Elevating Eating

This Shabbos being Rosh Chodesh Elul, it is a good time to be reminded of this custom associated with this time of year. The chart can be printed and used following the Elul dates, as the month of Elul this year begins on the 28th of August (30th of Av is 27th of August).

Parshat Re'eh

by Rabbi Avi Billet

In the beginning of Chapter 12, the Torah describes for us a proper form of serving God most directly in the “place God will have chosen.” This references the Temple in Jerusalem (while not mentioning those specific details) as it describes the concept of Aliyah L’Regel (ascent to the Holy Mountain for the holidays) and general celebration at that space.

“And there you shall eat before the Lord, your God, and you shall rejoice in all your endeavors you and your households, as the Lord, your God, has blessed you.” (12:7)

While the verse clearly has two separate clauses, one about eating and one about rejoicing, they are nevertheless right next to each other, suggesting at the very least a connection through semichut between the concept of eating and rejoicing. 

 Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch notes this link in his commentary:

 

“The pinnacle of the worship of God is the feasting and the joy of life in the presence of God, in His Sanctuary. This is one of the most characteristic features of Judaism. In this respect Judaism differs from ancient heathenism, whose gods, born of fear, are inimical to man’s joy and happiness. In this respect Judaism differs also from the modern misconception, which splits the human personality and seeks God only through the spirit, but relegates the life of the senses to an unconsecrated, sunken state.” 

While Hirsch goes on to describe an element of joy that simply accompanies being part of a community, there is no doubt that he is suggesting that there is a service of God to be found in joy, and specifically through eating. 

 Seforno also connects what is taking place before God (eating) and the concept of joy, as he writes “serve God with joy, as is worthy of everyone who serves out of love.” 

Another comment similarly aimed comes from Rabbi Moshe Alshikh, who writes that eating from your offerings and tithes is like eating from God’s plate (in a good way!). 

 “Recognize how you ought to consider your eating as if you are before God, for your joy comes from ‘all your endeavors.’ It is known that the blessing of a person’s food is demonstrated by what is on his table. When the food on his table is what he wants to be eating he must see it as a blessing as if he is eating from God’s table.”

It is such a simple idea, yet how beautifully profound, if we could only recognize that “God has blessed you” by Himself, without even an angel or agent, “through the abundance you experience you will see that his hand provided the expanse” of your table. 

 Alshikh notes that this is not a competition. Not everyone is blessed in the same way, which is why the verse is written in the singular, as if spoken to an individual. The blessing is individualized with each person being blessed according to his/her deeds. 

 But then he highlights an important concern anyone should have when considering their food and the prospect of eating. And while the instruction is specific to eating in the place God has chosen, the instruction is nevertheless quite relevant. 

 “When people are eating with the perspective that they are before God [per the language of the verse], they’ll have reverence for the activity. Through words of Torah shared at their table, their joy will be enhanced. This is the opposite of any place where eating and drinking makes an impression because the Satan then has a hand in the joy [which makes it less pure]… This is why one should always be careful that whatever one is eating comes from that which you have earned, and not from anything that has been stolen.” As a result of this recognition of God’s blessings upon you, he concludes, you will automatically have an abundance of joy. 

Joy is also raised by the Vilna Gaon as an important part of the holiday experience, in particular for women. Quoting Rabi Yehuda who would note 5 מצוות עשה שהזמן גרמא (time bound mitzvoth) that women were obligated to fulfill – Matzah on Pesach, Simcha on Yom Tov, Hakhel (Gathering the whole nation) once every seven years, sanctifying the day (Shabbos and Yom Tov), and the Korban Pesach – note that SIMCHA (rejoicing) on the holiday is quite important, even if the woman is not obligated to be Olah L’Regel (to go to Jerusalem on the holiday). 

It’s not very hard to tell people to enjoy their food, or to convince people that eating is a joyous activity. What we are being told here is that eating can be an activity which is elevated into a joyful service of God through a mindfulness of what the activity is meant to indicate to us. 

 That we are the recipient of God’s bounty is an awareness we should always have when things are going well and we are blessed with plenty. And when we are struggling or when things are not as good as they could be, we can still ask if we are managing to eat that which we want to eat, or are we being forced to eat that which is beneath us because we have so little? If it’s the former, Alshikh is saying, it is still God’s bounty. If the latter, it still comes from God, and our task is to find joy in that God is watching over us all the same. 

 One way we can do this is through focusing on a word which appears close to 50 times in the book of Devarim, 15 or so of them in our parsha, and that is the root word ברכ. Bless or blessing. 

 On the one hand, we have been reminded that what we have is a blessing from the Almighty. On another definition of the word, we have a subtle reminder that the way we bring joy and reverence into our lives over food is being reminded constantly from where our food comes. 

 Maybe some of us are very good about it. Maybe some of us are better about it over a Shabbos table. But we can all use a little chizuk in being better about saying Brachos before and especially after eating food. Kabbalists explain that reciting a bracha before eating is like asking permission from God for eating from His food. Reciting blessings after eating is a way of giving acknowledgement and thanks for that which we have enjoyed. 

 In our home, the littlest talkers have taken to Brachos in a manner which is honestly inspiring. Before eating everything we hear, “What’s the bracha?” followed by a loud bracha. And if we are distracted and don’t respond we are chastised, “No AMEN?!” Many adults who are good about saying brachos tend to say them in an undertone, not allowing others the opportunity to answer Amen to the blessing. This is unfortunate – an opportunity lost in helping other recognize God’s role in the food which makes it to our tables and our mouths. 

Much of the simcha we have in our lives must come from the awareness that God is watching over us, that we are part of His plan, and that we make room for Him as much as we can. R Hirsch’s comment should also be a source of inspiration that we need not look at our connection with God as something that only manifests itself in the realm of what people might call “the spiritual,” but that it can be seen in so many activities in which we engage regularly. 

Marriages are called Kiddushin, and for those who are married, that reality is meant to serve as a constant reminder of how what could be the deepest of human relationships between two people is elevated into the realm of holiness if it is founded in respect, love, and honor for one another. And this is true even though a significant component of the relationship is a physical one. 

And our topic, food and eating, is to similarly be seen as a clearly physical act which can be elevated through the Torah shared while eating, the brachos recited before and after eating, and the awareness of God’s bounty and grace in whatever finds its way to our table through our own efforts at getting it there, ever blessed by the Almighty Himself, directly without an agent, Who cares for us, loves us, and wants us to eat well so we can further serve Him with the joy that comes from having a body that is physically satisfied from the meals we are blessed to eat.

A Relationship With the Almighty

Parshat Eikev

by Rabbi Avi Billet

In different places, yet sometimes in the same verse, the Torah emphasizes for us the need to see things (ראה) or to listen (שמע). Both of these senses allow us to absorb information, reach a kind of understanding of events and ideas, and draw our conclusions, in particular with respect to our relationship with God.

 It is hard to have a relationship with God, as we do not have the opportunity to see God, or develop the kind of bond that happens when two physical entities share a space and interact with one another. God isn’t physical, and His interactions with us, or ours with Him, aren’t the tangible type that we can point to and say “That brought us closer.” 

But we can ask a few simple questions or raise certain concerns to help us realize where our relationship with God is at, and where we can improve, should we want to. 

I don’t really know God. I can’t see God. I don’t have a relationship with Him. Do I do for Him? Does He do for me? 

Do we know God? 

Several times every day we say a pasuk from last week’s Torah portion “You shall know today and put in your heart that the Lord, He is God, in the heavens above and on the earth below. There is no other” (4:39). We also read in 7:9 that “You should know that the Lord is your God, Who keeps His covenant and kindness for those who observe His mitzvos.” In Eikev we read that “You should know that the Lord your God passes before you, a consuming fire, who will [rid the indigenous from the land].” (9:3) 

These tidbits give us an inkling as to Who God is, what He is looking out for, and His desires for us, His children.

How do we get to know God? We read the Torah. We see God’s role in the creation of the world, in the creation of humanity, in first assigning Avraham to go to a land God chose, who established a relationship for all time. How many promises does God fulfill because He loved Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov? Throughout the Bible we see the promises fulfilled for those who followed God, as well as consequences for those who did not follow God. 

 We have the opportunity to know God, as Avraham knew God, if we only read and study the Holy Book. 

  We can’t see God 

 Though we can’t see God, the Torah attests to many things that were seen, for which we are to have reminders of those events and the connection forged between God and us through those events (Exodus, Sea, Sinai, etc). These include mezuzahs, tefillin, tzitzis, every symbol and ritual that we utilize on holidays, as well as the events and services acknowledged and remembered in tefillah. 

 We can see God, if we only open our eyes. 

 Having a relationship with Him 

 There are people who want to have a closer relationship with a Rosh Yeshiva, or a great Rabbi who is world famous. Those great rabbis might not have the time or the ability to seek out a specific and direct relationship with each of their followers. However, if such a follower were to make a concerted effort, the chances of having that closer relationship will grow. 

 Each of us has the opportunity to develop a relationship with God. But it has to come from us. When we take every opportunity of connection with God seriously, we will feel a relationship with Him. 

 Shabbos is one way – when we shut out the noise of the hustle and bustle, and focus on the relationship with the Almighty. Rabbenu Bachaye on this parsha notes that Yom Kippur is also a gift. Many people feel quite close to God on Yom Kippur. That, by definition, is a relationship. We can ask ourselves “What have I done to enhance this relationship?” 

 Do I call Him when I visit? Do I thank Him for all the favors? For all the goodness? Do I acknowledge, when things go badly, that I got the message? Do I say brachos every time I eat – before and especially after? Do I take my davening time seriously? Or is it rote? Am I at least trying to slow down, to know and understand what I’m saying - a little better? Am I avoiding being hypocritical? Look at the bracha before Shema! See what we are saying… do we mean it? 

 If we have affirmative answers to these questions, we have a relationship with Him. 

  Do I do for Him? 

 The formula for doing what God wants is in our parsha 10:12-13. “And now Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you, if not to revere [Him], to walk in His ways, to love Him, to serve Him, with all your heart and soul. To observe His commandments and his laws that I am commanding you today.” 

 We can all always use improvement in these arenas, but if we are on the right track, then we are in a good place. A number of prophets also noted that what God wants of us is to look out for the widow and the orphan, the poor and the needy, to have a focus on chesed (doing for others), which is all far more important than focusing solely on service of God through prayer or sacrifices. 

 Does He do for me? 

The answer to this is contingent on how a person views the world. People who are true believers know what God does for them. Consider Who is behind the answer to the following questions (Hint: they all have the same answer): 

 Do I wake up in the morning? Can my body do many or all of the things we bless Him for in Asher Yatzar? Can I breathe? Does the blood flow? Can I chew? Can the body digest the food? Have I survived until today? Is there any joy in my life? Is there any nachas in my life? Is there pain and suffering (also part of life)? 

 In the end, it’s all about a mindset. What kind of Jewish life do I live? If it’s a culturally Jewish life, that’s fine. If it’s a minimalist observance life, that’s fine. If it’s an “I’ll show up when I want to” life, that’s fine. If it’s a “check box Jew” life – where I’m marking off on a list all the things I’ve done – that’s fine. If it’s a meaningful Jewish life, then it means that every thing I do in this life is infused with meaning, and is infused with God. 

 Do we live our lives with the realization – a choice – that we love God, as we are commanded to in these portions of the Torah, as certainly noted in the first two paragraphs of Shema? 

 If the answer is yes, we have a lot we can do to improve that relationship, even if we have a solid, fundamental base. It’s all in our hands.

Aseres HaDibros - Hidden in Plain Sight

Parshat Va'Etchanan 

by Rabbi Avi Billet

How many times are the Aseres Hadibros (Ten Statements*) referenced in the parsha? 

 According to the Vilna Gaon the answer would be four times. The first and third are more obvious. In 4:13, Moshe says וַיַּגֵּ֨ד לָכֶ֜ם אֶת־בְּרִית֗וֹ אֲשֶׁ֨ר צִוָּ֤ה אֶתְכֶם֙ לַעֲשׂ֔וֹת עֲשֶׂ֖רֶת הַדְּבָרִ֑ים וַֽיִּכְתְּבֵ֔ם עַל־שְׁנֵ֖י לֻח֥וֹת אֲבָנִֽים - “God told you about His covenant that He commanded you to do, the Ten Statements, which He then wrote onto 2 stone tablets.” 

The third reference is the recounting of the Ten Statements, with two more significant changes (in the presentation of Shabbos and in the last one – לא תחמד) and a number of minor changes/adjustments.

The second reference is in 4:33 הֲשָׁ֣מַֽע עָם֩ ק֨וֹל אֱ-לֹקים מְדַבֵּ֧ר מִתּוֹךְ־הָאֵ֛שׁ כַּאֲשֶׁר־שָׁמַ֥עְתָּ אַתָּ֖ה וַיֶּֽחִי: Has a nation heard the voice of God speaking from a fire - as you heard - and lived?

Where is the fourth reference? In his analysis of the first paragraph of the Shema, which is in the beginning of Chapter 6, he notes how each of the Ten Statements is acknowledged in that famous paragraph. To be intellectually honest, he looks at the Tefillah aspect of that paragraph more than simply the verses in the Torah, as will be noted when it comes to the third of the statements. 

Explanation	Translation of Shema	שמע	עשרת הדברות	#
[obvious]	The Lord our God	ה' א-לקינו	אנכי ה' א-לקיך	1
There is no other God	The Lord is One	ה' אחד	לא יהיה לך א' אחרים	2
The statement from our prayers is what we say in other contexts when God’s name is used in vain	Blessed is the name of His glorious kingdom forever	ברוך שם כבוד מלכותו לעולם ועד	לא תשא את שם ה' לשוא	3
Weekdays are defined by יראה (reverence) whereas Shabbos is defined by אהבה (love). A proof to this connection can be found in Kiddush and every time we reference Shabbos in Yom Tov davening, when we mention אהבה, such as באהבה וברצון הנחלתנו	You shall love the Lord your God	ואהבת את ה' א-לקיך	זכור את יום השבת	4
במה אתה מכבדהו בדברי תורה How do you honor Him? With words of Torah	And all of these words that I command you… should be on your heart	והיו הדברים האלה ... על לבבך	כבד את אביך ואת אמך	5
כל שאינו מלמד את בנו תורה כאילו רצחו – whoever hasn’t taught his child Torah is as if he has murdered him	You shall review them with your children	ושננתם לבניך	לא תרצח	6
Mishlei 2:11, 6:22 מזמה תשמור עליך. - thought shall watch over you  ואומר בהתהלכך תנחה אותך בשכבך תשמור עליך - When you walk, it shall lead you; when you lie down, it shall guard you, and when you awaken, it shall speak for you. These verses indicate how Torah and the pursuit of spiritual knowledge can protect a person from licentiousness	And you shall speak of them [in your home] and when you travel	ודברת בם... ובלכתך בדרך	לא תנאף	7
One is enjoined not to steal with one’s hand	You shall bind them as a sign on your hand	וקשרתם לאות על ידיך	לא תגנב	8
Witnesses give testimony based on what they claim to have seen with their eyes	And they shall be a sign between your eyes	והיו לטטפת בין עיניך	לא תענה ברעך עד שקר	9
Each of these references how to keep your own household safe with the comparison of בית רעך to ביתך	And you shall write them on the doorposts of your homes and gates	וכתבתם על מזזות ביתך ובשעריך	לא תחמד	10

 This is not an anomaly! Vayikra Rabba, Yalkut Shimoni, and commentators who jump on their example (Ramban, Chizkuni, etc) do the same thing at the beginning of Parshas Kedoshim, finding references to the 10 Statements in the opening verses of that parsha. 

 So what gives? Why this emphasizing of the Aseres HaDibros, even in this mysterious and cryptic way? 

While we are well aware of the fact that there are far more than 10 commandments in the Torah (see footnote below), there is a special attachment associated with these Ten Statements that are reflective of the totality of the Torah hidden within them.

Is there a common theme among them? Perhaps respecting and honoring the other, whether it be God or other people in our lives. That would seem to be the thread that runs through the Between-Man-And-Creator component, and the Between-Man-and-Man component. 

 One of the more fascinating challenges a person can take when studying the Torah is looking at each of the Statements here as a general category of Mitzvos, and seeing into which category any mitzvah we come across fits.

All rules related to idolatry will be subsumed under Statement #2. All rules related to honoring and respecting God, not causing a “Chillul Hashem” would be in the rubric of Statement #3. All holiday rules would be in Statement #4. There are many rules related to respecting parents, elders, teachers, siblings – all of that is in Statement#5. All laws of damages, property rights, business, and everything related to situations that may come to court for adjudication are covered in one form or another in Statements #6-10, with an additional component of interpersonal relationships included specifically in Statements #7 & 10. 

The Ten Statements are also most significant because, at least according to one view, they were what God Himself said to all of Israel, at the time that the people were all privy to prophesy through the event we refer to as Revelation in that one time in history. [The other view says everyone heard the first two statements from God and Moshe reported the rest to them after hearing them himself from the Almighty.] 

While some people view the Ten Statements as their beginning and end, we must always strengthen our knowledge and our commitment to see that we do not stop with the Ten Statements. They are a Table of Contents for life, a playbook that gives important, yet minimal information. But they are a beginning – of the first things God conveyed to Israel (not to the exclusion of the Marah experience). 

 Their connection to the Shema, from the Vilna Gaon’s vantage point, perhaps brings both segments from the Torah up a notch. Shema is famously the section in which we declare and accept the yoke of Heaven upon ourselves. The Aseres HaDibros is where God makes His initial presence known to man most directly, in which He highlights, among other things, His role in creation, the need for there to be a Shabbos, and His love for the Jewish people, those he brought out of Egyptian bondage with a mighty hand. 

 This is the legacy from which we come, and the connection to God for which we should be most proud. 

------------Footnote ----------------

 * Commonly known as the “Ten Commandments.” While that parlance is mainstream in English, the fact is that the term עשרת המצוות (which would be the Hebrew for ‘Ten Commandments’) can not be found in any Biblical or rabbinic space. They are referred as עשרת הדברים or עשרת הדברות, which can be translated as 10 utterances, statements, or things. The Sefer HaChinukh counts 14 Commandments in the “Ten Commandments.” Therefore it is better to refer to what was on the tablets as “Aseres HaDibros” or “Ten Statements”

Burdens and Strifes – A Call For Respectful Conflict Resolution

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks ZL has a wonderful essay on this subject - it can be found here

Parshat Devarim

by Rabbi Avi Billet

At the beginning of the second Aliyah on Shabbos, we will hear one verse read to the tune of Eichah. The verse itself actually begins with that word as Moshe recounts how in the early days of wilderness travel he had difficulty spending the entire day judging the people – איכה אשא לבדי טרחכם ומשאכם וריבכם. How am I to carry your troubles, your burdens, and your strifes by myself? Of course what he references is when the tier-system of judges was created at the beginning of Parshat Yisro (Shemot 18). 

R Shimshon Rafael Hirsch quotes the Sifrei who explains that these words indicate “the special difficulties of the office of judge and leader, difficulties resulting from the people’s character: טרחכם describes the quarrelsomeness of the litigants, whereas משאכם describes the people’s tendency to ridicule the leader’s personal doings and omissions. This ridicule could have undermined his authority, if not for the fact that Moshe, in his ענוה, ignored the ridicule entirely.” 

Rashi is far more explicit and bleak in his depiction of what Moshe references in this mini-lament. “טרחכם - This teaches us that Israel were troublesome. If one of them would see his adversary winning the case, he’d say ‘I have witnesses to bring… I have proofs to bring… I am adding judges.’” [These are both stall/delay tactics, as well as a form of cheating to turn a ruling through bringing unsubstantiated evidence or stacking the court in your favor – AB] “משאכם teaches us that they were heretics [presumably because they don’t respect the judges – AB]. If Moshe left his tent early they’d say ‘What did the son of Amram see that made him leave? Perhaps he is not calm in his home [ie is having trouble with his family].’ If he left later they’d say, ‘What did the son of Amram see that delayed him? What do you think? Perhaps he was sitting and thinking plans and thoughts against you.’” 

Reading through this one wonders if the Israelites in the wilderness could really be so petty, so banal, so seemingly childish (not to insult children!). 

One of the more difficult challenges people in a civil society may face is “how to get along with others.” Of course many people get along with others swimmingly – all is good. These are generally happy people who are not prone to fight, and when difficulties come their way they take the high road. 

 But there are people who are, quite simply, baalei machlokes. They look to ruffle feathers, they look to stoke coals, they look to control things, they look to entrap people in order to destroy reputations. 

 There is a story told of the Kozhnitzer Maggid, who was known to be a pursuer of peace. 

It happened that a terrible fight broke out amongst the Jews living in a city close to Kozhnitz, which caused some kind of “breakaway” in the community. [Note: There are different kinds of so-called breakaways. Some come from a place of need/necessity. Some come from anger and a spirit of meanness. It is obvious that the case near Kozhnitz was of the latter variety.] 

The Maggid gathered the leaders of the rabble-rousers, the hotheads of one of the fighting groups, and told them the following: 

“There are three cardinal sins in the Torah – such as idolatry, murder, etc… The Torah spells out the devastating punishments for these sins. But there is never a warning in the Torah to separate ourselves from those who commit these terrible sins. Only one time do we find a warning in the Torah to, ‘Separate from this group of people,’ and that is specifically when it comes to the story of Korach and his congregation. All they wanted to do, as Onkelos translates, is to make a fight, to stoke the coals of machlokes. People who want to foment machlokes (fights) in the community – from them we are warned and obligated to separate.” 

With Tisha B’Av beginning Saturday night, we are left to ask ourselves what would it take for this day of mourning, as our Sages tell us, to be turned into a day of happiness, a holiday? 

We don’t live in a perfect world. People will not agree on everything. But would it be possible to try to work things out? Can civil conversations have a middle-ground meeting point? If not, can the two sides find their way to arbitration? Perhaps they can aim to resolve the dispute in a Bet Din, where the dictum of Pirkei Avos (1:8) will prevail – Yehuda ben Tabai said ‘when there are litigants in front of you, they should both be viewed as רשעים (hard to translate in this context). And when they depart from you, they should both be viewed as correct when they have accepted the judgment.’ 

 While there are people who will readily go to a Bet Din to resolve certain disputes, there are others who are not comfortable with a Bet Din – ANY Bet Din – and will ignore invitations to Bet Din simply claiming that they don’t trust the Bet Din or the Dayanim on the Bet Din. This is one of the reasons Rashi referred to the Bnei Yisrael as אפיקורסין. If the Judges are not respected, then our system for resolving disputes is meaningless. [Judges MUST recuse themselves if they personally know a litigant]

Who is the baal machlokes that the Kozhnitzer Maggid spoke of? Those who pick fights? Or those who refuse to have a neutral party help resolve it? It is anyone’s guess as to who “started it.” But when it comes time to end it, either a mutual agreement needs to be reached, or arbitration through a Bet Din. 

The cynicism Rashi depicts in the mouths of the Israelites who were so judgmental of Moshe Rabbenu is as old as time itself. All peoples have cynics, and all peoples have those who feel they are above the law, better than the law, smarter than the judges, or know very well that the dispute is not one for a Bet Din to handle. One hopes that the Bet Din as a collective group is smart enough to be able to tell the disputants whether a case is Bet-Din worthy. 

But the real goal here – and here is the Tisha B’Av lament – is that often enough even disputes can’t be resolved civilly. Some people would rather ignore (if both sides prefer to ignore it I suppose that’s better than having it fester), or have them drag on indefinitely with one side feeling unresolved and the other side being either indifferent or not caring at all. Sometimes an aggrieved side feels the other side can never do enough to make things better. Sometimes a person who feels aggrieved is actually the baal machlokes. There isn’t a real playbook – as in every dispute, each side feels they are right, while the closest thing to the truth can only be brought out by a third party, assuming the two sides both want resolution (some people are it in for the fight and don’t want resolution). Sometimes through pursuing a fight when in the wrong (again why an objective third party might determine who is “more wrong”), a person brings all kinds of difficulty on oneself which is also not easily reconciled. It’s anyone’s call as to who is the baal machlokes (friends of both parties will be supportive to tell each side “you’re right!”), but when one side says “Let’s end this” in a manner that is far from compromise and does not address what is at the heart of a dispute, that person is not pursuing Shalom in the right kind of way. The Kozhnitzer Maggid might similarly call that person a Korach as well, for pushing in a way that doesn’t actually resolve the conflict. 

 If we are objectively the cause of the torment a person is going through (which sometimes takes a long look in the mirror to see which role we are playing), we are doing the same thing that contributed to the destruction of the Bet HaMikdash, which led to our 2 millennia-long exile. If one party feels tormented but hasn’t been dealt with in an evil way, one must wonder if the person in question is paranoid – which would also be for an objective third party to determine. 

 May we be blessed to seek out, create, and find Shalom in our ranks – even and especially when we’ve done properly in seeking conflict-resolution.