Seven Days to Transform

Parshat Metzora 

by Rabbi Avi Billet

 A man who was afflicted with tzaraas was given clearance by the Kohen, but even after washing his clothes, shaving his hair and dunking in a mikveh, and returning to the camp, וְיָשַׁ֛ב מִח֥וּץ לְאָהֳל֖וֹ שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים. He still needs to camp outside his own tent for a week. 

 He’s almost there! He’s gone through the transformation! He’s examined his deeds, he’s merited to have the tzaraas disappear. He can go home! His job is done! 

 But he has to wait outside his tent for another week! How could this be?

The Alshikh explains that it’s true he went through an important process, but the most important process begins when he is on the threshold of his house when he is barred from entry. Because it’s only אחר רבוי ימים יתחיל לתקן העבירות. After a slightly extended period of days, he can truly begin to make a tikkun (corrective) for his sins. A process is one thing to begin. But if a real transformation in a person’s approach hasn’t occurred there is no home to which one can return. Externals are wonderful. "I’m not demonstrably speaking lashon hara. I am not exhibiting signs of stinginess. But has my heart changed as well?" 

 When there is no internal change, there is nothing to talk about. (Think of Hamas and their supporters. As long as they maintain their charter and have their eyes on the land of Israel being completely Judenrein, there is nothing to talk about. They can “say” whatever they like. But if there isn’t an internal change as well, it is worthless.) 

The Alshikh further explains: when a person merits to return to the camp – this is the Holy Camp. However, he is not ready to re-enter his own domain. It’s one thing to settle one’s score with others. In a way it is much easier. But how does one settle the score with oneself? The soul needs its own personal tikkun. 

 Remember how Yaakov worked 7 years to marry Rachel? And the Torah describes those years as if they were days (ויהיו בעיניו כימים אחדים)? The Alshikh employs a reverse equation here. That ימי שנותיו שבעים שנה are alluded to in this seven day period. When the seven day period is over, it becomes, in a sense, a rebirth for the person. 70 years – a lifetime! – has passed. You’re outside your home. You see day to day life going on, and you can’t be a part of it. Its almost like the final scene in Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town.” You’re watching life go on, but you’re not in it – it is passing you by and you’re at best just a fly on the wall. 

 Seven days feels like an eternity. But in truth, that seven day period – which is a day of further introspection, of furthering our commitment to changing beyond the externals and changing the heart – can is very liberating. When we finally understand why we’re waiting outside, we know who we are, and we see what real change needs to take place in order to return home. "What must I do? And what can I expect of others in order to achieve that coveted return to the home?" 

Some of the commentaries utilize the gemaras in Moed Katan 15 and Krisus 8 that say his being forbidden from returning home is a metaphor to returning to his wife. In other words, his inability to return home means that marital relations are forbidden for another week.

The Vilna Gaon [as seen in the ktav v’hakabbalah] points to the Mishnah in the last chapter of Negaim that says he is both מנודה מביתו שבעת ימים ואסור בתשמיש המטה. He may not enter his house, and marital relations are also forbidden. In simple terms, this means his wife can’t visit him outside either. 

Some point out the disparity. If it were a woman who had tzaraas, the prohibition against marital relations would not apply – it says מחוץ לאהלו and not מחוץ לאהלה. It’s only the man who was a metzora who had this prohibition. The Torah Temimah suggests a reason, that perhaps the 7-days that the man waits outside is reminiscent of the 7 days the woman waits in her taharah reality before she actually goes to the mikveh. It is a precautionary preventative to avoid a prohibition. It’s to be sure that in case a relapse occurs – in the metzora’s case through the return of tzaraas – they will not have been living in sin. He was tameh for a while, now he is having 7 pure days to prepare for their reunion. 

 Why is the additional week-long prohibition only on the man when he had tzaraas, and not on the woman if she had tzaraas? The Torah Temimah explains, because we don’t want her to become further denigrated in the eyes of her husband. 

 Why should there be a difference? Don’t the marital relations involve both parties anyway? Perhaps the Torah is suggesting a sociological reality. All of the laws of tzaraat are addressed in the masculine. Except when it said in last week’s parsha that if a “man or a woman” has the mark. Both could get tzaraas, but it may be more likely that a man would get it. 

Could it be that the attainment of tzaraas was more common in men than in women? It could be that it’s basically expected that a man will go through this process. But a woman? Could a woman be as guilty as a man? 

 Speaking in generalities – the sins which the gemara claim caused tzaraas are lashon hora (slander and gossip), murder, swearing in vain, immorality, haughtiness, theft, and stinginess. Surely women can do these too, but it can be argued anecdotally (and perhaps statistically) that men have cornered the majority in most of these markets. 

 A man will deal with the embarrassment, the stigma, and may even roll his eyes when it comes around again. He looks good bald and he doesn’t mind having no eyebrows. For her, however, the ordeal itself, plus the removal of the eyebrows is devastating enough! Don’t further bring her down through keeping her separated from her husband, who she, of all people, really needs after her ordeal, to help her cope with her new reality. This is a wonderful example of the Torah showing sensitivity to a woman’s needs. 

 Most men, on the other hand, don’t put as much stock in their looks as their female counterparts. And if they need to go rugged another week, they accept it as the price to pay, and understand that the transformation is not complete without this week. And so this week becomes a time of thought, introspection, commitment, and real change.

 No matter the arena in which one sees a seven-day waiting period being utilized, the final 7 day period, of being so close and yet so far, is meant to drive home the idea that just because a negative ordeal seems over, it is not over yet until the person has gone through the complete process that was the purpose of the project to begin with. 

 This is the problem with every “ceasefire” deal in Israel. It is the complication in every discussion surrounding the future of some ephemeral “Palestine” when there is no acknowledging the pervasive attitude that wants all the Jews dead, and for Israel to no longer exist. 

 For a former metzora, it is understanding the real nature of the act that put the tzaraas ordeal in motion and making a real move to change. 

 For a husband, it’s a different kind of appreciation of his wife. 

 For a wife, her emotional needs become increasingly clear to her husband. 

 And perhaps, to stretch the thought to the coming holiday, the 7 day period when we are out of our comfort zone – with no hametz – maybe it is to help us appreciate what we have throughout the year just a little more.

Differences Between Animals and Humans – the Power of Positive Speech

Parshat Tazria

 by Rabbi Avi Billet 

Rashi’s opening comment on Tazria notes how the previous parsha (Shemini) spent the entire previous chapter talking about animals, and then Tazria begins speaking of the human condition, to simply reflect the order of creation of animals and humans.

Commenting on this point, Sifsei Chachamim (Rabbi Shabbatai Bass) reminds us of several reasons given in the Talmud (Sanhedrin 38a) for why humans were made last: 

1. So no one could argue that humans were partners in creation 

2. If a person should ever get arrogant, he can be told “a mosquito was created before you” 

3. So he could fulfill a mitzvah right away (Shabbos) 

4. So he could participate in a celebratory meal right away, having arrived once everything in the world was already set. 

 Then he writes, “If this were the formula being used, then we should see Parshat Metzora being presented before Tazria, because Metzora speaks of a man (who was created first in Bereishis Chapter 2) while Tazria speaks of a woman! The answer is that the concept of a woman giving birth is far more frequent than a man getting Tzaraas (a nod to the principle of ...תדיר ושאינו תדיר), AND because the main reason for the spreading of tzaraas was a reckoning for a man having relations with his wife while she was in the state of Niddah.” [This concept appears in a number of rabbinic sources (See Sefer HaRokeach, Hilchos Niddah 318; Or Zarua Hilchos Retzuos Shechoros 564), sometimes claiming the tzaraas would go on their children, sometimes on the man himself, as an outcome of this sin.] 

While the Gemara in Arachin 16a lists seven sins which cause tzara’as: lashon hora (slander and gossip), murder, swearing in vain, immorality, haughtiness, theft, and stinginess, and the verses in Mishlei 6:16-19 list other behaviors God detests, somehow the one deed that has captured our attention in this regard, more than any of the others, is Lashon Hora. 

 Much has been and written about the dangers of Lashon Hora. Mark Twain’s colleague Charles Dudley Warner is credited with saying “Everyone always talks (complains?) about the weather, but no one does anything about the weather.” 

The same can be said of Lashon Hora. We talk about it, but tend not to do much about it.

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter addressed the question raised in the context of Rashi’s opening comment and wryly noted that people are very careful about forbidden food, in other words what they put into their mouths, and are not careful at all about their tongues, specifically what comes out of their mouths through speech. 

 The proximity of these two parshas – Shemini dealing with kosher animals, and Tazria dealing with kosher human behavior – is to serve as a warning that “If a person is so careful and meticulous over what he puts into his mouth, then he certainly needs to be particularly careful about what comes out of his mouth – in terms of speech. After all, what comes out of his mouth can also spread tumah. 

It is through the sin of Lashon Hora that the most tumah is spread, and therefore the practice must must stop.” 

One of the methods utilized in the Talmud to help a person stop sinning is to distract oneself with wholesome activity in place of the sin. One who has lustful thoughts should fill his mind with Torah. Someone who does bad deeds should seek out opportunities to do Chesed. 

Surely the same can be said for those who have a Lashon Hora problem that it is advisable to fill one’s speaking hours with positive speech. The more one engages in positive speech, the more one will avoid participating in negative speech. 

Eleanor Roosevelt is generally credited as having said “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” Let us avoid being small-minded, and focus on being great-minded. 

Visit with people who are lonely – ask them about their lives. Try to focus the conversations on things which give them joy to talk about. Perhaps read an article aloud and then discuss its contents. Make it into a multiple parts visit, and read a chapter of a book – making each visit an anticipated event! – and discuss the book and its contents. 

 In one of his articles in Peninim Al HaTorah, Rabbi Avraham Leib Scheinbaum writes this (he writes in the masculine for convenience, but it applies to all): 

“We can use our lashon tov, positive speech, to make someone feel good, to calm him and raise his self-esteem. The best aspect of this is that it takes very little effort on our part to generate a positive feeling within someone else. Regrettably many of us do not have it in (ourselves) to expend even the slightest effort to help another person. We are so wrapped up in ourselves, in our lives, that we forget that others around us are crying out. 

“What about giving someone a compliment – telling them they look good, spoke well wrote an inspiring article, did a great job, prepared a good dinner? These are just a few examples where a few words can go a long way. Another way that positive speech can make a difference is by promoting peace between two people, two groups… Giving good advice and building someone’s self-[worth] are additional ways in which good speech helps others. 

 “Last is the idea of praying for others…” 

Many of us are familiar with the saying “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.” I once heard a nice corollary to that. “If you have something nice to say, say it all!” After all, nothing sparks human relationships more than that which sets humans apart from animals, the ability we have to get closer to people through the positive use of our unique “כח הדיבור” – power of speech – which animals do not possess. Animals are capable of doing nice things for one another. They can also protect one another when they are attacked by a predator. But they are incapable of speaking – that is uniquely human. 

Let us therefore throw in another teaching from the lead-in of animals in Shemini to the discussion surrounding humans in Tazria. Animals don’t talk about one another. Their interactions are of practical things and when they have disputes, they settle them relatively quickly and move on with their lives. They don’t harbor grudges and they don’t rally others to their side, to destroy a peer who need have no part in whatever bothers the animal in question. 

So should it be for us. We should not talk about one another when it serves no purpose other than to bring another person down. We should aim to finish and resolve disputes in an efficient manner, without needing to rally people to our side. We should do what we can to lift other people up, and aim to use our power of speech for good things such as compliments, the sharing of good information, the discussion of important ideas, and most importantly for the study and teaching of Torah and for Tefillah. 

 I recently advised someone who is in a constant dispute with a family member to try to shift focus, and instead of getting upset all the time, to pray for that person. It may not resolve all the issues that exist between them, but it does change a perspective… “I am praying for that person… it makes it much harder for me to get upset at that person.” 

This too can be a beautiful focus of using our כח הדיבור for positive speech.

Preparing, Disappointment, and Rising Despite…

Parshat Shemini

by Rabbi Avi Billet 

In its elaboration of the roles of Moshe and Aharon in the dedication of the Mishkan, the midrash Rabba presents a debate between a number of rabbis on the one side, and Rabbi Elazar bar Yosi on the other side, as to how Moshe understood what was to be his role in the Mishkan. 

 The larger group of rabbis are of the opinion that all 40 years of wandering, Moshe was the optional Kohen Gadol. It was not his job, per se, but if he wanted to perform the service there was room for him to play that role. We say in Kabbalas Shabbos משה ואהרן בכהניו, and the Midrash applies the Kehuna to both brothers, to Aharon AND to Moshe. The same teaching is derived from a verse in Divrei Hayamim I 23, according to Rabbi Berachia in the name of Rabbi Simone

 יג בְּנֵ֥י עַמְרָ֖ם אַֽהֲרֹ֣ן וּמֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיִּבָּדֵ֣ל אַֽהֲרֹ֡ן לְֽהַקְדִּישׁוֹ֩ קֹ֨דֶשׁ קָֽדָשִׁ֤ים הֽוּא־וּבָנָיו֙ עַד־עוֹלָ֔ם לְהַקְטִיר֩ לִפְנֵ֨י יְהֹוָ֧ה לְשָֽׁרְת֛וֹ וּלְבָרֵ֥ךְ בִּשְׁמ֖וֹ עַד־עוֹלָֽם: יד וּמֹשֶׁ֖ה אִ֣ישׁ הָֽאֱלֹהִ֑ים בָּנָ֕יו יִקָּֽרְא֖וּ עַל־שֵׁ֥בֶט הַלֵּוִֽי: 

Rabbi Elazar bar Yosi says Moshe wore a white garment for the seven preparation days only, in order to be on hand to serve during that time. 

 But there was a problem. Rabbi Tanchum notes how in his preparation for the Yom HaShmini, Moshe did not receive any divine instruction. Everything he did, and everything he instructed his brother and nephews to do, were part of information he had learned previous to this preparatory week. 

 When the fire came down and consumed what was on the Mizbeach at the end of Chapter 9, וירא כל העם וירונו ויפלו על פניהם the entire nation, including Moshe, "Raised their voices in praise and threw themselves on the ground" – it was a Revelation of sorts for all, because this was the first time the people felt the divine presence through the process. 

 Why was it that Moshe did not receive any divine instruction or inspiration during this time period? The Midrash does not say. But it does bring two examples of seven day periods that, in a sense, did not end up going well for Moshe. 

 Rabbi Shmuel Bar Nachman says the episode at the burning bush took a week. For six days, God was cajoling and convincing Moshe to accept his assignment and go to Egypt. On the seventh day, Moshe said the fateful words שלח נא ביד תשלח – please send someone else. And God's reaction was, "If you want me to send someone else, I will. I'll cut your wings when I am ready to." 

There are two opinions recounted in the Midrash: 

 Rabbi Levi says, God followed through with this at the very end of Moshe's life. For the first seven days of Adar, Moshe prayed and beseeched God to allow him to enter the land. And on the seventh day (7 Adar, the day Moshe died), God told him "You will not cross this Jordan river." 

 Rabbi Chelbo says, For the ז' ימי המילואים – the seven preparatory days for the Yom HaShmini, Moshe served in the capacity of the High Priest, assuming the position was his. On the seventh day, Moshe was told by God that it was not his – that his brother Aharon was to be the High Priest. And this is why he is giving all the zero hour instruction in the zero hour. 

 If we look back to Purim, this is similar to what happened to Haman in the Megillah. He’s on the top of the world. The queen has invited him to a party, exclusively, with only the king. And when he goes in to the king’s chambers looking for permission to hang Mordechai, and even assuming his suggestion of having an officer lead a different officer around town on a horse is for Mordechai to lead Haman around, the whole thing is shot to pieces when Achashveirosh tells him he is to do it all to Mordechai – in other words, “While you thought you were being promoted, in fact, you’re fired.” 

 It’s a reminder that NOTHING is guaranteed in life. Those who are on the top could be at the bottom in an instant if God wills it so. 

 Moshe saw it all before him - that he'll be the Kohen gadol, that he'll enter the land - who could have known that when zero hour would come, the answer would be No… it’s not going to be the way you think? 

Moshe had six or seven days to prepare only to find out he didn't have the job. It’s hard to imagine the devastation, the disappointment, the negative feeling, the sense that your own pre-determined worth has been shot down. 

And yet, Moshe finds that he has value in others places, and it seems that he was able to compartmentalize his feelings, and a. be supportive of Aharon in Aharon’s new position as full time Kohen Gadol, and b. find a different place for his role in the comfort that he will soon be positioned to give to Aharon following the soon-to-be-seen deaths of Nadav and Avihu. 

 This, in essence, becomes our challenge and task when the opportunity presents itself. We may not always have a six or seven-day buildup to an anticipated event or outcome, but we must always prepare ourselves for the possibility that things might not go as we wish. 

Our challenge is to funnel our energies into arenas that are most suited for the roles we can play, in which we are not dependent on an outsider or some other entity to determine our worthiness for the position. 

 The easiest place to do this is in the arena of Chesed, when we set the terms for what we do, when we do it, how much time and money we spend, and what we hope to get out of it – the feeling of accomplishment of having gifted time and resources to someone else. 

 It’s not rocket science. But it is life. And life is also about rolling with the circumstances we are handed and dealt, making the best of the life we are blessed to live.