.

Blessing, not "Thank you"

We give blessings for all kinds of things, whether we appreciate them or not. It is the way of a Jew to bless God.

But this is not "thank you." This statement in thanks form could be offensive - "Thank GOD that I am not a woman." But that is not the blessing. The blessing is "Blessed are you God, that He did not make me a woman."

Bad Hasbara

The first interpretation of this blessing I ever heard was this: (Warning, if you are easily offended, skip to the next subtitle.)

"Women do things that men are not capable of doing. For example, childbirth. Men thank God for not having given them this responsibility, for having spared them this difficulty and painful experience."

What a pathetic explanation! I could go on a whole tirade of how the birth experience is something many women would not trade in for the world. The fact that birthing has become a medical procedure in this country (USA) (emergencies not withstanding) is a stain on the natural birth process that women could be experiencing.

Besides, how lame is a man for thinking such a thing, and even more so for saying such a thing.

Those men among us who are married and have children know all too well (and if not, here is your
wake up call) of how amazing our wives are for going through this, so we can share in parenthood. We know we could never do it. But we don't bless God for not putting us through labor. We thank God for giving us our wives.

The Apologist Answer

A different approach is the apologetic one. "The female is the stronger sex. They can handle being female. I could never handle being female. I couldn't live up to it. Bless God for not having made me a woman. I would be the most pathetic woman."

I don't think I could find a bigger loser than the person who reads the blessing this way. Be a man! Be proud of who you are and of what you are!

A Better Approach

Up until recently, this next approach was the one I favored. I heard it first from Rabbi Ephraim Z. Buchwald, the founder of the National Jewish Outreach Program, and then saw a similar explanation in the Artscroll siddur.

Look at the blessing in context. It appears as the climax of three blessings that are worded in a similar way: "Blessed are you, Lord, our God, king of the Universe, that He did not make me a..." The three blessings conclude, in this order: a gentile, a servant/slave, a woman. As the three blessings are worded the same way, they are now poetry, and not meant to be viewed in an offensive manner.

The nice interpretation is that these are a progression. Each has a different level of obligations in Judaism - the gentile has 7 commandments, the servant/slave has more, and the Jewish woman still has even more. But even the Jewish woman is not obligated in all of the commandments. So the man blesses "For that He did not make me a woman" who is not obligated in as many commandments.

In other words, I am commanded to manifest my relationship with God through the active role I take in physically fulfilling commandments.

Some will argue women are naturally more spiritual (which is probably true). Some will say women should have equal obligations (to fulfill time-bound commandments) as men. Maybe they should. This is not the platform for having that discussion right now. The point is that in the status quo, a man is blessing God for having given him the opportunity to have obligations and to be able to fulfill commandments through his actions.

The Artscroll siddur takes it a step further in defining natural impulses of men as being negative, and the natural impulses of women as being positive, leaving a fairly logical explanation in its wake, which the reader may take or leave. (see the commentary on page 19 and 20, in the standard Hebrew English edition of the Artscroll siddur)

One More Stab At It

Up until now, every interpretation has started with the explanation "I am thanking God for not having been made a woman who is..." the stronger sex, the better sex, the less obligated sex.

The Talmud Brachot (33b, 54a, 60b) says "a person must make a blessing over bad things, just as one makes a blessing over good things..."

Hold that thought a moment...

The fact of the matter is that there is a set blessing for both men and women. Women say "Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the Universe, that He made me according to His will."

If I were to make something "according to my will," the object I would make would be the absolute best, the most perfect, without flaw and error. Everyone would look upon this and say "Wow you really put a lot of work and love into this. You wanted this to be perfect." And I would say "You're right."

In other words, this blessing sounds like women are made perfect.

As a mohel, one of the reasons I give for why women are not circumcised (aside from the obvious reason), is because God wanted man to "correct himself" in order to become "Tamim" - complete, perfect. God told Abraham when he commanded him regarding circumcision, "Walk before Me and become תמים - perfect/complete."

As a woman was never given this commandment, obviously she does not need correction, she is already complete. In other words, she is perfect. (Meaning, with all the flaws that humans have, but nonetheless - there is an element of perfection in her creation.)

So what is the man saying?

A New Hasbara

"God, you did not make me a woman. You made me something else, and there are all kinds of things that I need to do to overcome desires and to correct and improve myself. Sometimes I need commandments to help me do this. I need to pray harder and I need to work harder because spirituality and a connection to You does not come as easily as it does to a woman. This is hard. This is rough. But this is the way You made it. And so I bless You, for Your eternal wisdom. You know there need to be men on this earth as well - and so You made me - just not a female, Your vision of perfection."

I am not suggesting that being a male is a bad thing. But I am saying that whether a person is male or female, we might bless God for what we are, or for what we are not.

And if we can walk around without a chip on our shoulders, and make a conscious effort to find better hasbara, we may find that those old rabbis had a little more sense than we sometimes give them credit for.

We just have to learn to think as they did.

Shelo Asani Ishah Part II is here